I wanted to scream.. I just somehow wanted to tell the world how much Kwon Jiyong meant to me.. How much I love him.. How much I wanted him by my side right now. but i know it would be just like throwing salts in the sea.

Useless.

Another 3 years without him.. I thought it would be a lot easier to me to move on and to live my life without him. But I was wrong. I told myself that, I'd rather be alone than being with other guys besides him. I am an idiot. I'm stupid for still holding on.. I still feel a bit of hope that someday.. someday he will come to me and be mine again.

but all of that only exists in fairytales, right?

 I even told myself that.. If he still do care about me,he wouldn't have wasted 3 years without giving me a single text, call, or even telling me his whereabouts. He never care.. He never will, I told myself. But i guess, my heart won't listen. My heart just won't stop loving the same person for years eventhough I know that person will never be the same person I know before,

I tried to look and to fall for someone else.. but I can never look at someone else like how I look at him. It can never be the same. I even rejected every guy's proposal when they asked me out.

I can't love someone else. I just can't.. because..

Its not him. Its not Kwon Jiyong..

Him, who looked gorgeous when he was focusing on something. His husky voice, his y lips, his perfect white teeth.. How can I ever love someone else when my heart keeps telling to not give up on him?

I leaned onto the wall and slid to the cover on my bed trying to push the memories out. I could feel the tears running down my face, could feel myself wanting to fall into the darkness and never come out. Words echoed in my mind over and over again. "I love you, D. Always will." "You&I will always be together forever" "I want a son for our first child." "I love you, Sandara Park."

"Bull," I mumbled.. as his voice kept echoing in my head. The sweet words he used to gave me. It took me years to realize that bulls.

Forever?

There's no such thing as forever. There's no such thing as happy ending. Girls should stop hoping that they will have a happy ending just like in the Fairytales..

Fairytales are just myth and fiction..

Nobody would know how much I was struggling for the past year.. How much I tried to move on again without him. I tried.. I really did. But how can I love someone else when he's the only guy that have always been running through my mind? He's the only who can make my heart racing with only a simple smile.. with only a simple action..

"Dara.. Are you ready? We're going to be late.." Bom's voice snapped me back into reality.. For a moment I totally forgot what she was referring to, until I finally remember that today is supposed to be YG High's reunion Party..

I wasn't planning to come at first, because I know "he" would be there too.. but Bom has been bugging for weeks asking me to come.. I had no choice but to come anyways..

"Oh yeah.. I'm ready." I stuttered a bit, wiping the last tears on my cheeks.. Hoping Bom wouldn't realize that I was crying.

"Let's go.."

I sighed in relief when she didn't realize that I was sulking around the room for hours thinking about him. because I know Bom wouldn't like that. She has been trying to set me up to blind dates.. but its just not working.

I can never look at other guys again.

Enough said.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I wandered around the place, trying to spot "him".. Hoping he would be here too.. Even watching him from afar will be enough for me. I wondered if he's going to bring his girfriend along with him today..

If he ever going to bring his girlfriend along.. I wouldn't know how to react. Maybe.. I would just breakdown infront of him again.

"Dara. Someone's looking for you at the pool side." Chaerin said as she nudged me to get my attention.

"Looking for me? Who?" I asked as I twiched my mouth in confusion.

"I don't know. He said something about a job offer. He wanted to meet you, privately."   Chaerin replied, with a smirk visible on her face. Why is she smirking?

"A job offer? Really?" I said, sounded a little bit excited. Chaerin nodded in reply. 

I smiled at her before I made my way to the pool side. My heart was racing, I was unsure why either. I just have the feeling something is going to happen after this.

The more nearer I was to the pool, the more my heart accelerates.. I mean.. How can someone offer me a job in a school's reunion? This is ridiculous..

I took a deep breathe as I arrived at the pool side. I found myself wandering around the pool side, but I found no one. I pouted in dissapointment. "Was it a prank?" I mumbled to myself.

"No. Its not.."

God.

I felt myself stiffened upon hearing that familiar voice from my back. Heart pounding, palm sweating, legs weakened, body trembling.. I didn't even dared myself to look back.

because I was afraid that I would breakdown infront of him. Afraid that I will dissapoint him again if he knows I haven't been able to move on from him..

"Dara.. look at me."

That voice, again. Am I hearing something right now? Am I dreaming right now?

"Dara.. please. Turn around and look at me.." He desperately begged. He sounded really desperate. Before I knew, he turned me around with his arm..

I gasped when I saw his face again.. after 3 years of not seeing him. Why does he look more thinner from the last time I saw him?

Has he been taking drugs? No. that wouldn't be possible. Jiyong's not that kind of guy.

Or perhaps.. His girlfriend isn't taking care of him well..

I just have the urge to caress his face.. To reach him and hug him like there's no tomorrow. But no, I have no rights to do that anymore.

"Hi.." He mumbled.

