Today is just like any other day, or at least that was what Woohyun told himself when he woke up that winter morning. But as he was hammering that notion into his mind, his eye flickered towards the window and excitement fluttered through his limbs. No, Woohyun couldn't allow himself to get excited. Today was an ordinary day. Nothing special was going to happen. There is nothing to be excited about.

Don't set yourself up for disappointment.

Since it was an ordinary day, Woohyun got ready and dressed in his usual way, wearing dark and muted colors. There was no reason to stand out today. He was just going to work, like everyone else. Sure, it was only a half-day, but there was no reason behind that. Nope, none at all. It was a gift from his boss because he was feeling charitable. Something about winter does that to people. The weather may be cold outside, but people's hearts grow warmer. If you were to ask Woohyun why that was so, he'd answer "I don't know." There was nothing special about this season.

Although Woohyun thought that there was nothing special to this season, the world around him would beg to differ. Happy music played on the streets. Bursts of red and green overtook shop windows. People were smiling for seemingly no reason at all. And most of them walked about, hand-in-hand, with one another.

It must be something in the air, Woohyun gave as an excuse. Instead of yellow dust, red and green dust infected their minds. He snorted at his joke, but that brief light of happiness flickered away. And Woohyun, once again, was a dark, bleak figure against the joyful background.

Work did nothing to improve his mood. Why should it though? It was work, and it wasn't meant to be fun. And yet, the office was abuzz, humming with light chatter, bustling as coworkers rushed to greet each other on this completely ordinary day, Even the air tasted as sweet as the cookies that had been placed at Woohyun's desk. But it all turned bitter once Woohyun took it all in, more so when a coworker asked how he was doing, if was having a hard time. No, Woohyun wasn't. He just wasn't having a good time was all. That didn't mean things were bad. They just weren't good. Things were just...normal.

Work ended early, since it was a half day. So he spent his free time as he was in the habit of doing recently: he went to a cafe near his apartment and wrote. What he wrote changed with his mood. Sometimes he wrote poetry; at others, he wrote down essays. But mostly, he wrote songs because the words in his mind flowed out along with a melody in his heart. And that was what he was doing today, composing a melody that would drown out the cheerful music playing around him.

In all honesty, Woohyun did like being alone. He enjoyed wallowing in the feeling of loneliness because it was just him and his thoughts. He could finally think things through, process difficult feelings, and channel them into something productive, like he was doing now. This catharsis he could only achieve in isolation. He had to do it on his own. In that sense, the loneliness was inspiring.

But maybe he was a little too inspired by his feelings this afternoon, maybe he purged a little too much. How many "I miss you" lines were too many in a song? Woohyun probably had exceeded the appropriate amount, and so he changed one of those lines to "I need you" and deemed the song perfect. And he emerged from the cafe just as night was swallowing the sky, but it didn't overtake the streets. There were strings of bright, happy lights to chase away the darkness, to illuminate the throngs of couples walking past him. Tonight is just like any other night. There's just more people outside. They really should go inside. It's too cold, Woohyun thought as he walked briskly back into his apartment.

He entered his building and checked his mailbox. There was nothing inside. "Why would there be?" Woohyun muttered out loud. "Don't be disappointed. Today is a normal day, so act like it."

But Woohyun couldn't act normally, and he hadn't been all day. It was impossible to be normal when the other half of him was gone. And he felt that emptiness even more since it was Christmas Eve. As much as he tried to ignore it, Christmas Eve still happened, and he still yearned to be a part of it. But without his lover, he didn't know how. It didn't seem right to celebrate without him.

Sunggyu had been gone since May. There was nothing that Woohyun could do to make him stay. When the nation calls for you, you must enlist. And Sunggyu had received that call far earlier than either of them had expected it. But rules had changed, and along with an earlier enlistment, services were also shortened. Which was only a small consolation in Woohyun's mind, no bigger than a quark. Sunggyu was still gone, and days hadn't been normal or ordinary since he left.

Woohyun was starting to loathe the loneliness now. What's so great about that feeling if it was all he felt now. And as for inspiration, only one thought kept coming to mind: I miss him.

Indeed, there was nothing good about loneliness when there wasn't a Sunggyu to escape from.

Now Woohyun finally admitted that to himself, that it was Christmas and that the day completely and that he was immensely disappointed at himself and everyone and everything around him. He was grumbling like Scrooge all of the "bah humbugs" that he could muster and dragged his feet on the ground. He was so lost in self-pity that he didn't notice that the light was already on in his apartment when he came inside. But he did freeze in place, while he was taking off his shoes, when he heard a padding of feet coming towards him. Slowly, Woohyun straightened himself upright, allowing his eyes to fall on what he would've thought to be a ghost of Christmases past if it weren't for the closely clipped hair.

