It is strange feeling, you know, when you fall in love. The uncomfortable tightness in your chest that only gets worse when you see the one who owns your heart. The feeling of your knees giving up as they glance at you when fate decide your encounter that day. The rare occasions of them touching you without much thoughts, yet your skin aches with desire, wanting the contact to linger a little bit longer. Falling in love is agony. A prison that you volunteer to enter, a maze for you to lose yourself forever.

Chanwoo remembered his first love quite clearly. The man who made his heart flutter every time he grins with his ridiculously good looks. The man who whispered sweet nothings into his ears with his raspy voice, sending chills down Chanwoo’s spine as a small blush tinted his cheeks. The man who was able to hold him so delicately when they cuddle yet maintain a masculine image in public.

Turns out the sweet nothings really meant nothing. Just empty words rewinding and playing from a pre-recorded disc. His ability to ‘hide his delicate self’ from the world? Being a two-faced liar is far more accurate. What about the smile that Chanwoo stupidly fell for? It was the same one he showed to another behind his back, without any ounce of guilt.

Chanwoo was devastated the day he found out about his partner’s infidelity. He demanded explanation from the other, desperately trying to forgive him and wanting to continue the relationship. “I’m sure he has his reason. Was it my fault? Did I not give him the attention he needed?” he thought. Chanwoo was expecting a sincere apology, convincing him that his other relationship was merely a fling, that it wasn’t serious at all and yet it did not come.

“You’re really cute, y’know. Did you really think that this relationship will go far? I guess you can’t help it because you are young after all. You haven’t experienced anything worthy to be called love yet, so you’re assuming this is one. News flash baby, this is not love, It’s merely lust. So naïve.” He said while smirking, satisfied as Chanwoo’s face drops and tears started forming in his eyes, threatening to fall down. The man moved closer to Chanwoo, grabbing his shoulders and pushing his back towards the wall rather harshly.

Chanwoo was unable to resist. He was too shocked to even lift a finger. As his back hit the wall, he winced in pain. It was definitely going to bruise later. Chanwoo’s eyes were glued to the floor. He refuses to look the elder in the eye. He couldn’t. Chanwoo felt a finger on his chin, slowly guiding his head up until he can see the man’s face. The man smirked and leaned towards Chanwoo’s left ear. Huskily he whispered, “Last kiss babe.”, before smashing his lips into the younger.

What Chanwoo hated the most about his first break up was that he returned the last kiss. The fact that his first love had so much influence in him that he could not even resist the last kiss. He still remembers how their lips moved in such sync, how Chanwoo wrapped his arms around the elder’s neck, deepening the kiss as if he never wanted the moment to end. The broke contact after a few minutes, both panting from the lack of oxygen. He took one last glance at Chanwoo, turned his back and walked away from the scene.

Chanwoo was left flustered and dazed, with tears flowing down his chubby cheeks. He got up after his ex-boyfriend’s figure disappeared from his sight, heart ripped open brutally by a blunt piece of knife, a wound so deep that even years of healing won’t be able to erase the pain. He walked home, hands clutching his chest and uttered a name softly, so faintly that even his own ears can’t hear it. “Bobby.” With that, the tears refused to stop for months to come.

After his first love ended so tragically, Chanwoo refuses to fall in love. Whether men or women, no one can make his heart beat quite like his first love did. He did give chances to people though. Dating a few people here and there but he ended relationships before it could escalate to something to serious. He can’t lie about his feelings to other his partners and thankfully they understood him. He never felt anything for them, not the same emotions he felt while dating Bobby. No matter how hard he tried, Bobby’s name was etched into his heart and was irreplaceable.

Although, one encounter on a fateful summer night might change his mind entirely. Chanwoo was on his way home, from a long day from his part-time job at a family restaurant. He was sluggish and tired, his mouth in a frown as if to neutralize his constant sweet smile while working, serving countless dishes, adhering to the customers’ ridiculous demands and working over-time against his own will. Needless to say, he is in a grouchy mood. He glanced at his watch.

“11:30 pm. God, its almost midnight. That stupid boss, making me stay behind to wash dishes when my shift ended hours ago.” He muttered grudgingly to himself. Suddenly Chanwoo stopped walking and looked around him. It was quiet. Eerily quiet. He could hear the rustle of the trees as wind pass through their branches. He could hear cicadas creaking their odd melodies, communicating with each other. What he could also hear, a faint sound, of footsteps approaching him. Moments passed and it keeps getting louder, hinting the owner might be close by.

