It was quiet in the house despite the soft music playing lowly from the stereo inside the bedroom. It was quiet in the sense that no words were being exchanged between the only two people occupying the house. There were only sounds of shuffling, zipping, plastic containers – possibly cosmetics or toiletries – hitting plastic containers, and a few grunts coming from the bedroom. And only silent sighs coming from the living room.

It’s the day before Tiffany flies to Los Angeles and the mood is just…indescribably gloomy.

Last night’s dinner gathering with the members was full of both laughter and tears. Everyone was appreciative of their resident jokester’s – Hyoyeon’s – efforts in keeping the dinner lively despite the pending goodbyes at the end of the night. But even Hyoyeon wasn’t saved from uncontrollable tears when the time to bid farewell really came.

Taeyeon, to everyone’s surprise including Tiffany, managed to keep her tears at bay. The closest she had to fully showing her feelings towards the situation was that random moment when her eyes turned glassy to which she quickly blinked away. It didn’t go unnoticed by Sooyoung who was silently observing her from across the table as the other girls were busy and noisily chatting away with Tiffany. Taeyeon realized this when, after blinking her treacherous tears away, she was met with the questioning yet sympathetic eyes of the tallest member of the group. She just gave her concerned friend a small reassuring smile, or as reassuring as she can make it to be.

But now, without the girls filling the silence with random chatter, Taeyeon's left feeling numb as she’s seated comfortably with her legs stretched across Tiffany’s huge sectional sofa.

With the thought that her only other companion was packing up in her bedroom, she felt like she had all the time in the world to reflect, compose her thoughts and herself and perhaps prepare for tomorrow. However, unaware of how much time has passed as she stared up at the ceiling, she didn’t notice that she had an audience for the past couple of minutes.

Tiffany stood there, leaning against the doorway to her living room as she looked at the person she’s known half of her life, half-lying on her couch with an expressionless face. Since last night, Tiffany had been trying to figure out just what is going on in her best friend’s pretty little head. She didn’t expect Taeyeon to cry because she knows Taeyeon prefers not to let people see that, even if it’s just her and her members. But Tiffany had expected a bit more of a reaction from Taeyeon, from her girl. Any reaction, anything but this….nothing.

She silently made her way to the girl currently spacing out on her couch and as if the girl’s head is currently out into outer space, her presence was not acknowledged. If it weren’t for the open eyes glued to the ceiling, Tiffany would’ve thought Taeyeon was asleep.

“Hey.” Tiffany softly called out as she reached the edge of the couch.

Taeyeon blinked her eyes away from the ceiling to face the girl looking down at her and gave her a small smile. “Hi.”

Tiffany kneeled on the couch before depositing herself into Taeyeon’s arms, awkwardly hugging the slightly surprised girl underneath her due to their position. Taeyeon didn’t miss another beat though, her arms wrapped around Tiffany a split second after her initial surprise and moved to make Tiffany feel more comfortable.

They stayed that way, wrapped in each other’s arms in silence, before Tiffany broke it as she settled more comfortably - half on top of Taeyeon with her head nuzzling Taeyeon’s neck.

“Mind sharing what you were deeply thinking of earlier?”

She could feel one of Taeyeon’s thumbs softly caressing her back. “Hm. I was thinking that you should call someone to clean your ceiling.”

Tiffany quietly scoffed at the answer she got, knowing fully well Taeyeon's avoiding the subject as well as trying to lighten up the mood. “Ha. Ha. Funny.” Her voice clearly sounding unamused.

Taeyeon just smiled to no one,…or rather she smiled back up at the ceiling as she tried to continue her previous train of thoughts.

“Hmm. You were quiet last night.”

Of course Tiffany noticed that and of course Taeyeon knew Tiffany would notice. “What, 6 girls plus your loud voice not noisy enough?” Taeyeon smirked as she heard Tiffany whine.

“Yaaah.”

Taeyeon let out a soft chuckle. “I just figured I should let them talk more and take more of your time since they didn’t have the VIP pass of one more extra day with you unlike lucky me.”

Despite the tone of Taeyeon’s voice and her choice of words being playful, Tiffany felt the sadness behind it – of the fact that they did only have one more day to spend with each other before not being able to see each other for who knows how long.

