"Looking good, unnie."

"Really?" I asked her.

"Well, despite looking like a white admiral, you look feminine."

I could only chuckle of the baby giraffe's remarks but it had to stop as we arrived at the venue.

It was Seoul Fashion Week and Yunjin and I were guests for Big Park. I would've been excited for the event but no. I was excited of another thing.

IZ*ONE were also guests, specifically Minju and Sakura.

It was ecstatic. I can finally see her again.

+++

Participating in a survival show was the beginning of another phase of the idol life. After my debut in 2012 and finishing the Japanese comeback in 2015, I was stuck in Pledis' basement since then. Like I said in the interview, I waited for a comeback but it didn't happen.

It was painful. For a moment, I thought I would be living the dream of my idol life, making sacrifices and what not. But it was a sickening twist of fate again as we were tossed aside, pushing the factors such as there was no money for a comeback or that our popularity isn't as big as before for the company to gamble a promotion.

But bloody hell for such reasons. All we wanted was to perform. Either we get a comeback, a new lineup, a chance to reunite and to perform one last time or that the company should have guts to call it quits.

Anyways, I start anew with this survival show. One of the trainees was with me, the tall yet cute Heo Yunjin.

Heo Yunjin. Jennifer Heo. You decide on what to call her. A trainee for five months, a er for dance but her voice was out of this world, very fit for musicals and operas. Like little Kyla and Sungyeon from PRISTIN, she was from the U.S., appearing to my life like a supervisor asking questions and here we are now, in blacks and whites as we were in the center for the other trainees to see.

They were shocked yet expectant and I could thank Pledis for that. It was the same during the last seasons and after those three months, two debuted on the first season and one on the second. I ing pray that Yunjin and I will follow the same legacy.

We got to our seats on the sides and looked at the trainees that came. The AKB48 groups came last and I wowed of the number of idols who came all the way here to start from scratch and learn the ways of being a Korean idol. It would be hard since cultures play as a factor but knowing that they were really hardworking, I'm sure they can pull off.

One of them caught my eye, a red beret on her head, ears almost covered by her hair and she was with her fellow idols.

"Unnie, you met some of them, right?" Yunjin pointed out.

"Definitely their seniors. I even made a skit of Pikachu in front of them."

Yunjin always had her reaction and I chuckled of the younger. However, my eyes went back to the latter in the red beret as she interacted with a trainee from Woolim.

Kwon Eunbi was her name. She was like me, living the bits of idol life then starting from scratch again. Her stage name before was cute. I should call her that when we get to know each other.

Okay. Back to the red beret girl.

"Whipped."

Jeez.

Yunjin had to know what I was up to. I had no choice but to share. "Yunjin, have you checked that trainee with the red beret?"

"Nice choice, unnie." Yunjin grinned.

Just out of luck, she faced towards us and I felt the world stop. Her doe eyes were the star of her aesthetic features and I was damned, feeling sudden beats on my chest. 

That's weird. How in the world could I feel that in a show?

"Pledis trainees, standby."

Yunjin and I nodded as we were called backstage.

"Don't forget to have fun watching models." Eunbi-neesan added, fixing my hat.

"And don't be late for the VLive later, unnies." Yujin-chan added.

Minju-chan was all set and we went towards the van. The trip took some time and I was contemplating of what I'll do there.

"Minju-chan, why do I have to come to this fashion week whatever it is called?"

Minju-chan chuckled at me. "It was the decision of the company, unnie. And besides, even if you're the frugal incarnation of clothes, there's more to see."

The conversation ended there and we arrived at the venue. Many flashes surrounded my vision as I walked down the stairs with Minju-chan but then, I almost stumbled with a view.

By the red carpet stage were two beautiful giraffes. One of them caught my eye and awakened my longing heart. I never even thought she looked fabulous looking like a white admiral and to think we had matching hats.

Was this what Minju-chan meant? How could I not know about this? That I was going to see some familiar faces? 

That I was going to see her?

