i wish i never loved you

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Present Day: Joy and Irene’s Apartment, 9:05 PM

“Who knew you had it in you, Bae Joohyun?” Joy shoves Irene playfully. “I didn’t think you had a single flirty bone in your body, granny.”

“I really wanna smack you. Can I do that?” Irene smiles through gritted teeth.

Joy ignores Irene and focuses her attention to the yellow box placed on Irene’s lap. She then nonchalantly takes the yellow box from the older girl and starts going through the contents of the box.

Joy sees an assortment of objects in the box. A table napkin, a key, a preserved flower, a ramen packet, some pictures and tickets. Irene watches Joy silently as she takes a sip from her, almost empty, wine glass. Irene continues to watch as Joy’s expression suddenly changes from a blank face to a shocked one.

“Are these-” Joy pauses, unsure of how to say what she’s gonna say next. “Is this like a memory box for your relationship with Kang Seulgi?” Joy whispers the last part of the sentence, an attempt of trying to be careful.

Irene laughs at her best friend’s concern. “You can speak normally, you know. And yeah, it’s a memory box I guess. If that’s what you’d like to call it.” Irene shrugs and takes a swig and empties her wine glass.

Joy stares at Irene in silence and holds her breath, as if wanting to ask about the contents of the box. Irene looks at her friend weirdly and shakes her head.

“Joy, breathe. And please, stop staring at me. What do you want to know?” Irene asks.

“Well, you know.” Joy says vaguely, but Irene isn’t dumb. She knows what the girl wants to say.

“You wanna know the stories behind the things inside that box?” Irene translates Joy’s vague sentence.

Joy nods meekly. “Only if you want to though! No pressure.” Joy places a comforting hand on Irene’s thigh briefly.

“Well, you better grab more wine then. This is gonna be a long night.” Irene smiles gently at her best friend.

“On it!” Joy rises up from the couch quickly and goes off to retrieve another bottle from their kitchen.

She returns with a new bottle in hand, a different one from what they were drinking earlier.

“Alright, let’s do this!” Joy grabs their empty wine glasses and refills both halfway.

“How do you wanna do this, then?” Irene asks Joy.

“How about we start with the first thing you ever put in this box then we can go from there?” Joy answers.

“Alright, then.” Irene looks through the box and takes out a museum ticket and a picture frame.

 

 

 

Flashback: Springmont University; End of Finals Week, Second Semester of A.Y. 2011 - 2012

A few days have passed since Seulgi had asked Irene to be her girlfriend. For the past few days, they have been working hard in completing their last few requirements for the semester. Seulgi and Irene were currently walking along Everett Circle. The weather was already too cold for Irene’s liking. The bunny-like girl had already latched on tightly to the bear-like girl as they walked closely together. They had just taken their last final for the semester and were heading towards Irene’s dorm room to get some sleep after pulling an all-nighter the previous night.

“I didn’t think you’d be a huge fan of skinship, Miss Bae.” Seulgi teases.

“Oh shut up, Kang. You know you love it anyway.” Irene smirks at her girlfriend.

“Yes, I do.” Seulgi smiles warmly at Irene and the latter’s cheeks begin to color a shade of red. “I still can’t believe you said yes to me. You’re my girlfriend.” Seulgi sighs into the word girlfriend and looks at Irene with such warmth that could reach even the deepest corners of the girl’s heart.

“Why do you say it like that? You’re embarrassing me.” Irene protests weakly.

“Because you’re so cute.” Seulgi giggles and sticks her tongue out at Irene. “How did you do on our English final?” Seulgi inquires.

“Good, I guess? It was pretty easy.” Irene shrugs.

“Right, I forgot who I was talking to. Of course, it was a piece of cake for you.” Seulgi rolls her eyes.

“What? It’s true though. It was easy, even for you. I’d be disappointed in you if you thought that was hard.” Irene jabs Seulgi in her ribs.

“Ow! You’re right, okay? It wasn’t that bad. No need to be all violent.” Seulgi winces as she rubs her aching ribs.