“You’re not making much of a noise today either though…” Tiffany pointed out the unusualness. Taeyeon didn’t even protest when Tiffany told her she doesn’t have to help her pack since there’s not much left to pack anyway. She briefly acknowledged it before leaving Tiffany’s bedroom in silence.

As a response to that, Taeyeon just pulled Tiffany closer with her arm and shifted her head to rest her chin on top of Tiffany’s head, her way of sending an apology without saying anything.

Tiffany closed her eyes and happily sighed at the feeling of being wrapped tightly and safely by Taeyeon, by her anchor all these years. Tiffany couldn’t see it but Taeyeon also let her eyes flutter close, her hand still gently caressing Tiffany’s back like she always would when Tiffany would end up in her arms.

And right on cue, Taeyeon’s heart clenched at the thought of not having her happy pill, her vitamin, her happiness in her arms for a long time – starting tomorrow at night. She furrowed her brows and squeezed her eyes shut to shake the thought off. She can’t think about it yet. She still has Tiffany in her arms and so she shouldn’t mourn over what she hadn’t lost. Yet.

Tiffany could feel the heavy rise and fall of Taeyeon’s chest,indicating the deep breaths taken by the older girl. At that, Tiffany can say she finally got a reaction, or at least an emotion, from the formerly expressionless girl. Like how they have known each other all this time, they don’t need words to understand each other. Just experiencing this right now is enough for Tiffany to know what her best friend was feeling – at least to know that Taeyeon’s is feeling something and not being nonchalant about it. And being the more vocal one between the two of them, she decides to break the silence yet again.

“Will you miss me?”

Taeyeon saw it coming – this conversation. She also knew how gloomy this conversation can go so she decides that she’ll try to make things as light as possible by being her usual dorky self. For her sake and Tiffany’s. She knows the always-smiling girl has had a heavy heart as she packed her things and the least she can do is make this departure feel less burdensome.

“I’ll miss Prince and Princess more.”

Tiffany smiled at that. “Of course you would. I feel like Prince would gladly stay with you than come with me.”

I would gladly go with you too if things weren’t so complicated and if only temporarily. Taeyeon thinks.

“We have a special bond. Unlike you and Ginger.”

“Yah, Ginger and I bonded well, mind you. I babysat or puppysat him for you plenty of times. Even the paparazzi got proof of it, if you’re not convinced.”

Taeyeon chuckled and nodded, her movement making her chin brush against Tiffany’s head. “That they did. He was so tiny and black back then that the people who saw the photo were wondering what they were supposed to be looking at.” Taeyeon let out a soft laugh as she remembered the stories of their stylist, telling her about the posts she saw where fans asked ‘where is Ginger??’ only to comment ‘Oh…there he is’ right after realizing the tiny black puppy camouflaged with Tiffany’s hair.

Tiffany smiled against Taeyeon’s chest, happy to hear Taeyeon’s laughter at least. It will be one of the things she'll miss the most. It wouldn't be the same to hear Taeyeon's ahjumma's laugh over the phone.

There was another wave of silence as they just soaked in the warmth of each other.

“You know I love you, right?”

Taeyeon opened her eyes and nodded after a second, again, her chin’s movement against Tiffany’s head making her answer known.

Tiffany felt the need to reiterate it for the sake of voicing it out loud and making Taeyeon hear the words right from . And perhaps hoping to hear it back. “I love you.”

“I know.” Was Taeyeon’s only verbal response.

She did hold Tiffany tighter to add to her answer. But to Tiffany, it was a tad disappointing. She was expecting another response. She knows, of course, that Taeyeon isn’t the type to be vocal about her feelings, so she shouldn’t make this a big deal. But she expected Taeyeon to at least give an exception this time. She had done it multiple times before, even on TV as she said Tiffany’s love was enough for her.

So Tiffany tried again.

“I love you. Don’t forget that okay?”

And failed yet again. A nod against her head was the acknowledgement of her words. “You too.”

Tiffany opened her eyes with a frown on her lips. She let the silence fill in once again, unsure of how to continue this conversation – unsure of whether to keep on pushing Taeyeon.

