Online romance

Park Jinwoo (Jin Jin) & You

 

It's sunny outside, but I feel like staying inside. My friends call me crazy because I spent the vast majority of the summer in my apartment.
They don't know I talked with someone online all that time, and that I've become attached to him.
I can't say I like him, or anything like that because I don't know his real name.
Somehow, in our discussion, we became closer. I feel like I can tell him anything, and I believe he does the same.

It's been 5 months today since we spoke for the first time in that chatroom. Since then, we exchange Kakaotalk information, and we write to each other daily.

He works in the entertainment industry. He's quite vague about it, but it's okay. I get it, we want to stay anonymous.
His name is wannabeyourByul. And I am you.

What do I know about him? Well, he's 23 years old, meaning he is just a little older than me. He lives in Seoul, like me. He's just the right mix between funny and serious. We like the same kind of music. He's and Aroha, like me.
Oh, right — he doesn't answer quickly. But that's fine. It gives me the time to think and do other stuff at the same time.

I sat on my bed, took my cellphone and look for his username. It didn't take long because he was my first contact. My favorite one.

you
Hey, Byul. Are you there?

I looked at the hour. It was around 8PM. I knew he never answered between noon and 10PM, but maybe I would be lucky today. I had a bad day, and I was in a bad mood. I needed to talk to him.
I was surprised by an answer, almost right away.

WannabeyourByul
I am here. What's up?

I closed my eyes as I already felt a little bit better.

you
I just wanted to talk with you. I had a bad day T.T

WannabeyourByul
What happened?

you
Stupid stuff. Trouble with my boss and then trouble with university. I guess I was just unlucky today.

WannabeyouByul
I can't come right now, I am talking with the girl I told you about.

I looked at the screen, frowning. What was he talking about? It doesn't make sense.

you
What?

WannabeyourByul
Sorry, forget about that last message. It was for someone else...

WannabeyourByul
I think everything happens for a reason. If you had trouble all day, maybe it's because you'll be able to appreciate a better evening or a better tomorrow.

I looked at his response. He rarely talked that much.

you
So... You think I deserved this?

WannabeyourByul
No, of course not.

you
...

WannabeyourByul
I think you deserve to be always happy, you.

I closed my eyes, while a small smile appeared on my face. I like it, when he was smooth like this.

you
Can't we meet one day?

I knew what he would say. He always say the same thing, and I am pissed every time.

WannabeyourByul
You know it's not a good idea. You might not like what you discover about me.

you
I don't care. It's fun talking with you. Even if you look like a ghoul, I am sure we can be friends in real life too.

WannabeyourByul
I'll think about it.

I blinked. It was the first time he didn't say just "no". Isn't that a win?

We talked for 30 minutes or so. We talked about life and most about Astro's news. I don't know how — but he always knew the news before everybody. He kept me updated on almost everything.

WannabeyourByul
I gtg. I was in the middle of something and now I really need to go.

you
Tty another time then.

WannabeyouByul
Don't forget to watch the TV show I talked to you about when it's out, okay?

you
Yeah, yeah. When will it air?

WannabeyourByul
Tomorrow around 2PM.

you
I'll try to watch it.

WannabeyourByul
I hope your day gets better. <3

I looked at my screen for a moment, while my cheeks became pink.
I closed my phone and looked at the floor.

Somehow, it was different with him today. He usually tells me nice things and kinda flirt with me. But why does it feel different today?

I opened my phone back and wrote slowly, without sending my message.

you
I would be better if I was with you right now.

I closed my eyes and felt frustrated. I can't tell him that. I don't really know him.
I bite my lips and thought "whatever".
I press the send button and throw my phone on my bed.
He won't answer anyway, he just told me was not available right now.

My mind was becoming crazy. It was the first time I admitted it.
The first time I mentioned he was somehow special for me. Even if he was joking around with me — it became serious for me at some point.
Even if I don't want to say out loud — I can't wait for the moment we talk together.
At first, I was hoping because I could get Astro news quickly. But now I didn't really care. I just wanted to speak with him.

The day passed, no reply from Byul. I am not really surprise as he's pretty busy.

