"Like I’m trapped in a maze, I’m just blankly walking."

She exited the bathroom to find her sister sitting by herself on the dining table, eyes fixed on a piece of paper on her right hand. That instantly made her frown, knowing full well of the content written on the sheet. And inaudible sigh escaped her, she made sure to mask her expression before making her way towards the table.

"What you got there?" She tried to sound as nonchalant as possible. Her sister scrambled to hide the notice and she pretended she never saw that.

"Nothing." The young girl answered before digging into her bowl of cereals. It looked soggy, a clear sign that the cereals were drowned in the milk for quite some time.

"Not even a 'good morning' for me?" She leaned over the table, silently asking her sister to meet her eyes but the bowl appeared to be more eye-catching to her.

Her expression remained solemn. "Morning, Seul."

"Morning too, my dear Yeojin." Haseul's tone was sugary. "Frowning so early in the morning is not a good look, Yeoyeo." She reached across the table to pinch on the marshmallow-like cheeks, slowly pulling them upwards to make the girl smile.

Yeojin slapped on her hands half heartedly, disapproving the affectionate gesture. "Don't play with my cheeks like that." She whined which earned a chuckle from Haseul.

"Well, your cheeks are too fluffy. I can't help myself." Haseul explained, the laugh was still very much in her.

"They are not fluffy!" Yeojin shook her body in protest.

Haseul only laughed her heart out louder. "Alright, they are not." She said teasingly. "Now, get moving fast or you gonna be late for school."

"Yes, Haseul." Her sister glared at her, Haseul only stuck her tongue at the girl.

Haseul opened her dresser and tapped a finger on her chin, contemplating on what to wear today. But as her eyes scanned through the piece of clothings lining up in there, she figured it was pointless since 90% of her clothes were made up by either hoodies or flannels. She was not a big fan of dresses and skirts alike, only willing herself to wear them when she was required to. Her everyday outfit was nothing she would boast about, but she much prefer it that way. To prioritize mobility and comfort than the visual appearance. She pulled out a yellow flannel and instantly busying herself to get ready. Yeojin got school in less than 40 minutes.

Haseul saw people slowly flooding the streets, starting their routines for the day. She held onto her sister's hand, making sure that she was walking on the inner side of the pedestrian walk. Her normal routine would be waking Yeojin up for school before getting the breakfast ready while waiting for her sister's best friend, Yerim, to arrive so that Yeojin could walk with her to school. If she had the time, she would complete the house chores. Throwing dirty clothes into the washing machine, cleaning around the house, making Yeojin's bed (that child could be a little messy, maybe she got it directly from Haseul) and prepared lunch for Yeojin and Yerim in advance if the time let her. Then she would be off to work and stayed there for at least nine hours before coming back home. Rinse and repeat.

But less than two weeks ago, she learned that Yerim would be away for an undisclosed personal matter (she looked both troubled and suspicious when she informed Haseul about it) hence leaving no one to keep Yeojin's company until Haseul was done with her shift. Yerim looked apologetic since it would take her awhile to come back but Haseul was quick to dismiss it, that bright girl had done a lot more than what she was supposed to do. Keeping Yeojin's company paid her none, but Yerim still volunteered to do it on her own accord. Haseul did ask if her parents mind it, Yerim only answer was that they were busy with work themselves. Haseul regard Yerim as an angel from above, always smiling and never once she saw the girl being negative. That was how Yerim gained her trust to let Yeojin be in her watch. Haseul could not find any other person to trust Yeojin with since then. Yerim's absence caused Haseul to consider quitting her job, she could always seek for a new one later. Yeojin was forever irreplaceable.

Haseul felt a tug on her hand and she immediately turned to look at her sister. "Haseul..."

She raised an eyebrow. "What is it, Yeoyeo?"

A pout formed on the young girl's face. "You really won't let me join that school trip?"

Haseul was expecting for that topic to come up, but it did not mean that she had a good enough answer prepared. "It's not that I don't wanna let you join it. I just--"

"Can't trust me by myself without Yerimmie around." Yeojin finished off her sentence like she already had it written down on her heart. The girl was nothing but dejected.

"Yeojin..." Haseul tried her best to be reasonable, she understood where Yeojin's frustration originated from. Haseul stopped in her tracks to make her sister face her. "You know I just don't want anything bad to happen to you right?" She cupped on her face gently. Haseul hated being dubbed as overprotective but she really had no other choice.

Yeojin's sulky face pained her but Haseul did not put it on blatant display. "I know..." She croaked. "If it wasn't for my dumb self getting caught by this illness, I could have done everything by myself didn't I? I could have spared you the burden." Her frown was too much for Haseul to handle. This child was too young to be put through such test but Haseul was helpless herself and that fact always made her felt like a total failure.

"Hush now, don't say that." She put a finger on Yeojin's lips. "Don't call yourself dumb, you're far from that. You're the brightest kid around, I know you are." Haseul pulled her into a hug. "And it's not your choice, sweetheart. It just happened. You're never a burden to anyone, especially not to me. So get rid of that thought away as far as you can, hm?" She rocked them left and right.

Haseul heard Yeojin's soft sniffles. "But I'm tired of being unable to do what I want."

"Yeojin, listen." Haseul made sure to look into her eyes, bold and clear. "When we have the chance, I promise to take you on a trip of our own." She said calmly.

That effectively brightened up Yeojin's mood. "Really?" She wiped on her face, tears no more.

"Only if you promise me one thing in advance." Haseul held her index up.

"But why..." Yeojin whined loudly, her feet stomping against the pavement.

"Yeojin." Her tone was strict.

Her sulky face was still there but she finally relented. "Fine, what is it..."

"Promise me you will stay strong and get better, that you will fight and show that you are stronger than anything." Haseul meant every each of them. "And we will go on a trip, only when you get better. So, you have to try your best to do that, promise?" She presented her pinky finger in front of Yeojin, waiting for the younger to take it.

Yeojin kept mum and stared at Haseul's slender digit for what felt like eternity. The girl sighed lightly before wrapping her own pinky around it hesitantly. "I'll try to..."

