Kyungsoo didn't know what do right now, , the only thing that was on his mind right now: Why is he trying? He doesn't need it, this stress, so many sleepless nights, the injuries, he really doesn't need this. But why in the heavens he stay in this house, in this mess. But today he decided to change. 

That's it, today he'll leave.

He got up from his spot on the bed, looked to the mirror on the wardrobe besides his bed, took a deep breath.

Slowly, breath in, breath out. 

Running his fingers on his brown locks. His eyes were red, the tears made their way down leaving behind small traces, reminding him of the reason that he's going away. He opened the wardrobe door, inside there were his clothes mixed with others that were a little big to be his. 
 

He swears the beating of his heart was too loud. Each piece of clothing he touched he felt like his whole world was crashing down, nothing else he could hold on to.  

For the last time we will be seeing, feeling, smelling this clothes. Wanting to mark this scent in his memory he got just one shirt, a blue one, his favorite. Maybe his lover won't miss this. Looking inside the furniture he saw an old sweater, it was supposed to be red but right now after so many years being worn made it a fade to an old looking red. It brought him so many memories, so many happy moments…

He wished to bring these winter days back... Just enjoying each other, telling each other sweet nothings, kissing, watching an old romance movie, that probably they would say it's horrible when the main character got an unreal happy ending.

But right now it doesn't matter.

 

Next, to him, there was an old black bag. Each thing he took away from the wardrobe he threw inside it. Every shirt he put in was a piece of his heart that died. After all, he has been through this is the end.

All memories will be just memories.

When he moved on to the drawers, after he got all his shirts, on the bottom, there was a little blue box. Just the size to hold it in one hand. Slowly he lifts it, he remembered.

“What are you doing?”A deep voice came from the bedroom door.

Kyungsoo turned to the owner of the voice.

“I can't take it anymore… I just can't Jongin..." He said looking down to the little box and then to the dark-haired boy standing at the door, he felt his tears running down. 

The silence hit him so hard.

None dare to say anything, afraid it would just destroy this little peace they found, why now? He has made up his mind: No more tears, no more swear at each other. 

They always find peace... But not for long, never long enough.

“If you go away, you won't enter here again… I'll make sure of it” Jongin said from his spot near the door. "Are you sure? Do you want to leave me? To leave us?" 

“Jongin please don't make me do it. I can't live like this, we can't go on like this...” 

He was crying so hard. 

“We've been living like this for three years already! Stop it! We still can make it work!” Jongin got closer. "I can't... I can't anymore..."

 

Kyungsoo sat on the bed, the clothes he was getting long forgotten on the floor. We couldn't look at his boyfriend in the eyes, he knew what would happen if he did. 

 

“Soo..." His tone was small, just like the kid he met back in high school. Seeing Jongin like this just made him cry harder. "Please, forgive me, that won't happen again..."

 

Looking his face he could see the mark he did earlier today. They fought about a stupid reason as always, they went out and some guy flirted with the smaller one, Jongin was blind by his jealousy Kyungsoo could not stand it anymore, The way back home was hard, oh, they almost crashed twice because of this stupid argument. 

 

"How can I believe you?" Kyungsoo said between sobs, "It's always like this... We are killing each other Jongin..."
 

Jongin didn't say anything, what could he say? It was true. 
 

They were killing little by little each other sanity. 
 

"Soo..." Jongin just hugged his boyfriend, just feeling his heartbeat against his own. 
 

What a big mess. 
 

(...)

Kyungsoo had fallen asleep. He woke up laying down their bed but alone. Jongin was not around, his heart was hurting so much, he felt his eyes swollen too, even crying himself to sleep was a habit this still hurts once in a while.  
 

Walking out of their bedroom he could see the destruction of their last fight. 
 

The mirror on the corridor was totally smashed, the vases were in pieces some flowers still on the floor with water around. The living room was not in a better state. There were glasses around the rug in front of the TV, the lamps which were located in a small table sided with the sofa were hanging, treating to fall and breaking. Their pictures once were organized, right now were either broken or thrown somewhere in the mess they call home.

Kyungsoo looked around one more time, what have they become, following with little steps on the floor he finally got into the kitchen.

Jongin was there, looking down at the sink with his head low. His arms were giving the support his body needed in that position. Kyungsoo could tell he was crying, the soft barely there, the movement of his shoulder gave him away. Kyungsoo knew his boyfriend every move. 

The kitchen was small but could handle around three people in it. Kyungsoo got himself behind the crying male, slowly he wrapped his arms around him, putting his head on the middle of the large back.

“I love you”

“I love you too, don't leave me...”

"I won't. I won't leave you, never..."

 

Little did they know, this is the last time that they will exchange these three words. And this is the last time Kyungsoo could go away, last time Jongin would be sorry. The last time they would be in peace, next time they won't hold back. 
 

Next time the house would burn.
 

Next time they will kill each other. 
 

No more sanity left. No more regret.
 

No more going back.