“The passcode is 0309”

Jessica stared at the message on her phone, “Of course she changed it.” she thought. 

With a sigh, she pocketed her phone and proceeded to enter the numbers. She heard the familiar tune signalling for her to enter the apartment. 

It was cold, that was the first thing she noticed. That one bedroom loft used to be so warm, but now she could feel the cold December breeze piercing through her skin. She shivered. 

Passing through the entryway, she noticed how bare the apartment had been. The photos and paintings mounted on the walls were long gone now, with their edges engraved against the clean white paint. Jessica found herself tracing the marks left by their frozen memories, as she walked further inside. 

“It still smells the same,” she thought — feeling startled. The familiar scent brought back so many memories, so many feelings that she had already buried in the back of her mind. 

The grey sofa remained the same, despite the slight hint of dust along the surface. She remembered how she used to arrange the throw pillows that are now strewn all over the living room. She remembered how they spilled wine on the white rug on the floor, the red mark was still visible. 

“There”, she found what she was looking for — her books which were left on the shelf beside the glass windows. Her white armchair was still there. She remembered how she used to read there whenever she’s alone and how she looked at the overlooking view of the city every once in a while. She smiled. “Thank you for the memories, armchair.” She patted its back as if it was a person, contemplating if she could hire someone to move it to her new apartment. 

She passed by the huge television, remembering the days they spent watching countless of TV series. Almost all of the place’s decorations were gone now. It looked so empty. 

She turned around and noticed a picture frame facing down on the coffee table. She flipped it and saw a photo of younger versions her and Taeyeon who was wearing a pair nerdy eyeglasses. Jessica chuckled as she remembered how Taeyeon sulked as her mother forced them to take that photo. It was when they visited Jeonju, Taeyeon’s hometown. 

“And this is Taeyeon’s childhood room!” Mrs. Kim proudly showed her a room with light blue walls, a twin-sized bed on one side, and a photo of a mini Taeyeon with those Harry Potter eyeglasses on the nightstand. 

“Umma~! This is embarrassing!” She heard Taeyeon shout from the end of the hall. 

“She is so cute!!! Such a nerd!” Jessica giggled, ignoring Taeyeon’s complaints. 

“That’s not all! Let’s go inside and I will show you a photo album of her childhood, and I will tell you the story behind each!”

“Umma~!!!”

That was indeed a long night of laughs, sulks, and stories. 

Jessica smiled, “You were such a wonderful child.” she murmured and took the photo down again. “Oh well,” she heaved a deep sigh and moved on. 

The kitchen was one of her favourite places in the loft. It was spacious, clean, and still surrounded with windows overlooking the city. The utensils were scattered on the countertops, and the appliances looked like they were rarely used anymore. It was as if it was only yesterday when they spent almost every single night trying to make their favourite food or inventing weird pastries. 

“What are you doing?” 

Taeyeon placed Jessica’s arms around her neck before putting her hands on her waist. “Let’s dance while waiting for the cake.”

“What? There’s no music?” 

“We don’t need one.”

They were full of flour and sugar from baking this weird spooky cake that Taeyeon saw online. 

Jessica followed as Taeyeon took a step sidewards, and they moved to the rhythm of the soft hum of the oven. It was silent, but there was music. Jessica didn’t know where it came from, but Taeyeon pulled her closer, and she felt like home. 

“Happy 3rd anniversary, Sooyeon-ah.”

Jessica suppressed her tears from flowing. If only she knew that that would be the last, she would’ve savoured being in Taeyeon’s arms a little much longer. 

She found an empty box where she then proceeded to toss her books and her favourite mug inside. She headed upstairs. 

The bedroom looked the same. There was their queen sized bed with nightstands on each side. She headed for the dresser and took a few of her clothes left. She checked her side of the bed and took some of her other things from the nightstand. She was on her way out when she saw a familiar cloth peeking from Taeyeon’s nightstand drawer. 

Jessica took little steps and sat down on the bed. She opened the drawer ever so slowly and saw her red scarf — the one she was wearing when they first moved in together. 

“Hey Taeyeon-ah, why do you still keep my scarf in your drawer? I wanna use it too, you know.” She asked one morning while she was putting on clothes for work. 

“It just reminds me of our first night here..”

Jessica scoffed. “Byuntae!”

“Not that!” She felt Taeyeon hugging her from behind. “It’s just the feeling of love and innocence, it makes me feel warm.”

Jessica didn’t fully understand what Taeyeon meant, but she felt warm too. 

“She still keeps it in here, after all this time.”

Jessica decided not to think much of it and went out. She was about to go down when she saw her at the foot of the stairs. 

“H-Hey.”

Taeyeon looked up. “Hey.”

“I’m finished getting my things now. I should go.” 

Taeyeon nodded and stepped aside to make way for her. Jessica carried the cardboard box and went down the stairs. She passed by Taeyeon who was leaning on the wall. She felt cold. 

“Jessica.”

She stopped walking. 

“I’m sorry.”

She didn’t turn around. She heaved a deep breath and headed for the door. 

Jessica’s hair swayed along the cold December breeze. She could see her shadow following her along the gleaming yellow street. Her arms tremble from the cold as she held a cardboard box against her chest like her life depended on it. The objects hastily thrown inside rattled with her every step, her chest ragged with breaths. It was so cold that her tears burned against her cheeks. 

She has been walking for a while now. She’s supposed to be walking home but she couldn’t find where it was, she couldn’t remember what home felt like. 

Oh yes, it felt like her but when she saw her earlier, it was different. She wasn’t her home, not anymore. 

She reached her car and she drove, not knowing where to go. 

Snow started falling on the windshield of her car, just like how the autumn leaves fell last year. 

“Hey, stop the car!” She shouted as she saw the stop light turning into red. “Pay attention when you’re driving, Taeyeon-ah! What’s on your mind anyway?”

“Oh nothing, I was just busy looking at you!”

“Yah! When did you get this cheesy??”

Taeyeon laughed and leaned towards her. “I love you.” 

Jessica closed her eyes as Taeyeon kissed her quickly yet softly.

Jessica didn’t know when it started, when the Kim Taeyeon she loved became so distant, so far away that she couldn’t reach her even though she was holding her. She didn’t know when the 'I love you's stopped. She didn’t know why the silence turned uncomfortable. She didn’t know how the warmth turned into cold. She didn’t notice when it started, but she remembered every single change, every single rejection, every single time her heart broke. She remembered all the good and all the bad, all too well.

FIN.