A Beautiful Life

The crisp autumn breeze enveloped me as I slowly walked up towards a massive tree as it stood in all its glory despite being the only one standing in a field of nothingness.

When I had first discovered it, a few weeks ago, in my trek to find solace from my every day life, I was instantly smitten.

It gave a calm, peaceful ambience that seemed to welcome solitary moments.

Countless poetry pieces were created under this tree.

All of my thoughts and emotions captured in words that had become an outlet from the torrent that is life.

A ritual I’ve integrated into my daily routine, I would come here right after a long day of work to calm my mind and ease my lonely heart.

Friends and family surround me, but I feel like there’s always that something missing.

Cliché as it sounds, there was that one piece of puzzle missing to complete the masterpiece that is Koo Junhoe.

I opened my bag, taking out a pen, my notepad full of unspoken feelings and a bottle of beer.

It was my treat for keeping my sanity from a stressful work day.

I popped the bottle cap off and took a sip, inhaling the crispy autumn air.

I took a moment to relish my peaceful surroundings as I leaned my back against the ancient tree.

I presume ancient since it was massive. Like it had withstand decades maybe even centuries of seasonal changes.

The gentle autumn breeze blew by making the leaves rustle and dance above me, the tree trunks and twigs creaking ever so lightly.

The gentle howl of the wind adding to the symphony of nature.

I began writing.

Tears fall, fall, falling

The tears I always held back suddenly burst like anger

Like my soul, just how stifled were my tears

Without stopping, theu're rushing out of my eyes

They're running away

After soaking myself with a sip of alcohol

I put down the cup with a single sigh, letting go of everything

along with it

Will I be ble to stop the heavy rain through my will alone?

Waiting for it to stop naturally

I can do nothing else but wait for a vivid rainbow.

[credits to the writer Koo Junhoe and @bynhyuk for the trans]

A low humming halted my thoughts and my hand from writing.

I remained silent.

The humming continued, a cheerful kind of sound.

Despite my solemn composure, the edges of my mouth were slowly being pulled upwards, into a smile.

Quietly standing up, I tiptoed around the tree to peek over at the oblivious stranger.

I don’t know how long I stood there staring.

He was lying down, his hands behind his head, leaning against the tree.

His eyes were closed and even from my distance, I could see his long lashes curled up and rested above his cheeks.

His lips were curled into a smile as he continued to hum, his ankles crossed, moving to the sound he was making.

I was so struck by his serenity I barely heard what he had said when his lips moved.

“Huh?” I asked dumbfounded.

He chuckled. “I said, ‘ahnyeong.’”

I awkwardly scratched the back of my head as I stepped forward, fully revealing myself.

He finally opened his eyes to look up at me and, in no way am I exaggerating, when I felt my heart stop. I inwardly gasped.

The sun's rays hit his eyes, so perfectly, that it seemed to sparkle.

Deep brown orbs stared at me. Like staring into a cup of hot chocolate to warm me up on a cold day.

“Ahnyeong,” I breathed out. I looked up at the clear sky, attempting to distract myself. “The weather is nice.” I stated.

He hummed in response as he sat up. 

Taking a deep breath, I pivoted on my heel and decided to leave him alone.

“It may be nice, but I don’t like autumn.” He said.

I turned back around and looked at him, a pout on his face.

Cute, I thought. “Why not?” I asked, intrigued, “I love autumn!”

“Because winter's just right around the corner.” He replied, sighing mournfully.

“I like winter.” I said, nonchalantly. “I mean, I agree that it's cold, but I love the snow.”

“I like snow too. But winter takes everything away.” He whispered.

“How so?”

“The birds, the flowers,” he placed a palm against one of the protruding roots on the ground, “this tree.”

“It's still here after winter.” I said, shrugging.

“But…it gets cold and lonely.” He said with a sad tone. “No birds or people visiting. No flowers nearby. The whole field is…dead; its surrounded by death.”

Well the mood certainly de-escalated with that.

