Two and a half weeks later
****
‘’Hey do you want to go to a gay bar with me saturday? If you’re uh, into drinking that is’’ Namjoon looks up at me. My face is of course stuffed with food and I must look perfectly ridiculous with my wide eyes and full cheeks. ‘’Uhhh’’ I swallow. ‘’Don’t laugh but’’ I look down at the table. This had been me and Namjoon’s third time… third date? With each other, other than that we texted non stop. ‘’I’ve actually never been to a gay bar.. Or any kind of bar at all’’

 

‘’Oh! They’re okay, I mean I’m not super into them myself but my friend wanted me to go to an ugly christmas sweater party one was having’’ Namjoon shrugged ‘’I thought it might be fun to go with you; we could get like matching ugly sweaters’’ He nods his eye and squints his eyes almost as if he’s regretting asking.

 

My heart jumped at the thought of us showing up wrapped around each other in a matching outfit. ‘’Yes!’’ I exclaim. ‘’Better yet.. I could make them for us!’’ I excitedly added.

 

Namjoon’s eyes lit up. ‘’That… Would be so cute’’

 

‘’Me and my mother are pretty crafty, she used to sew sweaters for me and my little brother all the time’’ I smile, it was a fond and warm memory.

 

‘’You’ll have to show me some pictures some time, then’’

 

I sigh; taking it all in, I couldn’t have even imagined that I would be sitting across from the biggest crush I’ve had in my life, that we’d be sharing dinner on a cold winter night together as christmas music played over the loudspeaker in a packed restaurant (Something called ‘’R.J Grunts’’ not so surprisingly Namjoon suggested the place). It was too good.

 

---

Saturday Evening

---

 

Just as I finish my sweater I hear my phone go off under the covers, Quickly I shuffle across my craft strewn floor to find it. I finally find the device the notification still on the screen. It was a text from Namjoon.

 

‘’I’m here :o)’’

 

Quickly I throw my sweater on over my head, picking off a few hot glue webs that stuck to the pompom trim I had stuck to the bottom. I run over to my desk in which Namjoon’s was laying on top of; keeping it folded I tucked it under my arm and threw on my coat and quickly ran downstairs.

 

Outside the apartment complex I could already spot the taxicab Namjoon was waiting for me in; through the slightly fogged window I can see him wave at me. I rush over doing my best not to slip on the icy sidewalk.

 

He opens the door for me and I scoot in beside him the warm air from the car heaters instantly making my face feel flushed. ‘’Hey’’ He gives me a quick hug and then buckles my seatbelt for me.

 

‘’How are you?’’ He looks over at me as we pull away from the curb. ‘’Good’’ I nod as I flop his sweater onto my lap. ‘’Are you excited to see your sweater?’’ ‘’Of course!’’ ‘’Alright.. Hopefully it’s not too ugly’’ I laugh but secretly really hoped he wouldn’t think it looked awful.

 

He clicks on the light above our head and holds the sweater out in front of him. ‘’Wooooow’’ his jaw slacks open. On the front of it was a Koala I had made out of felt wearing a Santa hat, completed with white fur trim and a assortment of bells and sequins.

 

‘’I love it’’ He exclaims before slipping out of his coat and throwing it on over his t-shirt; his once perfectly styled hair now a frizzy mess once he poked his head out of the neck of the sweater. ‘’I uh, remembered how the other day you said that you wished the Lincoln park zoo had Koalas’’

 

‘’You remembered that?’’ Namjoon interlaced his fingers with mine. I buried my face in my coat. ‘’Y-yeah of course’’ I mutter into the fabric; I can feel my lips rub against the zipper as I spoke.

 

‘’You’re so cute’’ He cooed.

 

Namjoon then made small talk with the driver until we reached our destination. I could recognize the area as it wasn’t too far from the restaurant. As we stepped out of the cab I looked around, snow gently falling from the sky as I looked into the distance; the Chicago skyline towering above us. I had never appreciated how beautiful the city could be before now. Apart of me had always resented it I always thought about how I wanted to be anywhere but here. I hear Namjoon shut the door behind me.

 

‘’C’mon it’s just around the block’’ He steps to my side and once again reaches out to hold my hand. Together we make our way through the cramped sidewalk as the cold wind nipped at our faces. As we got closer to the bar I could hear the loud American christmas music pour out from the doorway.

