Due to the previous seasons of the franchise, Produce 48 gained a lot of attention from the public. From its initial announcement and confirmation until the release of the pictures and promotional videos of the trainees, the show managed to reach a huge audience—not just in South Korea but the whole world. Just like its predecessors, Produce 48 serves as an avenue for the trainees to gain exposure and experience or it may be the only chance for those who managed to debut, or in the verge of debuting, to show their companies that they have what it takes to be a star.

 
Kwon Eunbi is one of those who have debuted but did not last long in the spotlight. She was able to become an idol before but due to some circumstances, her group disbanded. Feeling discouraged, she left the company to join a new one where she met new people. She doubted her skills at first and she did not want to socialize but as time went by, she opened up and gained new friends.

Eunbi is always working hard and does not stop practicing. Chaewon, Suyoon, and Sohee, her friends from Woollim, her new company, would always tell her to take a break but being the eldest, she manages to shrug their worries off. The three knows that Eunbi is hardheaded but they still try to persuade her into resting for her own good.

One day, while they were practicing, the four of them were called by the company’s representative. The three younger girls were worried but Eunbi assured them that if they know that they did not do anything wrong, then they do not need to worry too much. As she pat the back of the three, Eunbi gave all of them a smile to calm them down. The four of them then went to the conference room to meet with the representative.

Being the eldest, Eunbi opened the door. She was nervous too but she did not want to show it to the three. They bowed as they entered and sat down on the chairs. The representative cleared his throat, “This won’t take long. I called the four of you to inform you that you have been chosen to represent the company on a survival show,” he said as he looked in each of their eyes. Confused, Eunbi spoke, “Us? Four? I thought we were five,” she said and the representative shook his head, “The fifth one backed out. Now there’s only four of you,” he said. Eunbi was about to talk again when he raised his index finger, “If you do not want to participate then just say it. We are not forcing you or anything. I just want to tell you that this is a good chance for you to show us and the rest of Korea, or the world, what you are capable of,” he said and his eyes were fixed on Eunbi’s. The company chose their representative well. Eunbi suddenly got interested. This was all she needed or maybe this was what she was meant to do. After the traumatic disbandment, the light of debuting started getting dim; but, as their representative explained the perks of the program, the light got brighter.

Months passed in a flash. In a blink of an eye, the four of them are about to compete against 92 other girls to debut. They were scared; most of the contestants were from the famous Japanese idol group, AKB48, and to top it all off, their other sister groups such as HKT48, SKE48, NMB48, and NGT48 will be sending their girls, too. Eunbi thought that their chances just got slimmer because they already have an established fan base; considering that they have been in the industry for years. Eunbi felt a sudden pain in her heart; she could have achieved the same if only her group got lucky. If they did not disband, she did not need to go to this godforsaken program to work her off so that she could get decent screen time. Eunbi wanted lift the other girls’ spirits up—but, you cannot give what you do not have.

As they entered the set, their jaws dropped as they took in the set design. There was a pyramid in the middle and a lot of cameras were around. Above, there was a LED Screen that shows their company logo. Sohee, being the youngest, held Eunbi’s hand. The older girl was shocked when she felt the cold hand of the youngest touch hers, “Nervous?” Eunbi asked to which the youngest nodded, Eunbi  then smiled at her hoping to ease her nerves, “You won’t be alone on stage later. We’ll be there together. Just imagine we are in the practice room for our monthly evaluations, okay?” she said as she squeezed Sohee’s hand. The youngest smiled back and nodded. 

They sat down on their seats. Eunbi turned to observe the seat with the number one on it. Her eyes reflected the glitter and sparkle of the glamorous seat fitted for a queen. She wants to sit on that seat; even if she could not protect it, she wants to have it just for once.

Other companies entered and Eunbi was just trying to guess their capabilities. She feels intimidated but she tries to hide it because if she shows weakness, the other kids would feel uncomfortable. As the logo on the screen changed into WM’s, the four of them exchanged glances. It is their rival company—or it is what the program wants the public to believe. The trainees from WM enter and they were tall. The person who caught Eunbi’s eyes were the girl who wore a pink crop top and ripped jeans. She was very familiar but Eunbi could not remember where she saw the other girl. 

While the WM trainees scan the chairs, Eunbi’s eyes were fixed on one person. From her back she heard the murmur of the other girls, “Isn’t that Chaeyeon from Sixteen?” one girl said while the other agreed. Eunbi looked at the girl in pink again and was left open after realizing that it was indeed Lee Chaeyeon, the first person to be eliminated on Sixteen. Eunbi felt intimidated as the other girl gave off a different aura.

