Imagine seeing someone so beautiful that you forget to breathe. For Kim Yongsun, or better known for her stage name, Solar, she saw her own member as a gorgeous angel. Whom? Ahn Hyejin of course. Yes, Ahn Hyejin has the face and body of a Greek goddess, but that wasn’t why she thought she was so beautiful.

Her beautiful personality and outlook on life made her shine ever more so. Her sheer beauty was a bonus to it all and Yongsun couldn’t help but to fall drop dead in love with her.

How could someone not fall for her? She practically has South Korea on the tip of her fingertips. Yongsun always questioned why Hyejin had been single for so long after her two year relationship with that one guy. She knew she couldn’t have her because of obvious reasons, and she just loved her deeply as a friend already.

Living together was a true blessing for Yongsun, and she remembers those days clearly because that was when she began to slowly melt for the younger one. Training with her, singing with her, living with her, and taking care of her made Yongsun feel like they were a married couple. And god damn, she wish that was the reality of it all. Being confined to the laws of being an idol and one’s uality are things idols want to erase completely.

After Hyejin got her own place, Yongsun couldn’t help to feel empty inside. It was as if the world was finally turning upside down, and the only thing left to do is to sit in that void of darkness. She was strong and she knew she couldn’t let her emotions falter and ruin everything she had been aiming for since trainee days. She set aside her deep feelings and tried to restrain herself despite the constant festivals and concerts they had to attend.

 

Time flew, and just like that— 2 years had passed and Yongsun had forgotten most of her feelings for Hyejin and focused her attention more towards the fans instead. Hyejin had become even more beautiful over the past two years and her confidence skyrocketed. Yongsun watched her old crush blossom into a marvelous flower and she should’ve acquired more love and feelings, but instead she reeled that lust with her own confidence. She constantly told herself I’m strong.

After their concert in Brazil, they had all arrived back to their respective homes. Yongsun was greeted by Jjing Jjing and her mom as she walked through her apartment door.

“Thanks Mom,” she hugged her mom and gave her a little present from inside her pocket.

“What’s this?” her mother examined the box with such curiosity.

“Just a little present from Brazil. Open it when you get home! Do you want me to ask the manager to take you back?” Yongsun took off her shoes and picked up the reluctant Jjing Jjing.

“Its okay. I drove here so I’ll be fine,” she made her way to the door and Yongsun bid her mom a sweet goodbye as she watched her walk down the dimly lit stairs.

Finally. The apartment was silent and Yongsun could just sit down and relax for a bit. Her body sunk into the couch and the feeling of bliss and tiredness trailed her entire body. Jjing Jjing went back to her little bed and rested her old bones.

She didn’t remember the last time she felt so relaxed in her own home. The smell of fresh linen and freshly cooked rice surrounded the entire room. Her mom must’ve made her food. Yongsun couldn’t even tell if she was more hungry than tired. Even if she wanted to get up to get food, her body wouldn’t let her. It was telling her to sit the down. And so she closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she allowed the sleepiness to hit her.

Bzt Bzt.

 

A text message. She groaned and forcefully opened her dreary eyes. She lazily picked up her phone. One new text from… Hyejin?

Her heart involuntarily skipped a beat and she slowly opened the message.

“Are you home?”

What a silly question. It had only been an hour since they last saw each other at the airport.

“Yeah, of course I am. Is something wrong?” Yongsun became worried for her. She couldn’t keep her eyes off the screen.

“I’m coming over.”

Yongsun didn’t know what to do or how to react to the sudden self-invitation. It was already 6pm and her grandma body was ready to eat and head to bed. She thought to herself that she should probably take a quick shower before Hyejin gets to her place. Their apartments are about 15-20 mins away from each other, so just about enough time.

Yongsun got into the shower and closed her eyes from the relaxing warmth of the water dripping down her tired face. She felt herself sinking into a slumber, and the last thing she wanted was to fall asleep in the shower.

She quickly washed her hair and body as she kept track of time in her mind. Within 10 minutes she was out of the shower and drying herself.

Beep Beep

Before she could even put on clothes, her door bell was beeping at her. “.” She threw on a white tee and comfy short shorts before heading towards the monitor by her door.

“You can come up!” she released the telecom, left the door unlocked, and ran back to the restroom to dry her damp hair a bit.

The sound of the door echoed the room, and was closed gently after.

“Unnie?”

“Yeah I’m in the restroom! Give me a sec, I’ll be right out,” she grabbed the bottle of moisturizer and threw it onto her face.

“Okay.”

Yongsun exhaled all her stress and entered the living room looking clean, but also somewhat a mess.

“I’m sorry for coming by like this,” it was strange because Hyejin never really apologized for anything. She never needed to apologize to anyone for anything because that wasn’t the way she worked.

Yongsun sat down beside her and placed her hand on the younger’s thigh. “What are you sorry for? There’s nothing to be sorry about. You know I’m always here for you.”

“I know, but I-“ Hyejin’s face turned dark.

“Hey now, what is it? Just tell me,” her instinct was to immediately put her arm around her back and huddle up next to her. Yongsun had never seen Hyejin like this. She usually went to Wheein for these kinds of things too.