It was Sunggyu. He'd come out of the bedroom, and now he was smiled and waved at Woohyun in his usual way, with a soft ‘hey.’ But it felt so surreal. No, it felt more than that. Woohyun felt his dark day turn into color. Red burst in his heart, quickly burning his whole body with warmth, with passion, with life! And that sensation soon gave way when cool green washed over him, leaving him serene, eternal. Finally it felt like Christmas had come and he was complete once again.

And Sunggyu felt that Woohyun was taking too long to stop acting surprised, and so he was the one to move and hug him. He laughed when Woohyun finally moved and hugged him back, tightly, so that he could feel the elder’s presence in its entirety. Sunggyu pulled away, peeling Woohyun away from him slightly so that he could tug at the younger’s round cheeks. “You’re not going to cry, are you?” he teased.

Woohyun ignored that remark. "What are you doing here?" he asked with a small sniff.

"It's Christmas Eve, you know," Sunggyu replied coolly as he lowered his hands and stepped away from the other and into the living room.

"I do, but..." Woohyun muttered as he followed the other. The colorful euphoria that he felt just moments earlier smoldered. He still felt his lips turned down into a tight frown. "Why didn't you tell me that you were coming?"

Sunggyu wasn’t facing him. No, he was looking for something, something more important than his love apparently, whose frown now morphed into a pout and his happiness into discontent. "They didn't tell us until this afternoon that we'd have this evening and tomorrow morning free. I have to report back tomorrow afternoon," Sunggyu answered in a distracted voice as he checked the shelves of their tv console again. With a groan, he stood back up straight and whipped his head towards the other. "Why does it look like you live here alone?"

Woohyun huffed as he leaned against the wall. "Because I have been living alone," he retorted.

"What did you do? Put my stuff into storage?" Sunggyu raised his voice as he gestured around the room.

And yes, every trace of Sunggyu had been removed from the apartment. But it wasn’t always like that. At first, Woohyun left all of Sunggyu’s stuff out and looked at it fondly. Sometimes he’d move objects from one place to another, pretending as if Sunggyu had done it, as if he’d hung his coat on the rack after returning from work. But Sunggyu really wasn’t living at the apartment anymore. And Woohyun was done pretending. The vestiges of Sunggyu made it seem like he was holding onto something that wasn’t there anymore. And it got to the point that even the sight of Sunggyu’s toothbrush had begun to irritate him. So he packed it all up and put it all away. Out of sight, out of mind was the theory. But that was just a theory, not a fact. He couldn’t hide Sunggyu away so easily.

"What do you want me to do? Stage the place and act like you still live here?" Woohyun turned it into a joke.

"Yes! Because I do! This is my home too!" Sunggyu yelled. Woohyun laughed, and a broad smile stretched across his face. ‘Home,’ that felt good to hear, really good. Sunggyu continued in a tone of disbelief, "You even put my games away?"

His laughter stopped. "Did you come home for me or to play games?" Woohyun challenged, watching the other carefully.

"To play games with you," Sunggyu answered without skipping a beat. He then gestured around erratically as he defended himself, "I don't have much time, but there's a lot that I want to do."

Woohyun sighed and lifted himself off from the wall. "I'll get it for you," he offered. He then headed towards the closet in their bedroom, where he’d hidden Sunggyu’s things under some sweatshirts and hats.

"You're the best!" Sunggyu was excited and cheerful. It always took less than you’d think to change his mood. And now Sunggyu was following Woohyun closely into the bedroom, with his chest pressed against Woohyun’s shoulder. That’s when Woohyun remembered why he used to treasure loneliness more because Sunggyu demanded a lot of attention whenever he was around. But now Woohyun was overflowing with attention and patience to give. He stopped suddenly, making the elder crash into him. He chuckled at Sunggyu’s surprised expression and continued towards the closet. Sunggyu wasn’t fazed by Woohyun’s antics, as usual. "Did you bring home some cake? It's Christmas Eve, you know," he repeated that phrase from earlier.

"No,” Woohyun answered with a grunt as he moved a pile of sweatshirts out of the way. “I didn't because I didn't know you were coming.”

Sunggyu scoffed and retorted, "When did my absence ever stop you from eating cake before? You've eaten a whole cake by yourself once."

Woohyun stood up quickly, with the box of games in his hands. "I wasn't in the mood,” he mumbled. At that, Sunggyu just stared at him, fondly, as if Woohyun had done something, well, loveable. "What?"

"You spent the whole day sulking, didn't you? Because I wasn't here?" Sunggyu knew him too well.

"Yes," so Woohyun answered honestly as he walked past the other. He went back into the living room and put the box on the coffee table. "What about you? Isn't this hard for you too?" Woohyun turned the matter around and physically turned around to look at the other. Sunggyu seemed happy, not only now but in the pictures that he’d seen of Sunggyu in the army. He seemed happy and so relaxed, with an arm around new friends that he’d made in the army. Woohyun wasn’t jealous, per se, but he was envious. He felt like he was missing out on a lot in Sunggyu’s life, and in turn, Sunggyu was missing out a lot on Woohyun’s.  