She thought she fully understood Taeyeon’s thoughts on the matter earlier when she got Taeyeon’s reaction – that Taeyeon stands in the same spot as her in their current situation, that her heart also feels heavy at the thought of this separation. But it seems as if she just got it wrong with the lack of responses.

Her curiosity on what really is running through Taeyeon’s head overpowered her soon enough. Or rather, her persistence in getting those three words out of Taeyeon’s mouth made her implicitly ask for it – she wouldn’t care if she sounded a bit desperate, because in a way she was.

“Can you say it for me?” She urged gently after minutes of just silence sitting inbetween them.

Taeyeon knew what Tiffany had been doing the moment their conversation started. She knew Tiffany was trying to figure her out, trying to piece the puzzle together. That has always been Tiffany’s favorite thing to do with her. But as much as she wants to let Tiffany know where she stands in all this, she can’t. If Tiffany will figure her out on her own, then so be it. But she won’t be aiding to it by voicing it out loud. Taeyeon thinks it'd be better than way. So she kept up her act.

“Hm?”

“That you love me.”

Taeyeon halted her movement in her hand. She didn’t expect Tiffany to be forward though. And honestly, Tiffany wasn't sure she could be either. But for some reason, Tiffany’s set on hearing those words. She needs to hear them because who knows what happens tomorrow and who knows what other chance she'll get to hear it in person. And in her mind, there’s nothing wrong with asking for it, right?

On the other hand, Taeyeon – for once – thinks Tiffany is a bit selfish for this – for asking that she say it. She should know, right? Tiffany should know that this is as difficult for Taeyeon just as it is for her. Maybe on different levels for different reasons. But the fact remiains that it still is difficult for both of them, it hurts both of them.

She wasn’t mad per se, but Taeyeon can’t help but question why Tiffany would ask that of her. To Ask a question – demand that statement – she already knows the answer to and has heard of multiple times? Doesn’t she know that Taeyeon’s doing this for her? Opting out of more complicated and hurtful situations for her? Trying to find a solution that would make Tiffany hurt less since they were both going to hurt anyway? Doesn’t she realize it takes every fiber of Taeyeon’s being not to shout those words to the world then beg for her to stay? Taeyeon knows and is constantly reminded of the fact she can’t do anything about the situation and that she loves Tiffany too much to the point where she even despises herself for even having thoughts of asking Tiffany to stay – because she knows that that would be very selfish of her.

Taeyeon has had to remind herself over and over again that Tiffany has to do this – that this is Tiffany’s dream. This is the freedom she had been talking about for quite a while and who is Taeyeon to stop Tiffany from reaching that dream and being happy? Tiffany needs this. Taeyeon knows Tiffany needs this. And if it will make Tiffany happy, then Taeyeon has resigned herself to do whatever she can  in her power to give Tiffany that happiness – cause that’s all that matters to her.

So she has to stay quiet and hopes her actions will speak her true feelings on her behalf. Otherwise, she knows she will end up opening Pandora’s box by voicing things out and she can’t do that. Not now, not ever. Not when Tiffany is concerned. She has to be strong for both of them.

Maybe someday Taeyeon will get the courage to do it, to voice out her thoughts to Tiffany. Perhaps when the girl's already across the globe. But for now, she’s going to let her actions do the talking. That’s the only way Taeyeon can communicate to Tiffany right now, to let her feel that Taeyeon loves her just as much, or maybe even more.

With that large pause during Taeyeon’s reflection after Tiffany’s demand, Tiffany grew worried about her words. Was it not a good time for it? Though she doesn’t really know if there is a right time for asking for it. She worried what she had said had been a bit much.

But she was not thinking about Taeyeon not loving her anymore because not once did she ever doubt Taeyeon’s love for her. Rather she was worried about how Taeyeon interpreted her words and that she might have accidentally made Taeyeon think exactly that by the way she’s pushing her– that she doubted her and her love. And Tiffany doesn’t want those thoughts in Taeyeon’s head.