Irene giggles and gives Seulgi’s cheek a quick peck to make up for it. She blushes at her own action which Seulgi notices. So she tries to change the topic before the latter begins to about it. “This week has been tiring though. I just wanna sleep for a whole day! Can we go on a sleep date?” Irene stifles a yawn and tugs Seulgi closer to her.

“Sure. Your place or mine?” Seulgi suggestively asks.

“.” Irene slaps Seulgi’s shoulder which causes a giggle to escape Seulgi’s lips.

“What?” Seulgi tries to act innocent. “You were the one who suggested that we sleep together, not me.”

“Why does everything sound so dirty when you say it?” Irene looks at Seulgi with disgust.

“Maybe because you have a dirty mind.” Seulgi touches the top of Irene’s head and gives it a light kiss.

After walking for a while, they finally arrive at Irene’s dorm and Miss Choi immediately greets them.

“Hey, kids! How was your finals?” Miss Choi asks the tired couple.

“It was really tiring! But of course, nothing I can’t handle.” Irene smiles proudly. “I can’t say the same for this dummy beside me though.”

“Hey! I think I did just fine. Don’t listen to this meanie, Miss Choi.” Seulgi smiles innocently at Miss Choi, ignoring Irene.

“You kids look tired. You should rest up. Congratulations on making it through finals week!” Miss Choi gives them both a gentle pat on the back.

“Thanks, Miss Choi! Now, we’re just gonna sleep for a bit in Hyun’s room.” Seulgi begins but Miss Choi gives her a warning look which she immediately understood. “Yes, I know. No permit, no sleepover. I’ll be leaving in a while, Miss Choi. I promise.” Seulgi raises her right hand to assure the lady guard.

“Good. I trust in you, Joohyun.” Miss Choi turns to Irene.

“Hey! What about me?” Seulgi protests.

“I’m just kidding.” Miss Choi cackles and ruffles Seulgi’s hair. “Go and get some rest.” Miss Choi smiles at them warmly.

“See you later, Miss Choi!” Seulgi bids her farewell as they head inside the dorms.

They arrive in Irene’s room and Seulgi immediately plops down on Irene’s bed. This earns her a scolding from the strict woman as she hasn’t even removed her coat and shoes which, at this point, had already gathered almost all the bacteria that could be found in the outside world.

“Kang Seulgi! Take those off. Now.” Irene angrily points to Seulgi’s shoes and outerwear.

“Alright, alright. Calm down, babe.” Seulgi carefully rises from the bed and slowly moves toward the door to place her shoes on the shoe rack.

“Don’t you call me babe. Who said we’d be doing pet names?” Irene’s brow creases together in protest.

“Oh come on, Hyun.” Seulgi was heading to the direction of the couch to place her coat as she visibly deflates and slumps her shoulders in defeat.

“I’m also still deciding on the Hyun thing.” Irene pushes even further and pretends to actually think about it.

“I officially give up. You win, Bae Joohyun.” Seulgi pauses in removing her coat puts both her hands up in surrender.

Irene walks over to her girlfriend and takes both of the girl’s hands into hers to pull them back down. “Just kidding. Babe.” Irene winks at Seulgi and leads her to lie on the bed with her.

For a few minutes, they remained there. Just laying in silence. Seulgi’s arms are wrapped tightly around Irene’s smaller frame with her chin resting on the smaller girl’s head. Both with their eyes closed but not completely asleep. Both tired but not wanting to give in to rest. Both with something weighing on their minds but not speaking. Both with their hearts thundering in their chests and holding their breath, scared that the other might hear it.

Seulgi decides to break the silence and ask Irene a question. “You know something we haven’t done yet?” She says in a low tone.

Irene looks up at Seulgi with nervous eyes and answers her with a shaky voice. “W-what?”

Seulgi doesn’t reply immediately and Irene already had a million thoughts going on in her head.

 

A kiss? That’s right, we haven’t actually kissed yet. Or is it something else?

Something more? Oh my god. I’m not sure if I’m ready.

 

Irene starts to burn up at her own thoughts but Seulgi interrupts Irene’s thoughts before her mind goes further elsewhere. “A date! An actual first date. I just realized that I asked you to be my girlfriend during finals season so we haven’t actually had the chance to go out on a real date.”