"What's that? I can't hear you." Haseul pushed her ear forward, tone sarcastic.

"I promise!" This time Yeojin said it louder for Haseul, earning a big grin from the latter.

"That's my sweetheart." She pinched on Yeojin's left cheek before pretending to make a run away from her.

"Haseul!" Her sister groaned out loud.

They continued with their little journey, boarding a crowded bus as Haseul forced Yeojin to take the vacant seat on the middle row. Yeojin wanted the seat for Haseul but the older ignored it, playfully bobbing on Yeojin's cute little nose instead. They got off at their intended stop, along with pack of other students that left the bus almost empty. Walking along the jungle of city for a few more minutes, they finally arrived at Yeojin's school entrance.

"I'll come pick you up later as usual so make sure to be here or I leave you to sleep on the street." Haseul reminded the girl jokingly.

Yeojin scoffed. "As if."

"You think I don't have it in me?" Haseul quirked an eyebrow.

"Obviously you don't." She narrowed her eyes at her big sister.

"You know what? You're right." Haseul laughed, pearls showing. "Now get in there and get your grades together!" She gently pushed the small girl towards the school compound.

Yeojin waved her an enthusiastic goodbye to which Haseul replied with similar energy. Her face fell the moment Yeojin was out of her sight, a quiet sigh left her. It was always tough to pull off the calm demeanour in front of her baby sister but Haseul still willed herself through it whenever it mattered. She rather be greedy and carry everything on her back instead of letting Yeojin have the tiniest taste of it. Haseul wanted Yeojin to have it better than her, to live her life better than her. And better was what Haseul working towards.

The job at Mobius Music paid her well, or well if she was a regular child living in a regular family. But Haseul's definition of family was broken long ago the moment she was left alone to fend to herself and Yeojin. Not that she ever regard Yeojin as a burden, it never crossed her mind. But it sure would be a little less painful if Yeojin's condition did not exist in the picture. Haseul was accepting of it, more daring to own it instead, but it was definitely harder for Yeojin. Haseul could never blame it on her, she dealt with Yeojin's frustration with every ounce of patience she had in her. Haseul would give her all to secure her beloved sister the best.

Ascending the flight of stairs back to her little apartment, Haseul instantly jumped on her feet as she spotted a figure sitting there, dark hair curtained its facial features. She put a hand over her aching chest, trying her best to mask her reaction. It was not long before Haseul heard the person laughed, it sounded weirdly familiar to her.

"You should've seen your face." The figure laughed harder, guffawing almost.

Haseul rolled her eyes. "What are you doing here?" She pointed at the other. "Shouldn't you be at school right now?" Her eyes narrowed.

She snorted. "School is for the weak." When she saw Haseul folding her arms, she instantly added an afterthought. "Except for Yeoyeo."

"I don't think that's how school works, Son Hyejoo." Haseul spoke in a serious tone. "Get your  there right now. Or do you want me to report this to your mother?" She threatened the girl.

Hyejoo instantly got onto her feet. "No, please don't." She pleaded, rubbing her palms together. "I missed the bus earlier and even if I made it to school they still gonna whoop my ." Hyejoo tried to gain her sympathy.

Haseul frowned. "Let me guess, you missed your bus because you overslept?"

Hyejoo dropped her gaze. "... Correct."

"And you overslept because you've been staying up all night long playing video games?" The frown changed into a defeated expression.

"... Correct too..." She answered quietly.

"Then why are you here?" Haseul asked.

"I have nowhere else to go... the game arcade won't open until 10. And mom gonna kill me if I show up at the store." Hyejoo seemed to find the floor to be that interesting. "Just this one time, please."

Haseul just sighed before continuing to be on her way. Unlocking the door, she let Hyejoo in without much question. Haseul got to her daily task and moved around the house to gather any dirty clothing materials. She came into the living room to find the younger girl lounging her couch lazily.

"Maybe you need to cut off with the gaming for a bit, Hyejoo." Haseul said in a persuading manner.

"I know..." She answered immediately. "... but I can't."

Haseul slumped her shoulders, deciding it was not really her place to push the matter on the girl. "How's the store doing?" She changed the topic.

"Um... same old." Hyejoo pondered. "Aka boring."

"Don't disrespect your mother's treasured place like that, Son Hyejoo." Haseul reprimanded her.

"I'm aware, thanks for the reminder Miss Haseul." She pulled a face. "Oh, I just remember something interesting!" Hyejoo exclaimed before fixing her sitting position.

"And that is...?" The older was inspecting a nasty looking napkin she found underneath a cupboard and immediately frowned in disgust.

"Your girlfriend came to visit the store the other day." She announced in a sing sang voice.

Haseul dropped her basket onto the couch lazily. "Uh, did you get that wrong? Because I don't recall having any girlfriend." She looked at the girl with confusion.

"Oh, sure you have." Hyejoo smirked. "Y'know... pretty girl with pretty silver hair..."

Realization downed her in an instance. Haseul cleared on forcefully. "She's not my girlfriend..." She mumbled. "When was that exactly?"

"Hm let's see..." The girl threw her head back. "Less than a week ago...? Oh! I remember! The first day you're on leave."

So, Jungeun did come back that fast... "What did she want?" Haseul asked, careful not to show the curiosity nibbling in her.

"Duh, she was looking for you of course." Hyejoo rolled her eyes. "Wanted to thank you or something, lame excuses bla bla. When it's obvious she just wanted to see you." She shrugged. "She looked scary but she's actually not that bad, I liked her."

She ignored the heat creeping up her cheeks. "You liked her?" Haseul had to ask.

Hyejoo narrowed her eyes at Haseul. "Ew, not like her like her. She's not my type." The disgust was evident on her face. "More like... I aspire to be like her."

Haseul was perplexed. "Aspire to be like her? When you don't even know her?" Absurdity laced her tone. "For all we know, she could be a bad person... or anything like that..."

Hyejoo raised an eyebrow. "What happened to 'she's very charming, her flustered face was so cute​​​'?"

"Someone said all that?" Haseul snickered.