+++

I was bewildered to get an A. It was like a boulder of expectations and pressure landed on my chest, even a mix of loss and uncertainty. There were other trainees in the class who are really good, getting the proper training and what not. Where does that lead me?

the thoughts as I was greeted by a sight of one particular trainee doing the dance so well as if it was a walk in the park.

"Kaeun-san's really good." Nako-chan mumbled. 

My eyes were on the trainee in the center as she finished with a graceful pose, earning claps and woos from the other trainees.

"Yeah. As expected from an idol." Chaeyeon-chan added.

I am an idol too but stepping foot in this country made me realize that I more to learn than just performing and becoming one with fans. The style that I grew up in the idol needs to level up.

Then maybe...maybe I could be as good as Kaeun-san.

"Sakura?"

Oh my God. She was facing me, her black hair swept away by her beautiful fingers. Sometimes, I wonder why a skillful woman like her had to start from scratch as much as I did? 

She's good...way too good...

Alas. We stopped as we were called to proceed towards the larger stage. It was the center selection today and we'll be showcasing ourselves to be selected for the center position for Naekkoya. I saw Kaeun-san with Chaeyeon-chan and I could follow the rest of the A peeps.

For some reason, I was sure Kaeun-san will be one of the centers picked.

"Whew. We're in our seats." Yunjin relaxed.

I nodded when Yunjin reacted on the flashes of cameras. I managed to join the reaction, my eyes blinking a couple of times. But then, the reason of the flashes became evident as two familiar girls arrived.

I gulped as I finally saw her and Minju.

The flashes were still there and Yunjin managed to shake hands with the two. I greeted them, managing to shake Minju's hand but not the other because of the swarm of cameras. Nonetheless, I became patient since they'll be sitting next to us. 

I was too lucky that I would be sitting next to her. My hand went involuntary and held hers. For some reason, feeling her hold back sent butterflies around my stomach.

"Hello, Sakura."

"Hi, Kaeun-san." She smiled.

, my smiles were uncontrollable like my eyes were going to disappear, a big contrast to her wide ones that were almost watery.

With a view, I was reminded of the center selection where she cried and where it made me want to give guidance and protection towards her.

+++

"HKT48 Miyawaki Sakura. Congratulations."

A part of me was disappointed at myself. Surely I did the performance well, almost maintaining the quality it had fit for being an idol but here I was, beaten by someone four years younger than me.

On the bright side, the latter delivered a certain charm. I'll also consider the props she brought. I plastered a smile looking at her, making me realize the core to why she was picked.

She was so down to earth and was willing to improve and learn, which were important virtues most people must have.

The two of us got to the center. I would've shaken her hand to congratulate her but she decided to hug me. And on impulse, my heart broke from hearing her cries that I had to comfort her. "Congratulations."

"I'm so sorry, Kaeun-neechan..."

. How could she apologize me when she did her best?

"No. Don't be sorry..." I added, easing her back and breaking to look at her. 

"But your performance was better than mine..."

Her face was covered by her hands and I kept on calming her down and saying congratulations again.

"You deserve to be center..." I said from the bottom of my gut and heart despite seeing her shake her head and I shaking my head back. "You can do this..."

She nodded and I thank the stars that she calmed and nodded. I wanted to wipe her tears myself but the cameras.

"Don't cry..." 

In the end, it was still a performance that all of us will share. Her win as a center was also a win for us, just as Kazoo would say.

It concluded with a hug and I felt her hold me tighter. It was just a short hug but a part of me didn't want to let go.

Even if I wasn't picked, it gave me strength to work hard to debut.

To debut with her.

I wasn't much of a fashionista. As Minju-chan would say, I was an incarnation for frugality. I admit that I had weird tastes for clothes and I even wear the same shirts. 

Does it even matter? There's the concept of laundry.

Nonetheless, I try to look at the models, my head moving side to side, almost as in sync as Kaeun-san's.

Not Kaeun-san. Kaeun-chan.