“Right! A date! We should go out soon!” Irene echoes Seulgi’s suggestion, although a bit too loudly.

“Alright. Well, somebody’s excited.” Seulgi raises her right eyebrow.

“Of course. It’s our first date so I’m excited.” Irene gives her best toothy smile to distract her girlfriend.

“Cute.” Seulgi pinches Irene’s nose. “Well, what do you want to do then?” Seulgi asks as she Irene’s hair absentmindedly.

“I’m not sure yet. How about you?” Irene returns the question.

“Hmm.” Seulgi thinks. “How about this, then? We both get a half day each and we decide what to do on our own halves. That way, we can cover both our interests and we can also get to know each other better.” Seulgi suggests.

“I like that. Dibs on the night half of the day!” Irene quickly takes her pick.

“No problem with me. I was actually hoping to get the morning part.” Seulgi grins widely. “When are you free then? Aren’t you going home soon?” Seulgi remembers that Irene was scheduled to go home to her family for the holidays.

“My parents will be picking me up in two days. So I’m free until then. How about we sleep all day tomorrow and then go on a date the following day?” Irene suggests.

“Sounds good to me.” Seulgi smiles and pulls Irene closer to her. “Now let’s really get some sleep.” Seulgi closes her eyes and decides to let her fatigue finally take over.

“Okay. Sleep tight, dummy.” Irene giggles and gives Seulgi’s chin one last peck before she closes her eyes.

“Whatever, babe.” Seulgi mumbles.

 

Two days later…

“Hey, Miss Choi!” Seulgi greets the lady guard.

“Hey, Seulgi. Here to pick up Joohyun?” The lady guard still asks even though already knows the answer.

“Of course. You know there’s no other woman for me.” Seulgi winks and walks in as Miss Choi smiles and opens the door for her.

Seulgi arrives at Irene’s door and knocks to let the girl know of her arrival.

“Just a minute! Just let me grab my stuff!” Seulgi hears Irene’s voice through the door.

Irene opens the door and the first thing Seulgi sees is a huge basket Irene is carrying with her right hand. Seulgi immediately takes the basket from Irene’s hand to let the girl lock the door with ease. After making sure that her door was locked, Irene takes Seulgi’s free hand in hers and pulls Seulgi to head outside.

“I’m just gonna go ahead and assume that this is food and you’ve planned a picnic because this basket is heavy. I’m actually going to be scared if this is not food.” Seulgi states while lifting the basket up and down to gauge its weight.

“Secret.” Irene sticks her tongue out playfully. “You’ll find out later. It’s your part of the date first.”

They arrive at Seulgi’s car and Seulgi places the basket at the back of her car before opening the passenger door for Irene. After making sure that her girlfriend was seated comfortably, she goes to her side and gets in the car as well.

“Where are you taking me?” Irene asks as soon as Seulgi starts the car.

“Somewhere I love to go when I want to relax.” Seulgi takes one last lookat the girl sitting in the passenger seat before she releases the brakes and gets the car moving to their first location for the day.

They drive for about thirty minutes from their university’s campus before Seulgi parks the car and turns it off in front of a huge hall which seems to be a museum. Seulgi gets out of the car first before going to Irene’s side to open the door for her.

They walk towards the building and Irene spots a sign in front of it which says Le Centre Des Prédictions which translates to The Center of Predictions. Irene reads the sign and wonders what kind of art would be contained in this museum.

“This museum is owned by an extremely rich French artist and it features art which takes inspiration from the futurism movement. This art movement originally started back in Italy and it celebrated technology and urban modernity.” Seulgi explains to Irene, who was currently giving her a look of approval. “Now, I’m not particularly into futurism or any art movement for that matter and I just googled that. But I do love visiting museums and this happened to be the closest one to our campus.” Seulgi chuckles and Irene’s expression turns to a blank one.

“And here I thought you were finally showing your smart side. Turns out you really don’t have that at all. You almost got me though.” Irene shakes her head a little and gives Seulgi’s shoulders a pat before walking inside the museum.