Hyejoo stared at her incredulously. "Yeah, that someone is you." She shook her head. "Anyway as I was saying, she's pretty cool. I have a good feeling about this one." She beamed.

"Good feeling on what exactly?" Haseul resumed her task, trying to appear nonchalant.

"I don't know... I just feel like we're gonna see her more often after this." Hyejoo rubbed her chin. "Wait until Yeoyeo meet her, she gonna give instant approval."

"Why you praising her so much... did you two become buddies or what?" Haseul raised an eyebrow. "And I'm afraid that's not gonna happen."

"Aw, come on. Let Yeojin have the sister in law she deserves." Her smirk came back. "Anyway... you can say we spent some quality time together so she is cool in my book." She laughed to herself at the memory, she was expecting for Jungeun to come visit again to beat her up but it never happened.

"Okay, sister in law is kind of reaching now." Haseul then frowned, she felt a weird sensation at the thought of Jungeun being close to someone else. Someone that was not her. "What did you two do actually?"

"Nothing." Hyejoo winked, chuckling to annoy Haseul on purpose. "She did ask for your number though."

Haseul whipped her head to stare at the girl. "Did you give her?"

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't." Hyejoo shrugged playfully.

"Seriously?" Hyejoo just laughed like a fool. Haseul huffed. "Whatever, not that I care." Lies.

Hyejoo blinked rapidly. "You're being weird." The younger girl pointed out.

She shook her head eagerly. "Nothing is weird." Something was weird. 

After a couple of hours, Haseul finally, successfully, kicked Hyejoo out of her house, having dodging every single attack of questions from the girl and her obvious intention to gush Jungeun up. Haseul pretended not to buy whatever that was thrown at her. But reality was it had gotten more harder for her to get Jungeun out of her mind. It was all Hyejoo's fault.

Haseul took a seat at the edge of her bed, her hand trembled slightly as she pulled open her drawer. Her eyes graced a bright white piece of clothing, one that she still kept safe despite not knowing what was the right choice to her next course of action. She reached out and unfolded it slowly, it was not like she stared at it everyday to have the line of numbers stored at the back of her memory. Or maybe she unconsciously did. Her thumb caressed on the stain of marker gently, she did not recall Jungeun jotting it down over dinner. When did she find the time to do that?

Haseul sighed faintly. As much as she hated it, maybe Hyejoo had a point.

Maybe Jungeun was not that bad (not that she ever thought she was anything like that).

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ 

"Like a fool, I’m thinking of you."

Her eyes scanned around the table wildly, that was a lot of colours to take in at once. "I thought we're having some dessert, not a full on course." She raised a brow at her friend seated across her.

The other chuckled lightly, face turning into a puppy like look. "I figured since we're already here so might as well." A shrug was presented to her.

"Remind me again what are we celebrating exactly?" She tilted her head.

Her friend sighed. "I'm supposed to be the older one here, Seul." She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, this is to celebrate me getting some major bonus after that little festival." Kahei gave her a playful wink. "Miss Jung was so happy, you have no idea."

"Ah, right. You told me the other day." Haseul knocked on her own head faintly. Kahei had specifically asked her to make some time today. Not that Haseul had anything important in her schedule to begin with, but it somehow still required Kahei to give her another reminder. Her best friend since college got her confused the moment she pulled up in front of this dessert place since it looked nothing like what Haseul was accustomed to. It was grand-ish and screamed 'heaven for overpriced desserts'. But Kahei seemed so excited that Haseul had no heart to reject her request. "Anyway, congrats Kahei! I'm glad it went well for you." Her smile was so wide.

"Thank you!" Kahei sing sang playfully. "I really wanted Yeojin to come along but since she got school and I have to fly to Hong Kong tonight--"

"Fly to Hong Kong?" The other girl seemed a little surprised that she cut Kahei off in the middle of her mini speech.

"Huh? Oh yeah! I forgot to tell you that." Kahei exclaimed. "It's work, they want me to help monitor the sub-label there so yeah... and I'll be staying with my parents I guess. I haven't been home for quite some time..." She trailed off.

Haseul looked at her with cautious eyes. "How long will you be there?"

Kahei seemed to take her time with that question. "Probably a week? Two at tops." She shrugged.

"I hope you can make the most out of it." Haseul reached over the table to squeeze on Kahei's warm hand. Her best friend was doing amazing with her job, it made her both happy and envious at the same time. Haseul could not turn her dream into reality just yet, but seeing Kahei achieving so much was enough to conceal her own disappointment.

"I hope so too." The Chinese girl gave her a small smile. "But anyway, enough about that. There's another reason why I willingly spend big today." Kahei wiggled her eyebrows.

Haseul eyed her weirdly. "What is it?" She narrowed her eyes. "Are you getting married?" Haseul laughed.

"I don't even have a candidate--" Kahei huffed, struggling to recompose herself. "Anyway, no. It's about you." Her index was directed at Haseul.

"What about me...?" Haseul blinked rapidly.

"Remember I told you that Miss Jung was so happy with how that festival went?" Kahei leaned forward.

"Yeah... and...?" Confusion was written all over her face.

"So, she took notice of a few contestants with real potentials. And guess what? You, Jo Haseul, is among them." Her smile grew wider. "You caught her attention the most so she decided to offer you a deal."

"Wait, wait. What deal?" Everything was too much for Haseul to digest.

"Hear me out." Kahei gave her a signal to let her finish first. "She wants your voice for our OSTs project." The glee in Kahei's body language was so prominent.

Haseul stayed mum despite all that, looking very much stunned by the big news. So many things ran wild at the back of her head, but this particular prospect had never crossed her. It felt too surreal, like she just landed herself on the moon.

"Seul?" Kahei patted on the back of her palm twice to pull her back. "So, what do you say?"

"I..." Haseul swallowed down her saliva roughly. "... I don't know, Kahei..." It was clear that she was yet to recover from the initial shock.

Kahei widened her eyes. "What do you mean you don't know?" She blinked a couple of times and gave it another try. "Haseul, I know this is probably too much for you so I'm not gonna make you decide this instant."

"No, I mean... how...?" Her voice turned into a hush.

