Letting go of a bad relationship is easy. Letting go of Dahyun who only gave her her best is damn near impossible. But, her light is dimming and Nayeon promised that she would do whatever it takes to keep that bright light on.

 

~.~.~

 

The bubbled A for true remains.

 

After Dahyun’s second year of college, Nayeon erases another year until she achieves her doctorate.

 

An opened envelope sits in her dorm room with a letter that has been unfolded and folded and unfolded again. The proud blue emblem of a school’s logo catches her eye every morning before she leaves for classes. When Dahyun visits, Nayeon is sure to tuck the letter under her textbooks.

 

It was an acceptance letter—a letter Nayeon never thought she would receive. Four months ago, in a bout of impulse, Nayeon sent a college application to a school across the ocean. For as long as she could recall, she wanted a career concerning children. As she got older, her fascination with psychology set her forth in her academic endeavors. Working hard, forfeiting parties for early studying on tests, getting jobs to pay for courses, Nayeon was set on working towards a degree in Child Psychology. While maintaining multiple jobs here and there, her studies, and later on, her girlfriend, Nayeon was able to set herself apart from her peers. Her high marks, consistent participation, and respect from both her professors and peers has made herself to be a valuable applicant.

 

For as much as Nayeon boasts about her beauty and skills, underneath it all, is a deep insecurity and need to succeed. It wasn’t until she broke down from all the stress weighed on her shoulders that Dahyun understood that failing was Nayeon’s greatest fear. To see someone that is usually so confident and sure look so small and lost sent pangs to her heart—especially if this someone meant the world to her.

 

Dahyun makes a promise to herself to be Nayeon’s steady ground should she falter. She promises that she will be what Nayeon needs because that is what she did for her when her parents cast her out.

 

Dahyun promises to be a person that can bring a smile to her lips, to be a light when Nayeon dims.

 

For that, she is persistent on praising Nayeon for her accolades.

 

When Nayeon tells Dahyun about a test she scored well on, Dahyun holds her tight and scratches under her chin and coos, “aigoo, my baby did so well!”

 

Nayeon giggles a laugh similar to that of a baby’s, pulls Dahyun hand under her chin and kisses it. Dahyun is quick to make news of it by texting in their group chat.

 

Dubu: GUESS WHAT MY GF DID (ﾉ｡≧◇≦）ﾉ

 

Dubu: SHE SCORED HIGHEST IN HER CLASS FOR HER MIDTERM (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

 

Dubu: IM SO PROUD OF HER ٩(♡ε♡ )۶

 

Seven other responses of praise and congratulations makes their way to Nayeon. When Dahyun reads the texts out to her, Nayeon hides her face into Dahyun’s neck and cutely whines. Dahyun laughs and runs a soothing hand up and down her back. She kisses Nayeon soft and sweet when she settles down and tucks her hair behind her ear.

 

“I really am so proud of you, Nayeon unnie. You work so hard; you’re bound to do well.”

 

Dahyun falls asleep in the middle of the movie they’re watching and Nayeon feels the love in her heart for her thrum throughout her body.

 

~.~.~

 

The girls are over in Nayeon’s dorm for their weekly movie night. As Jihyo clears Nayeon’s desk to make space for food, the acceptance letter falls in front of her feet. Jihyo picks it up, sees English written on the front of it. She is sure to hide the letter again under one of Nayeon’s textbooks.

 

While the movie plays, Jihyo tucks herself in the back with Sana in her arms. When Sana falls asleep with her face tucked into the crook of her neck, she dims the brightness on her phone and texts Nayeon.

 

Annoying #3: when were you going to tell us?

 

Annoying #1: Tell you what?

 

Annoying #3: that you applied to a school in america.

 

The grey bubbles don’t appear until a minute later.

 

Annoying #1: I didn’t think it would matter. I didn’t think I would get in so I didn’t say anything. I just did it for the hell of it.

 

Annoying #3: did you get accepted?

 

The time that it takes for Nayeon to respond is all it takes for Jihyo to know the answer.

 

Annoying #1: Yes.

 

Annoying #3: did you tell dahyun?

 

Annoying #1: No. And I don’t know when I will, or if I will at all. I don’t even know if I want to go there that much to leave.

 

Annoying #3: idk, nayeon unnie. i think you should tell her. she wouldn’t be happy to find out on her own…

 

Annoying #1: She won’t.

 

~

 

Dahyun does.