“Do you wanna build a snowman?” I sang cheerfully.

His face suddenly lit up.

And I swear it was brighter than the hot sun that warmed us in this cold autumn day.

“I doooo~” He replied singing.

I laughed.

It felt good. 

To laugh without forcing myself to.

“Good. Then we can build a snowman during winter.” I quickly said.

“You’ll come by during winter?” He asked incredulously.

“Only if you do too.” I said.

He smiled wider. “I’ll be here!”

“Koo Junhoe.” I said as I offered my hand.

“Jung Chanwoo!” He replied as he took my hand and shook it vigorously.

I laughed and soon after he joined in.

My phone vibrated in my pocket.

Taking it out, I checked the screen.

“Listen, Chanwoo,” I started, looking up at him, “I have to go.”

He looked down as he mumbled an ‘oh.’

I nudged him with my shoulders, smiling. “Wanna meet here again, say….tomorrow?”

His head shot up as his eyes widened. “Yes!” He cleared his throat and gently smiled. “I mean, yeah. Sure.” He said shrugging

I don’t know what had come over me, but as I smiled, I reached for his cheeks and playfully pinched them.

“Yah!” He yelled angrily, yet his smile said otherwise.

“I’ll come straight here after work, tomorrow. What time will you be here?” I asked, putting my phone back in my pocket.

“I’ll be here when you get here.” He said.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then, Chanwoo.” I said as I stood up.

“See you tomorrow, June.” He said as he also stood up.

The way he said my name made me tingly. Like butterflies in my stomach flying in different directions, travelling all over my body to the tips of my fingers and toes.

I walked back around to gather my belongings to stuff them carelessly in my bag. I picked up the empty bottle of beer and carried it. I wasn’t just going to leave my trash behind. I’m no litter bug.

“If everyone was as environmentally aware and as respectful as you are,” Chanwoo said staring at the bottle, “this would be a better place. Thank you for keeping it clean.”

I nodded. 

Yeah. There were occasions when I’d get here and there would be trash scattered all over.

My place was messy, sure, but that’s my personal space. 

“I clean up this place as much as I can, when I can because it's the only way to thank mother Nature for giving me a place where I can have a calm, peace of mind.”

Chanwoo grinned mischievously. “Sorry for interrupting you.”

I grinned back, just as mischievous. “Don’t be. I enjoyed your company.”

Chanwoo smiled shyly. “I did too. Thanks.”

I started to walk away. “See you tomorrow!” I yelled out as I waved my hand in the air without looking back.

***

And it had been like that ever since.

I would drop by and Chanwoo will be there waiting for me with a dimpled smile and a contagious giddy attitude.

It became something I look forward to the moment I wake up in the morning and anticipated throughout the day.

My stress, worries and troubles seem to fade away whenever I saw his face.

Even if I had to go back to every day life whenever I don’t see him, I felt content. Unlike before when I would sit alone under our tree and pour my sadness away on a piece of paper.

Our tree.

It had become a special place for him and me.

As days went on, I started to feel different about him.

Stronger emotions stirred inside me whenever we were together.

I found myself stealing glances at him, whenever he wasn’t looking.

I would make jokes that would usually have no laughable effect on anyone, but Chanwoo always laughed. Wholeheartedly.

It seemed to affect my life. Positively.

My family and friends noticed and had pointed out that I smiled a lot more. I engaged in conversations more so than before.

Jinhwan hyung had told me that I had become a lot nicer.

And I have.

Chanwoo had told me to show compassion and understanding towards loved ones. He told me that my smile and my laugh was one of my best features.

He doesn’t know that he wins over me in that category.

***

“What are you thinking about?” I heard him ask as he laid down beside me.

It was getting colder by the day, but it didn’t bother either of us. Not when we're so close to each other.

I opened my eyes and turned my head to look at him.

He stared back and smiled.

I don’t know what came over me, but before I could stop myself, I reached out and caressed his cheek with my cold hand.

His eyes fluttered shut as he leaned to my touch.