The museum was quiet and calm. Seulgi and Irene walked around for a bit on the first floor and they took their time in taking in each piece of art. The first floor was mostly filled with sculptures. Irene took pictures of some of the sculptures she liked and Seulgi watched silently beside her and smiled whenever Irene would drag her to some art piece that piqued the smaller girl’s interest.

They were currently at the last art piece on the first floor. Irene was mumbling to herself how amazing the sculptures are and how much time it probably took the artists to finish them when Seulgi interrupted her monologue.

“You ready to go to the second floor?” Seulgi asks.

“Sure. What’s in there? I’m going to assume the paintings are in there since I didn’t see any of them here.” Irene deduces.

“You’re right. And I want to show you something there.” Seulgi smiles like an excited child and takes Irene’s hand to lead her to the second floor.

They arrive and Irene sees all the beautiful paintings plastered on the walls right away. It was a beautiful sight to behold when looking at all of them from afar. Various colors and shapes filled each piece and they all go perfectly in contrast with the plain gray walls of the museum.

Seulgi pulls Irene toward the first painting until they were standing right in front of it. The second floor does not allow for pictures so they were left to stare at it for a while to just try to take in all the colors and understand the artist’s intentions behind the painting.

“Is this what you wanted to show me? I’m not sure I understand. But I see an airplane so I’m assuming you want to go on a trip?” Irene thinks out loud while still focusing on the painting. “Isn’t that a little bit too early for us?” She turns to Seulgi at the end of the question with a confused look on her face.

Seulgi spits out a chuckle, taken aback by Irene’s conclusion. “No, that wasn’t what I was trying to show you. We should definitely go on a trip though, but I agree that now is not the time.” Seulgi’s lips spread into a wide smile.

Suddenly, Seulgi reaches into her pocket and takes out her earphones. “What? Why do you keep your earphones in your pocket?” Irene says, seemingly offended.

“I don’t like bringing bags with me, okay? I’ll put them in yours next time if you’re so offended.” Seulgi laughs. “Anyway, take this.” Seulgi hands the earphones to Irene and plugs the other end to her phone.

“What’s this for?” Irene asks, trying to understand the situation.

“Just put it on.” Seulgi assures her. “I do this every time I visit a museum. I try to play a song which matches the painting and it amplifies all of my feelings and makes my chest swell with emotions, you'll understand later.” Irene turns to see Seulgi smiling softly with closed eyes and it makes her heart swell with emotions. I think I already understand. Irene thinks to herself.

“Okay, so I’ll play a song. But before that, I want you to be relaxed. Do as I say. Breathe in.” Seulgi instructs and Irene does as she is told. “Now, breathe out.” Irene follows again.

“And now, listen.” Seulgi hits the play button at the moment she finishes the sentence and everything becomes quiet for her as Irene’s world becomes filled with music and colors.

The sound of On Melancholy Hill by Gorillaz fills Irene’s ears and it perfectly matches the painting right in front of her. She sees an airplane with its nose pointed up and it seems to continuously fly upward in Irene’s mind. Floating freely. Not knowing where it wants to go, but still continues moving upward.

Kind of like how Irene is right now. She doesn’t know where she’s going but she continues to ride with the winds of life and continues to move along with it.

They spend the rest of the day roaming around and looking at the other paintings, sharing the earphones while listening to music and finding peace in the pictures plastered on the walls of the museum.

 

When they finally finish their museum tour, it was already past lunchtime and they were obviously getting hungry. They head towards the exit and start to walk back to the car. This time, they are headed to the location of Irene’s part of the date.

“Thanks for that, Seul. It was really nice and relaxing. And your music taste isn’t bad at all. Would you mind sharing your playlist with me?” Irene asks.

“Of course not. What’s mine is yours, babe.” Seulgi winks and Irene feels the urge to punch Seulgi.

“You just had to ruin the moment, didn’t you?” Irene laughs and hits Seulgi’s shoulder.

“I’m glad you liked it and I’m glad that I was able to share this with you. I really love art. I don’t have any technical background whatsoever nor have I formally studied it but I just love it.” Irene feels Seulgi’s passion for art bursting through her eyes.

“Do you also make them? Like do you draw or paint?” Irene asks.

