first.

The shaman’s apprentice made her debut at court during Byulyi’s promotion ceremony.  

She was seated toward the back with a simple wooden table in front of her that only had a bowl of rice, a hunk of meat, and a cup of rice wine.  Coming to the palace as an orphan with only her father’s sword to her name, Byulyi was grateful for the meager offerings.

Just as she took her wooden spoon and scooped some rice into , Byulyi heard the thunderous sound of a leather drum. Lifting her head, she saw a small girl dressed in all white robes.  She was kneeling in the center of the circular stage in front of the royal procession, her small shoulders rising and falling with each measured breath.  Byulyi swallowed as the girl tossed her head, her dark hair gleaming in the torchlight.  

“That’s the new shaman,” a soldier whispered to someone.  “Apparently she’s been training for ten years.  She’s able to see into the future, too.  She knew when Gaya would fall.”

Byulyi frowned as she placed her spoon back on the table.  The kingdom of her people.  Burnt to the ground at the hands of Silla, the place where she would now serve as a palace guard.  She closed her eyes as she tried to ignore the overwhelming smell of burning flesh and the cries of commoners slaughtered under Silla swords.  

Clenching her teeth, she opened her eyes and stared at the shaman girl as she began to twirl in a dance, using her long sleeves to magnify her lithe movements.  Byulyi watched, captivated as she clenched her cup of rice wine in one hand.  She thrummed with the steady rhythm of the drums and flutes as the shaman girl spun and spun, matching the quick beat with practiced grace. 

And then she paused in perfect harmony with the music, the courtyard filled with the echo of a sudden silence.  She raised her head as everyone clapped and her eyes found Byulyi.  Even from so far away it felt like the girl was looking right at her.  Her heart pounded in her ears so loudly that her head almost hurt.

“Your highness, may I present to you my apprentice.  She will protect the kingdom of Silla from any potential misfortune.  She will serve the crown and this country with her life.”

Byulyi jaw clenched as the girl turned away and deeply bowed toward the royal procession. 

Can you protect this kingdom from me, shaman girl? When I burn this place to the ground will you be able to put out the flames? 

second

The shaman girl stole Byulyi’s breath away with a kiss, trembling and tentative like a butterfly landing on a flower petal. 

The instant the other girl’s mouth brushed against her own, Byulyi jerked away like she was burned.  She had a hand to as she backed away until she hit the storage wall behind her.

“W-why did you do that?” she stuttered out.  She had barely been a royal guard for a few months and after being assigned as a lower level body guard for the shamans and their royal temple, she’d thought she would be a shoe in for a boring one year assignment before promotion. 

But then Yongsun had happened to her.  Invading her space and smiling at her like she didn’t have dreams of tearing the palace apart beam by beam until it was nothing but bare foundational rock.

Invading her space like this… with a kiss.

“Because you looked like you wanted me to.”

“What?”

“You looked like you wanted me to kiss you. So I did.”

Byulyi’s face twisted up in confusion and she tried to lean away as the other girl pranced over to her and grinned close to her. 

“I’m very rarely wrong, you know.  It’s why I’m a shaman.  I can sense certain things.”

“Like the demise of Gaya.”

Yongsun sobered, her bottom lip into with a frown.

“Yes.  Sometimes I still…”

Byulyi paused and they met each other’s gazes, so close that she could count the other girl’s eyelashes. 

“I still have nightmares.  Of the burning.  And the screams.”

“You… you dream of Gaya’s destruction? But you weren’t even-”

Yongsun cut her off with a severe look.

“I didn’t have to be there to see it,” she said sharply.

Something tightly wound within Byulyi cracked open at that and suddenly she crashed their lips together, sloppy with inexperience and a passion she saved for her sword and the practice dummy just outside the palace gates. 

Yongsun let out a surprised moan but returned the kiss with soft hands gently tangling into the hairs loose at the nape of Byulyi’s neck. 

As Byulyi pushed Yongsun against the wall of the storage room, ignoring the soft mewl of surprise as she roughly gripped the other girl’s waist, she tries to taste the ash of a kingdom long ago and a night she would kill to forget. 

third.

“Byulyi-ah.”

She raised her head at the soft words, owlishly blinking at Yongsun’s back.  She ran a cool finger along a creamy shoulder blade, dotted with dark red marks made with her teeth and tongue.  Byulyi always marveled at how soft Yongsun was as they would take comfort in each other’s bodies at night.  She had the softness of privilege and wealth.  She had never watched her world burn away like a candle wick in an instant.

“I can hear you thinking from over here,” Yongsun teased.

Byulyi chuckled and brushed her rough hand along the inky black strands of hair spilled over the silk pillow. 

“A soldier thinking? Now there’s a novel statement.”

Yongsun responded with an unamused huff but she still arched into her touch like a pliant cat.

“I may call you an idiot but I know you are capable of doing much more than trailing after whatever important person you’re assigned to at the palace.”

Byulyi hummed as she continued the other woman’s head with a dark smile.

“Oh? What am I capable of then?”

Yongsun turned to look at her at those words.  She paused, hand raised as they looked at each other, the silence heavy with secrets and blood that would have to be spilled.

She wondered if the other woman could see with whatever power she possessed what Byulyi had done in the middle of the night.  When she had snuck outside to the secret organization she had been growing full of angry Gaya refugees and others disenfranchised by Silla’s conquests.  As they stared at each other, with Yongsun’s brown eyes seeing right through her crooked smile, she wondered when she would ever stop kissing her and tasting ash.