“I think I’m falling in love with you.” I whispered. “No…that’s not right.”

Chanwoo quickly opened his eyes, “no?”

I chuckled. “I mean, I’m not falling in love with you-"

“-Oh.” Chanwoo said pouting.

“I already am.” I whispered as I leaned my forehead against his. “I love you, Chanwoo.”

Maybe it was the rain that never fell from the sky, but I felt droplets on my cheeks as I saw his eyes brim with tears.

I didn’t hear his response, but his lips moved.

I leaned over for a kiss.

His lips were icy cold.

“You’re freezing!” I exclaimed as I pulled him closer against me.

“I’m fine.” He whispered, his face buried on my chest.

“Why don’t we go back to my place and I can make you some hot tea or coffee?” I asked as I rubbed his arms for heat.

I felt him tense up and I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Relax. It's not what you’re thinking of.”

“Wh-what?” He asked as he looked up.

I placed a light kiss on the tip of his nose. “Nevermind.”

Although….I wouldn’t have minded if things got a little….intense.

But looking down at the innocent face Chanwoo was giving me, I had to put the little devil of a thought at the back of my mind.

We didn’t know how long we stayed in each other's arms; nor did we care.

My phone vibrated in my pocket.

Taking it out, I answered.

“Jinhwan hyung, what’s up?” I asked.

“Junhoe yah, where are you?” He asked on the other line. “We've been waiting for you for over an hour!”

“!” I cursed under my breath as I quickly sat up. “I’m sorry hyung, I lost track of time.”

I looked at Chanwoo who slowly sat up and looked at me worryingly.

‘Sorry,’ I mouthed to him.

He smiled and nodded.

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes.” I said over the phone.

Jinhwan sighed on the other line. “Fine. But any longer than that and we're leaving.”

“Alright. I’ll see you soon.” I said then hung up.

Sighing I turned to Chanwoo to find him looking down, pouting.

“I’m sorry, Chanu yah.” I said as I carded my fingers through his hair.

He merely shrugged. “It's ok.”

“No it's not. I shouldn’t have made plans when I knew I’d be coming here.” I said as I put my hands on his shoulder. “I’ll make it up to you tomorrow.”

Chanwoo smiled at me, though his dimples never showed.

I made him sad.

I disappointed him.

After confessing my feelings, here I was abandoning him.

“I’ll just call Jinhwan hyung back and cancel.” I said I took my phone out.

“Don’t do that.” Chanwoo protested. “It's alright. Really.” He paused and put his arms around my neck. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Of course!” I replied. “Do you even need to ask?”

He smiled as he placed a light kiss on my lips. “Then I’ll be waiting for you.”

I nodded as I stood up. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I started to walk away but stopped to turn back to him. “Oh, and Chanwoo,” he looked up expectantly, “go straight home and keep warm. You’re freezing!”

He lightly chuckled and nodded.

“Maybe one of these days you can join me for dinner and meet my friends?” I asked , grinning.

He remained silent as he looked down.

My grin slowly faded.

Chanwoo tried to smile. “Maybe.” Was all he replied.

That was good enough for me as I walked away, waving my hand.

***

“So, what’s been occupying your mind and time lately?” Hanbin asked as he sat down across from me, tray full of food in his hands.

“You know,” I said cheekily, “just stuff here and there.”

“Uh-huuuh…” Jinhwan replied as he narrowed his eyes at me. “When do we get to meet this mystery person?”

“Mystery person?” I asked, innocently. “Now where did you get that idea from?”

“Let’s face it, Junhoe yah, you’re showing sign of someone who’s in love.” Jiwon said as he nudged Junhoe, winking.

I scoffed. 

“Jiwon's birthday is coming soon. Why don’t you invite this person to his birthday party?” Donghyuk asked excitedly.

“My birthday, I invite who I want to invite.” Jiwon stated. “Invite this person to my party.”

Junhoe smiled. “I will. But promise me none of you will scare him away.” I said as I stared at Jiwon then at Hanbin.

