It was the summer after 10th grade when we first met. One of the student from our batch held a big party, and that's the first time I actually talked to you. Yes, I see you around the campus, but I never actually had a chance to talk to you. Why would I anyway? You are just one of the students that I see—that I know. Nothing beyond that.

But that's what I thought.

I never knew that one night could change everything. We used to be acquaintances, but on that night, it feels like we've known each other for years. It's like we know each other better than anyone else. Our first conversation was about how alcohol tastes so bad, but addicting at the same time. We had red cups on our hands, full of beer. We laughed at the irony. We laughed at how we -talked alcohol but we're consuming it at the same time. More conversations were followed after that. We even decided to get out of the party for a while—get out of the loud crowd. Get out of the pushing, shouting, and everything. It's just the two of us, the empty road filled with cars and houses lit up with front yard lights. It was perfect. We felt closer than ever. It was the first time my heart started beating like crazy—I didn't even know that I was capable of feeling that. Especially when you grabbed my hand and pulled me to your car. As crazy as it seems for two people who just met that night, our lips crashed like it's their home. Our lips crashed like there's no tomorrow. Our hands roaming around as if we've done it before. We didn't do anything beyond making out, but it feels surreal, especially with you.

Months later after knowing each other more, we started going out. I waited for you that long, and it was all worth it. You're worth it. 

On my 18th birthday, we got matching tattoos. Well—not really matching as in matching, yours was a small pad lock, it was inked on your wrist. And mine was the key, also on my wrist. Cheesy, I know. Cringey, I know. But it wasn't back then.

There are even times where I sneak in your house when your parents are home. And of course, there are times that I don't sneak in—and that's when they're not around. We used to take your parent's expensive and old liquor and drink until we don't know what we're saying.

We used to lay down on the roof of your house at night—and yes, I sneaked in most of the time. It was easy and fun, an unforgettable memory. We talked about our future. How you wanted to be an actress. How I wanted to create art. Everything. We even talked about having our own home, about adopting dogs and treating them as our very own children. Everything. We used to talk about everything with my arms wrapped around you and you hugging me tightly, not wanting to let me go as we look at the sky and pick our very own stars.

A memory, that I will forever cherish. Because I never knew that one day I'll be losing you.

In another life, will I still be your girl? Will you still cling onto me as we talk about how we achieved our dreams? Will you still love me?

Maybe, in another life, I would make you stay. Maybe I'd do everything to make you stay.

One month—and that's June—you and your family went out on a very long trip. Like, crazy long. Of course, I cant help but miss you. You used to tell me what songs you are listening to that time, and I listen it with you. Some songs became my favorite, and I always listen to them whenever I miss you. And I still do until now.

I recently found out that you had your tattoo removed. My heart sank—deeper then the titanic maybe. I glanced down on the tattoo on my wrist, the key. I didn't want to believe that you had yours removed. But when I saw you right across the room where I am right now, my heart broke in to tiny pieces. My eyes found their own way to your wrists, I wanted the news to be wrong—I wanted to see your tattoo still there. You still have a tattoo on your wrist. I mean, there's black ink, but it's not the same pad lock. It's a black heart, and it covered the pad lock entirely. I wanted the ground to swallow me when I saw that.

We were at the same bar at the moment. I'm with my friend, and you were with your friend too. Music was playing loud, just like the first night we talked. But this time, blues was playing. You were moving with the music beautifully like you always do. It's like you have rhythm living inside your body. You look beautiful. As always. But it's time for me to face the truth...

...that I'm no longer your muse.

Which got me thinking again; maybe in another life, you'd stay. Maybe you'd find a way to stay. Maybe we could still keep our promises.

Maybe if I didn't get pissed over the day you messed up the painting that I worked hard on; maybe if I didn't walked out that day; maybe if I didn't leave you there blaming yourself, I'd still be your muse.

Maybe if we had more time for each other; maybe if we tried to understand each other; maybe if we didn't let our pride swallow our relationship in a bad way, I'd still be your girl.

But no. It just didn't work.

I never wanted to believe that we weren't made for each other, but that's what it seems. Are we not made for each other? Why didn't things turned out the way we wanted it to be? Why didn't we keep our promises?

I was suddenly brought into reality when our eyes met. I suddenly became deaf, I can't hear any music. I can't see anyone else but you. It feels like time slowed down when your eyes found their way to mine. But it was empty.

You moved on.

And I didn't.

It's been years, but I still feel the same way for you. Even if I'm toxic at our relationship. I regretted everything I've done. I apologized. I asked for another chance, but you didn't give me one.

Pain, that's the only thing that I feel now that our eyes are locked at each other. Is time still flowing slow? Because it feels like we've been looking at each other for an hour—but no. That's completely impossible.

All I could ever wish right now is that I could buy a time machine. I've been successful, yes. Art has paved my way into success. I got what I want. I got a house for my own, and a small dog to accompany me. I got what I want, but not what I need. Someone I need.

Nothing could ever replace you. Not even the most expensive jewelry in the whole wide world. No. You're worth more than that.

Maybe if I told you what you meant to me, it would make you stay. Maybe if I tried harder, you'd still be mine.

But no.

Time went back to it's normal speed when you showed me a small smile before looking away and vanishing entirely on the huge crowd. You're nowhere to find now. Was I hallucinating and just had the thought of you? I hope not. I'd do anything just to see that smile of yours. Even if it's sad. Even if it's empty. Even if it means nothing for you. Even if it hurts for me.

Maybe in another life, you'd show me the smile that I fell in love with which turns your eyes in to a beautiful crescent shape, much more beautiful than the moon.

Maybe in another life, I don't get to say that you're the one that got away.