"You asked me how?" Kahei was baffled. "It's because you are that talented, Haseul. One has to be out of their mind if they can't see that." She said with eagerness.

Haseul felt her cheeks and eyes turned warm, too tongue-tied to say anything coherent in return. It took her a minute to voice her thought again. "But I don't know if I can do this..."

Kahei stared at her with cloudy eyes. "Jo Haseul..." She called out her name softly. "Don't ever doubt yourself like that. I know this is not the most ideal scenario for you but it's still a step forward towards your long time dream." She articulated her points thoughtfully. "You always put others ahead of you, give yourself a chance for once."

Haseul brown orbs were glossy. "I want to focus on Yeojin for no--"

"See? That's exactly what I'm saying." Kahei gave her no room to finish, huffing quietly to calm herself. "Listen, as I said before, I'm not gonna force you into making any decision now. I'll convince Miss Jung to wait, I'm sure she won't mind. Take your time and tell me whenever you are ready. Okay?" She offered her best friend a warm smile, fluttering her eyelashes playfully to make it less tensed.

Haseul slowly mirrored Kahei's smile before breaking into a tiny grin afterwards. "Okay." Her answer was brief but firm.

"That's more like it. I can't believe you always make me work extra harder everytime." The older shook her head. "Now, these desserts have been waiting for us long enough." Her fingers found themselves around a pink cupcake. "Look at how pretty this is." She cooed at the food before finally taking a bite from it. "We gotta box some of these for Yeoyeo."

Haseul laughed at the sight, silently agreeing at how pretty both the pink cupcake and pink Kahei were looking. She was forever thankful for Wong Kahei's existence, she was a pillar that Haseul never deserved but totally needed. "So, Kahei..."

"Hm?" The girl hummed, mouth still full with sweet course.

"When you say you have no candidate, that's a lie isn't it?" Haseul sent a smug smile at her.

Kahei choked on her food. "Not this topic..." She threw her head to the back dramatically.

"Come on, you're lying right?" Haseul ignored that and pressed further.

"Nope, I'm not." Kahei continued to dodge. "Maybe we should talk about you instead. Found anyone special yet?" She smiled devilishly.

That question should carry no threat for Haseul but for unknown reason, a particular person popped in her mind without warning and it sent her into a daze.

"Oh... so you do have someone huh?" Kahei pointed an accusing finger at her.

"No, I don't." Haseul looked away.

"Yes, you do. Tell me." Kahei did not give up. "Tell me or I'll make you pay for all this instead." She gestured at the table.

"Kahei!"

"Haseul!" She mirrored Haseul. "Come on! I'm your best friend, don't I?" Kahei pouted exaggeratingly.

"I--" Haseul avoided making any sort of eye contact with Kahei. "It's a long story."

Kahei looked at her with sympathetic eyes. "Don't worry, we still got time." Her expression turned back into a teasing one.

Haseul drew in a very deep breath, contemplating on sharing her tricky situation with Kahei.

It took her long enough, with Kahei waiting patiently while devouring the desserts in front of them one by one, but she eventually decided it won't hurt to open up to someone.

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ 

"You appear and disappear and it repeats."

The petite figure was busy scanning through a documented text, narrowing her eyes at the complex figures and charts every now and then. She got a small scale event upcoming this weekend and being the director of events she was, she needed to make sure that everything was intact according to plan and the possibilities for any mishap to happen was close to zero. Regardless of the size, she could not afford to risk any safety measure being loose.

Her concentration was broken by her assistant and it visibly annoyed her to no end. "Miss Park, someone is here for you."

She gritted on her teeth. "I told you I don't want any sort of interference right now." A harsh huff escaped her lips.

Her assistant definitely felt her rage. "B- but it's--"

"It's me, Jung Jinsoul." A third voice boomed across the open space and it had her turn on her heels.

A smile made its way onto her face almost instantly. "Oh, why hello there. What a pleasant surprise to see you here." After giving it a silent consideration, she cleared . "Minju, inform Mr. Ha that I'll finish with this by tomorrow. For now... I have a guest to entertain." She ordered her assistant calmly, quite the opposite of her behaviour from earlier. "And that will be all for today."

"Noted, Miss Park." The girl bowed a bit before taking her leave.

After they were left alone, she looked around the pit and gestured for Jinsoul to take a seat on the couch at one corner. "Is the world ending?" She started.

"What are you talking about?" Jinsoul stared at her in confusion.

"For you to actually grace this place with your presence, it must be a world class issue." She rested her back against the couch, barely containing a small yawn from escaping. Her job drained her so much.

"I can't visit my own bff now?" Jinsoul tilted her head.

"You don't usually come visit me here." She paused for a bit. "Actually scratch that, you never visited me anywhere. Not even when I broke my arm and was hospitalized for like a week. Sheesh." She hissed loudly. "Bff my ."

"Hey, I was there okay?" Jinsoul brought her arms in front of her in a defensive manner.

"Yeah, that was after your favorite Jungeun literally dragged your  there." The smaller blonde rolled her eyes. "You only hit me up when you're in a desperate need of a drinking buddy."

"Aw, someone's jelly." She cooed. "Chaewon, we don't let that kind of sentiment to affect our definition of bff okay? Once bffs, always bffs." Jinsoul smiled widely.

"Whatever, that still stands." Chaewon slumped further into the couch, she was considering on taking a short nap. "Now, just go straight to the point yeah?"

"Fine... it's about... Jungeun..." The older one nibbled on her lip absentmindedly, her fingers playing with each other against her lap.

Chaewon smiled with her eyes closed. "Totally did not see that coming. At all."

"Why you sound like you have something against her?" Jinsoul glared at the girl but it did no malice with her eyes sealed shut.

"I don't know... maybe I still have some unfinished business with her." She shrugged. "Doesn't matter. What about Jungeun?"

Jinsoul was silent after that, the girl appeared to be in a deep thought. "She goes MIA again... been like two days..." She announced quietly. "I thought I'd find her here though..."

Chaewon peeled her eyes open, moving her head so that she could look at Jinsoul. "Have you try to reach her?"

