It doesn’t even take that long before they meet again.

Joohyun has just gotten to the dormitory when Joy calls Wendy over to her room for a celebratory meal, and invites her as well out of courtesy. She doesn’t even get a chance to change out of her uniform because Wendy’s already dragging her out the door.

There’s a box of pepperoni pizza and a liter of cola.

And of course, there’s Seulgi.

They congratulate Joy first for topping their class, before they all take their share and squat on the floor, around the food.

Joohyun is tense and shy after all of the things that she has said in the bleachers earlier, but she pretends to keep her cool. Across her, Wendy is unusually sprightly, chatting about, while Joy is tying her hair into a braid. Seulgi is sat right-angled to her, happily gobbling down a slice of pizza like a child, a smear of hot sauce on the corner of her lips. Then she stares, like a fool, when Seulgi wipes it messily with her tongue, and chokes when the athlete turns to her and asks, “Do you like it?”

(She was talking about the pizza.)

Joohyun grabs her glass of coke and drinks, to her chagrin.

“Are you alright?” Seulgi follows with a puzzled expression.

“It's really good,” Joohyun says, not looking back. The pizza isn’t actually that good, but it also isn’t bad, and she didn’t want to give Joy a reason to hate her. “And I’m okay.”

But that was also another lie, because she thinks she could accidentally bite her tongue at any moment, because she notices that Wendy’s gaze is heavy on her, like she’s being observed. She drops her attention to a few ants scuttling on the floor, avoiding their stares.

“The entrance tests for college admission are starting soon,” Joy finally speaks. Her fingers are digging through Wendy’s lush brown hair. “Have you guys reviewed for it already?”

They have sent application forms to different universities when the school year commenced.

“I took review classes just this summer,” Wendy answers, pinching hot sauce over her pizza. The bulk of her summer had been spent on going through her thick tomes. “But I’m sure you’ll just breeze through the tests without trying hard.”

Joy snorts. “Oh, flatter me, but I don’t just absorb our lessons like a sponge. I read for hours. There’s a lot of top students who wants to come off like they don’t open their notes or books at all, but trust me, that’s just a front. Besides, anybody can learn anything if they have the patience to study.”

“Spoken like a true top student,” Wendy grins, before taking a bite of her slice. Then with a bit of a lilt, “What about you, Seulgi?”

“I did self-review but I don’t think that was enough.” Seulgi did a few other things during summer instead, like doing more art and swimming. “I still trained in soccer, because I didn’t want to go out of shape.”

Wendy is suddenly earnest at the talk of soccer. Her fingers on one hand tap restlessly on her bent knee. “Oh, right! District meet is this Saturday.”

Joohyun looks back and forth between the two while consuming her food.

“Well, yeah,” Seulgi says timidly, rubbing the back of her neck. “I have two more practices then two days rest.”

Wendy’s expression get more animated and she excitedly jabbers, “It that I have to be at the musical conference this Saturday. I have also been practicing for it, so I know how badly you need a rest. Anyway, I would’ve loved to cheer for you!”

“Don’t you sound like an avid fan?” Joy asks. She’s almost finished with the lone braid.

Wendy purses her lips and lowers her eyes. Then answers, “Of course, I love our team.”

Joohyun snickers- low, subtly mocking. Wendy catches her, so she clears and picks another slice of pizza.

Seulgi tips a glass of coke over and drains it. She hisses sharply, fizz burning in for a second. “I am grateful for the support, though? It means a lot to me… it keeps me going, really.”

“Oh, she has a lot of fan letters,” Joohyun pipes in, and with a hint of pride, adds, “And she takes time to read through each of them.” 

Joy pats Wendy’s shoulder after securing the braid with a tie to signal she’s finished. Wendy was too distracted with Joohyun’s words that she didn’t perceive it, and just pushed her eyeglasses back with a gulp.

“Hey…” Seulgi narrows her eyes. “I remember you told me it was all corny.”

“Well, you remember it right,” Joohyun goes along, sneering toward the athlete. “I was just trying to be nice, but I guess I’m taking it back.”

“No, no, sing me more praises!”

Joohyun sticks her tongue out. “Make me.”

“Tsk, seriously, you two,” Joy comments, amused. It makes her wonder how the two are that close, yet she doesn’t ask.

Wendy looks at Joohyun with a bit of apprehension, but none of them recognizes it. All she could think of was a way to steer the conversation into something else. But she just keeps shut and listens, though she’s itching to join in.

Joy gets up from her bed, and moves over behind Joohyun and says, “Let me do your hair.”