 

Next morning, I woke up around 6AM as usual, to go at university. I ate while trying to wake up, then took a shower.
Just before leaving, I watched at my phone if I had any new messages.

1 new message.

My heart started to race as I remembered what I said to him yesterday. I bite my lips as I opened it.

WannabeyourByul
I feel the same.

I blinked. My heart didn't stop running, it became worse.

I decide it would be better to ignore the feelings for now. I have a lot of things to do today. If I want to come back in time to watch the TV show with Astro.

I went to two classes and came back as soon as I could. I missed my bus and looked at my phone. I grunted. It was 1PM. The next bus will be at 1:45PM. I'll be late. I'll miss the TV show Byul told me about.

I sat on a bench and looked at my phone. Without thinking, I opened my last conversation.

you
I won't be home in time. T.T I'll miss the show. I am such a bad fan.

I knew we could watch the show online after, but as it was live. It was important to watch it when it aired.

WannabeyourByul
It's fine. You'll be able to watch it later.

I frowned. I thought he would get it.

you
But I wanted to watch it live. I miss them. Why can't they release a new single?

WannabeyourByul
They are trying, it's just complicated. And you are not a bad fan because you can't watch a TV show. I know you. I know you are an amazing person.

A small smile appeared on my face.

you
You don't really know me...

WannabeyourByul
I know enough to know how special you are.

My cheeks blushed.

you
Did you mean what you said yesterday?

WannabeyourByul
What did I say yesterday?...

you
That you felt the same.

I looked at my screen, biting my lips.
It took forever before he answered me. Enough for me to worried.

WannabeyourByul
Yes. It might be weird as... We don't really know each other for real. But I look forward to speaking with you every day.

My bus arrived. It was 1:45PM.
I walked inside and sat down. When I looked at my phone, I had two new messages from him.

WannabeyourByul
I want to meet you for real one day. If you are still okay with it.

WannabeyourByul
I gtg for now. Just let me know if you are available and when. Talk to you later (youname). Oh, and make sure to watch the TV show later okay?

 

I smiled while looking at my phone. He changed his mind? I didn't care what he looked like. We are too much alike. I am sure we will be good friends. And... Maybe more? It's crazy to have those thoughts when you haven't seen the other. I must be crazy.

I finally arrived at home around 2:40. As the TV show last 30 minutes, it was already finished. I looked online to watch it and found a file after few minutes only.

I sat down in front of my computer and pressed play.

I smiled almost right away when I saw Astro on the screen.
They were all gorgeous, as usual, playing around and answering questions.
My eyes were mostly fixed on Jin Jin, as he was my favorite. He had a new hair color and it him so well. A light brown.

They started a segment where they had to answer questions quickly without thinking.
Eunwoo was first, talked about his drama and acting. Moonbin talked about food and the radio show he was on.
Then Jinjin came upfront and smile shyly while chucking. I hugged a pillow at the same time, feeling awkward for him.

Moonbin had cards in his hands and was looking at the people being the camera.

"I'm not sure he'll be able to answer a lot of question, he takes time to think."

Jin Jin scratched his head, still chuckling.

"Whatever. I'll answer truthfully. Just shoot your questions."

Moonbin looked at him, then smiled.

One minute appeared on the screen, and Moonbin started talking.

"What is your favorite song?"
"Hm..."

All the others sighed or giggled as he took time to think.

"Oh, I know. I like our songs the best."

Moonbin sighed. I chuckled.

"Who's the person who help you the most in Astro?"
"Rocky."

They all looked at Rocky and nodded.

"Do you like someone?"

Moonbin looked behind the camera.

"I'm sorry I can't ask that question."

Jinjin was looking surprised, while blushing lightly.
The others came and looked at the question and looked as surprised.

"You know we can't answer those kinds of questions PD-nim."

Someone shouted behind the camera.

"Just skip it! Only 5 seconds left."

Moonbin ran to Jin Jin and asked another question.

"Is there anything you want to say to Aroha?"

Jinjin looked at the camera and smiled. His cheeks were still pink, which made him even more cute.