“I do. I’ll show them to you sometime.” Seulgi smiles. “I, uh, actually tried to draw you. But I’m not sure if it would be worth showing.” Seulgi says sheepishly, reaching to touch the back of her neck.

“Of course it would be worth showing!” Irene blurts out. “I mean, I’m sure it looks fine.” Irene guarantees her girlfriend and Seulgi’s eyes light up. “It is my face after all.” And they both laugh at Irene’s confidence.

“Anyway, it’s my turn! And since we’re both hungry, my part of the date would be perfect for it.” Irene hops onto the passenger seat excitedly.

“Where are we going?” Seulgi asks.

“Secret. Close your eyes first. I need to put it in the GPS.” Irene commands.

“Alright, boss.” Seulgi smiles as she shakes her head and closes her eyes.

“All set. Let’s go!” Irene announces, and off they go.

 

Seulgi follows the instructions of the GPS and after a few minutes, it starts to lead them to a creepy road.

“Are you sure you put it in right? This is scary, babe. It’s so quiet and there’s no sign of any living being! Maybe we should go back.” Seulgi scarily protests.

“Yup, this is it. They say that if you reach a scary road then it means you’re almost there. So keep going.” Irene assures her.

You have arrived at your destination. The GPS announces. Seulgi sees a few cars parked so she decides to park beside one of them.

Seulgi turns off the engine and retrieves the picnic basket from the back before assisting Irene in getting out of the car.

“This is Emerald Moss Park. I read online that this was a nice place for people who want to enjoy quiet picnics. This is only reachable by car and the road is pretty scary so not that many people come here.” Irene explains. “Come on, the entrance is over there.” Irene points to an opening in the sea of bushes in front of them.

They enter the park and the first thing that greets Seulgi and Irene is the endless stretch of green grass and the refreshing scent of the air. There are a few people sitting on the grass, mostly couples and a small group of friends.

Seulgi inhales deeply and and closes her eyes. “Wow.” She breathes out and opens her eyes in wonder.

“Yeah, wow.” Irene mirrors Seulgi’s expression. “Let’s go, I want to sit over there.” Irene points over to a spot of grass covered by the shade of a humongous tree and leads Seulgi to it.

Irene takes out a blanket from the basket and lays it out on the grass. Seulgi sets the basket down onto the blanket and takes a seat beside it as Irene takes a seat across her.

“So for the appetizer, I cut up some fresh fruits and tossed a salad.” Irene smiles proudly as she takes out the food she made one by one. “For the main course, a roasted chicken pesto sandwich and I baked some fudgy brownies for dessert.” She also takes out some water she packed in the basket.

“Wow. You made all of these?” Seulgi’s mouth hangs in shock.

“Yeah. Why do they look bad?” Irene worries.

“No! They all look so good. I can’t wait to eat all of them. And I can’t believe I have the best girlfriend ever.” Seulgi looks at Irene with love in her eyes and kisses her forehead.

Irene blushes at this and is looking for something to say but Seulgi cuts her off. “Alright! Time to eat.” Seulgi’s attention was completely focused on all the food and starts gobbling them all down.

“This child.” Irene just laughs and shakes her head.

They finish almost all the food. Well, Seulgi finished almost all the food and they are now left with the brownies.

“Oh my god, Hyun! These are amazing!” Seulgi screams as she takes another bite of the brownies.

“You said that for all the food. I don’t know if I should believe you.” Irene teases, but is actually worried that Seulgi might choke soon because of the alarming rate that she is vacuuming all the food.

“Itsh thrue tjhoughk.” Seulgi mutters while chewing.

“What? Don’t talk when your mouth is full!” Irene goes into mom mode and hands Seulgi the water. “You might end up choking!”

Seulgi gulps down some water and repeats what she said. “I said it’s true though. These are all amazing, Hyun. Seriously, thank you.” Seulgi says it so sincerely that Irene’s heart is melting at the sound of her voice.

“You’re always so dramatic it’s just a little food. That’s all.” Irene downplays her efforts even though in reality it took her more than five hours to complete the preparation for everything.

“Still, I’m thankful.” Seulgi smiles at Irene.

“You’re welcome.” Irene returns the smile.