I can feel my face burning..

"Hai? Really? After how many years.. Just a simple Hi?" I blurted out..

He looked surprised. Shocked. With my sudden outburst.. I don't want look weak infront of him again. not anymore.. "W-what? Dara.. I came here.. I just want to say I want you back.. I know its just a sudden. but I finally realize how valuable you are..and I'm sorry"

He- what?

He left me dumbfounded and speechless.

Should I jump in joy infront of him? Should I cry of happiness infront of me? Because seriouly, right now.. I don't even know how to react anymore. That was the least thing I ever expect coming from his mouth.

"Can't you just forgive me? I have my reasons that I seriously can't tell you right now why I left you. but I will tell you when the time is right.."

"How could you.." I mumbled as tears escaped my eyes.. "after how many years.."

"Dara, I'm sor--"

"Sorry? Jiyong, you were the one who threw me away like an old shoes. You were the one who told me to move on. And now you want me back? I'm not a toy for you to play with, Kwon Jiyong. You're so complicated.. I don't even know you anymore." The words slipped out before I could even stop myself. They left a sour taste in my mouth, burning my tongue like an acid.

I was pissed- no. I was somehow upset. How can ever say such a thing about wanting me back after how many years?

He just stood there. Eyes fixed on mine.. Neither of us wanted to speak..

"Because," He started. "You just don't know what I've been through, Dara. I had to leave you, I had to.. Its not because I want to."

"AND why is that?! Why? Tell me a good reason why you suddenly left me and even asked me to move on.. huh? Why, Ji?" I couldn't control myself anymore. I wanted to stop.. It was my first getting mad at him like this. I just wanted him to know how much I struggled because of him for the past years. How much my life without him by my side.

"I had a tumor cancer, Dara. My doctor told me I had no hope.. that my time wouldn't be too long." He paused as I can see a clear tears escaped from his eyes. "I- it was on our finals. I wanted to tell you, but I can't. I didn't want to distract you from your studies. I know how you worked you off for college, and I just didn't want to ruin your future.. because of me,"

I remained silent.. as memories flashed into my mind. During finals.. Yes, he was ignoring me the whole time during our high school. It was our last year and I worked so hard to get in to college.. After my finals, I was too happy that I finally get to spend time with him.. just to realize that/ he wanted a break up with me.

"I finally decided to go to the States for operation.. Remember when I went for a short visit to Seoul and I told you I went for a short visit before my second semesters starts?" He asked.

I nodded.

"I actually wanted to see you.. for the last time. It was 3 days before my operation.. I had to convince my family and my doctor that I wouldn't take long. I was afraid that I wouldn't see you again after the operation.. I thought I had no hope for living anymor-" He choked at his own words.

More tears escaped my eyes as a realization hits me. No wonder he was this thin from the last I saw him. My struggling was nothing compared to him, afterall..

"But UNFORTUNATELY, the operation was a success. and it took me 3 years to recover from everything.. And here I am, healthy as ever. I wasn't planning to tell you, D. because I know you would be worried.."

"Unfortunately?" I stuttered a bit.

"Yes, unfortunately. because I'd rather die than being without you in my life. Being witout you for years was like hell to me.. It was a torture to me. "

"How about your girlfriend?" I heard myself asked. I can't help but to be curious.

I heard him sighed as I felt him reaching for me. He lifted my chin up to face him.. He smiled at me before saying  "There was never another gir, Dara. I had to lie.. I'm sorry. Only Youngbae knew about me.. I had to ask him to spread rumours about me having a girlfriend. I'm sorry."

"Jerk.." I mumbled.

He coughed out a laugh as he roughly hugged me. My face landed on his chest.. I mentally slapped his chest for being a jerk.. for leaving me.. for not telling me.. "Hit me all you want, baby.. If that'll make you better"

"I love you, Sandara Park. So much.."

"I hate you.."

He backed away from me a little bit to look at my face.. "Really?" He asked sounded a little bit dissapointed.. "... I-I shouldn't have take the operation, then.."

"I love you, Kwon Jiyong. I really do.. I tried to move on like you asked me.. but I couldn't. I couldn't see my future without you. I love you like a love~~`song." I ridiculously said.

"You love me like a love song? .. Really, D? You know I much hated Selena Gomez.."

"I love you like a love song, baby~~~ " I sang. He pulled me closer to him, our face inches away. "But i hate this love song, baby." He whispered before giving me a kiss. A passionate kiss.

The kiss I have been longing to taste once again. The kiss I have been longing to feel.. His y lips.. Oh how much I missed him..

"You know, D. Sometimes two people needs to be away to fall back together. And now we're falling back together.. "

I looked straight at him. Wanting to laugh at what he just said.. I parted my lips to speak before a smirked formed from my lips.

"I love you.. like a love song baby~~~"

"D. Stop singing that song, will you?"

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A/N: *wipe sweats.