“When have I ever scared anyone away?” Hanbin asked.

“All the time!” Jinhwan replied. “You just scared that girl at the counter with just one look.”

Hanbin turned his head to look at the girl standing by the counter.

When their eyes met, she slightly jumped and looked away.

“I think it's more infatuation, I’d say.” Hanbin turned back to his friends with a grin.

“You're way over your head.” Jiwon said, shaking his head.

“I’m irresistible, what can I say?” He said winking at Jiwon. “Right, babe?”

Jiwon turned his head to look at Junhoe with a serious expression. “I swear to God, I was probably drugged one night and now, I’m stuck with this…” He joked as he gestured to Hanbin.

“You love me, really.” Hanbin winked.

Jiwon feigned a sigh. “I suppose.”

We all laughed as Hanbin playfully hit Jiwon on his shoulders and continued to bicker with him.

I smiled. 

I thought of Chanwoo and how we were always joking around.

God, I love teasing him, making him pout, giggle and smile.

I realized I love everything about Chanwoo. 

Everything.

“I wanna meet this person.” Jinhwan whispered beside me as Hanbin and Jiwon continued to play fight.

I nodded with a smile. “I want you to meet him.”

“Him?” Jinhwan asked, raising an eyebrow.

I merely grinned at him.

***

I secretly rolled a snowball in my hands as I walked towards the tree.

It was the middle of winter and the cold was biting my skin under my thick jacket.

Tiptoeing, I sneakily raised my arm as I threw the snowball at Chanwoo who stepped to the side, clearly avoiding my attack.

“You !” He said laughing.

I stuck my tongue out at him, just in time for him to kick the tree lightly as snow from branches fell right on top of my head.

Damn it was freezing, but his laugh made me feel warm all over.

“Did you miss me?” He asked, panting after a good laugh.

He brushed the snow off my head and shoulders. “Mianhae.” He chuckled at my angry expression.

After I’ve slightly dried off, I smiled at him as I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Did you miss me?” 

Chanwoo pouted and nodded vigorously, I couldn’t help but kiss those pouty lips.

“Listen, Chanwoo,” I started as I pulled away, “my hyung is having a birthday party this weekend. I was hoping you could come and you can meet my friends.”

Chanwoo stared at me for the longest time. I couldn’t read his expression. It was blank and it made me anxious.

“I don’t know about this weekend.” He replied with barely a whisper.

I looked down and didn’t say anything.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t mind if he doesn’t come.

I wanted this more than anything in the world at the moment.

I wanted my friends and the whole world to know this person who’s been such a huge part of my life. I didn’t want to keep him a secret. I never intended to, I just preferred keeping him to myself. But I wanted him to meet my family and my friends. I want to share with him my life outside of our daily rendezvous tree.

“Is it that important to you?” He finally asked after a long moment of silence.

“Of course it is!” I half-shouted, making him jump back a little. “It's  important to me because you’re important to me. I want you to meet my family and friends. I want to tell the world how wonderful you are; how much I love you.”

Chanwoo remained silent as he looked up at the cloudy sky.

I looked up as well. 

Intricate designs and patterns on snowflakes curtained down slowly, hitting my face and shoulders, melting into tiny puddles of nothingness.

“I mean…I’d be happy if you were to introduce me to your family and friends.” I almost hesitated to say. “If you ever want me to meet them.”

“Of course I do. They'll love you! As much as I do!” Chanwoo said as he looked straight at me. “Maybe less.” He grinned. “No one can love you as much as I do.”

I smiled at the comment.

God. How I love this man.

He finally nodded as he took my hand in his. “I’ll be there.”

I smiled. 

I smiled so wide, I could hardly see him in front of me.

“Chanu yah,” I said as I squeezed his hand, “can you please wear more clothes under that jacket of yours. And please, for the love of God, wear gloves! You're hands are freezing!”

He gave me a mischievous grin before lightly kicking the tree again and running away as more snow fell on my head.

“Come back here you Satan!” I yelled, laughing