"What do you take me as?" Jinsoul stared at the girl, face perplexed. "Of course I did. She won't answer her goddamn phone." She proceeded to pout.

"Her house?" Chaewon continued to probe.

"Park Chaewon, stop asking unintelligent questions like that." Jinsoul sighed. "She's not there. And before you ask, I did try both day and night."

"Where did she go now..." The younger muttered under her breath. "But you know... this is not the first time she pulls this sort of stunt." She met Jinsoul's eyes again.

"And? Are you suggesting we shouldn't worry about it at all?" Her volume got louder.

Chaewon waved her hands to dismiss that. "Chill, will you?" She squinted her eyes. "I'm just saying that it's not out of ordinary for Jungeun to go MIA. And whenever she do that, she always come back. Safe and sound."

"But Chaechae..." The older girl whined. "I don't feel good at all this time. I trust my gut feelings a lot."

The other slumped into the couch again. "Give me a reason why I should join you and start worrying about this."

"Are you serious?" A hand swatted on her shoulder lightly. "I can give you more than one. First, she is your best friend. Second, you know her condition."

"Third?" Chaewon asked lazily.

"Third." Jinsoul's voice turned dark. "The anniversary is coming up." She spoke quietly.

"Anniversary--" Chaewon was about to verbalize her question when it hit her. "Oh..." Silence took over them afterwards. Jinsoul had so many things running in her head, mostly consisting of unpleasant scenarios while Chaewon was having an internal fight with herself, could not quite believe that she almost forgot about one thing that scarred her best friend for life. "Soul..." After some interval, she spoke again.

"Hm?" Jinsoul turned to look at her with worried eyes.

"Do you think... she's gonna be there?" Her voice was careful. "I mean, remember last time?"

The blonde closed her eyes before she released a shaky breath. "I hope not."

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ 

"Willing to get closer to the sun, flapping of the burnt wings."

A/N: Suicidal implications ahead (in the next TWO parts, could be considered minimal but just in case), proceed with caution/at your own risk

Darkness closer than a friend.

One of her feet dove into the pool of freezing water.

For the light is too much for oneself to bear.

Another one joined in.

What purpose does oneself serve?

She slowly let her feet to sink deeper into the coldness.

When oneself's only deed was to inflict pain on others?

Evident white mist left her trembling lips.

What purpose does a beating heart have?

Both her hands sift through the engulfing liquid, letting it glide in between her bony fingers.

When each thump spreads nothing but piercing numbness?

Surge of sore took over her sense.

Light exists because darkness exists.

Eyelids came to a close as her all shivered.

Light for oneself, no more.

Flashes of memories invaded her, some were of her smiling, some were of her at her lowest points, some were of her that she wished to never exist and some were of her that she could not tell of their authenticity.

Is this it?

Her feet were soaked in the water long enough for her to feel none even when she jiggled her fingers with much intensity. Unknown warmth crept upon her bottom eyelids, tickling on them while begging for her to release a drop or two but she swallowed everything back down.

Is this worth it?

She craned her neck so that her vision was filled with the muted grey sky. Her breath dwindled down to a slow, the freezing water seeping through her chest.

A second chance is never too far if oneself bother to let the light shines through.

That voice was foreign to her. So foreign that it poked her consciousness. That was not the same whisper that had kept her company for years. She turned around and found no one on the shore and no one in the water too, it was her and only her in the vicinity. She began to wonder if the voice of enlightenment was real.

Light will reveals the path and guide oneself over.

It was tough but she chose to believe it was.

~

The memorial was deserted, clashing with her chaotic and frenzied mind. That surely was not a good combination.

Jungeun stared at the torn photograph, her 16 years old self was staring back at her with a smile she could not taste on her lips anymore. The only other figure seen was of her mother, memories of her were blurry in Jungeun's reel. A tiny portion of the photo was missing, leaving one last person in it faceless. Years went by and Jungeun barely remembered any sort of distinctive features the person used to own.

Either her brain was failing her.

Or she chose to delete those fragments at her own will.

Her cellphone vibrated again in her pocket but Jungeun paid it no attention. They would get tired of trying to reach out to her, eventually. Jungeun folded the piece along the deep ingrained creases before setting it to crush in her firm hold. Her forearms met her thighs and her head dipping at that. The sorrow was back to take her into a pit hole she barely escaped before. The cycle trapped her, leaving her stuck closer to her demon.

Her outer shell was unconvincing but she scrapped enough to deceive whoever that crossed her path. Professionals told her that her memories were broken seconds prior to the crash, that she had no exact recollection of the event for her to rule herself of the guilt. The haunting nightmares were her own creation they said, Jungeun believed it for a second.

They were too vivid for her to ignore, more and more revealed to her each time. She could not understand the pain properly and it only result in her to be further drowned. If there was one thing that Jungeun was certain of, it would be of every single anecdote that lead up to her tragedy.

Jungeun was never a sadist all her life. But she thought the unfortunate occurrence was justifiable.

Hand sneaked past her layer of clothings, she hissed as cold fingers made a direct contact with the scar down her abdomen. If Jungeun ever doubted the fate, that bold and pronounced mark always served as a physical reminder that everything was real.

That her pitiful excuse of an existence was real.

She descended the stairs one by one, light thud was heard at every step. She hated how much this trivial action emphasized the emptiness of their homongous household but there was very little she could do about it. Scanning around, she immediately spotted her mother by the dining table. All by herself.

Passing a heavy sigh off her lips, she made way to approach the lone figure. "Where's dad?" Her voice hoarse from the lack of usage all day long.

Her mother jumped slightly at that. "Jungeun." She addressed her quietly. "Why aren't you sleeping yet? It's half past 11." A hand reached out to Jungeun and she only stared at it for a solid half minute. Sensing her hostility, the old woman retreated slowly and settled for a soft smile instead.

"I can't sleep." Jungeun rubbed on her eyes, clearly exhausted.

The smile was still there. "Nervous for tomorrow?"

"Maybe." She shook the thought away for later. "Are you waiting for him?" She did not have the intention to forgo her initial curiosity.