 

While using Nayeon’s textbook as a glorified plate for snacks, the acceptance letter is left out in the open. Using Google Translate to decipher the message (Dahyun’s curiosity won over her decision to wait for Nayeon to just tell her what the letter was), she is able to figure out the gist of the letter. The words “glad” and “accepted” are all she needs to understand.

 

She’s unhappy for two minutes until she starts peppering kisses all over Nayeon’s face.

 

Laughing, Nayeon rests her forehead on Dahyun’s, “what is this for?”

 

Dahyun waves the acceptance letter in her hand with a broad smile on her lips.

 

Nayeon’s blood turns cold.

 

“You got accepted! Sure, I’m a little mad that you didn’t tell me, but the school wants you!”

 

“The school may want me, but I don’t want it.”

Dahyun’s smile disappears and her eyebrows furrow together.

 

“What do you mean?”

“Going to that school means leaving Korea. Leaving our friends. Leaving you. I’m not doing that. I can just continue studying here and getting my internships here. I don’t need to fly across a whole ocean just to do the same thing.”

 

“But, you got accepted. This is a really great opportunity, Nayeon unnie.”

 

“Dahyun-ah, being with you is an opportunity I don’t want to miss out on. You’re one in a million. This school is just the same as any other; I can miss out on it. I’m not leaving.”

 

The finality in her voice forces Dahyun to hush anymore objections.

 

The disappointment in her eyes haunts Nayeon.

 

Life has a funny way on introducing doubt.

 

~.~.~

 

Dahyun knows better than anyone else how hard her girlfriend works. She has massaged Nayeon’s sore body from working the two jobs that she has, rubbed the temples of her head to ease the pounding after extensive study sessions, has held her shaking body while she cried under the pressure to do well.

 

She knows that Nayeon’s dream is in seeing happiness on the faces of young children freed from their fears. Dahyun knows that the school waiting for Nayeon is the best in the country. Dahyun believes that she deserves to get what she works so hard for. Nayeon deserves to achieve her dreams. Dahyun will be damned if she allows herself to be the person who deprives Nayeon from the best opportunity to do so.

 

Nayeon’s drive to succeed is something that she admires, but the way Nayeon works to succeed concerns her. The older girl lives life going all the way or not at all. She applies herself until she sees the end and only eases when she knows that she has made it.

 

Dahyun thinks Nayeon hasn’t ever really “eased.” Even in their relationship, despite being together for two years, Nayeon is sure to go above and beyond for her, which Dahyun truly appreciates. Nayeon has never faltered. She has never blown up, never doubted her, never fought her, never did anything to intentionally hurt her. Nayeon gives in when she knows she is wrong, apologizes for when she unintentionally hurts her. For someone who holds ample pride, Nayeon has the utmost humility for Dahyun.

 

Nayeon is perfect.

 

But in this life, nothing can be perfect.

 

In Dahyun’s eyes, it’s like she is waiting for her like a ticking bomb. With how much Nayeon overwhelms herself with school, their relationship, and her expectations, there has to be an outlash.

 

But, it’s Nayeon.

 

She works so much that failing in school is just not in the question. She treasures Dahyun so much that she would not project her stress on her unhealthily.

 

Nayeon expects herself to be perfect, if not for school, for Dahyun. So, when a shift occurs in their relationship, she is quick to pick up on it.

 

Dahyun is more reserved, less spontaneous with their dates and her affection.

 

Princess Yeehaw: sorry nayeon unnie, i dont think i can come over anymore. i promised chaeyoung and tzuyu that i would help them with something tonight.

 

The text is dry and plain. The lack of kaomojis is off-putting. It doesn’t feel like Dahyun.

 

Nayeon’s heart can feel a distance between hers and Dahyun’s. Its hurt is dull, yet, digs uncomfortably in.

 

Acute Angel: It’s okay, princess. Have fun!

 

Dahyun doesn’t text her good night.

 

Nayeon waits for her phone to ring; she waits for nothing. Nayeon knows it in her heart. She doesn’t want to acknowledge it. She keeps her ringer on and forces her eyelids to remain open.

 

Dahyun doesn’t text her good morning.

 

Dahyun, however, does tweet a picture of Chaeyoung with a forty-five degree angle on her face at night and tweets later on in the morning about dreading morning class.

 

Nayeon tries not to think about how it was their usual weekly date night.

 

Nayeon doesn’t want to think about how Dahyun is already creating a distance between them.

 

Nayeon doesn’t want to remember the disappointment in Dahyun’s eyes when she insisted that she wouldn’t leave. She doesn’t want to think about how Dahyun is unintentionally forcing her to go by pushing her away.