 

‘’Hoseok shooould be outside waiting for us’’ Namjoon huffed. In front of us I could barely make out what appeared to be a young man standing against a lamp post conversing with a group of people. ‘’Namjoon!’’ The man ran up to us. ‘’It’s crazy in there’’ He chuckled ‘’It’s a 5 dollar cover charge’’ My shoulders sank when I heard his friend begin to speak in english. ‘’Alright’’ Namjoon replied, I had gotten so used to hearing him speak in Korean the past few weeks. ‘’Well I got me and Jimin covered.’’ ‘’Jimin?’’ The stranger replied and Namjoon looked over at me ‘’Oh! This is my um…’’ Namjoon paused ‘’Friend, Jimin’’

 

Ouch.

 

‘’Oh! I’m Hoseok’’ He smiled. ‘’Well let’s hurry back! I don’t want to miss the drag show’’ He laughed and I dottled behind the two as they continued to talk. My heart sank… I guess we hadn’t actually confirmed that we were dating and maybe I was stupid to assume. I groaned internally about the fact that I felt like crying.

 

As we step into the bar it’s loud and overwhelming. Me and Namjoon are nearly pushed back outside due to the amount of people crowding into the tiny place; instantly I can feel my body start to shut off; I felt like I was stuffed inside a loud screaming oven. In front of me I watch as Namjoon disappears into the crowd and my heart lurches into my throat.

 

I take a deep breath trying to collect myself even though it felt like the primal urge to run and hide was taking over; I push my way towards the bar hoping I might be able to see him.

 

‘’Hey’’ I look over as a taller more muscular man is making eye contact with me. I shyly wave and continue to look around for Namjoon and his friend. ‘’Hey!’’ He starts up again ‘’Are you waiting for someone?’’ he shouts over the loud music.

 

My eyes go wide. ‘’Y-yes!’’ I shout back. ‘’While you wait, can I buy you a drink?’’ He leans in closer to me and I can smell the alcohol on his breath. Despite all ration; completely leaving behind all my good senses and smart thinking I nodded. ‘’Sure?’’ If Namjoon was just going to leave me behind to hang out with his friend, if I was just his friend, would it really be so bad to accept the drink?

 

‘’You look sorta scared, are you alright?’’ The stranger asks and then mumbles something to the bartender. ‘’S-Sorry my english is not too good’’ I holler back. ‘’Oh, it’s okay!’’ It felt strange to have a conversation with someone where ninety-five percent of it was us screaming at each other. ‘’Here, drink up’’ He slides a cup towards me. I leaned forward and smelled it; my sinuses felt like they were burning. What was I getting myself into?

 

I pull the clear straw to my lips and take a long sip, squinting my eyes shut as I do so. It was strong, way stronger than what I was used to. ‘’You know, you’re too cute to be waiting around for someone’’ He lips brushed against my lower ear. ‘’No, I don’t mind!’’ I shout back unsure how to deal with the attention I was receiving.

 

I take a few more sips hoping it would help my anxiety. I stared at the wall in front of me; countless high end liquor bottles decorated the shelves as silver garland hung from the ceiling The man next to me is going on about something for a while but at this point it sounds like white noise. I felt his hand land on my lower back and I feel my body tense.

 

I felt my vision go fuzzy as my face and limbs started to tingle. I knew nothing was in my drink, or at least I hoped not but I had watched the bartender make it, surely he couldn’t have slipped something in. Was my anxiety really that bad? Was I already drunk?

 

‘’C’mon let’s go in back’’ The stranger pressed his nose into the side of my neck. All at once it hit me and I felt like a fool. How did I let things escalate this quickly?! ‘’N-no’’ I sloppily reply as I push myself away from him. I look down at my drink and realize in my anxious haze I really had drunk the whole thing.

 

I feel my feet become almost tangled within themselves as I made my way through the bar; I finally squeezed my way past the crowd and burst through the front doors, stumbling into the cold night and falling onto my knees. ‘’Jimin!’’ Namjoon exclaims. I feel hot tears push past my lids as I stare at the snow sparkling under the orange street lamp; my fingers already feeling numb from digging into the frigid powder.

 

‘’Are you okay? I was looking everywhere for you’’ Namjoon helps me to my feet and I feel myself go limp against his chest. ‘’Oh my god, Jimin seriously, are you okay?’’ He sternly asks. ‘’I’m okay, I drank a lot though?’’ I mumble into his sweater, loose pieces of fluff become stuck to my lips.

 

‘’I couldn’t find you for a half and hour, how did you get drunk so quickly?!’’ He runs his fingers through my hair. ‘’I drank reeeeeallly fast’’ I feel my fingers crawl up and under his sweater to rest them on his lower back, seeking some kind of warmth from him.

 

‘’I’ll take you home’’