"Kai, I'll get my books. Thank you sooo much for bringing it" I smile at him,  a big one then he smirks. Damn He is always like this. Sometimes I'm getting annoyed when he does it coz I know that I'm going to blush, anyway. So now I'm just freaking controlling myself from too much giggling.

 

"Hey as if you're not getting used to it huh!?...Remember, I always bring your books for you" He said then handed me my books. 

 

"I told you that I can just put that on my bag. It's only giving you a hard time for bringing my books almost everyday! Duh!" I response in a snappy way. But inside of me, I hope that he won't change. I hope that he stays being like this. Because he's making me happy everytime we go to school together and there he is, always carrying my books. And These things really make me feel so important to him. 

 

"No i won't let you do that! Besides I'm not complaining, yeah?....And I told you that you're not allowed to carry too much weight 'cause it might break your spinal cord" He taps my back then flashes smiles at me. And here's my heart again!.. beating so fast. 

"Ya!.. Ya!.. Krystal Jung.. You must stop that kind of smile of yours....It only just shows how much you really like what I've said"  

I got startled to what I've heard and for his sudden laugh. I didn't notice that I was smiling widely at him. ! This is so embarrassing, I really must do something!...So to make it not too visible, I smack his shoulder and say... 

 

"Gosh you're so shameless!...in your dreams hmp!"

Then he chuckles while messing my hair! 

"Hey I'm just kidding!...haha I know that you are NOT" He emphasized, then  pinches my cheeks. Geez! If you just only knew Kai that all the words you have said are true.....It's just that...I can't tell you for now. 

"You're so crazy!" I mess his hair too. Then we just laugh and walk together towards our classroom with his arm around my shoulder.  

 

 

 

 
"Ahmm before I forget... here!" I had a sudden shock when he gave me a letter. Yes a letter, 'cause the marks of a pen shows in the stationery. 

 

So I take a look at him. 

"Huh?? Fo--for me?" I asked stuttered with a smile. Damn it! I feel that I'm going crazy over him again haha....! I just really can't stop myself being happy whenever I'm with him. 

"Silly!.." he flicks me on my forehead "You offered me a help to court Yoona...Remember!?" In just one snapped, i came back to reality. Then My smile and happiness are slowy vanishing at this moment. 

Yeah right! Fool of me! I promised that I'll help him to Yoona. Honestly, I wanted to refuse that day but I couldn't because he is my best friend. And i don't want him to get disappointed on me.

So I have nothing to do now but to just give the letter to Yoona. She and I are close so I guess that this is not gonna be that hard. That's why from now on I should start learning how to stop this feelings of mine towards Kai. 

I like him for a long time but I can't confess yet 'cause for me being a girl...I shouldn't be the one to do the first move. 

And to tell the truth, my feelings for him is not just a Like. I think this is the thing that they called Love. The thing that you'll suddenly feel unexpectedly. Also even that person has no one of the qualities of your ideal man you'll still accept him for what he is. And knowing Kai, he is a certified playboy in our campus. And that's what I hate the most. In fact I often fight him everytime he hurts another girl. He is a playboy indeed, he's been in a ing unserious relationships countless times. And that's one of my reasons why I hesitated at first to help him to Yoona 'cause we are also in a good friendship relationship. But what else can I do!?...it seems like he is really into her that's why I agreed to him. 

 

In addition like what other people say,  if you love someone you need to sacrifice even it causes you so much pain. So I continued being a bridge to both of them. Eventhough I know that I'll just end up hurting myself.

 

------

And I think my sacrifices are all worth it.  They are now getting closer to each other. Moreover in every day, week that passed I can tell that Kai and Yoona are already comfortable, so I started to feel nervous and scared because I know, the feeling that I want to avoid is going near to happen and that feeling, is to suffer from an unbearable pain.

 

"You're the best Krystal!! Thank you so much!" He hugs me so tight, enough for me to feel his happiness. But the emotion that I feel the most is,  Pain!  He's so very happy that I convinced Yoona to finally date him. 

I should be happy too for him, right? But why can't I!?

 

"Fine! Fine! Stop hugging me okay!? If Yoona sees us she might change her mind...Think of it moron!" I warned him then he let go of me. 