Joohyun asks, “Are you not going to eat?”

“Nope.” Joy is already tugging down Joohyun’s hair tie. “I ate at the pantry earlier, with the other tea club girls. Luckily they left a box for me to take home, because Wendy wasn’t around because of practice.”

“Alright then,” concedes Joohyun, tossing the stray locks of hair over her shoulders.

Then, just as it occurs to her, Wendy snaps her fingers and utters, “By the way, have you guys seen Kyungsoo? Chanyeol went to see me earlier,” her eyes briefly flit at Joohyun, “He was looking for him, and he’s been absent from our practices since Saturday. Nobody’s said a word, not even our coach.”

“What, for real?” Joy spouts in shock. She’s twisting about two inches of hair nearest Joohyun’s hairline. “That would mean he missed the exams.”

“I’m truly worried, and no one seems to know anything,” Wendy says, frowning.

“Well, maybe his parents know and chose to keep things confidential. If the school cannot tell us, and then we can’t do anything,” Joy responds, still knotting the tiny braid. “I mean, we should rather leave it at that than to speculate and create rumors.”

“He was really a loner.” Wendy would try to speak to him at times, but he puts up this wall she just can’t get through. “I’ll admit I mostly forget he’s around, but whenever I saw him I wanted to tell him hey, it’s cool to ask me about stuff  but then I think maybe he just wants to be left alone.” Sometimes, she’d also feel lonely, seeing him stay in one corner, all by himself.

“It’s no one’s fault,” Joy assures her. “We’re all different.”

“Let’s just hope he’s fine, wherever he might be,” Seulgi agreed.

Joohyun didn’t know the guy well either, yet there was this sinking feeling growing in the pit of her stomach. The word alone makes Joohyun think of a small boat rowing endlessly in the middle of the stretch of a deep, blue ocean, finding no shore to wash up on. And she doesn’t want that - having no one else by her side.

Joy interrupts her train of thought by muttering, “It looks really good on you.”

“I agree, you look different with your hair down,” Wendy tells her.

And Joohyun catches herself waiting, though she was half-hoping it wouldn’t come, but then it strikes-

“Beautiful,” Seulgi breathes, mesmerized. Then realizing what just slipped out of , adds, “I mean, Joohyun’s really pretty. Everyone knows that.” 

There’s a faint hint of blush spreading across Joohyun’s cheeks. She ducks her head once she feels the warmth on her skin, and there’s a part of her that’s embarrassed for liking what she just heard. Why am I acting so stupid, she thought.

“Joohyun isn’t one of the boys,” Joy speaks with confidence. “She’s a flower waiting to bloom.”

Seulgi dons a gentle smile and says, “A rose among thorns.”

Before daybreak, Joohyun finds herself in front of her desk, glancing at the tiny mirror.

She doesn’t know why she’s up way too early than usual. It’s an hour and a half til class, and Wendy’s still tossing in her bed. The air’s dry, bitter cold, and she shudders in her blouse. Her hair is still damp.

Okay, let’s try this, Joohyun thinks to herself after combing her hair.

Her fingers start twining a section of her hair at the edge of her forehead, split it into three portions. She does it gingerly, tightening with each cross over. Beautiful, her mind plays. Over and over. Beautiful beautiful beautiful-

“Oh god, can I stop thinking about it,” Joohyun murmurs, neck straining in position. “Stop it, Joohyun.”

Seulgi was just saying what everyone has been saying, and yet—

All her life, she’s been told pretty to her face. Hearing it too often has diluted its meaning, has made it trite, and she has taken it for granted, to a fault. But anticipating it from someone, instead of it being handed out offhandedly to her without asking, makes quite the difference.

“This doesn’t look right,” she frowns. The braid is stiff and thinner than what Joy did.

Wendy stirs in her bed--the steel frame of the bunk jangles against the floor--and she starts untangling the braid with clumsy fingers.

“You’re up early,” Wendy yawns, checking her phone. She always wakes up before her alarm goes off at six o’clock in the morning, and also before Joohyun gets up.

Joohyun looks up, twiddling her hair tie in her hands. “Yeah,” she pauses, thinking, “I guess I slept well last night.”

Wendy stretches her arms, then climbs down the ladder. She rubs the cold off her arms while blindly searching for her slippers. Then her droopy eyes latch onto the gleaming mirror. Joohyun rarely, if not never, uses the thing.

“Since when do you spend time with your mirror?” Wendy jokingly remarks.