Lee Chaeyeon, along with Seunghyeon and Youngin, proceeded to sit down. Despite the whispers, Chaeyeon kept her cool even though she feels like she is being judged. Her eyes scanned the crowd and it landed on four girls in a school uniform. She thought it was an odd choice for a costume but they will probably show their innocent side so it is understandable. She looked at them one by one and as she looked at the girl with raven hair, their eyes met so she shifted her gaze immediately.

When the trainees were complete and the 48g girls have entered, auditions started. The whole studio became tense as they saw how each contestant performed. Although there were disappointing and mediocre performances, what scared them the most are the comments of the mentors. They were very particular about talent and star quality. 

Woollim and WM trainees stood up and went backstage since it will be their turn soon. Chaeyeon unconsciously put her guard up as she realized the girls she observed earlier were their supposed rivals. While waiting, both teams recalled their moves to make sure they would not make any mistake.

After a few moments, Woollim trainees got called and Chaeyeon made sure to fix her eyes on the screen. The Woollim kids started their dance with Lovelyz’ Ah Choo and Chaeyeon thought that it was kind of obvious they were going for an innocent performance. She was just about to look away, disappointed, when the music stopped and it changed to Bad by Infinite. It caught her attention and her eyes did not leave the girl in the center whose gaze changed so fast. The said girl did a dance break and Chaeyeon smiled without noticing. When they finished their performance, Chaeyeon read the name written on the nametag of the center girl: Kwon Eunbi. Learning that she was given an A, the highest possible grade one could get, Chaeyeon felt more determined to receive the same grade.

With shaking hands, Chaeyeon breathed out and entered the stage with Seunghyeon and Youngin. Eunbi started getting tense as it was evident that the program is trying to build their companies as rivals. Eunbi knows that no one would win in the rivalry; but it could end up getting more intense as the competition progressed.

The music started and Eunbi thought the moves was not that challenging. WM Trainees sang and danced to Shower by Becky G. Eunbi expected the most from Chaeyeon and she was surprised when the other girl did a high note. When the three finished performing, Eunbi thought it was done and Woollim has won—but she was wrong. Chaeyeon did a freestyle dance to Instruction by Demi Lovato and Eunbi was impressed. She is really talented; the song earlier just showcased her vocals, not her dance. In the end, Chaeyeon managed to land a spot in the A class. 

When the classes started to meet to practice for the Pick Me dance or Nekkoya, Eunbi and Chaeyeon started getting close. They even teamed up for the hidden box challenge and this caught the viewers’ attention. Their friendship just grew from there—until feelings got involved.

One night, while they were writing things for their journal, Eunbi came to the realization that what she thought was a simple friendly affection towards the other girl has turned into a much deeper feeling. She noticed that her heart flutters whenever the other girl smiles at her. Fans kept pointing it out but she shrugged those off to avoid being awkward around Chaeyeon. It was all smiles and jokes until it dawned to her that it was true—she was drawn to Chaeyeon and she has fallen without even knowing.

On the other hand, Chaeyeon noticed her blooming feelings for Eunbi as soon as they ended the hidden box challenge. Not knowing how to deal with her feelings, Chaeyeon started writing a letter addressed to Eunbi.

Letter #1:

Dear Kwon Eunbi,

This is the first time I will be writing to you. I do not know if I will ever find the courage to tell you how I feel as of this moment but when that time comes and I become a coward, I will definitely hand you these (yes, I am sure that I will be writing a lot) letters and just let it speak for me.

To be honest, I do not know where or how it started. I just knew that in a snap, your smile suddenly lit up my world. It was amazing; how you managed to make my day by just smiling. I just knew that your words would make my heart flutter and talking to you became difficult as I would always stutter.

Anyway, I think I like you. My heart skipped a beat when we did the hidden box earlier. You were really fast, I was not able to answer right away. While you were talking, I could only stare at you and admire the masterpiece right in front of me. God sculpted your features well—you are an ethereal art.

I will not hope that you would feel the same because that would be kind of impossible. If it was, then I would hold on to that hope. Do not worry, I’ll always be here for you. Whatever happens, I’ll always be beside you.