 

"Geez! Hey she does know that you're just my best friend...and that won't ever change! You kid!"

 

BEST FRIEND!?? only two words but enough to break me. Yes maybe I'm just only a best friend to him. A Best friend who he is always with, doing nonsense and silly things. A best friend who is always there for him. A best friend who always gives full support in every decision he makes. A best friend who'll be there in a second in just one call and text from him. A best friend who'll put him first before other things. A best friend who is willing to get hurt just to make him happy. A best friend who he will never love more than that beacuse I'm just his ing best friend! 

 

And because I'm his best friend, he and Yoona are getting more closer.....There are times that he's not talking to me like he always does before because now he's busy courting her. And when it comes to our break time, he is always with her instead of me. Also sometimes,  he's not focusing on what I am talking about 'cause his attention is on his phone, texting or calling Yoona.

 

 

 

"Okay wait!..What are you really want to tell me huh? It's already 9 in the evening and you just dropped by into our home?..Dude you can call me, right?" I nagged him. For goodness sake! It's already dark outside and he just came here? What is his problem!? 

 

"I'm so sorry...ahmm I just want to tell you this personally"

"Come on spill it out! You look so happy huh!" I wiggle my eyebrows. Then I got startled when he suddenly hugs me. 

 

"Finally we are a couple now!" He shouted then let go of me.  While here I am, got frozen in my place. God! Did I hear it right?

 

"Krystal! Me and Yoona are already in a relationship woohhh!!" He's happy, soooo happy that he didn't even have any clue that I'm hurting to whay he'd  said. 

Bull! You're so stupid Krystal! Very stupid! 

 

"Well congrats!" I bravely said even I don't want to, 'cause this time I know that I am already defeated! So I just force myself to put a smile on my face while controlling my tears to show up. Then he hugs me once again. 
 
"Thank you ...thank You!! You're the best best friend Tal!" And by this time, I lose my controll. My tears just fall down on my cheeks as I hear again the painful words...Best friend! 

 

 

----

Since the day Yoona and Kai became a couple, there are a lot of changes happened between us. We are now very much far from we were like before. He's not picking me up anymore at our house because it's Yoona now. He's also not carrying my books anymore because he carries her books now. I can't eat with him anymore because he eats with her now. We can't bond anymore because he's with her now. And I can't be happy what I was like before because the person behind it is already happy with someone else's arms. 

So I decided to just keep myself away from him, 'Cause It's no difference to what is happening to us right now. I need to do this because if I'll still continue holding on to him,  I'll just give myself a chance to hope again and to hurt as well. 

I even convinced myself countless times to not reply or answer his calls. As a matter of fact, I don't want to do this, but I'll be in pain again if we still have communications.  

I thought he won't be aware of it because all of his attention is already on Yoona. And yes I admit that I'm getting jealous so much. But I know that I have no right to get mad! She's the chosen one and I am NOT. Besides at the very first place I did nothing to let him know what I trully feel towards him. 

 

 

 

 

"Hey what's the problem Krystal? "

 

"Huh? Problem?" I laugh,  a fake one "Nothing."

 

"Nothing!? Come on you're obviously ignoring me. You're not answering My messages, even my calls. Then everytime i go to your house, you're always not there. Everytime I get near to your seat, you're suddenly leaving me. Do we have a problem Tal?"

(We don't have a problem Kai, because there's never an US!)

"no--nothing" This is the only word that came out from my mouth. If I'll confess now, I'll be completely so helpless and fool. And It's not the right time to tell him how much I love him 'cause he already has Yoona in his heart. 

And if I'll let him know, for sure our friendship will going to be ruined same with me and Yoona. That's why I'm so determined to ignore Kai 'cause if I won't, there's still a chance that I'll admit what i feel for him anytime....So I choose to keep it only in myself and to my other closest friend, Luna. 

 

 

As day goes by I find myself thinking and asking, Am I still doing the right thing? because honestly speaking, Kai has nothing to do with it. It's not his fault that I keep distance between us in the reason of he is hurting me without him knowing, 'Cause I didn't tell him the words I Love You when I Still had a chance. And I feel so unfair to him because all this time, he is  clueless.