The way her mother had been avoiding her eyes did not go unnoticed by her. "Yes, he will be a little late."

"A little late." Jungeun repeated, almost laughing. "What is he doing out this late?"

"Do not speak of your dad in such tone, Jungeun." Her mother reprimanded her. "He... got some work to do."

"Are we sure it's work..." She mumbled under her breath. "He remembers about tomorrow, doesn't he?"

"Yes, Jungeun dear. I already remind him earlier." The woman directed a look at her.

"I don't mind him not being there." Jungeun said monotonously. "But gramp won't like that one bit and disappointing him is the last thing I ever wish for."

Her mother let out a soft sigh. "He will be there." This time, she ignored everything and grabbed onto Jungeun's cold palm. "For you."

"Anything you say." Her hand stayed limp. "I'm going to bed. You should too, mom. Don't stay up too late."

"I will be in a bit. You go ahead." She rose up from the seat and engulfed Jungeun's frame in a loose hug. "Good night, Jungeun."

It caught her off guard for a moment, but she later took her mother into a tight embrace. "Good night, mom." A light kiss was placed on her cold temple and Jungeun let go of her mother with a small smile.

Jungeun brought the leftover scent and warmth back with her to bed.

~

Jungeun tapped her foot against the pavement in a restless pace, her patience was running thin. She glanced at the exposed front door, still no sign of either of her parents. "Mom! Dad! We are going to be late!" A scream to get them going. "For heaven's sake." She huffed to herself.

"Coming, honey." Her mother was the first one to emerge, all dressed up for the occassion.

Jungeun cracked one door open for her mother to settle in the backseat. "He's taking forever." The blonde complained. "I should've just hitch a ride with Jongdae earlier." Frustration slowly nibbling inside her.

A few minutes later, with hair crumpled and two buttons undone, Jungeun's old man finally appeared. "Sorry, took me a bit there." He climbed onto the front passenger hastily. Jungeun bit down on her lower lip to refrain from making any unnecessary comment. She joined her parents in the car seconds later, nearly locking herself with the seatbelt when his voice boomed again. "Oh God, I forgot my wallet and phone." He tapped a palm on his forehead.

"Seriously now?" Jungeun half yelled, her patience was threading on a thin line.

"I'll be quick." He reached out to unbuckle himself but Jungeun stopped him just in time.

"You stay here, I'll go grab them." She ordered. Knowing her father, it would take him double the time. "Where do you put them?"

There was a moment of hesitance flashing behind his eyes. "On the dresser." His voice was low.

Jungeun jogged upstairs, turning on a corner and went through the hallway before reaching her parents' bedroom. Her eyes fell onto the dresser and she instantly spotted the items resting there. She breathed loudly through her nose and lunged forward to grab them. The cellphone buzzed the moment Jungeun had her fingers wrapped around it. She unlocked it without much thought, unaware of the pandora box she was holding onto.

From: Kim Jiwoo
Ma don't look so good. I don't mean to pressure you but I hope you'll be here asap. She needs you, dad.

Her hand shook violently, fingers almost crushing the poor object at her growing rage. A complete unknown to her was addressing her father as 'dad', she felt sick. Another buzz snapped her thinking process and Jungeun was left staring at the big bold 'Kim Jiwoo' flashing on the screen. Hesitant thumb hovered over the green button before she finally let it came in contact with the said button. No face to the name, yet Jungeun felt nothing less than disgust for the person. She brought the device to her right ear, anticipating for any sort of sound to greet her hearing.

"Dad?"

That foreign voice belonged to a girl. Very foreign. Jungeun stay muted.

"Dad, I'm sorry this is probably not the right time. But m- ma--"

She broke down into tears. Jungeun felt dizzy.

"Doctor said sh- she is getting--- worse."

This could not be happening. Jungeun felt something clenching at the base of her stomach.

"Dad-"

She heard enough. Jungeun disconnected the call, struggling to get her brain wrapped around the sickening finding. There was no way this was real, this had to be a joke. Suspicion and speculation had always been there, at the back of her mind. Many times Jungeun failed to conceal it and ended up announcing her idea. But this, this was too much for her to handle. To finally confirm her theory was a whole different story, it hit her raw and jarring. Her father was never the man Jungeun believed he was.

The drive was silent and torturing with Jungeun trying her best to swallow everything down. But she could not ignore the presence beside her, twisting and flinching in his seat every now and then. Jungeun hated that she was aware of the reason why.

"Jungeun honey, is everything okay?" A hand touched her shoulder carefully from behind, concern was evident in her mother's voice.

"Yes, mom. Everything... is okay." Her grip on the wheel was so tight that her knuckles turned white in return. Jungeun was thankful that she did not waver verbally.

"Drive carefully, honey. No need to rush." Her mother gave her a reminder. Jungeun just nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

Moments passed when a loud ringing replaced the silence, Jungeun saw her father ignoring the incoming call from the corner of her eyes. "Why aren't you picking that up?" She could not hold that in.

"It's nothing important." He said quietly. A lie. Jungeun hated being lied at. Anger building up in her again, foot adding more pressure to the pedal.

It was another soundless moment except for the faint music playing from the stereo. Jungeun was trying her best to maneuver the vehicle, letting it cruise in a steady speed. The road was exceptionally clear as they were headed towards the outskirt of the city, sun reflected on the river beneath the bridge they were on.

That was when the same ringtone broke everything apart.

'Kim Jiwoo' pulled the trigger in Jungeun. "You need to pick that up." She breathed out loudly.

"It's not im--"

"Pick that up!" Jungeun took one hand off the steering and went for the device but her father's resistance came just as fast.

"What are you doing?!" The old man yelped at Jungeun's increasing berserk.

The car began to sway uncontrollably, screaming and shouting top one another in alarming pace. Jungeun lost the balance in her footing and it caused the SUV to accelerate further. "Jungeun! Watch out!" Her mother's voice was the last thing she registered in her audio memory as a deafening bang took over her senses.

Everything was a painful blur to her afterwards. Jungeun saw a figure approaching her side for milliseconds, face frantic and pale. She thought she heard endless 'what have I done' from the person. She croaked a meek 'help' but her body could not hold on any longer.