“For real though, haven’t thought about being a chef or something? You’re really good at this. I mean, that pesto? Wow. It’s even better than the ones I’ve had in five star restaurants. You made that yourself right?” Seulgi asks.

“Yeah. My mom and I love pesto so I make it a lot back home.” Irene smiles shyly. “And nope, I haven’t. But my parents would have never allowed me anyway so I never really thought about it.” Irene shrugs.

“That’s a shame. You probably would have a made a great chef.” Seulgi smiles.

“I can’t really imagine it anyway and I love cooking and baking as a hobby. I don’t know about turning it into a career though. I might end up hating it. And I don’t want that. My mom and I bond a lot over cooking so I wanna keep things that way.” Irene explains. “How about you? You’re passionate about art. Why didn’t you take up something in the Fine Arts department?”

“I see. And same as you, I guess. I don’t want to ruin my love for it. I’d much rather keep it a hobby.” Seulgi agrees. “Besides, I really like Business. I chose to take it up. And contrary to popular belief, my rich CEO dad had nothing to do with it.” Seulgi chuckles.

“Right. You have your coffee shop dreams.” Irene smiles.

“Yup. My coffee shop dreams.” Seulgi echoes and turns to Irene with a smile on her face.

They both turn to look at the sky and sit in silence for a few minutes. They watched as the sun slowly set and the sky was gradually filled with pink and orange hues.

“This is so beautiful.” Irene breathes out and takes out her phone to take a picture of the sky.

“Yeah.” Seulgi agrees and takes out her phone to take a picture as well, although not of the sky.

“Hey!” Irene slaps Seulgi’s arm when she realizes that Seulgi was taking a picture of her instead of the sky.

“What? Your side profile is so beautiful I wanted to capture it so I can draw it later.” Seulgi giggles while staring at the picture she just took.

Irene just laughs at her girlfriend’s childishness. “Thanks for today, Seul.” Irene says with so much warmth and seriousness. “I had so much fun and it’s all thanks to you.”

“I wasn’t the one who cooked the food though.” Seulgi shrugs. “It’s all thanks to you.” Seulgi smiles.

“We finally had our first date, huh?” Irene says.

“Yup.” Seulgi answers. “You know something we haven’t done yet?” Seulgi asks the same question again and turns to Irene with a playful glint in her eyes. Seulgi moves her gaze down to Irene’s lips and Irene already knows the answer to that question.

“What?” Irene breathes out softly, so soft that only Seulgi could hear, as she stares down at Seulgi’s lips nearing hers.

Seulgi tilts her head to the side and moves even closer but leaves the smallest of gaps between them before uttering one final word. “This.

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scarletnumber
About damn time I update this, aye? I'll try my best to put out something very soon now that I'm not so busy anymore!

Comments

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bethesinister
#1
Hi i kinda saw this again! I’m waiting for your return!
expectokedavra
#2
Chapter 5: This is such a gem.
JojoB88
#3
Chapter 5: Can the next chapter be about the angst and the pain already? because the more chapters being about how perfect they are for each other the more it would huuuuurt. aaaaaa i'm scared i'm still hoping for seulrene endgame.
ynylsc30518 #4
Chapter 5: Still hoping for the seulrene end game.
BaePolarBear
#5
Chapter 5: found this story recently.. actually i should think twice to read when i found this coz i'm not quite fond with this angst genre.. but when i read the first chapter i already hooked of it..
For now i should maintain my poor heart when the angst is coming..
Really love ur story a lot.. i hope seulrene will be happy ending.
kangintobae
#6
Chapter 5: Wow. An update. Thank u very much!.
Seulgi following irene, was the start of regrets.. i dont know.hahaha.
chocochipc00kie
#7
Chapter 5: They will get back together. Crossing all my fingers, including my toes.

Aaand I just know now that this is based off a song (from the comments) and I am digging it. Will definitely go to my playlist that have that certain feeling that I get when listening to them, one which I can't describe.

Will be waiting for the next updates.
jonginiies #8
Chapter 5: also the song says you told me you'll be waiting so maybe irene eventually comes back (and seulgi stays) and seulgi has moved on.. :( god i'm ready to be sad anyway