“Have you eaten yet?”

“No I haven’t, have you?” the quick change in subject was odd and it wasn’t anything she expected.

“I haven’t.”

“My mom cooked some food already, we can eat that,” Yongsun bounced up and prepared the meal her mom had made in the kitchen. “Do you want something to drink?”

“Do you have beer?”

“Uhm, do you think I have beer?” Yongsun choked at the dumb question Hyejin had asked. “I have water, and orange juice.”

“I’ll just take a water, thanks.”

The atmosphere felt heavy and uncertain. The only noise in the room was coming from the microwave. The two waited in silence and it was like walking on thin ice. Yongsun brought out two bowls of rice and a plate of spicy chicken to the living room. They said their thanks and ate quietly. 

“So are you going to tell me?” Yongsun didn’t like forcing conversations, but she had to break the unbearable tension.

“You know, I’m actually fine!” Her expression was back to normal and she looked like the Hyejin that Yongsun had always come to love and support.

“Are you sure?” Uncertainty grew.

“Yeah! I guess I just felt a bit lonely now that we’re back from Brazil,” was stuffed with food, but she had a lovely smile on her face that was reassuring.

“Okay then,” she was hesitant and still not convinced that was the whole truth.

“I swear… Can I stay here tonight though? I think I just need a little company.”

“Yeah, of course! I’ll grab some blankets and everything for you,” Yongsun finished her last bit of rice and ran to her room to grab her spare blankets and pillows.

She set them onto the couch. Hyejin helped clean the dishes and sat down next to Yongsun on the couch.

“I’m sorry for this.”

“Stop saying that. Sometimes we need someone by us, and it’s understandable,” she patted her on the back. “I’m going to head to bed. I’m a little tired.”

“What? It’s barely even 8.”

“I’m getting old, and it’s been a long day,” she tried to laugh, but her muscles gave up on her. “Night!”

“Night!” Hyejin turned off the lights and Yongsun crawled into her cold bed. The night was slowing passing for Yongsun.

She felt as if she was sleeping, but at the same time not really. Her eyes were closed and her heart was at a steady pace, but she knew she wasn’t entirely in a dream state. The hours ticked by and she was stuck in this state of tiredness that wouldn’t leave her alone.

It was 12am.

She felt herself drowning into slumber as she felt guarded by warmth surrounding her back. Huh? Her body was slowly being pulled back into a state of consciousness as the her back began getting hotter. It was pleasant and felt like home, but she couldn’t stand it anymore. She tossed around in bed and opened her eyes.

In front of her was Hyejin. Yongsun held her breath and she could feel her heart stop beating at that moment. Hyejin’s eyes were filled with the breathtaking view of the universe and Yongsun would give her world for it. But what was she thinking? That’s Hwasa, her bandmate. An old crush. Nothing more than that. But her heart wouldn’t rest as she continued to stare into her eyes.

“H-hyejin,” Yongsun gulped her nervousness down her dry throat.

“I-“ Hyejin broke down into tears and Yongsun’s heart sank into the pits of utter despair. Someone so strong and carefree, crying? At that moment she wished it was a dream because anything would be better than seeing such a beautiful face suffer like this.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Yongsun grabbed Hyejin’s back and pulled them closer together as she wrapped her in a warm embrace.

Hyejin smelled like flowers. A better term would be violet flowers. It had the fragrance of class and beauty—blue, and had the impact of fire—red.

Yongsun was embracing her flower and she wished Hyejin could hear how fast her heart was beating for her. It had been such a long time since Yongsun had deep feelings for Hyejin… for anyone.

She knew she needed to be there for Hyejin right now since she’s so weak in front of her, but her feelings kept on punching her in the face.

Hyejin continued to cry in Yongsun’s bosom without saying anything, and Yongsun happily held her tight. The night went on as they slept together in silence.

 

The next morning Yongsun was greeted by the smell of soup. It wasn’t the scent she had hope to smell in the morning, but it definitely woke her up. Her bed was empty, and she questioned whether last night was a dream or not.

The sound of the microwave beeped throughout the apartment and Yongsun hopped to her feet to investigate.

Hyejin was busy in the kitchen heating up the food she had gotten delivered to the apartment.

“Morning! I bought some food since there wasn’t much in the fridge and yeah,” she was oddly nervous.

“You didn’t have to,” it was so awkward. They both sat in the living room eating, and probably thinking about last night. Neither of them wanted to bring it up however.

Yongsun’s mind was filled with the memories from last night. It was everything she had dreamed of for a long time. Minus the fact that Hyejin was at her lowest, she felt as if she was needed. Thoughts of Hyejin hiding her pain made Yongsun realize that she needed to be there for her. She needed to be the person she needed the most right now even if it wasn’t Wheein.

“You should… stay over again. Tonight,” her eyes averted to the floor.

“… but I really don’t want to trouble you. I’m fine. I swear.”

“It’s no trouble, just… Yeah it’s fine,” Yongsun’s voice began to shake.