“Byulyi-ah,” Yongsun murmured softly.  She reached forward and grabbed her hand, interlacing their fingers together.

“I love you.”

Byulyi exhaled sharply, eyes widening at the confession, half whispered into the silken pillow like a secret.

“You love me?”

“The years I have spent with you are some of the happiest years of my life,” she confessed quietly, eyes dropping from their clasped hands to the way Byulyi was staring just past Yongsun at the open window with the moon so full and bright.  The pale light bathed the other woman in its ethereal glow and when Byulyi looked back at Yongsun, her eyes almost sparkled.

“Please don’t…. you won’t leave me soon, will you?”

Byulyi paused, head ducking to avoid the fierce eye contact.  But Yongsun stubbornly used her free hand to hold her jaw in place.

“Yongsun-ah,” she choked out. 

Byulyi gently leaned forward, capturing the other woman’s mouth in a kiss, ignoring the way her voice had cracked.  The moon was their witness as they pressed closer and closer until there was nothing left between them but the words Byulyi had left unsaid.   

interlude

(when yongsun was a little girl she had known that moon byulyi would plunge a sword into the heart of the king’s son. she had been dancing on the platform and when they made eye contact from so far away she had just known. her destiny was so plainly visible on her face, just as everyone was to yongsun. 

when she’d been a foolish girl of sixteen, infatuated with the handsome bodyguard whose amused eyes betrayed an expressionless face, yongsun had ignored the urge to tattle.  moon byulyi was a harmless plaything, surly but kind enough to put up with yongsun’s childish behavior.  no matter how many kisses she’d ask for, byulyi would comply with a little smile and an eye roll that would warm her heart.

so she ignored the fate visible to her plain as day because who would ever voluntarily give a toy away?

but then as the years passed and byulyi became more of a friend then a plaything, yongsun’s heart twisted in two.  moon byulyi was no longer the palace guard who’d make her laugh on a whim and kiss a frown forming on her forehead without a second thought.  she was a future anarchist,  planning the demise of a country yongsun had promised to serve for her whole life.

when the shaman she had been apprenticed to for so many years finally passed with a shuddery wheeze and a weak squeeze of yongsun’s hand, she felt the woman’s final words echo in her ears.

above all things is your duty to silla. above greed. above happiness. above love.

yongsun had wept at that, curling in on herself and refusing to let anyone touch her.  especially byulyi who now reeked of the treason of a bloody sword through the now current king’s abdomen.

would love taste so sweet on with the downfall of her kingdom at her hands? or would it taste like ash and the burning she sometimes saw of gaya from years ago?)

last.

Byulyi had stormed the palace with her legion of rebels from the Three Kingdoms.  All had been united by their mutual hatred of Silla and a burning desire for revenge.

Her sword was wet with crimson, dripping to the ground with blood of the soldiers she had slain to reach the king’s throne room.

“Your majesty!” she bellowed, face twisted in an angry snarl.  “I have come to give you the justice you deserve.  As I have borne my father’s grief, you, too, must bear your father’s sin for the murdering of the innocents of Gaya.”

Byulyi clenched her teeth as she listened to the screams outside the courtroom and the sound of swords clashing.  She tipped back her head and listened to the singular breath of someone with her in the room.

“Your highness.  Please.  I have served you for nearly twenty years since I was a young girl.  Let me give you the dignity you deserve in murdering you with a sword to the front instead of to the back.”

And then everything happened so quickly.  One moment she was hefting her sword in one hand to turn and strike and the next moment her back blossomed into excruciating pain.  Mouth twisting in a voiceless scream, she dropped her gaze to a sword now protruding from her middle.  Her hand spasmed and her own sword fell to the floor.

“Byulyi-ah.”

Byulyi’s mouth filled with blood as she smiled, tilting her head back as she realized it was Yongsun behind her.  She trembled a little as she lightly pressed her fingertips against the blade sticking out of her chest, the metal coated in a film of crimson.  Suddenly the sword stabbed even more deeply into her as Yongsun walked even closer.  

Her knees buckled and Byulyi crumpled, wheezing heavily as she leaned forward to try to stop herself from falling forward.  Yongsun just followed her, gently holding her close with one hand on her shoulder and the other hand stabbing deeper on the pommel of a sword.

“W-why?” she rasped out, feeling Yongsun press against her to stifle a sob.

“Because you were going to burn this country to the ground, Byulyi-ah.  And you know that I could never allow it.”

Byulyi hummed, eyes fluttering as she felt hot blood drip from her wound.

“No… I mean… why are you crying?”

Yongsun’s chest heaved against Byulyi and she felt wetness trickle down the back of her neck.

“You know why.”

“Can you say it? One more… time?”

The other girl leaned her cheek against Byulyi’s shoulder and it almost felt like all those times Yongsun had hugged her close.  

“Because I love you.  I love you so much that… I’m the only one who can kill you.”

Byulyi chuckled, leaning her head back so that she could rest against the crook of Yongsun’s neck.

“The king?”

“Hidden away where no one will murder him.”

“My rebellion?”

“Will be suppressed in a matter of hours.”

Byulyi sighed, a half smile still curling at .

“I suppose… I was simply a flame that burned out too quickly to start a fire.”

Her eyelids were heavy as she started to feel cold and tired.  Byulyi felt Yongsun press her lips softly against her temple.

“But I watched you burn.  And I’ll remember every second.”

Byulyi swallowed as her eyes closed and she didn’t taste ash on her tongue any longer.