Chaeyeon kept this letter on a small box, hoping to fill it up soon. After she put it away, Chaeyeon noticed a smile has formed on her face. She realized that Eunbi has a huge impact on her and her feelings has grown out of control.

The next day, Chaeyeon and Eunbi would momentarily look at each other and would lock eyes. It was weird for both of them but since they both benefit from it, they did not mind. When they took a break, Chaeyeon approached Eunbi, “Do you think we will be able to keep our grades?” Chaeyeon asked and Eunbi turned to look at her, “At our current state, probably yes? I really can’t say for sure,” Eunbi said and Chaeyeon sat down. She pulled the older girl’s arm to force her into sitting beside the younger girl. Eunbi, although surprised, obliged.

“Don’t be nervous. You’ll keep your A,” Eunbi smiled and Chaeyeon felt her heart skip again, “If I am staying here, then you should too,” these words slipped from Chaeyeon’s tongue but she did not bother to try taking it back,

“I can’t promise that, Chaeyeon. I need to work on my pronunciation and my Japanese isn’t good,”

“You can do it. I believe in you,”

“You do?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?” Eunbi was speechless. She felt her cheeks burning as Chaeyeon said those words. Eunbi cleared and stood up, “Let’s go practice again,” she said as she tried to hide her blushing cheeks. Chaeyeon smiled at this cute gesture. That night, Chaeyeon decided to write her second letter:

Letter #2:

Dear Kwon Eunbi,

You felt shy earlier, didn’t you? I tried hard so that I would not laugh so hard. What does that mean if you suddenly got shy? Does it mean you like me too? Or did you feel awkward? If you felt the latter, I am very sorry. I’ll try to tone down my flirting with you. I hope you do not find it weird.

I just want you to know that you are an amazing person inside out. I really believe in your skills. We can maintain our A grade and if the heavens would allow, I want to be with you until the end of this cutthroat competition.

She stashed it in the box again. Honestly, Chaeyeon does not know what to do if Eunbi rejects her or feels uneasy towards her. The least thing she wants is for the older girl to avoid her.

Not knowing both of their true feelings, Eunbi stayed up late again to think about her feelings with Chaeyeon and Chaeyeon herself. It was magical how the younger girl managed to calm her nerves down. There is something about Chaeyeon but Eunbi is too scared to know. She wants to but fear consumes her first. The uncertainty of what the younger girl feels towards her is unsettling but she does not want to risk anything.

On the day after, and the days that followed, all trainees practiced hard to memorize both the choreography and lyrics of the song. The day that the trainees all worked hard for has finally come. They are filled with nervousness as this would decide if they have a chance of being seen on screen or not. Their position for their first Nekkoya stage is on the line.

One by one, the trainees changed their rooms—some were able to climb up, some drastically fell. As other trainees filled the A room, the chances of its current trainees to stay slowly became slimmer. Chaeyeon spared Eunbi a glance and she could see that the older girl is slowly accepting her fate. Chaeyeon knows that Eunbi, in one way or another, would fall down ranks. The older girl was not able to sing through the Japanese version and she had a mental block. Chaeyeon hopes for a miracle—although impossible.

Eunbi felt like crying when she saw the final rating on her card. She sat down quietly and waited for Hongki’s, their vocal trainer, cue. When trainees who got demoted to C were called, Eunbi stood up and the only thing Chaeyeon was able to do was ball her fists and watch as the older girl leaves the practice room they will not share anymore. 

Letter #9:

Dear Kwon Eunbi,

I do not know what to feel. I am supposed to be happy because I managed to stay on A; but, I am not with you. You were the very reason why I love staying at the practice room—apart from wanting to debut, of course. Knowing that I would not be spending the whole day in the same room as you just decreased my motivation to strive harder. However, since you said you will be rooting for me, I promise to do my best. There are still other opportunities for us to be together, right? I will hold on to that hope.

Hey, just know that whenever you need a shoulder to lean on, I will always be here. I am always willing to lend an ear to listen to your worries. You are not alone—you will never be.

Chaeyeon stared at her handwritten letter. She took in the words and breathed. If only she had the guts to confess, then she would not live in uncertainty. Chaeyeon put away the letter and drifted to sleep.

Days passed and they performed the live stage of Nekkoya. Although nervous, everyone was able to complete their performance. Now, it is up to the cameramen and director if they will make it on screen or not. Chaeyeon and Eunbi could only hope for the best.

