Note: To those who find this story familiar, this is a story that was previously uploaded on my old account years ago. 

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Because I Love You;

 

 

 

 

Sitting next to Hanbin's bedside, Hayi glanced at her watch. It was approaching half past six, the time she normally left for home. The time she would kiss Hanbin goodbye so she could catch the late bus home. It was a rural area and the bus system always stopped after seven. Today, however, she had to meet with the neurologist.

 

Despite her attempts to feign ignorance, Hayi knew what the meeting was going to be about. With sympathetic, reassuring tones, the neurologist would tell Hayi once again about Hanbin’s condition and that there was nothing more that he or the hospital could do for Hanbin. 

 

In an attempt to comfort Hayi, the neurologist would again reassure that Hanbin’s condition is indeed stable, but unresponsive and that the staff are all trained to provide the necessary care required. Hayi knew she would be forced to make a decision today. She had been delaying it for weeks now.

The hospital wanted to get her approval .. to transfer Hanbin to a nursing home. 

For proper care, they would insist. 

The hospital is too small, there aren't enough rooms to accommodate all the patients, they'd add convincingly.

Hayi would be left with no choice but to agree with their demands as Hanbin was not technically a patient requiring intensive care. 
Well, that’s what Hayi wanted to believe anyway.

 

 

What the hospital didn’t know was that the actual situation was quite complex. 

Hayi wanted Hanbin to stay in hospital. 

Although she knew that his brain activities had not improved since the accident and that there was nothing more anyone could do to help improve his situation, she wanted him to stay. 

Why?
It was fickle logic on her part. 
It was her last strand of hope. 
 

With him remaining in hospital, there was hope that Hanbin would wake up. She had hope. 

That he'd regain consciousness.
That there was a miracle that could occur. 

In her mind, he was a lost cause if he were to be transferred to a nursing home.

 

And Hayi didn’t want to accept this reality.

 

 

 

 

 

As Hayi stared at Hanbin, she watched his chest rise and fall. 

You’re clearly still here, Hayi thought.
But why do you seem so far away?

 

“Hanbin,” Hayi whispered.

“Hanbin…”
“Hanbin…”
“Hanbin…” 

And just like all the other times, she waited for a reply, even knowing that her wish wouldn’t be fulfilled.
 

 

“Do you know what I like about you?” she asked in a faint voice, remembering all the times when he had asked her why she would be attracted to him.
Her younger self would be too bashful to give her sincere reply. Her younger self brushed the question off, tried to change the subject, eluded that she did not know herself.

Hayi takes a deep breath, steadying herself as she finally musters the courage to reply to him.. only that it was now... years later. 
Years too late, she bitterly thought. 

 

“It was natural. The charismatic you. The sincere and kind you. The extremely talented you. Every aspect of you, I liked.

Everyone liked. It was you who was oblivious to how everyone gravitated towards you all throughout highschool," she said as she traced his long eyelashes. 

 

Hayi paused for a bit, unknowingly, her lips had curved up into a small smile as she continued: 

“Remember when we used to bite at each other’s throats every time we would see each other and that our opinions always clashed? I used to brainwash and tell myself to hate you because you had everything I wanted, the looks, the athleticism and the brains. 

It didn’t help that we were made rivals. But even so, every time that I would see you offer to do other classmates’ chores for them, or when you would kindly help people with that same dimpled-smile on your face, my heart couldn’t help but beat faster.”

 

Hayi quickly adjusted her awkward sitting position and relaxed into the chair, knowing that she would lose herself in the memories.

 

“We lived in the same neighbourhood. On the same street. I would always try and avoid you, join extra co-curricular clubs and activities so that we would never have to see each other when we go home.

Coincidentally, you would always happen to stay behind at school also. We would always meet at the same bus stop, throw a few insults at each other before the unending silence would come.

Despite trying to make it obvious that I did not want anything to do with you... In reality, I noticed every little thing. 

 

Like all the times you would allow other passengers to board the bus before yourself.

Like all the times, you would gesture me to board the bus before you. How I would always right sit at the back of the bus; my favourite spot. And you, in the same spot, four seats away from mine.