"Aroha- Do you miss our music? We will release a new Cd next year. Soon. In the meantime, please keep looking forward for us. Don't forget about us and stay a good fan, like you already are."

I looked at my screen and closed my eyes. Jin Jin was awesome. Such a cute guy who worried about us, their fans.

The TV show finished and I closed my computer. I chuckled as I remembered they almost asked him if he liked someone. Jin Jin is often too slow and might have say something. That was a close call.

Some fans are extreme. If they know theirs favorites is in a couple they become aggressive. As for myself I don't care. I just want them to be happy. If love is what they desire, then they should have it.

I went to work for my evening shift after. I finished around 11PM and went back home directly.

My phone buzzed while I was walking outside in the dark. I looked at it, hoping it would be him, Byul.

I smiled even more when I saw it was him.
 

WannabeyourByul
Hey. Did I make it awkward earlier? You usually write me back quickly. Just forget about it if you don't want. We can stay friends online too.

Oh no, I totally forgot to write to him. He must think I'm not interested now. I grunted.

you
I am so sorry. I had a long day and totally forgot about rewriting back. I want to meet you, of course. I don't know when. I'm usually free on Sunday. Is that okay for you?

WannabeyourByul
This sunday? That... That could work. I'm free on afternoon. We could meet over a coffee or something.

My heart started to race.

you
Where do you wanna meet?

WannabeyourByul
It would be easier if we stayed near downtown.

you
That's fine for me.

I finally arrived at home, I locked my door and took my phone back. He hasn't answered me back.

you
Are you sure you wanna meet? You changed your mind quickly.

WannabeyourByul
Stuff happened. I might or might not talk about you to one of my friend and now he's bothering me, and he wants to meet you too.

you
You talked about me to your friend?

WannabeyourByul
Do you mind?

you
No, I am just surprised. :)

WannabeyourByul
:)
So... Did you watch the show?

you
Yes! He was so cute! Did you know he changed his hair color???

WannabeyourByul
I guess I did know.

you
You guess? It doesn't make sense.

WannabeyourByul
You know I can't reveal my source, right? Then I might or might not have known.

I chuckled. I liked how I could talk to him about Astro and Jin Jin. Even tho we had a special connection, he might find it awkward that I find another guy cute, but he never said anything about that.

you
That color fit him really well. I think it makes him more cute than before.

WannabeyourByul
Are you trying to make me jealous? >:(

I blinked. It was the first time he said stuff like that. I guess... Now that we are meeting for real, I might be more careful with my words.

you
Sorry.

WannabeyourByul
I'm joking. Please tell me everything about Jin Jin. I don't care.

I sighed. Why did I felt my heart hurting? Was I hoping for jealousy?
Maybe.

you
It's fine. Come to think of it... You never told me who was your favorite member.

WannabeyourByul
It's because I don't have a favorite member.

you
What? That's like the essence of KPop.

WannabeyouByul
They all have reasons to be loved equally.

you
You are boring, you know that?

WannabeyourByul
Hey, you are mean. :

you
Then just chose a favorite member!

WannabeyourByul
Okay okay... I would say Rocky is pretty close to me.

you
See, it wasn't that hard!

WannabeyourByul
But I still think they are ALL awesome.

you
Right. But Jin Jin is the cutest.

WannabeyourByul
;)

We talked for an hour or so. We had almost nothing to talk about, but we kept saying stupid stuff.

 

 

Two days later was sunday.
D-Day.
The day I would meet Byul.
We were supposed to meet around 2PM at a coffee place not far away from Fantasio headquarter. I thought it was cute we met there. There is a slight chance we might see Astro! How crazy would that be.

I sat at the coffee place at exactly 1:58PM and waited.
5 minutes became 10.
10 became 20.
20 became 30.

I took my phone and wrote to him, feeling angry.

you
Where are you? Did you change your mind?

No answer for a while. I felt stupid when 2:50PM came. He stood me up.
I sighed as I looked at my phone. Of course, it was too nice to be true.

My phone buzzed. I looked at it — A phone call. I frowned as I saw who it was. Byul.