So Tiffany was about to brush it all off when she felt Taeyeon pull back a bit – which made her panic for a split second – before she felt warm lips pressing then lingering against her forehead. Tiffany felt her eyes starting to water because, at that moment with that small gesture, she felt loved and she felt that Taeyeon still knew her best. She knew Taeyeon’s way ahead of her and kissing her forehead was a way for Taeyeon to tell her she should stop the gears in her head that were beginning to form negative thoughts. It was a kiss of comfort and assurance. Taeyeon was still looking out for her despite possibly questioning Tiffany’s insistence that she be vocal about her love and it makes her heart warm as well as clench a bit. After all this years, even with difficult situations, Taeyeon still put her first above anyone else - even abover her own self sometimes.

And that right there? That’s love.

Taeyeon pulled back even further to take a look at Tiffany as her freer hand held Tiffany’s cheek. Tiffany’s glimmering eyes made Taeyeon pout at her.

“Shhhh.” A soft hush was accompanied by the pad of Taeyeon’s thumb caressing Tiffany’s cheek. “Don’t cry.” They stared at each other’s eyes before Taeyeon glanced down at Tiffany’s lips then back up at Tiffany’s eyes, silently asking for permission.

Tiffany’s only answer was in the form of her eyes closing.

Given the opportunity, Taeyeon stared at the beauty in front of her since no one’s eyes were there to watch her do so, not even the owner of the face she’s staring at. She kept her eyes open as she leaned in, wanting to see her lover’s skin up close and mapping her face out in her head, possibly for the last time in a very long time. Only when she brushed her lips against Tiffany’s did she let her eyes flutter close, just before pressing their lips together in a gentle kiss.

She remembers their first kiss, it was just like this albeit it was a shy one – it was because they both got caught up in the moment that they didn’t realize they were leaning towards each other. They giggled and smiled and figured it was almost natural – it was like their lips were the perfect match, magnets even..

Another gentle push against Tiffany’s lips has Tiffany’s heart beating faster than usual.

This kiss was just like those stolen kisses they had when they were still hiding from the rest of the girls. It’s not that they didn’t want them to know, they did – it was a rule to them not to keep it a secret when it comes to dating anyway. But how exactly does one explain it casually when the parties involved in dating are two of the members?

Tilting her head for a firmer kiss, Taeyeon gently pulled Tiffany’s head closer with the hand on her cheek.

Their worries soon felt over-exaggerated with the lack of responses from the girls. It wasn’t exactly news to the other members of the group. Some even went as far as saying ‘Were you not dating all this time??’ Both were grateful at the acceptance they received. The focus of their worries shifted to how it could possiblly affect their careers individually and as a group. But it wasn’t exactly a big worry when nothing has to change, they concluded. In front of cameras and the fans, they didn’t have to change much of their behaviors and interactions because they’ve always been like however they are now since the beginning. Perhaps, they just have to make sure they won’t get caught up in the moment again and accidentally kiss on National TV. Other than that, they didn’t have a problem. Up until now.

Parted lips grew more desperate in meeting the other pair as breaths were exchanged through them.

This has been, by far, the biggest hurdle in their relationship. But both are confident they can get past this because both of them believed that they are soulmates and that they will eventually, in the end, find their ways back in each other arms sooner or later. This temporary physical separation just has to happen now for both of them to grow individually and in the future, be stronger together.

The short musings were cut short when, in the middle of Taeyeon desperate kisses to show Tiffany her love, Tiffany felt warm tears threatening to slip past their locked lips.

Tiffany’s eyes opened only for her heart to drop when she witnessed up close how Taeyeon’s tears are leaking from her tightly shut eyes.

“Taeyeon…” She whispered in between Taeyeon’s frantic kisses, trying to get her lover’s attention.

Taeyeon didn't budge though, she’s set her heart on letting her kisses, and now tears, do the talking. With her brows furrowed, she kissed Tiffany deeply, determined not to get distracted by Tiffany calling her. All the more breaking Tiffany’s heart as she sees Taeyeon’s struggle yet also feeling the love being poured into her kisses.

“Tae…” Tiffany manages to speak in between kisses. But Taeyeon shakes her head, as if to tell Tiffany to shut up, then she moves to adjust their position with half of her body slightly covering Tiffany’s, all the while not breaking their kiss.

Tiffany, despite following Taeyeon’s movement and laying on her back, pleaded. “Baby…” Her hands that were on Taeyeon’s neck moved to gently push Taeyeon off by her shoulders to slow her down.

