“You. Yes you.”

“M-me?”

“Yes, Lee Chaeyeon, am I right?”

The woman smiles ever so eloquently as she flickers her eyes across Chaeyeon’s face. Chaeyeon can only nod so slightly because she felt her whole body froze upon the ethereal sight in front of her.

Her beauty is almost frightening, it makes you stunned and literally out of words. She used to think Sakura’s admiration towards Irene is exaggerated until she has personally met Irene, because she would be as awestrucked if not for her embarrassing endearment towards her best friend.

‘Frick, she really is very pretty.’

Irene light, fresh scent (remarkable perfume. Or is it just her ridiculously fragrant fabric softener-) overwhelms Chaeyeon’s senses, it makes her feel dizzy and very disorientated like everything is spinning. She squeezes her blazer in attempt to keep herself on her feet, trying not to stumble over.

“I have seen you before.”

Irene remarks and that successfully broke Chaeyeon out of her trance, Chaeyeon almost spluttered but this is no place to make a fool out of herself, her members are around and she has to behave like a decent-functioning human being.

‘S-she has seen me before? W-wait of course, I have been on so many survival shows broadcast, u-ugh why am i even stuttering to myself.’

Although unsure of formulating a suitable reply, Chaeyeon can only smile sheepishly, and honestly, it came off looking shy and bashful. It earned subtle cheers and woos from her band mates and she can’t wait to knock them all out (especially the beagles, that yujin-) But undeniably, she is certain that mad blushes and eye smiles are prominent on her face, because, who could possibly resist smiling at such a pleasant woman.

Thankfully, Irene diverts her attention to address the other members. And Chaeyeon is finally able to breathe, she squeezes past her band mates who are all very engaged in the conversation with red velvet whom they met on their way back to their waiting room after they had finished their live performance. She heaved a huge sigh when she excused herself from the commotion, and jerks in shock when she felt a hand drop on her shoulder.

Chaeyeon glared sharply and only relaxed when she realised who it is.

“Woah, Chaeyeon chill.”

Minju momentarily lifts her hand from her shoulder and only put down when Chaeyeon looked away apologetically and pouted. Minju got the hint and s her arm to hug Chaeyeon’s arm and chuckled lightly.

“It’s alright, It must have been quite a shock, to be approached first by Irene Sunbae-nim.”

Minju rubs her thumb onto the fabric hugging her skin, Chaeyeon hums in appreciation before looking at Minju (well ,less threateningly) and shrugs,

“Well, she’s really pretty, I’m stunned and well, bummed too.”

“Why?”

“I think we both know the reason why.”

Chaeyeon mumbles petulantly as she glances briefly at a certain brunette, paying no attention to her or not having the intention to, before casting her eyes down, very scared and ashamed.

“It just . I mean, I know that we’re impossible, but how can I stop myself?”

Chaeyeon could feel the blatant stare from her friend, and she didn’t want to elaborate further, or atleast not at this place. Of course, Minju, being the beautifully kind and understanding person, silently dragged Chaeyeon away and secluded themselves to the empty corridor at the corner.

“You’re hopeless.”

Minju huffs, albeit seriously, but not sardonically, Chaeyeon only giggled at her comment and skipped back the rest of their journey to the waiting room.

———————————————

Green isn’t Chaeyeon’s favourite colour.

She has been seeing green lately and it’s driving her crazy.

But she feels red too, and so she tells herself to bear with it.

(She didn’t try to speak to Sakura because she felt exposed and vulnerable, afterall, Sakura can read her like an open book, and her bubble of feelings may accidentally burst, if Sakura really persist.)

‘No, you will ruin yourself, her, our group, her group, you will ruin everything. Don’t do it.’

And Chaeyeon does it, thinking that the other group members can cover up her absence and Sakura can forgive her for acting so selfishly.

———————————————-

It has been weeks since she has properly talked to Sakura. And it’s totally her fault for making things so awkward and their relationship strained. Chaeyeon is not oblivious to the tiny gestures from Sakura in attempt to gain her attention, they are very good friends, of course they would want to talk and bicker like how normal friends do, but Chaeyeon can’t seem to do her part properly ever since she started catching ‘irrational’ feelings for Sakura.

“ to be you. Chaeyeon.”

She often mocks herself everytime her heart races at literally everything related to Sakura. Even the thought of her makes her chest tight, which can be in a nice way but also can be in a suffocating way, like as if her lungs collapsed.

Seeing Sakura smile up close is a blessing, every being beside her evaporates into nothing as she draws the spot light to herself. It scared Chaeyeon at first, to know how big of an effect Sakura has on her, but gradually as she learns to accept her feelings, she succumbs to her gay panics and hides it by hollering and yelling with the beagles.

Knowing that the reason why she is smiling is not her, makes her see green, but now, it’s almost blue, because Sakura is drifting away from her and Chaeyeon has got no possession over any part of her. There’s nothing to be jealous of, she can only feel sad because they are no longer close and Sakura is willing to let that happen. 

————————————-

This is their 3rd fan meet for their second come back.

Chaeyeon cheers loudly as she silently watches the japanese girl perform hilarious antics with Yena and Yujin on the stage infront of their fans. As the trio brought their bickering infront of her, panic washes heavily over her as she senses Sakura’s gaze landing on her and she pretends to not notice it.

Sakura would definitely be upset, but Chaeyeon’s doing it for the best and hopefully, when she’s ready, she can explain to Sakura the reasons and ask for her apology. And they will be good friends again.

And that’s only if she can drop her feelings entirely.

‘Isn’t this what I want?’

Chaeyeon sighs.

‘No. I want her to love me.’

—————————————-

“Chaeyeon unnie.”

Nako one day said. They are sitting on the lower bunk bed and Nako is holding Chaeyeon’s hands. They are trembling, she is frightened and lost, she is in pain.

“You don’t have to go through it alone.”

Nako stares into her eyes, as Chaeyeon could feel the every so tiny force she put on her hands and that’s enough to make the back of her eyes sore.

And Chaeyeon cried for the third time after the debut. The first time for her debut, the second time for realising her feelings for Sakura, and the third time, now.

She stopped shortly, the outburst is quick but explosive and refreshing afterwards. They settled themselves comfortably on bed and Chaeyeon finally spoke about her feelings.

“I am in love with Sakura.”

“I know, you’re not entirely subtle about it.”

Nako her eyebrows, a knowing smirk spreading on her lips. Chaeyeon huffs and playfully kicked Nako’s legs under the covers. 

“What should I do? I don’t think this is as simple as admitting my feelings to her. I’m so scared that I am going to mess up, her...IZ*ONE...everything...I don’t even know what I want anymore.”

Chaeyeon fiddles with her thumb nervously, those words were weighty, but she feels better after verbally saying it because they had settled in her chest for way too long. Nako mulls and stared ahead for a solid few seconds, Chaeyeon was about to speak again when she intervened,

“Sakura has been an idol for 7 years, she’s HKT’s pride and an admirable senior to all of us.”

Nako momentarily looks up to Chaeyeon before staring back at the floor again.

“She’s a prim, and proper person, follow the rules, works hard. She has achieved so much in her career. She has gone through great lengths and had tolerated so much hatred at a young age, and I don’t think she would trade anything for all of these.”

“Yeah, figures.”

“I initially had looked up to Sasshi because she was so dazzling, so bright, I still do. I have even joined the idoling industry just to work with her.”

A nostalgic smile spreads over Nako’s features as she continues immediately,

“But Sakura, I have witnessed the dirt she went through, hec