“What do you want?”

“Nothing” Seungri doesn't know what he wants, to be left alone maybe

“ Nothing ? You've been acting cranky and avoiding us all day today”

He looks up at Jiyong and there it is again, a weird feeling he can’t put into words. Warmth flooding his cheeks, the need to look down embarrassed, and then images flashing through his mind.

  Jiyong smiling at him, Jiyong coming closer

“Something is obviously going on Seungri, what is it?”

  “Hyung”

  “Shh, it's okay”

It’s right there, he can almost touch it but it is out of reach, is it a memory, a dream?

  A warm smile. A pat on the head.

A dream, it’s a dream, Seungri had a dream the night before.

“Are you even listening?”

“No”

Seungri doesn't know what he is feeling. What did he dream exactly that is making him feel like this? He doesn't like not knowing. But it's all related to Jiyong. Jiyong always makes him feel confused. It's always Jiyong.

Jiyong narrows his eyes and chews on his lip absentmindedly, probably debating whether to keep pushing or not. Then he seems to realize something and his eyes turn sad, hurt even, for a few seconds, but whatever emotion he is feeling is quickly hidden by the impassive look that forms on his face.

“Something is bothering you Seungri” he hesitates “Maybe- maybe you don't want to talk to me about it, do you want to talk to Youngbae?”

Those words make Seungri angry and he has no time to control the look that forms on his face before Jiyong sees it.

“What is that look supposed to mean? What the hell is going on with you?”

The impassive look is gone and Jiyong seems genuinely concerned as he comes closer, within touching distance. His hands are dangling at his sides and they open and close, as if wanting to grab something. Seungri stares at them as it all starts to make sense in his head.

  A warm smile. A pat on the head.

“I don't know” Seungri says, but it isn't exactly true anymore

  A pat on the head. Warm arms enveloping him.

“What is bothering you? Do you need something, what do you want?”

  He is in Jiyong's arms

“A hug” he says as realization dawns on him and he lets out a little laugh because it's ridiculous

He wants a hug . A hug from Jiyong.

Jiyong stares at him with a mildly shocked and confused expression on his face. Seungri wants to look down, to hide. He feels embarrassed, even more now that he knows what has been bothering him all day… but why is he embarrassed exactly? for wanting a hug? Because he is asking for it? Because he has to ask for it? He wants to take the words back but he won't because he finally knows what he wants, craves.

Jiyong keeps staring at him and a little frown forms on his brow as he looks at Seungri intently, as if trying to figure him out. The light from the lamp makes his brown eyes look clear and inviting, and Seungri thinks that if he tried a little harder he could find Jiyong's deepest thoughts and secrets in there.

“I want a hug hyung. Can I hug you?”

Jiyong makes a noise between a choking sound and a whimper as he breathes out a “Seungri-ah” and Seungri feels weak and relieved. This is the Jiyong he knows, looking at him with affection and saying his name with love.

Jiyong has been keeping his distance lately, Seungri doesn’t know why and Seungri has pretended not to notice, not to care. But he has. He's noticed how Jiyong will touch Daesung's arm, how he'll hug Youngbae, casually rest his arm on Seunghyun's shoulder… and how he'll just nod in his direction as a greeting. Seungri doesn't know if Jiyong is mad at him, or what brought this on. He's tried not to care but he does. He wants Jiyong's touch.

“Seungri, I'm so sorry . You don't need to ask, for God's sake. You shouldn't feel like you need to ask” his voice sounds hoarse and his eyes are watery, a look of complete pain on his face

And then Jiyong's warm hands are on Seungri's shoulders, and then it's his arms, and soon Seungri is enveloped by Jiyong's warmth all over. He buries his face on Jiyong's neck and takes a deep breath and Jiyong's scent invades his senses. What is it about smells? How can they hold so much power over the soul? Seungri feels certain that Jiyong's scent is something that could save him or break him depending on the day.

Jiyong holds him tighter, too tight, not tight enough and a sigh escapes his body as he is filled with love. Jiyong places a soft kiss at the top of Seungri's head and Seungri is sure that whenever he thinks of the word “peace” from now on, this is the first thing that will come to his mind.

Seungri has missed Jiyong's hugs because when Jiyong hugs someone he gives them everything that he is. His hugs don't promise you everything will be okay but they let you know you won't have to face anything alone because he is there for you. He lets you know deep in your bones that you are loved. There's nothing that his hugs can't make better.

They cling to each other for a long time until their heartbeats synchronize and any trace of stress has left their bodies. Seungri doesn't want to let go, ever.

“Were you mad at me hyung?” Seungri asks in a small voice against Jiyong's neck

He figures that if he needs to hear something unpleasant at least the fact that he's in Jiyong's arms will soften the blow.

“No, never”

“Then why-?”

Jiyong's arms tighten around him. How can Jiyong be so warm and soft but firm at the same time?

“I was a fool” Jiyong says and the words sound weird to Seungri's ears because he's feeling the vibrations rather than listening to them “I was trying to protect myself but I didn't know I'd hurt you in the process. I'm so sorry, you really can't imagine how truly sorry I am” and he plants another kiss on Seungri's head

“Shh it's okay” Seungri says as he places a kiss at the base of Jiyong's neck, making Jiyong's breath falter slightly

Seungri knows there are things they need to talk about. Very important things. And they will, but not today. After that talk they might have to let go and he's not ready today. Today they hold on tightly to each other and don't let go.

They lie together in bed in each other's arms like in the old days. Like in the old days Seungri falls asleep to the sound of Jiyong's heartbeat but unlike the old days he now wonders if he'll still be in his arms when he wakes up in the morning.