“I…” Joohyun sighs, her shoulders slackening. “I’m just trying out something new…”

“Oh,” mutters Wendy. “I actually have hair pins I don’t use. Try them out, they’re in my drawer.”

“W-well I don’t th--”

Wendy shakes her head. “It wouldn’t be bad if you let your hair breathe.”

“Alright,” Joohyun yields. “Thanks.” 

And Wendy’s not sure why, but she asks, “Think it’s going to rain today?”

Joohyun peers behind the curtains. The atmosphere is foggy and grey, like remnants of pre-dawn gloom, but she doesn’t think the clouds are heavy. “I don’t think so. But bring an umbrella, just in case--”

She cuts herself, remembering that she’s got to return something to Seulgi.

The pesky stares don’t get worse until lunch.

Junmyeon and Baekhyun are gawping at her like she transformed into a gigantic moth. Tao just quietly snickers on the side, stirring ice cubes in his drink with a finger.

Joohyun juts her chin out, crossing her arms, and asks,“What are you both staring at, huh?”

Junmyeon throws a side glance at Baekhyun, then gulps. He has never really seen Joohyun pull up her hair with bobby pins on a regular day, and she is even prettier. He’d stare all day if he could, and if Joohyun wouldn’t dare smack him.

Baekhyun, taking Junmyeon’s silence as being tongue-tied, answers, “Anything wrong with you?”

Then a loud, resounding “Ouch!” comes after as Joohyun kicks his leg under the table. Junmyeon flinches although he wasn’t the one who took the hit. Baekhyun hisses and reaches down, sliding a hand to and fro over his aching leg.

A few students spy their table due to the noise, but then goes back to their business immediately.

“Straight guys lose their over the littlest thing girls do,” Tao utters, chuckling.

“Isn’t that right, Tao? Tell them,” Joohyun says. She begins sticking the chopsticks into her plate of japchae.

“Okay, alright.” Baekhyun raises his arms like he was caught red handed by authorities. “I meant to say that you are absolutely, perfectly, and undeniably gorgeous today. No kidding.”

“Is that so?” Joohyun gives him that self-satisfied, crooked smile.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun replies, then glimpses at Junmyeon. “I bet he thinks the same.”

Junmyeon murmurs something about gremlin and bird-brain before nudging Baekhyun’s chest with his elbow. He watches an unenthused Joohyun, who’s waiting for him to speak up, so he mumbles, “There’s not a day you aren’t.” He drops his gaze to his plate, bashful.

Joohyun’s expression softens. “Thank you.”

The three boys glance up at her in mild confusion—jaw slightly unhinged, eyebrows creased.

“What did you just say?” Baekhyun asks in stupefaction. He swiftly blinks thrice.

“Want me to break your kneecaps?” Joohyun fronts, but she prefers to treat her friends that way—hot and cold, and typically ironic. One step forward, then one step backward. Not a significant change.

“Of course not,” Baekhyun answers with a knowing grin on his face.

Just then, Joohyun spots Seulgi walking in the cafeteria with her bunch in tow, except Jinri isn’t in sight. So Krystal hasn’t broken up with her, Joohyun muses. Kai notices her, and annoys her with a smirk sent her way. She draws her attention back to their table.

“Anyway, why is Chanyeol not here yet?” Joohyun questions.

Tao shrugs, then sips his drink. Baekhyun just blankly stares, apparently clueless. It’s Junmyeon who grants her a reply: “He didn’t seem well in class earlier. He probably doesn’t have the appetite.”

“Really?” Joohyun is in disbelief. “He just goes without telling us anything?”

“You know him,” Junmyeon says. “He’ll come back once he’s fine.”

They finish their lunch without Chanyeol, for the first time in a while.

Pale sunshine streaming through the yellow and brown leaves of the sycamore tree dapples the ground with round blotches of light.

Jinri is thin and sallow under the canopy. Between her dry lips is a stick of cigarette. She takes it out with long fingers, and smoke billows out of .

Out of place—that’s how she puts it. She doesn’t really feel like she belongs to her clique anymore. Besides, there were much more interesting people that she has met in the clubs, and it didn’t matter if they didn’t care about her. It is impersonal and devoid of attachment. Much better. There is no need to feel hurt over getting ignored.

And to her, it . Everything .

Just before she could have another drag, she sees a tall and lanky figure emerge. She drops the cigarette and steps on it with a shoe.

“Jinri?” Chanyeol squints, shielding his eyes from the sunlight with an arm. He walks over to her, wading through tufts of grass, leaves crunching with each step.

