It is a hot summer day, just like the one a year ago. The sun is shining brightly in the sky with little to no clouds daring to cover it, the wind also barely a whisper. The only way not to get your clothes stuck to your skin is to stay inside where air conditioning is the source of a much-needed breeze. But I am outside in the heat just like we were last summer, heading to the same ice cream parlour.

It was an accident we even found the place the first time. We were desperately looking for some ice cream on a random street with cute boutiques selling trinkets and clothes with a few coffee shops in the mix when you saw a sign at the end of an alley. We rushed inside and were greeted by a refreshing breeze of air and a warm welcome from the employees just like I was today.

I order my ice cream and sit at our table, the one in the corner overlooking the small garden in front of the shop, but still covered from the sunlight. The flowers still complimenting each other perfectly, looking as breathtakingly beautiful as they had the first time, a sign of being well taken care of. A smile creeps on my face, memories swirling inside my mind, each wanting to be remembered right this instant, each including you.

The first time we came here, we didn’t really take in our surroundings, too busy devouring the ice cream, trying to cool down our bodies. We had remembered the warm and comforting atmosphere of the small parlour though, thanks to which we had returned not long after the first time. The second time we came the weather was not blazing hot, but still warm enough to appreciate a cool bowl of sweetness. That time we weren’t in a rush, we had all the time in the world and we enjoyed our stay here, talking about everything, ordering seconds, sharing thirds.

Soon it had become our little hangout, where we could come whenever we wished to be together, away from everything else, where only the two of us mattered and the rest of the world disappeared. I can still remember you laughing at a stupid joke I had told, I can see you clutching your stomach, crinkling your eye, I remember it so vividly, like I am there, like that moment is the present, like I’m not here, reminiscing about the old times, alone.

My ice cream arrives, and I dig in, each spoonful melting away the memories flashing before my eyes, bringing new ones. I smile as I’m overwhelmed with nostalgia. I sit in my seat in quiet, stuck in my own thoughts, the rest of the world a blur, until I feel someone tapping my shoulder. When I look up I see a familiar face smiling at me.

“Bora, hi!” I say to the smiling employee who somehow happened to be working most times when we stopped by in the past. The one who knows about you and me. One of the few.

“Haven’t seen you in a while, it’s been months! Where have you been?” she says, sitting down in front of me, where you used to sit.

“Yeah, it’s been about 5 months, time just flies, doesn’t it,” I say with a sad smile, she doesn’t seem to notice, or chooses to ignore it.

“I have been wondering when you’d show up! I’ve missed you, we really should exchange numbers.” I have missed her too. She is a few years older than me, but she is easy to talk to and knows when to leave alone topics I want to ignore.

“I see your order is still the same,” she says nodding towards my bowl of ice cream. I nod remembering how you and I tried out all the different flavours on the first few times we came here to find the best ones. You chose strawberry and I chose mint.

“I saw that Sam finally debuted, I really like his songs. Made the manager play them here a few times as well, the reaction was good, one client even came and asked who the singer was.”

“I like his songs as well,” is the only thing I can force out of my mouth.

“Well of course you do!” she says like it’s the most obvious thing. Like it’s equivalent to 1+1=2.

“And why’s that?” I ask knowing the answer. I regret uttering the question as soon as it leaves my lips. And I only have myself to blame.

“You’re his girlfriend, isn’t that a given?” she asks confused. I look at my bowl of melting ice cream, not being able to say the words out loud. Luckily, she seems to understand and I’m thankful, because actually saying it somehow makes it seem more real. I know it’s over, I do, but it’s still hard to cope with the fact.

“Oh my, you poor thing. I wondered why you both came alone,” she says, and I’m surprised.

“Both? He was here?” I ask, my eyes wide.

“Yes, about a week ago. Sat right here, where I am sitting now, actually. Stayed quite a while, seemed to have a lot on his mind. Was stuck in his thoughts, just like you were before I came to say hi.”

“Ah, okay,” I say as I try to take in all this information. So he came here as well. I wonder if he misses me as much as I miss him. I wonder if he thinks of me daily like I do. I wonder if he came here for the same reason I did, to be engulfed in the memories of a simpler, happier time and maybe, just maybe, run into each other. I guess the latter won’t happen after all. Seems like I missed my chance.

“Anyways, it was great to see you again,” she says.

“It really was,” I say smiling.

“Don’t stay a stranger,” she says as she goes back to the counter, which she had neglected for a little too long.

I finish my ice cream and I’m happy. Happy that I decided to come, because now I know you’re doing good. All the memories rushing to the surface is a bonus. I bring my empty bowl to the counter with a small paper that has my number on it and say bye to Bora, who reminds me yet again to visit the shop again. I assure her that I will be back soon and leave the sweet ice cream parlour.

The heat outside has died down a little, but it’s still way too warm to feel like a normally functioning human. Normally I’d try to get home as fast as possible, to escape the hot weather, but today I take my time. I walk down the familiar streets remembering the countless times we explored this part of the city.

Before I know it, I’m just 100 metres from your company building and I halt. Even though we both agreed that breaking up would be the best course of action for the both of us, I still haven’t gotten over you, and I don’t feel like I could handle seeing you in person. Seeing you perform on tv is different, it doesn’t feel as personal, as real.

And so, I turn around. Running away like I always do. Because that’s the kind of person I am. I’m a coward. I run when I know it will be hard for me. You told me multiple times that I should change that, that I should fight for myself. But what do you expect me to do when I know my heart will break even more. I don’t think I can handle it shattering even more. It’s hard enough for me already.

And I don’t blame you. I really don’t. I’m glad I met you. I’m glad I got to know you. I’m glad I got to be a part of your life when nothing was certain, and you had to work like crazy for your first extended play. Because I was happy then and I know that soon I’ll be back to my normal self and I’ll look back on our memories fondly.

Because we were both young and in love and enjoying every day to the fullest.