She finally succeeded after the second push and she felt droplets of Taeyeon’s tears against her cheeks. She felt her own tears threatening to spill as she watches Taeyeon’s face contort as if she’s in physical pain. She cups Taeyeon’s cheeks in her hand, wiping the tears away with her thumbs and trying to make Taeyeon open her eyes and look at her, but Taeyeon kept her eyes squeezed shut as she catches her breath. “Baby, look at me.” More tears fell from Taeyeon’s eyes and onto Tiffany’s face as Taeyeon shook her head and continues to quietly sobs.

“Shhhh..” Tiffany softly says as she placed a soft kiss on Taeyeon’s trembling lips before leaning up to kiss Taeyeon’s forehead. “C’mere.” She pulls Taeyeon’s head down to her shoulders, hugging her by the neck. And just like that, their roles were reversed.

Taeyeon, after inwardly cursing herself for losing her composure and letting her emotions take over, let her body sag on top of Tiffany. She clutches Tiffany’s shoulder blades as if it’s her lifeline as she finally lets go of whatever façade she had been showing the past days leading to where they are now.

I’m sorry I can’t say those words right now, Fany-ah. I just know I can’t say them without keeping my mouth shut about wanting you to stay so badly. I’m sorry I broke down when I myself told you not to cry. I’m sorry I can’t be strong for the both of us right now. I promise I’ll be braver tomorrow and the following days. But please don’t let go of me for now? Just please hold me.

She squeezes Tiffany’s shoulders and buries her head even further in silent apology, hoping Tiffany had read her mind. Tears couldn’t help but spill from Tiffany’s eyes as she lightly scratched Taeyeon’s head as a form of comfort. “Shhh. I love you.” She placed a kiss on top of Taeyeon’s head. “I love you and I know you love me too. It’s okay, you’re okay, we’re okay.” She reassures Taeyeon inbetween her own sniffles.

It was at that moment when Tiffany concludes she now truly felt and truly understood Taeyeon’s inner turmoil regarding the matter. Taeyeon doesn’t stand in the same spot as her, she’s standing in a more difficult spot without complaint - holding and shouldering the pain, and keeping up a brave front so it won't be hard on Tiffany to leave.

Tiffany felt guilty at how she failed to see the struggle of her lover because she's blinded by getting the longer end of the stick - she is, afterall, going for her freedom, for her dream, for her happiness. Although it is in another sense – in a physical sense, the fact is – Tiffany is the one leaving Taeyeon. And it hits her even harder when she was reminded of Taeyeon’s words from years ago.

“Life without Tiffany wouldn’t be good. To me, it’d be the same as losing my happiness.”

This girl sobbing in her arms isn’t just crying for someone leaving them to move to another state, regardless of their relationship. No, this is a girl crying her heart out in pain from getting ripped apart from the person who is her happiness and not being able to do anything about it but watch. 

In Tiffany’s world, this move back to the States is her fresh start. To Taeyeon’s, this move feels like an end.

With a loss for words while her heart aches for her lover, Tiffany holds Taeyeon’s head closer as she continues to press kisses on Taeyeon’s head before whispering into her ear.

“I love you. I love you so much.” She feels Taeyeon squeezing her shoulders in acknowledgement.

“I’m sorry, baby.” Taeyeon’s head shakes in disagreement as Tiffany gently rubs the crying girl’s back.

“We’re okay, okay? We’ll make this work.” There was a nod against her shoulder. Another kiss fell on Taeyeon’s head.

“Let me continue loving you as you love me, okay Taetae?” She feels warm lips, accompanied with warm tears, pressing on her shoulder in response.

I’m sorry, Taeyeon-ah, that I’m hurting you. Please let me carry the burden too? Don’t worry, even from afar, I’ll still be your happiness, okay? No one can really take me away from you. I’ll always be with you, in your heart. And you’ll always be with me in mine. This isn’t goodbye, Taeyeon-ah. We’ll see each other again in person soon. Before you even know it, I’ll be right in front of your doorstep with open arms.. I love you so much, please never forget that for me.

Hello! I'm kind of new to the fandom and on AFF so I'm still learning the ropes, please be patient with me. ^^ This is my first taeny fic and hopefully won't be the last! Haha. Hope you liked it. :)

I have also cross-posted this on ao3. :)