“Yo, Chanyeol,” Jinri casually calls over.

Chanyeol surveys the area, watching about, before he asks, “What are you doing here?”

“Hiding.”

“Hiding…?”

“From everyone,” Jinri replies. “It’s the road less traveled, a place students don’t flock to, and I am taking comfort in it.”

A gust of wind sweeps the dry bed of leaves. Their navy blue coats keep them from shivering. There’s about a few inches of skin that isn’t covered by Jinri’s skirt or knee-high socks, but she doesn’t mind.

“I gotta say you have a way with words,” Chanyeol utters. His hand is deep in his pants’ pocket, warming up the cold metal case of his lighter. He doesn’t even feel awkward with Jinri. It feels like a reunion with an old friend.

Jinri scoffs. “As if you read our school paper.”

“I do,” Chanyeol argues. Maybe it’s a half a lie, but it doesn’t matter.

“Really? You don’t strike me as the type who reads.”

“Well, I do,” he insists. “I have not gotten hold of the latest issue yet, but I’ve read some of your stuff before. I liked your short story about a caterpillar who dreams of having wings not knowing it would become a butterfly. With your words I could truly feel the insect’s desire for change as it goes through metamorphosis.”

“I’ve always dreamt about flying,” Jinri admits. “What it would feel like to soar high through the air, like you’re weightless.”

Chanyeol rubs his nose and chuckles. “Maybe you need to get your head off the clouds for a moment.”

“I’m not that silly,” Jinri laughs, hitting his arm lightly. “How about you? Is there any reason you’re out here instead of having lunch with your friends?”

“I don’t know.” He doesn’t think he has any more tears to wring out of his eyes after last night. “I just feel sad.” The letter was too vague for him, and he doesn’t really have the exact picture about what went on with Kyungsoo. He doesn’t want to think of the worst, but he’s devastated notwithstanding.

“Do you think I’ll buy that?” Jinri asks.

“Okay, , I was here to smoke.” Chanyeol regards her pleadingly, and she doesn’t comment on it, like she gets it. So he exhales, “I’m also sad, and I wanted to be alone.”

“Too bad, I got here first.”

“You want me to leave?”

“No,” Jinri tells him. She tucks her hair behind her ear. “It’s been a year since we did a school project together. Time flies fast, huh? I remember you were always so tensed when we were doing the experiments, and I told you to keep your cool. And you actually did.”

Chanyeol shifts his weight to his other leg. “I have a huge crush on you. There, I said it.”

This moment had always gone differently in his head. If he ever got the chance to confess to Jinri he thought it would probably be when they’re dancing in prom, or when the first snow falls and for some reason she is with him. Grand, not mundane.

“I knew,” Jinri reveals, grinning at him.

“,” Chanyeol curses. His ears are flushed, thoroughly embarrassed.

Jinri laughs again, sweetly, like chimes tinkling in the breeze. Chanyeol pulls up a half-grin, amused, and his mind takes him back to Kyungsoo. His words has truly stirred up something in him, and he wishes he’d be back in the dorm so that he could talk about this, this sliver of warmth on a bleak day.

But maybe it was too much to dream. Too much to ask.

“Let’s smoke together and talk about our woes til the bell rings, shall we?” Jinri asks.

Chanyeol sighs at the murky sky, and nods.

After class dismissal, Seulgi tags along with Krystal to the varsity locker rooms, holding their hands together. They both have practices for the upcoming district sports meet, and the cheerdance team have to polish their execution of the choreography with their uniforms on as well.

Seulgi is a bit nervous, to say the least. She had gone through her head oodles of times of how she’s going to say it, but she seems to be balking. Joohyun would be disappointed for sure. And it wasn’t only that, she has to gauge how much of the truth she owes Krystal.

That she’s actually friends with a person her girlfriend has a deep-seated hatred for.

It shouldn’t be hard, but her mind blanks out once she tries to confess, and Krystal has to wave a hand to snap her out of her trance.

“Well? What is it that you are going to tell me?” Krystal asks, with that tilt in her head that warns Seulgi to just back away with what she’s intending to do.

The athletes are now pouring in the hall, footfalls and chatter filling in the narrow space. Too many pairs of eyes and ears. Too many nosy people. It doesn’t pan out to be the right timing to be sending Krystal into rage, or something. Maybe later would suffice.

“Let’s eat out later,” Seulgi answers, weakly.

Krystal pecks her on the cheek. “Alright. I’ll fetch you at your locker room after I change. Let’s go to the field together too.”