It was the first time we speak together for real, and it's probably to tell me he won't be there.

I answered, trying to have no emotion.

"What's up?"
"you."

It was a man voice. He sounded young. He reminded me of someone, but I wasn't sure who.

"Where are you?" I asked, trying to stay neutral again.
"Not too far. Listen, something came up."

I closed my eyes and sighed. Of course.

"... I'll be there. Just not right now. I am sorry. My boss asked to see me and..."

I cut him right away.

"It's fine. I was about to leave anyway. You don't need to come if you don't want to."

He stayed silent. I looked at the floor, kinda ashamed.

"I would have been here in about 10 minutes. I'm sorry if I made you wait all that time."

I stayed silent.

"I ed up, didn't I? It was my first chance to see you and I lost that chance."

I heard him grunt. Which made me smile.

"I didn't know it matters that much for you."
"You have no idea."

I chuckled. I felt bad for being so strict with him.

"I can wait for you a little bit more. Just... Hurry please."
"I'll be there soon. I'll run if I need to."

We hung up and I looked at my phone, smiling. He sounded nice, gentle. I couldn't put a finger on it, but his voice... It reminds me of someone.
I looked around me, the coffee place was silent. Four other customers were there, either working on their computer or reading a book. I looked at the door, biting my lips.
At least, I knew he sounded young. I knew he really wanted to see me. That's enough to make me happy.
I looked at my phone, I received a new message from Byul.

WannabeyourByul
How will I recognize you?

I blinked. It's true we never share a picture. We don't know each other names neither. I looked at my clothes and people around me.

you
I wear a white shirt and I look lost. I think you'll be able to recognize me easily. What about you? How will I know it's you?

WannabeyourByul
You'll know. I'll come to you.

I frowned. He sounded mysterious again. It's not that I dislike all that mysteriousness but... I would like to know a little bit more.

Few minutes later, the front door opened. A short guy came inside, purple hoodie and a mask on his face. He looked around a moment.
When I recognized who he was I almost shouted from excitement. I hide my face under my menu, shy.

Oh my god.
It was Jin Jin.
I would recognize those eyes everywhere. I knew I had a chance to see a member of Astro because it was a coffee near Fantasio, but him? The fangirl in me is starting to become crazy.

My phone buzzed. I looked at it, still hiding.

WannabeyourByul
Where are you? Did you left? :/

I sighed. It was a awful timing, Byul. I can't deal with you and the most gorgeous man ever. Come on.

I looked where Jin Jin was, he was now sitting at a table, looking at his phone.
My eyes tried to find a new face in the coffee shop, but nobody seemed new. Where was Byul? Did I miss him?

you
I am here. It's you that seems to be a ghost. Byul, you have no idea who I just saw.

I heard someone chuckling. I looked over my menu and noticed it was Jin Jin. My phone buzzed again. So loud. Why was my phone so loud.

WannabeyourByul
Oh, I'm sure I know. It's that Jin Jin guy right?

I gasped.
My phone buzzed again.

WannabeyourByul
Stop hiding under your menu. Come see me.

I looked around quickly, as he knew I was hiding. Nobody was looking at me. I blinked and then our eyes met.
Jin Jin was looking at me, with his smiling eyes.
I don't understand. Where's Byul? I hide under my menu again.

you
Where are you? I can't sit with you if I don't know who you are.

I heard Jin Jin chuckling again.

Few seconds later, someone sat in front of me. My heart started to race. So... He decided to sit with me. Byul. I can't wait to talk about the fact that Jin Jin is in the same place as us.

I lowered the menu, about to say something funny to Byul when I felt my ears becoming red. My heart was racing like I had run a marathon.

"you".

I blinked as I tried to understand Jin Jin just said my nickname.

"I know I am slow, but I thought you were quicker than me."

I looked around, wondering if I was being prank or anything.

"I'm Byul. As in... Wanna be your Star. You know, our greeting?"
"But you were in a fan chatroom." I finally said with a small voice.
"Yeah, so? Am I not allowed there?"
"No you... You can. Oh my god. Are you really Byul? You sure