 

But, it’s all that she can think about when Dahyun chooses to sleep in her own dorm instead of Nayeon’s despite the fact that Dahyun usually chases any chance she can to sleep with her. She hasn’t had that much room to toss and turn for awhile. Her bed has never felt so cold, her heart so alone.

 

Nayeon thinks that Dahyun is starting to erase the proudly marked A for true.

 

~

 

Dahyun doesn’t flake out on this week’s date.

 

She rests in Nayeon’s arms but Nayeon can’t help but to feel like she wasn’t there.

 

Dahyun isn’t chattering the way she usually does during the movie. She doesn’t leave random kisses on her neck or plays with her fingers like she normally would.

 

She feels uncomfortable in Nayeon’s arms.

 

How could it be that two people who love each other so much could hurt each other just the same?

 

When Nayeon kisses her good night, Dahyun’s eyes don’t sparkle the way they usually do. Dahyun doesn’t smile when Nayeon starts singing a song to lull her to sleep.

 

Nayeon can feel her heart breaking when Dahyun turns away from her and edges out to the bed.

 

Forcing herself to let go of Nayeon is hurting her.

 

Dahyun wishes she could just melt in Nayeon’s arms like she used to. She wishes that Nayeon’s kisses would comfort her like they usually would, wishes that Nayeon’s voice would calm her racing thoughts to rest.

 

But, every ounce of love Nayeon gives her just reminds her of how much she would miss when Nayeon goes.

 

And when Nayeon goes, it’ll feel like missing out on the whole world and its wonders.

 

It’s the only thing Dahyun can think about and her heart breaks right in front of Nayeon.

 

Nayeon’s breaks right alongside it.

 

She can feel Dahyun starting to bubble in B for false.

 

~

 

It is Jihyo and Jeongyeon’s rotation for their weekly movie nights. Dahyun sits beside Mina instead of settling into Nayeon’s arms. Momo cuddles into the both of them when the movie starts.

 

Nayeon can’t help but to look at her. It seems to be the only way Nayeon could have her. Dahyun skips out on date nights more often, says “I love you” even less.

 

Annoying #2: i don’t think the movie is playing on dahyun, nayeon unnie.

 

Annoying #2: even in the dark your staring is obvious.

 

Annoying #1: I miss her, Jeongyeon.

 

Annoying #2: she misses you too. i think you know why too. and i think you know the way to make it better.

 

Annoying #1: I do.

 

(Nayeon had a big test in one of her Psychology classes and Nayeon had spent days before studying for it. She had shut herself in her room or holed up in the library with her nose buried in her textbook or writing notecards. Dahyun had sent her her usual messages of motivation and kisses. It appeared to Nayeon that the glimpses of the Dahyun she was used to only came when she diligently worked in school and had something to show for it. When Nayeon sends Dahyun a picture of her scantron with only two pink marks out of fifty, Dahyun is sure to shower her in kisses when she sees her later on in the day.)

 

It bothers Nayeon when Dahyun looks back at her because she can see it in her eyes. Dahyun ing loves her and it is as clear as day because she is choosing to hurt herself and forcing herself to let go instead of choosing to hold Nayeon tight.

 

Dahyun radiates, but lately, her smile and her eyes look dull. Her disposition is muted and it is as if the light within her was dimming.

 

It hurts Nayeon to think that she is the one turning off the light in her.

 

If Dahyun is allowing her to turn the light off, Nayeon is determined to be the one to turn it back on.

 

Nayeon knows what she needs to do. She understands now why Dahyun is pushing her away, sees why Dahyun is hellbent on hurting herself.

 

She wants to see Nayeon pursue her dreams, to chase what makes her happy. She believes in Nayeon enough to see that going away is what is necessary to ensure the greatest possibility for her to achieve what she has wanted for her whole life. As much as it hurts to understand that being away from her is what it takes, Dahyun won’t let Nayeon let go of her dreams for her.

 

Nayeon sees it now. She won’t let Dahyun suffer for nothing.

 

No matter for how long, Nayeon promises that she will do whatever it takes to keep Dahyun shining.

 

If that means leaving to America for school to achieve her dreams, then so be it.

 

~.~.~

 

Nayeon tells Dahyun that she is leaving to the college with the proud blue emblem before the school year finishes up.

 

Dahyun cries. Nayeon does too.

 

“I may be letting go of you right now, Dahyun-ah, but that doesn’t mean I’m really leaving you. Even if I’m an inch away from