Group evaluations came and Chaeyeon wanted to hug her best friend, Sakura, for choosing a good team; and by good team, she meant being on the same side as Eunbi. They became teammates and both of them led their group. While the others were practicing their own parts, Eunbi approached Chaeyeon,

“It’s been a long time since we last talked; if I remember correctly,” Eunbi laughed.

“Kind of. We’ve been busy and our practice rooms are far,”

“How are you, Chaeyeon?”

“Doing okay, I guess?”

“You guess?” Eunbi tilted her head.

“I don’t know. Maybe I miss someone,” Chaeyeon boldly said.

“Really? I could relate. I missed you,” Eunbi said looking straight into Chaeyeon’s eyes. The younger girl was obviously caught off guard, “M-me?” she stuttered and Eunbi laughed, “Of course. I missed our talks. You seem to be the only one I could relate to. You’re like my platonic soulmate,” Eunbi explained. Chaeyeon would have jumped in joy upon hearing the word soulmate—if only it was not described as platonic. That night, Chaeyeon wrote again:

Letter #13:

Dear Kwon Eunbi,

This is the thirteenth letter and I just realized I got unlucky today. It seems like you established me as Lee Chaeyeon, your friend. I guess that is my bounds? Do I just accept that or should I give myself false hopes that you are just trying to conceal your feelings? If ever you feel the same, please make a move. I may look like someone who is confident but I can only do that on stage and while dancing. When it comes to you, my pride goes down the drain.

Also, I do not think I just like you. I think I have fallen.

Another week flew by and no development happened between Chaeyeon and Eunbi’s relationship. Their friendship became stronger than ever but romantically, they are both stagnant. Eunbi kept on trying to make a move but whenever she remembers the comments she has seen online, she begins restraining herself. 

Position evaluations arrived in a flash and Chaeyeon’s stash of letters is about to get filled. While waiting for the result, Eunbi reached for Chaeyeon’s hand. The younger girl, thinking that this might be the only moment she could feel the warmth of the older girl’s hands, held Eunbi’s hand back. She held it tight; scared that if her grip becomes loose, she would lose the other girl—but how could you lose something that is not yours to begin with?

Chaeyeon was disappointed at herself because of the results. She got third; however, she smiled because Eunbi was able to place first. Seeing 1st beside her name, Eunbi unconsciously squeezed Chaeyeon’s hand. She felt like crying. Chaeyeon placed her other hand on top of their intertwined hands. Eunbi felt comforted—it was home; she found sanctuary.

Letter #28:

Dear Kwon Eunbi,

I think I need a new container for my letters. I have been writing to you for so long—and this is a proof of my cowardice. If we debut together and I find the chance to tell you, I definitely will.

I felt like trash earlier but seeing you overwhelmed with joy instantly brought a smile to my face. Yes, you have that effect on me. I am now sure. I have fallen for you. I am head over heels for you. I, Lee Chaeyeon, a huge coward, is helplessly in love with you, Kwon Eunbi.

Weeks went by like the wind carried them in front of the trainees’ eyes. From 96, only 20 were left. The pace was fast; although the trainees thought it was a long journey due to their hardships. The end was near and Chaeyeon just became more nervous if she could debut with Eunbi. All she wants is to see the other girl debut. All she wants is to see the smile on Eunbi’s face. She wants the older girl to feel accomplished. She wants to wipe the dark past off of Eunbi’s thoughts. She wants to be with her.

One by one, the slots for the top 12 start getting filled. Chaeyeon’s hope started getting dimmer. She just looked forward as she watched her friends go up and thank the national producers for trusting them. When it came to seventh place, Eunbi’s name got called and Chaeyeon let out a sigh of relief.

Eunbi faced the crowd as she said her thank you speech. For a moment, her eyes locked with Chaeyeon’s and all she could ever hope for is for the other girl to join her in the debut line up. Eunbi believes that Chaeyeon understands what she wants to say with her eyes. Eunbi trusts Chaeyeon—it is all she could ever do.

The other ranks were announced, Chaeyeon’s name was still not called. Knowing that Gaeun is still standing near her, Chaeyeon’s last glimmer of hope died down. She looked at Eunbi; and mouthed sorry. Eunbi saw this and understood to which she shook her head. 

As Chaeyeon’s name got called, her tears started flowing down uncontrollably. Her legs felt weak and she could not see properly. For some reason, she was able to reach the middle of the stage to thank everyone who managed to save her and give her a chance to debut. She wanted to mention Eunbi but she swallowed her words. 