White greet her vision soon after.

~

It was still white when she opened her eyes again. Jungeun felt numb all over. Other than her eyes, she could barely move around. She heard a low gasp before shuffles of feet echoing throughout the space next. "Oh God, you're awake. Chae, get the doctor quick."

Warm hand squeezed hers as her vision fell on her awaiting best friend. Jungeun tried to speak but then realized there was something trapping the lower part of her face. She pulled it off despite Jinsoul's interference. "Where am I?" was so dry that her voice came out strange. She still found it hard to get her limbs to work.

"Don't move." Jinsoul stopped her from wriggling. "You're in the hospital." She answered briefly.

"Hospital?" Her head swam in a chaotic pattern. "Why?" She might ripped her vocal cord sooner or later.

"Wait, you need to drink." Jinsoul scrambled to pour a glass of plain water before helping Jungeun up just enough to wet . Letting the empty glass to rest atop of the bedside table with a clink, the girl then sat near the edge of the bed. "You don't remember?" She whispered.

Jungeun shut her eyes for a moment, rewinding whatever was left to jog her memory. "I shouldn't be here... I should... be on the circuit right now..." That somehow unlocked her muscles that Jungeun finally sprang up from the bed. "It's my pro debut."

"Jungeun, no." The older put a hand on her shoulder to keep her still, head shaking weakly. "It's over." Sorrow filled her eyes and it was all maze for Jungeun.

"What do you mean?" Confusion was eating her raw.

"You..." Jinsoul swallowed down her saliva thickly. "You've been sleeping for six days."

~

The wheelchair came to a halt in front of two set of tombstones, harsh wind hitting her face without mercy. "We'll leave you here for a bit." Jinsoul's voice entered her hearing. "Let's go, Jongdae." Jungeun felt a light squeeze on her shoulder before she was left all alone there.

Alone.

Save for Jongdae, Jungeun was left alone.

Everything was taken away from her in blink of an eye. Her mother, her father, her happiness, her physicality.

Her dream.

Her parents gone upon impact, leaving Jungeun severely wounded. She took a blunt knock on her head, resulting in zero memory of the unfateful event for her. She should be grateful really, but instead Jungeun was swallowed by hollow and worthlessness.

Diagnosed to be temporary paralyzed waist down, it further devastating and damaging her. Her dream career jeorpadized before it had the chance to begin. Grandfather would be so disappointed in her, so did her mother.

Jungeun let her eyes to rest on the names carved on the stones, one gave no effect but the other totally broke her.

Jungeun grieved for her mother, but never for her father. The grudge she carry was too big to forget. It weigh down on her shoulders ever since.

"You really have no shame, don't you?" Her voice raspy.

The figure facing the opposite direction beside her snickered at the accusation. "Shame of what exactly?"

Jungeun smiled bitterly. "But have the audacity to play innocent."

"I don't understand a thing you say." The other looked away.

"You have no right to be here." Her fingers curled into a fist.

There was a pause followed by a silent sigh. "I have the right to be here as much as you do."

"No, you don't." Her anger seeping through.

"He's my fath--"

"Bull." Before it reached her ears, she cut her off.

Jongdae guided her into a spacious office room, she wished for anything but to be here. Jungeun instantly recognized Mr. Yoo, the attorney, sitting readily at one of the couches. One unfamiliar face caused her to have a second thought.

Jungeun pulled on Jongdae's sleeve, beckoning him to bend over. "Are you sure we're at the right place?" It was pointless to ask since Mr. Yoo was literally there, but Jungeun just had to make sure.

A timid nod from Jongdae. "Yes, we are." He patted on Jungeun's stiff shoulder to reassure her.

Jungeun studied the stranger's face, she was looking no older than her. Probably around the same age as her. Jongdae settled on the right side of Mr. Yoo after setting Jungeun directly in front of the latter. "Good day, Mr. Kim Jongdae and Miss Kim Jungeun." Mr. Yoo greeted politely. "Now that everyone is here, I reckon we can start right away."

"Yes, please." Jongdae answered in a low voice.

Jungeun still had her eyes on the quietest person in the room, slowly nodding to signal her own permit. Something about this girl was off, Jungeun really had a bad feeling about her. The way the girl was sitting restlessly was not of a help either.

Mr. Yoo began reading their father's will, bits were simplified to keep it brief and on point. Jongdae's share was expected, with their father's company and small-scale private healthcare being the main pivots trusted to him. Jungeun had her own share in those but contest was already in her from the very beginning, she wanted nothing to do with her father anymore. As much as the healthcare was no business but pure deed, Jungeun still refused to have any relation to it. Unlike Jongdae, Jungeun was never one to follow after their father's footsteps. He was trustable and responsible enough to carry the task, enough to accomplish everything that Jungeun was not.

The trigger in her was activated again, just as Mr. Yoo put a name to the stranger's face. "Now onto Mr. Kim Junsu's third child, Miss Kim Jiwoo." A name she would never forget, a name she would forever loathed. Jungeun felt her inside swirled.

Jungeun looked up again, this time eyes full of hatred and pure detest. "So, it's you." Her growl caused Mr. Yoo to stop with job at hand. All eyes instantly fell onto Jungeun.

"Is there anything wrong, Miss Jungeun?" She sensed nerve behind Mr. Yoo's tone, it was enough to tell that that question was an unneeded improvisation.

"Everything is." A snarl fuelled by anger. "You." She pointed a finger at Jiwoo. "You killed my mom." Her hand shook violently.

Jiwoo was nothing but confusion. "I'm sorry?"

"You killed my mom!" Her face flushed. Jungeun clasped on the right side of her head, a pound creeping onto her. "I want out." She said through gritted teeth. "Get me out of here!" Her brother rushed to her side to check on her. "I don't want to be in the same room as her." Warm tears b at the edge of her reddened eyelids. "Get me the hell out of here."

"That's not very nice, Jungeun." Another voice suddenly chimed in, it was familiar yet so distant to her.