From my seat, I would stare at your backside. The you who would routinely listen to music for the rest of the trip. 
 

At the time, I told myself that I was simply observing and analysing the enemy.
Deep down though, I always knew, I knew that I had feelings for you.”

 

She straightened up and traced her finger along his jaw. She was never tired of re-telling their stories, but she decided to stop for today, knowing that the arranged meeting with his neurologist was soon approaching.
 

In her thoughts, she reminisced about the time when they finally gave in to each other. It was their last year of high school and their bickerings had grown more intense. It was a hot day after school and both of them were assigned on cleaning duties.

 

 

 

Years ago:

 

“ Hayi, that Kim Jiwon guy from class 3-C asked you out earlier today didn’t he?" Hanbin asked in a mocking tone while they both dusted the blackboard. "Don’t tell me you have accepted him already?”

 

“What’s it to you Kim Hanbin. And don’t call me Hayi, you know I hate it when strangers call me that,” the latter replied, trying to seem unbothered by his sudden outburst. 

 

“I don’t know. As your classmate, I feel that I should inform you that he isn’t right for you. Plus, Hayi is your name? I don’t get why you insist on Lee Hi” Hanbin carefully replied.

 

“Well, I know the difference between right and wrong Hanbin, I don’t need you to help me figure out that. How would you know if Jiwon was right for me or not? You don’t even know the guy.
Don’t tell me how to judge people. I’ll do as I please.” Hayi was now facing Hanbin, clearly agitated by his remark. She had been bothered with the fact that Hanbin had been courteous to the girl who was revealed to have backstabbed him after he had rejected her love confession. 

Why was he so nice? Hayi thought. 

 

“And, Kim Hanbin, no one else, besides my family and boyfriend are allowed to call me Hayi, as you are not one of the above, refer to me as LeeHi, just like everyone else does.”

By now Hayi was already shouting and a hint of red flushed her face. She knew that she was acting out of character but she didn’t care anymore. She was angry. 

 

Hanbin stood there, studying Hayi’s expression. Putting down his duster, he grabbed her small arm, pulled her towards him and leaned in for a kiss as he mumbled the words 

 

 

“Hayi…” 

 

 

 

 

---

 

 

A rare smile flashed her face. That very memory was the first time she felt comfortable with being called 'Hayi'. And she continued using it since.

Hayi at this point was tracing his jawline. She stared at his eyes, nose, mouth, ears.

He hasn’t changed, she sadly thought. 

 

 

“Hanbin-ah, you have no idea how much comfort you have given me over the years.
So please, don’t tell me to push you away. 

Please.” She whispered silently. 

 

 

She leaned her face close to his ear. 

“I love you. You are my everything. You make me smile. You’re my motivation to my day. Please, let me hold on to you. I can’t give you up.” She wanted him to tell her what to do.

Was there really no other alternative? 

 

Again, she waited for a response. 
And again, there was no answer.

It was as if he was telling her how he disapproved of her shaken self.
That she had promised him.
That they had an agreement. 

“Please, Wake up. I… I'm..
W-We’re running out of time.” She says out of desperation, tears b at the corners of her eyes.

 

“Hayi,” greeted another presence in the room. Hayi didn’t notice the nurse walk in.

“Hey,” Hayi glumly replies. The familiar presence had crossed the room and had wrapped her arms around Hayi.

“How are you both doing?” the nurse added.
 

“I’m fine Shinyoung, there’s nothing to worry about” Hayi replied as Shinyoung grabbed a chair and dragged it over to sit next to Hayi. “Well, you certainly don’t look the part. You look like you lost about half your weight.”
Hayi knew her cheeks had sunken and that she hadn’t been eating well since Hanbin’s accident.

 

“I’m eating. Don’t worry.” Hayi quickly brushed her off.

 

“Look, if you don’t start eating, working … doing your daily activities again, will Hanbin be happy with you?” Shinyoung grabbed Hayi’s thin fragile shoulders and looked her in the eyes.

 

 

“Will he?”

 

 

Hayi knew Shinyoung was right, she really had to get her act together quickly. She had to stop worrying her family and friends like this. A tear drops from her eyes as she looked at Shinyoung, the only other person who knew about all her worries and secrets. 