Lee Kaeun, motherly and leader-y material, the best center I could ever lay my eyes on. Her smiles made the Sun jobless, her figure was breathtaking and the Muses were in her soul through her talents.

I questioned myself. She had the chance to be number one in PD48 and was a lineup runner. For a moment, my deeper feelings would be secured. I was certain Kaeun-chan and I would debut together.

But that is not what happened.

+++

"14th. Pledis' Lee Kaeun."

What in the mothering ...

This can't be real. Kaeun-chan was a lineup runner. I even had this delusion that we'd compete for center again, just like in the third episode. 

But fate played with us too much. I was down in a sense. Really, I was...

...on the bright side, Chaeyeonnie debuted. She was the trainee who was with me most of the time. One of my desires was to debut with her and it happened.

But why am I not that happy?

The events played quickly and the next thing I know, the show was over and we were given the time to have moments with the other trainees. I would've been with my HKT family but my feet were wandering around the crowd, sesrching for her.

I found her, hugged by Yena-chan, Yunjin-chan, Juri-san, Miru-san, even Wonyoung-chan.

I want to hug her...because I don't know when will I get to ever again...

"Kaeun-chan." I called many times.

It took a while for her to respond, even Yena-chan won't move away. But then, she held my arm, squeezing it gently and my heart broke seeing her.

How could she be so strong? How could she smile after losing? 

"Congratulations..."

She repeats a word from before, making me cry.

"Don't cry..."

This was the worst that I ended up holding onto her arm for as long as I could.

"We'll see each other again..."

I didn't get that.

Oh, Kaeun-chan...will that ever happen?

The fashion show was over and four girls excused themselves to have a time to meet properly. For Yunjin and Minju, they gave their companions some time alone that they excused themselves. For the remaining two, they were almost in a awakward situation.

"It's been a while, Sakura." Kaeun began. "How are you?"

Sakura was damned. She couldn't believe that their little talk, their hand contact, and their gazes were down the drain and replaced with awkwardness.

But somehow, Sakura snapped. "Is that all you can say to me?"

Kaeun gulped and knew where this was going. "I don't know what else to say."

"An 'I miss you' would've been simpler." Sakura added. "Because I miss you, Kaeun-chan."

Kaeun felt her weary heart beat and felt her limbs becoming involuntary as she pulled Sakura for a hug. Sakura didn't resist and hugged back.

"I miss you so much..." Sakura mumbled. "...I couldn't believe that you didn't debut with me. I couldn't believe that you wouldn't call me despite having my number."

"I miss you too. I couldn't call because we'd both be busy. I wanted to see you again but I was a wuss for hiding my feelings."

"We're both wusses admitting just now." Sakura added and they both blushed. "No wonder we have matching hats."

Kaeun hugged Sakura again, the precious hug felt like on the center selection. Sakura wrapped her arms back as she hugged back tenderly.

"Sakura-unnie." Minju came back that the two had to break. "Manager has called. We need to go back for our VLive."

Sakura looked back at Kaeun and she didn't want to go. "Can't we negotiate?"

"It's okay. You need to go." Kaeun said.

Sakura held the taller's face and gave a kiss on the lips, shocking Minju and Yunjin who just arrived. Sakura lets herself go and went with Minju. Yunjin spared a farewell and cackled at Kaeun. "Finally."

"Shush, little one." Kaeun snapped then became gentle. "Come on. Let's go home."

+++

"That was unexpected." Minju commented. "But I'm glad you became honest."

Sakura nodded and got a text. Her smile grew wide.

- It's been a pleasure seeing you again. Hope you and Minju have a safe trip back to your dorms. Love you. - 

Sakura smiled and replied.

- I hope to see you again soon. Love you too. Add the "I" next time. -

She got a reply afterwards.

- I was shy but here it is. I love you, Saku-chan. Always. -

- I love you, Kaeun-chan... -

And Sakura will remain true to that, for she believed that their paths will cross and they'll see each other again.