Chanwoo took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly through his nostrils. “It’s just a guy walking through. Nothing’s gonna happen. You’re safe.” He monologued. He continued walking and without realizing, quacking his pace to get home faster, to safety. As his footsteps quicken, so does the one behind him. His heart beats faster as he realizes the man was following him. Chanwoo did not what to do. He gripped the handles of his backpack tightly and took in another deep breath. He’s a grown man, living in a studio apartment with the cheapest rent possible, and barely getting through college. He had faced worst things in life. He can surely turn around and ask the stranger behind him to explain himself or at least clarify that he was not following him. What’s the worst that could happen? “I could be stabbed to death.” He thought. With a heavy sigh, he turned around eyes shut close and screamed, accidentally, “WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME, CREEP??”

A shocked gasp can be heard as the footsteps stopped. Upon hearing the lack of movement, Chanwoo opened his eyes. It was a man. Might he add, a really attractive man. He had a soft look with smooth, flawless skin that seemed to glow under the moonlight. He was shorter than Chanwoo but that was not a surprise since Chanwoo is a giant with a height of 180 cm. The shock of accused as being a creep was clear on the man’s face. “Y-you dropped this. I-I just wan-wanna return it to you.” He said. He handed Chanwoo a brown leather wallet. Chanwoo’s eyes widened at the sight as he quickly grabbed the wallet from the man’s hand. “Thank you! I wouldn’t know what to do if I lost this!” The man averted his gaze from Chanwoo and muttered a soft ‘you’re welcome.

Chanwoo felt a sense of guilt pooling at the bottom of his stomach. He swallowed his saliva thickly. “Look, I’m sorry ok. I was just panicking and I wasn’t thinking straight. I didn’t mean to call you a ert or something like that.” He blurted in a single breath. He bowed down as a sign of apology. The man if front of him curled his lips into a smile and ruffled Chanwoo’s hair. Upon the contact, Chanwoo felt something familiar in his touch but he didn’t think too far about it.

“Well, my name is Hanbin. It was a weird way of meeting but I hope we’ll meet again in the future.” He said with a grin on his face. Chanwoo blushed profusely as his heart start to beat faster without his control. “My..my name is Chanwoo. Nice to meet you too.” Chanwoo stuttered. He mentally hit himself. “God why did I stutter. Now I look weird to him!” He thought to himself. “Well kid, I have to go. My little sister is waiting for me at home. Can’t disappoint her majesty.” Hanbin said as he started to walk away. Chanwoo was stunned as he started walking away. His mind worked rapidly. He didn’t want this meeting to end like this. He wanted to know more about this stranger. He couldn’t let this be the last time he sees Hanbin. Without realizing he gripped the edge of Hanbin’s sleeve. With a face redder than the ripest tomato in the world, he said, much louder than expected. “Do you wanna have coffee this Saturday?”

Hanbin turned around. He tilted his head upwards, to meet Chanwoo’s eyes, causing Chanwoo to turn even redder. He smiled brightly and nodded his head. “Of course, I would. Who could refuse that face?” He said with a slight chuckle. “Aren’t you missing a step though, Chanwoo?” Chanwoo was puzzled upon hearing Hanbin’s question. What was he missing? He just wanted to see Hanbin again. “You idiot. You forgot to ask for my number first.” Hanbin said with a slight grin, displaying his pearly white teeth. Chanwoo’s eyes widen two times its original size as he mentally slapped himself. Swiftly, he pulled out his smartphone and asked for Hanbin’s number. Hanbin chuckled softly upon seeing his innocence and finally gave his phone number to Chanwoo. “Text me when you get home, okay? I wanna make sure you arrived home safely. There are many creeps loitering about at this hour after all.” With that statement, Chanwoo’s face turned red, for the hundredth time that night as he struggled to come up with a reciprocating statement. With one last chuckle and a soft pat to Chanwoo’s shoulder, reassuring him that he was just joking, Hanbin left the scene.

Chanwoo walked home quickly. With every step, his heart seemed to beat faster and faster but he didn’t mind. This feeling of giddiness and warmth was something he had missed. Approaching his apartment complex, he was skipping lightly, humming a tune of a song which he had forgot the words to. Thankfully no one was around to witness his immaturity. When he arrived home, he went through his night routine of cleaning himself and getting ready for bed. As he laid down, he remembered the event that happened not too long ago. A smile crept onto his face as he reached for his phone to text Hanbin a simple message. After minutes of struggling, he finally sent the message. He left the phone beside him, not even bothering to charge it, and drifted off to sleep.