Chaeyeon went up and Eunbi approached her fast. The younger girl felt warmth on her cheeks—it was familiar, she knew it was Eunbi. At that moment, the first ever group hug of IZ*ONE happened.

Letter #48:

Dear Kwon Eunbi,

This is a great timing. My forty-eighth letter marks the end of our Produce 48 journey. To be honest, I was really nervous earlier. I managed to grab the top 12 spot. I thought I wouldn’t be able to debut with you. Fate seems to love playing with us.

Hey, am I delusional if I assume that you feel the same? Do you really like me? Not as a friend but more than that? Can you please give me a sign?

As they prepare for their debut, their company told them that some of them would be covering songs from Produce 48’s concept evaluations for their ShowCon. The first song announced was Rumor and Eunbi was a sure member as she is the only person left from the original team. Eunbi felt ecstatic when the representative said Chaeyeon would be part of that team along with Chaewon, Minju, and Yena.

Letter #62:

Dear Kwon Eunbi,

I have written a lot of letters and I hate myself for collecting them. I should’ve given them to you long ago but I am a coward. We are on the same team again. We will do our best, right?

I could only hope to do Sian’s part. From what I have seen online, some people want me to do it. I do not know for what reason but I love that idea!

They practiced and Chaeyeon did some of Sian’s parts. Chaeyeon and Eunbi’s heart started beating out of control when the former let her hand travel the latter’s back down to her legs. They did it for too many times that they both feel like on the edge of fainting. While resting, Chaeyeon looked at Eunbi and decided that she needs to do what she failed to do months ago—confess.

Chaeyeon stood up and approached the older girl, “Hey,” she said as she hugged Eunbi tight. Although confused, Eunbi still returned the hug because she craves for this, “Meet me later at the park. I have something to give you,” Chaeyeon said as she smiled and walked away. Eunbi blinked; thinking that she is just dreaming.

When the night came, Eunbi waited at the park and Chaeyeon arrived holding a huge box. Eunbi tilted her head, “And what is that?” she asked. Without talking, Chaeyeon put down the box and handed Eunbi a piece of paper. Eunbi opened it and saw that it was a handwritten letter, “Read it,” Chaeyeon insisted and Eunbi did as told,

Letter #99:

Dear Kwon Eunbi,

For months, I have been writing letters that are addressed to you. It is the fruit of my budding embarrassment. I know it may sound weird but when I first saw you, I felt a connection. It grew deeper until it turned into something more complicated. We started off as rivals; would it be too much to ask if we could end up as lovers?

I am not good with speaking or communicating my feelings through spoken words. All I could do is write and keep my emotions inside a box. The box I will be giving you is a box filled with words I was too scared to tell you for the past months we have been together. 

I really like you. Or maybe I have learned to love you. If you feel the same, please tell me right away. If you are going to reject me, please accept my gift and just hug me.

Chaeyeon waited expectantly for Eunbi’s reply. She pursed her lips as the older girl’s eyes took in the words in the paper. Eunbi looked at her and Chaeyeon felt like time has stopped. Eunbi took a step closer and Chaeyeon knew what was bound to happen. She closed her eyes to accept her fate. 

And her heart dropped as the older girl wrapped her hands around Chaeyeon’s waist.

Tears started to form on the edge of Chaeyeon’s eyes. She hugged the other girl back; savoring the moment since this might be the last. Chaeyeon heard Eunbi’s breath and she listened closely as the older girl seemed like she was about to say something, “Can I hug you and not reject you?” Chaeyeon was confused so she pulled away, enough to give their faces space to talk; their hands still wrapped around each other’s waists. “It’s hard trying to hide real feelings, Chaeyeon. I was right when I told Chaewon that  you were too dense to realize,” Eunbi said, “I fell for you, Lee Chaeyeon. Since I do not know when. All I know is that you make me happy and your sadness is the cause of my sadness, too,” Eunbi confessed. 

Chaeyeon was left wide eyed and in disbelief. All along, they both felt the same. All along, they were both scared of what would happen. All along, they could have been comfortable with being clingy. Their only problem was they were both scared. They were both afraid of what rumors could spread and taint their budding fame.

Feeling braver, Chaeyeon hugged Eunbi tighter and whispered, “Letter number 100, dear Kwon Eunbi, I love you and I will never let you go. If the words of the people who judge us could burn me, then I’ll gladly turn into ashes.”