“Okay,” replies Seulgi with a stiff grin.

Seulgi paces the corridor with a hand on the strap of her backpack, and the other, palm open before her. The trembling has subdued. I told Joohyun I’d do this, Seulgi thinks. I have to. This is the right thing.

It feels a little too ridiculous to be having a dilemma that could come across as shallow, almost trivial, but here she is, seeking approval from her girlfriend over a pal she made in a month. Trapped between Krystal’s impending wrath and breaking Joohyun’s trust. Afraid of losing someone in the process, or worse, the both of them.

Why do things have to be a choice, she ponders again.

Once she reaches the soccer team’s locker room, she forgets the dread. She puts on her jersey shirt and shorts, and exchanges banter between her teammates.

“It’s starting,” Chaeyoung Son, an eleventh grader with a mole under the left side of , remarks. She flips her locker door close.

“What’s starting?” Seulgi asks, fixing her shirt’s collar.

“The fan letters. I already got one,” Chaeyoung replies. All of them are getting it from the lockers down the hallways, because athlete’s locker rooms are actually off-limits to others.

Seulgi rests her leg on a bench and bends over to tie her cleats. “Does it annoy you?”

“Nope,” Chaeyoung puckers her lips. “But I’ve gotten really long ones and I don’t know. It’s too intimate at times. Like I think some people are actually in love with me, and I don’t know how to feel about that, you know?”

“Yeah, I get you,” Seulgi nods. “I guess they do get passionate. But we need all the good luck we can get.”

But before the other girl can continue the conversation, Moonbyul interrupts and taps Seulgi on the shoulder. “Someone’s looking for you.”

Seulgi stops dead in her tracks. There’s Joohyun, hand on the door jamb, head peeking in, cheeks pink, and eyes bright. And she has sides of her hair pulled up by sparkling pins. Seulgi thinks she is very comely with the hairstyle, and her aura is totally different. Like there’s more to Joohyun than she lets on.

Joohyun beckons the soccer captain with a tiny, come here gesture with her hand.

“What brings you here?” Seulgi asks. She looks around and the other people in the room drop their heads and pretend they’re not agog or curious.

“I’m returning this,” Joohyun says, brandishing a neat, white cotton face towel with Seulgi’s initials on it. She had it dry cleaned over the weekend.

Seulgi retrieves it from her. “Oh, right. I let you borrow this one.”

“Thank you,” Joohyun grins. “I thought you’d need it today.”

“No problem,” Seulgi answers, a bit shy. Joohyun had come all the way to the locker room to give that to her, because she thinks she can use it today. She’s actually ready, and has a towel already packed in her bag but she omits that.

“Wipe your sweat with it so you won’t stink.” Joohyun pinches the bridge of her nose.

Seulgi rubs the cloth on the underside of her jaw and jokingly tries to dab it on the other girl. Joohyun yelps and backs away, giggling. They don’t even mind the other students who’s getting disturbed.

“Don’t come close to me, you stink!” Joohyun teases, flailing her arms against attack.

But Seulgi disobeys and chases her. She clamps an arm over Joohyun’s shoulders, and says, “Really? I stink, huh? Well, how about this?” Seulgi pulls her even closer. Joohyun just squeals and scrunches her eyes, laughing. They’re so close, Joohyun can feel Seulgi’s sides.

Joohyun grabs the towel, and Seulgi reaches for it with the other arm, screaming, “Hey! You already gave it back to me!” Then Joohyun glances up at her, and dawns on a realization that Seulgi is almost wrapping herself around her. This prompts her to pause, aware of the stares, and the athlete does too. It’s like the world suddenly stopped spinning, and everyone is hushed.

Joohyun can feel Seulgi’s breath on her face, warm and odorless. She steps back from Seulgi, and turns to look around but then Krystal comes into focus, standing in her tight fit blue and white cheerleading uniform, gorgeous, and seething. A sizable crowd has gathered around behind her.

Seulgi swallows, standing motionless in her spot.

Krystal grits her teeth, trying hard to hold back her anger. She scowls, “What’s going on?”

Seulgi stammers, lips shaking, “Uh, she just—“

Joohyun lifts her lips into a wily smile, and says, “Haven’t you heard?” She places a hand on Seulgi’s shoulder. “We’re friends.”

author's note:

so, i am back on track, and i think taking a break did wonders. and that's great because i don't want to ever feel like fanfic writing is a chore. i enjoyed writing this one, and i hope y'all enjoy it too!

thank you for the kudos and comments!