“… Thanks unnie,” Hyejin’s voice was soft and Yongsun’s heart sighed in relief.

And just like that, they both waited for night to come along, almost excited. Hours passed by like seconds as they sang and watched TV together. Night was upon them and their awkward goodbyes felt like deja vu.

Yongsun’s bed was again cold like ice and empty. She wasn’t expecting Hyejin to jump into her bed again or anything like that. It was almost too good to be true. But it was definitely something she was hoping for. Hours passed again and instead of the feeling of tiredness, it was a feeling of hope and wonder. Will it happen again? She felt insomnia kick in as she continued to pray and hope. 

All the hoping turned into a reality as she held her breath. Yongsun bit her lip to wake her up from this blessed dream. Fortunately, it was real. Hyejin’s presence was right beside her. The bed slightly creaked as Hyejin got onto the bed.

Hyejin wrapped her delicate arm around Yongsun’s body. Yongsun turned to face her and huddled in closer. Their foreheads slightly touching one another’s and their arms criss crossed to find each other’s body.

Hyejin’s eyes were closed, and Yongsun took the opportunity to take in her beautiful face. Her features, her flawless skin, is perfect even the word for her?

Yongsun’s heart was beating uncontrollably. She was scared because the feelings she had kept locked away were finally being let out, but at the same time, she enjoyed that feeling so much. The sound of each other’s heart beat echoed through the room.

“I’m sorry,” Hyejin whispered. Yongsun was startled.

“You don’t ever have to be sorry for anything,” her voice was calming and reassuring. Inside, she was having a breakdown.

“There’s been so much pressure on me lately… and I don’t know how to really handle it. One thing let to another and it’s really great and all… but I don’t know what to do,” Hyejin’s eyes were closed, but she winced at every word. Yongsun took in every word she was telling her and listened with such attention.

“Sometimes the best things in the world can be our weaknesses,” her words shot a soft spot in Hyejin’s heart. She was right, all the money and fame can be our biggest weaknesses and bring us down.

The warmth of the room was pleasant, and Hyejin’s face glowed as the moon shined through the window to hit her skin. She had fallen asleep as she ranted on about her troubles. It was cute, she was cute, Yongsun thought.

Morning never felt better. Imagine waking up to a gem right next to you. It was already noon and Hyejin was still fast asleep. It was extremely different from yesterday, Yongsun thought. She woke up at the crack of dawn, maybe she was embarrassed, and got out of Yongsun’s bed that day. But today, she seemed more relaxed, and comfortable. It eased Yongsun’s heart to know how much trust Hyejin started to put into her. She never wanted this moment to end.

Her wish came true and that moment never ended for her. For the past week, Hyejin had stayed over, and found herself crawling into Yongsun’s bed every time. It was almost routine, and Yongsun didn’t mind it, but her heart was telling her to stop.

That night, they both laid in bed face to face waiting for someone to say something. Tonight was the last night she could be with Hyejin since they had to get back to work. Yongsun’s heart was in and she tried to form words, but all the words she had weren’t right.

Hyejin could see the frustration written all over Yongsun’s face, it was cute. “Unnie.”

Startled, “Huh? Sorry I spaced out for a bit.”

“Can I tell you something important?” she played with her fingers and couldn’t look her in the eyes.

“Yeah, of course,” she didn’t know what was coming and the feeling of fear filled her body.

“I-… You know I trust you a lot… right?”

“Yes.”

“You’ve seen me at my lowest…”

“Yeah, I told you it was okay to feel that way too. You know I’m here.”

“I know, but you’re also the reason why I’m at my highest… If that makes sense. You just inspire me and-”

Cheeks flushed red, Yongsun felt every emotion turning into complete euphoria. Her gaze was strong and on Hyejin.

“Ah I give up,” Hyejin covered her face, but Yongsun instinctively pulled her hands away from it, and did what she had wanted to for the longest time.

It tasted like honey. The sensation of their lips touching was dreamlike. Yongsun had went in for it and Hyejin responded with the her pressing harder against the older’s. Yongsun pulled back and the sight of Hyejin’s flustered face made her believe that she has done something right for once.

“Hyejin, I’m always inspired by you… Because of you I am who I am.”

“But you never seem self-conscious or weak, you’re just so…”

“I was like that before but things changed. Every since I met you. Being together all the time in that dingy apartment, having karaoke night even after practice, just seeing you on stage next to me. I felt so strongly about you and I just wanted to be like you… I wanted you.”

She couldn’t form a response. This was all so new to Hyejin.

“I do have one fault though. I told you that sometimes the best things in the world can be our biggest weaknesses… well… you are the best thing in my world, and I would do anything for you.” Crushed by embarrassment, Yongsun covered her face with her hands.

Hyejin pulled them away and pressed her lips against Yongsun’s. The irony was uncanny, and Yongsun just wanted to punch herself in the face, but she was the happiest person right now. Something she had never imagined was finally happening. As their lips part, Hyejin looked genuinely happy.

“Can you make me some food then?” laughter and pillows were thrown in every direction of the moonlit room. It was the last night of them sleeping together, but it was also the beginning of something even greater.