 

“Today’s the day isn’t it?” Shinyoung realised as Hayi’s eyes continuously fill with unwanted tears.
Hayi silently nodded, trying to blink back the quickly forming tears.

 

“Have you decided what to do?” Shinyoung released her tight grip around Hayi's shoulders.

 

Hayi swallowed, trying to engulf the lump forming in . “No.”

 

“It’s been four months.”

 

Hayi looked at Shinyoung, trying to convey her message without speaking. The lump in had gotten too big. 

I know, she told Shinyoung. 

 

I know.

 

 

She knew. Hayi knew what Hanbin wanted. They had discussed the scenario if he were to be hospitalised many times before.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

“Hayi, promise me. Promise me that if anything happens to me, you’ll let me die. We both know that it’s going to happen someday and that I will never again regain consciousness. I don’t want my life prolonged if I can’t make my own decisions.” Hanbin said while he embraced Hayi.

I want you to move on, Hayi.
You won't be able to live. 
Not when I'm here. 
Not as the living, yet not exactly dead, he thought as he squeezed her tighter.

 

“Death is sad. But, everyone dies one day. I have written a will already. So, please Hayi, you’ll do what I want, right?” Hanbin asked. 

 

Hayi, trying to blink back her tears, replied:

 

“Okay. I promise you.”

 

“You’ll do this for me because you love me. Promise?”

 

“Promise.”

 

 

“I love you, Hayi.”

 

“I love you too, Hanbin” as they both silently cried in each other’s arms.

 

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

Once Shinyoung left, Hayi opened her purse and found Hanbin’s personally written will. He had written it to much detail and formality, displaying his profound intelligence. He had specified that his feeding tubes were to be removed after sixteen weeks in the case if he were to be hospitalised. He even explained his reasons, stating that the doctors had already informed him that his brain functions would not improve if he were to be hospitalised again. 

 

Despite the vow she made, which was on constant replay in her head, she was desperate.

She desperately wanted him to wake up, even though she knew it was virtually impossible.

Hayi couldn’t help but hope. Hope for a so-called miracle to happen.

Hayi wanted to wait. She wanted to wait for Hanbin. The only other person who was aware about the will and the vow she made was Shinyoung. She trusted Shinyoung enough and she had promised never to disclose it either. She could easily destroy his will and agree with the transfer to the nursing home if it weren’t for the promise she had made with Hanbin. 

 

Yet...

She would constantly see Hanbin in her dreams telling her that she had promised, and that she would abide to his wishes because she loved him. 
 

Because she loved him.

 

 

Pacing back and forth, the clock hands were ticking and it was time. The neurologist was probably already waiting for her.

Hayi had to make her decision.
If she were to tell the truth, it meant Hanbin would truly leave her.
If she were to lie, she would be going against Hanbin’s wishes. 
 

 

 

Eyeing his calm yet lifeless body on the hospital bed, her mind desperately begged him.
 

Please wake up! Hanbin, Please. 

Please, don’t let me do this. Wake up... for me at least.

I need you. 

The world still needs you. Please wake up before I do this. 

 

Please.

 

 

 

 

The time of the dreaded meeting finally came, but Hayi wanted to do one last thing.
To see if a miracle could really occur.

It was said that a true love’s kiss could cause miracles to happen, so she approached him through her tears.

She steadied herself and leaned in. She felt his warmth. Just like their first, their second and their countless times after. 

 

Her body burned, her hands tingled and she felt so alive. She hoped that the life she felt would be able to pour into his body and that he would finally wake up and kiss her back.

In that moment, she felt him stir. Her heart began to race as he kissed her back, just like how he had in the memory of their thousands of other kisses. 

 

 

 

 

 

Yet... 

It dawned on her that it was just a figure of her imagination.
Nothing had changed in reality.

Hanbin remained motionless.

 

 

 

Releasing his lips, she again traced his jawline with her finger. 

 

She now knew what she had to do.

 

Her voice was barely audible as she whispered into his ear:

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Goodbye, my love.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

//