Baekhyun spent the next few days between actively avoiding Chanyeol or trying to force an awkward smile whenever they’re together in the room. Tolerance is key – Junmyeon says, but Baekhyun finds it even harder to not like him when they’re in the same room together. He feels this damning urge to just confess before catching himself afterwards.

He puts on his swimming cap and goggles before diving into the pool. The water is colder than he expected but Baekhyun welcomed the comfort of the chilly waters. He feels better just exhausting himself to the point where he can no longer think of everything that’s bothering him. Baekhyun’s finished a couple of laps before tiring himself out and plopping on his back by the side of the pool, arms too numb to even attempt at another lap.

“We’re going to finish up soon, are you almost done yet?” Jongdae asks, coming over to Baekhyun’s side with a chair tucked in his arm. The rest of the swimming team is cleaning up in the back. He hadn’t realized it was that late.

“Oh, yeah. I’m finished.”

“Listen, Baekhyun–”

“—it wasn’t your fault.” Baekhyun says, staring at Jongdae upside down. He sees him frown – or smile, Baekhyun tilts his head to the side to make sure – it was a frown, definitely.

“If I wasn’t opening my big mouth then Jiho wouldn’t have heard it, I’m sorry.” Jongdae says, sitting beside Baekhyun. He’s left the chair tucked in his arm by his side. Baekhyun sits up, groaning at how his muscles ached – he really shouldn’t overdo practice.

“It’s fine, Chanyeol doesn’t believe him anyways,” Baekhyun grins.

“That’s like, the opposite definition of ‘fine’,”

Baekhyun sighs, he doesn’t know how to phrase it properly to Jongdae, hell – he doesn’t even know why Jongdae’s sticking his love life when they weren’t even that close to begin with. “I’m fine, we’re fine. And it’s better this way, nobody gets hurt.”

“You’re getting hurt,” Jongdae says, almost tentatively.

“I’m nobody,”

Jongdae glares at his joke to which Baekhyun laughs. He carefully stands up, trying to see if he can still make it to the dorms in one piece and grins when he succeeded. Baekhyun gives Jongdae a clap on the back before walking away, all the while ignoring the other’s worried glances like Baekhyun would drop dead any minute now.

 *

Sometimes it drives Chanyeol mad how he could have possibly not get what right there’s in front of him. Every second waking up next to Baekhyun feels like a dream come true, except, it’s not. Not when Baekhyun looks like he was going to be sick when Chanyeol brought up the topic about him liking Chanyeol.

There was that fight or flight response that Chanyeol hadn’t expected to kick in when he saw how Baekhyun’s face morphed into something else – so he said the next best thing he knew and pretended he was relieved, like it hadn’t gutted him to grit his teeth and lie to Baekhyun in his face.

The worst thing was the box of letters under his bed, letters that has no address. He idly opens one beige-colored envelope and began reading, it was from a few years ago. The one where he and Baekhyun went catching dragonflies. He looked up so much at Baekhyun back then, how he looked cool leading Chanyeol into the farm – a hand on one jar and the other clasping Chanyeol’s. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly when that admiration turned into something more, maybe it was always there all along.

Chanyeol folds the letter back neatly into the envelope. It was risky, that much he knew. If someone were to go on snooping under his bed and read even one of the letters – he’s doomed. There were only five letters in total, each marking a point in his life where he felt the happiest. It was only a coincidence that Baekhyun’s in each one of them. The letters were therapeutic, to say the least, something that he’d dedicated to his future self to remind him of what he’s had, the happy moments in his life that he wanted to cherish whenever he’s at his lowest.

Someone knocks on their shared dorm room and Chanyeol hastily throws the letter in his hand into the box, pushing it back under his bed. “What?” He asks the intruder, Jongdae pops his head into the door.

Chanyeol sighs before gesturing him to come in.

“Someone from the varsity came looking for you and I told them you still have the cast,” Jongdae says, plopping himself on Chanyeol’s bed. He gives Chanyeol a disapproving look, like lying doesn’t come second nature to him.

“Baekhyun had been avoiding me,”

“Uhuh.” Jongdae hums, now distracted and scrolling through his phone. He’s got one arm under his head and the other on his phone, making himself comfortable on Chanyeol’s bed.

“Why are you here, anyways?” Chanyeol asks.

“I’m waiting for Minseok,”

“Then wait for him in his room,”

“It’s locked. Isn’t your cast healed yet?”

“Almost, I’ve been running on them,”

“And you’re avoiding practice because?”

Chanyeol looks up to the ceiling, his back against his bed. The main reason he even started playing for the team was because he wanted Baekhyun to notice him. Then the schedules made it harder to see Baekhyun and the team started depending on him – the rest was history. They’ve started to drift apart and he’d gotten new friends.

“I don’t feel like going back to the court,”

Jongdae gives him a bewildered look, his phone long forgotten. “What?”

“Don’t give me that look, just, for the time being, I guess.” Chanyeol says, stretching his feet on the floor. The tiled floors are cold and probably a little biting than it meant to but he doesn’t feel like getting up just yet.

“I don’t think I’ve ever met someone as stupid as you guys,” Jongdae mutters to himself before getting up, leaving a confused Chanyeol. “Minseok’s done with his classes so I’m heading over there. Seriously, try not to create any more problems for yourself,”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Chanyeol asks but Jongdae just shakes his head, leaving him all alone in the room. H