They missed each other, didn’t they?

"Of course," Sunggyu answered, but he didn’t seem so serious with that usual sly grin of his. He then moved towards the box and pulled out his games so that they could play. "I'd much rather be here than in the barracks," he muttered in a distracted voice.

That's not what I meant, Woohyun thought. It was obvious that being home would be better than being in the army. But did he miss Woohyun? That wasn’t so clear. At least at that moment it wasn’t clear.

But as the night passed, Sunggyu’s actions shined a light on the things he wouldn’t admit, each one glistening like a star in their sky, brightening Woohyun’s mood. They did play games together, but Sunggyu quickly lost interest in it. He apparently had only wanted to experience playing again with Woohyun. Mostly, what Sunggyu wanted to do was talk with him, which he was doing non-stop and talking faster than ever. Woohyun was talking faster too, words falling like a flurry from his lips. There was barely a pause in their conversation as they ate. And they ate a lot. They ordered from a few of their favorite delivery places, finishing it all, which left them full and lethargic on the couch. At first Sunggyu’s head was just resting on the other’s lap. But soon Woohyun moved to lay down with him. And quickly the couch grew to be uncomfortable. There wasn’t enough room to move around, so they went to bed.

After so many months, this apartment was home again to Woohyun, as they held each other tightly, warmly in their arms, fighting away the coldness of the winter night and solitude. His lips could not touch every part of the other that he missed, that he longed for. He couldn’t speak enough words, breathed softly into his skin, to express all of the tenderness that had been pent up in his heart. His eyes couldn’t take in enough of the other, who seemed almost unfamiliar as the months gone-by had done much to change his form. Woohyun couldn’t fully enjoy the moment.

Like Sunggyu had said earlier, they didn’t have much time. Not nearly enough time.

And so while their reunion had been joyful, warm, and certainly it was the best night Woohyun had since May, there was a chilly reminder in air that Sunggyu’s departure was soon coming.

Sunggyu felt that chill too. There was a sadness in his eyes, a worried bow in his brows. As the evening wore on and became morning, Sunggyu’s smile faded. His body became tense. His limbs tied with Woohyun’s in a desperate attempt to keep in anchored in that spot, unable to move, and certainly unable to return back to base.

But he had to.

So when his alarm went off, Sunggyu unraveled himself and sat up, with his head hanging low.

Woohyun, who had been awake for a good while, like Sunggyu had been, sat up too. “Did you do everything that you wanted to do?” he asked, as his hand moved up and down the elder’s back.

“No,” Sunggyu grumbled lowly, not caring to move his lips and talk clearly. “We didn’t even have cake.”
Woohyun snorted. “Are you really whining about cake?”

“Yes,” Sunggyu replied with a nod, which elicited a loud laugh from Woohyun. Sunggyu finally raised his head to glare at the other, a great pout on his lips, which only made Woohyun smile wider and laugh more heartedly. Now Sunggyu was the one sulking, and Woohyun couldn’t help but to take pleasure in it because the elder was sulking over him. How could he not enjoy that?

Woohyun moved his hand from the other’s back and placed it in the lap instead, searching for Sunggyu’s hand to hold. He found it and gave it a squeeze. "This never gets easier, does it?" Woohyun muttered.

Sunggyu shook his head. "It seems only to get harder," he admitted. He then let out a great sigh, letting out all of his dissatisfaction and inhaling the will to continue on. When he did, he gave Woohyun a slender smile. "I'll miss you."

Not once, this whole time, did Sunggyu ever say ‘I missed you.’ Woohyun felt that he did, for sure. But those words were never spoken. And it was alright. Woohyun realized that he’d much prefer to hear an ‘I’ll miss you,’ especially when they were said in that way, because it meant life wasn’t right for Sunggyu without Woohyun. He felt incomplete too.

Knowing that was the best gift Woohyun could receive that year (but next year he’d like something more material and expensive from Sunggyu, if he were to be completely honest).

Sunggyu got ready to leave neither too quickly nor too slowly. He was a man used to being on a schedule now. Things were done in the appropriate amount of time. When it was the perfect time to leave, he was at the door, dressed in uniform.

"Come home soon, okay?" Woohyun told him as he saw him out.

Sunggyu couldn’t talk. He only nodded and went for the door.

But just at his hand brushed against the knob, Sunggyu spun back around and reached out towards the other for one last hug, which Woohyun was more than happy to give, along with one last kiss. With that, Sunggyu left. Woohyun blew out a sharp snort from his nose after the door closed.

Come home soon? It was painfully obvious that if they weren't going to see each other within the next five minutes, it wouldn’t be soon enough.

Life wasn’t normal without each other, and this place surely wasn’t home.