Jungeun turned around, her boots thudding. "You siding with her now, Jongdae?" Her brother looked different, Jungeun could not pinpoint of the exact change. Maybe he just lost some weight.

"I'm not siding with anyone." He said briefly.

"What has gotten into your head?" Eyes narrowed in question. "Or have you been casted a spell by this girl too?" Jungeun was quick to shift her gaze towards the back of the girl's head. "Just like what her mother did to dad."

"Don't you dare talk about my mom like that!" The gap between them suddenly disappeared. A finger afloat in front of Jungeun, almost jabbing at her left chest. "Insult me all you want but keep my mom out of your filthy slanders." The way her teeth gritting so tightly was enough to showcase her wrath.

"Slander." Jungeun made sure to hold onto the eye contact. "Can it be consider as one if it's the truth?" Her face was flushed in fury. Glimpse of tears on the other's eyes was a trophy to Jungeun.

"Jungeun!" Jongdae wrapped his strong fingers around her arm, trying to pull her away from the scene. "This is not yo--"

"Let go." She yanked her arm forcefully, surprise instantly coloring her brother's orbs.

Her silver hair bobbed along as she spun on her heel. "The world doesn't revolve around you alone." The girl spoke up just before Jungeun started to walk away, voice at the verge of breaking.

Jungeun's gaze lowered to the ground. "You right." An ironic laugh escaped her hurtful lungs. "I don't exist to this world anymore." She picked up her pace, aiming to distance herself as far as possible.

"Jungeun, where are you going?!" Came a belated concern from Jongdae.

"Don't bother." That was final.

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ 

"Inside the darkness, at the end of the road, will we able to meet?"

A/N: Suicidal implications ahead, proceed with caution/at your own risk

Haseul patted on the duvet softly, helping Yeojin to get comfortable as much as she could. Exhaustion was there on her sister's face, her tiny frame was weak against the mattress. Haseul could feel her heart breaking at the sight. "I told you it's okay to miss that nature club meeting." She put a hand on Yeojin's forehead, it was warm. "Why are you so stubborn?"

"I got to learn more about snails today..." Her volume was so quiet. "Can we get one later?"

Haseul stared at her sister droopy eyes. "Maybe..." She forced a smile on her face. "We'll decide about that later. You just had meds so get some rest first for now okay?" Her palm brushed against Yeojin's hair. Yeojin felt a little too warm than normal so Haseul decided to place a wet cloth on her forehead to help reduce it.

She got on her feet slowly, a sad smile directed at her sleeping sister. Deep down, Haseul could tell that her sister's health had seen a better day. Her condition weakened bit by bit lately. She consider on seeking for professional's advice but she knew it would cost a lot once they actually get to it. Maybe she should give Kahei's offer a chance. She sighed silently, a lot to think about.

She did not shut the door fully, feeling the need to check on Yeojin every now and then. The couch dipped beneath her as Haseul plopped herself there, she planned on only taking naps in between. Thumb scrolling on her cellphone lazily, not many interesting things that could actually keep her occupied. She threw the device away in favour of a remote control before browsing through the available channels. Her little effort only lasted for a few minutes, the cellphone found itself back in Haseul's tiny grasp. A train of thought hit her and Haseul instantly visit her contact. Her thumb was shaking lightly as she pondered on her intention. She lost count on how many times she repeated that particular line of numbers to the point that she memorized it better than her own. The sight of 'Kim Jungeun' caused her heart to race, beating loudly against her ribcage.

Haseul dismissed it as a mere infactuation at first, Jungeun was a stunning figure that crossed her path by chance. But something about Jungeun caused a veil of safety to wrap her around, a feeling that was lost to her since long ago. Maybe it's the way Jungeun smiled softly at her, or the way Jungeun listened to her rambling tentatively, or maybe the way Jungeun subtly stood up to protect her. Or maybe, just maybe, that was what Jungeun willingly offered to her that she consciously rejected without  sparing  any explanation at the end.

Haseul could not pose a lie to herself, she regretted that night with all her might. The memory of a crushed hope reflected behind Jungeun's eyes still haunt her up to this minute. If she could rewind it, she would so do it. Would it be too late to apologize? Would Jungeun spare her another opportunity at their little friendship? She believed she had hypnotized herself into thinking that there was a possibility for that.

Else, Jungeun would never hand over the white napkin to her at all wouldn't she?

~

Darkness slowly diminished the moment she opened her eyes again. Hand was grasping on the accelerator tightly, rotating it repeatedly to get her motorbike to roar loudly. The noise echoed around the deserted road, bouncing back into her own hearing at every roar.

It was not a split second decision, it took her years to finally come to this. To finally call it an end. She could not contain it within her any longer, her demon had totally took control of her.

Kim Jungeun was no more.

Jungeun released the brake and steered the motorbike to glide against the cold tar in an abrupt and rapid acceleration. Dust and smoke combined, leaving white clouds to trail behind her. Every inch of her muscle tensed up and her resolve had her sanity fully blocked.

The traffic light was blaring red but Jungeun ignored it. A string of horn smashes from a truck was heard then, getting constantly louder at each passing second. And instead of backing off, Jungeun pushed her motorbike to move faster.

There was no turning back now.

Here, here comes the wind
Your and my Paris
It's coming, can you see it?

Jungeun lost the control over her Honda, causing it to wobble frantically. Her grip on the handles slipping away.

We are shining
What fills you and I aren't just moon
If you are white, that's a lie

Both Jungeun and the two wheeled vehicle tumbled down onto the road, sliding harshly with momentum and resulted in blinding sparks to emerge.

What you are stepping on is my overfilled heart
Say nothing
I'm a grown up you know

Her cellphone catapulted onto the ground, lighting up at a new text message from an unknown number in her inbox. Seconds after, Jungeun's body came to an abrupt stop as she layed there face down. No sign of motion coming from the black cladded rider.

From: Unknown
hey Jungeun?

The device continue to receive stream of notifications, light act as a signal of each arrival.

But darkness eventually reclaimed Jungeun's entire being, welcoming her back without mercy.

TBC.
A/N: To those who still stick around to read this, thanks a lot <3