When you think about your first heartbreak, who comes to your mind? An ‘almost’ person. An almost lover. An almost forever. But for me, it was an almost friendship. 

She waltz into my life during one of the lowest points in my life. To this day, I don’t think I’ll ever forget her. Or how much she meant to me. But to me, I was probably just another person she could call ‘best friend’. Nowadays, I cringe when I hear that word. Because after everything that I’ve endured, I’ve made up my mind that friendships aren’t worth the heartbreak. 

Believe it or not, the heartbreak caused by a friend is much worse than a heartbreak caused by a lover. Or it was how I felt at that period in my life. I know better now. I’m learning and growing but I’ll never be the same.

Heartbreak, in any form, changes you. But before it changes you, it breaks you, contorts you. 

It was our senior year of high school. I had never opened up to anyone else before. No one ever cared that much about me and likewise. She took time to know me, to communicate. We would stay on the phone till six in the morning talking about anything and everything. She was family. She was a rock. I was her rock. If she needed me, any time, I was there for her. She tore down my walls and helped me experience friendship, happiness, laughter, trust, and ultimately….my first heartbreak. 

Who needed a boyfriend when I had a friend like her? But eventually life puts you in situations where you end up falling for a stupid boy. And this is how I experienced my first heartbreak. 

I remember how I lost my breath when I saw the two of them holding hands - right in front of my face. How heavy my heart felt. The boy could die. I could careless. But her, her, h e r, I had trusted her with everything. She was my best friend, and knew how much it was hurting me, yet she continued. To text him. Call him. Text me, and talk about him. After I expressed my feelings about him to her. She went behind my back and just stabbed me right in the heart. As dramatic as that sounds. She claimed she never knew how much it was hurting me - laughable. I would’ve taken a bullet for her; but, needless to say, I don’t think she’d do the same for me. 

To this day, I never understood why I stopped writing. And now it makes sense that this is the only “decent” piece of work I could concoct for the first time in almost six years….

I’m finally writing again….to let her go. 

Goodbye.