In the span of two thousand years, I’ve been your enemy twice.
 

Your colleague for five.
 

Your friend twelve.
 

And your best friend thirty-three times.
 

I’ve gone through practically every occupation in the book: a teacher, a nurse, a maid, a knight, a baker, and now an idol singer.
 

Every time I’m reincarnated, I remember the lifetimes before – I remember, but I don’t garner the skills I’d gained fighting duels or treating wounds – I guess the gods thought that would be a bit too unfair. Ha. Like how unfair it is that I remember every single thing about you, yet you don’t know who I am – not until our current relationship develops as it always does. It’s quite unpredictable however, because even though I know I’m supposed to take care of you – be there for you – you may not always agree with fate. Sometimes I still feel the burn of the sword you stabbed through my heart in that battlefield.
 

Most of the time though, you let me in.
 

We become friends; we become the best of friends. You laugh at my stupid jokes and your smile burns through me like stardust.
 

I’ve been your enemy twice.
 

Your colleague for five.
 

Your friend twelve.
 

Your best friend thirty-three times.
 

And have fallen for you always.
 

For how could I not? My purpose in all my lifetimes is to make you happy, and it kind of because once you direct that smile at me, that epic stab through the heart a thousand years ago feels like a papercut.
 

They should have made sure that the guardians did not fall in love with their angels. Add that to the list of rules, gods, if any of you are listening.
 

Not that I don’t enjoy falling in love with you. It would be really great if you could reciprocate, though.
 

We’ve come so close once. The last time.
 

“Maybe in the next,” I had said.
 

You held my hand tighter and nodded, as if you knew. As if you understood that there would most definitely be a next.
 

My goal was always to make you happy. It was never about me.
 

But, maybe?
 

In this current next, can we finally be?

***

Picking up on your moods has become second-nature.
 

Tonight, you’re a tad too quiet, eyebrows a little more furrowed. You retire early to your room, just as Sooyoung presses play on a new Hollywood movie while Yerim microwaves us some popcorn.
 

I stare too long at your retreating back and end up staring lasers at your already-shut door. Until Sooyoung nudges me (more like shoves me) with her bony- shoulder. I snap my neck towards her in annoyance.
 

She merely raises her brows at me. “What are you waiting for?”
 

My face must have been one giant question mark because she rolls her eyes in exasperation. “Go cheer up unnie.”
 

I almost choke on air because does she know? Does she know that that’s been my only job for the past-
 

“I think she’s stressed about the approaching comeback, and you seem to be the one who can easily make her happy.” Sooyoung shrugs. “It makes me kinda jealous, but meh. I’m only jealous as a friend.”
 

“What- what’s that supposed to mean?”
 

“Seungwan-unnie is sooooo blind,” Yerim interjects, planting her big- on the couch.
 

“Unnie looks at you differently,” Sooyoung tells me slowly, as if I’m a toddler. Excuse me. I am two-thousand-freaking-years old.
 

“Ha!” I shake my head. “Ha! That’s a good one.”
 

They turn to look at each other, communicating silently in their freaky maknae way, although not so silently because I can easily tell they’re talking about me.
 

One second I’m reaching for some popcorn in the bowl on Yerim’s lap, and the next I’m being pushed and brought to my feet by Sooyoung.
 

“Unnie.” I gape at her, ready to scold. “Joohyun unnie needs you.”
 

Well.
 

I squint suspiciously at Sooyoung, gauging if I can feel some kind of supernatural energy coming off of her. if this giant is a god, I swear –
 

“Take her out for some fresh air or something. You know the sky calms her,” Yerim says, words barely intelligible because of the myriad of popcorn in .
 

All I can do is sigh.
 

I sigh as I walk to the foyer and grab two motorcycle helmets. I sigh as I walk towards your room and don’t garner a response when I knock on the door. I sigh before I shout out “I’m going in!” as I turn the knob.
 

You’re lying on the bed, glaring at me. I sigh because I find it ing cute even though you were definitely going for scary.
 

I walk over and hand you one of the helmets. Your expression morphs into one of confusion.
 

“I hear the night sky’s going to be really pretty tonight,” is all I say.

***

I begrudgingly thank Yerim and Sooyoung as I maneuver the motorbike along the beach. It’s an incredibly nice night out, and the wind whipping past us as I drove through the city was cool and refreshing. Not to mention your shrieks each time I swerved a little too sharply, and the loud giggles that succeeded them immediately after.
 

I park the bike against the brick wall of a bridge and start when you grab my hand and begin to drag me along somewhere. “Ice cream.” You point at a nearby truck.
 

I smile fondly at you, but you don’t see it because of the helmet I’m still wearing.
 

We keep the headgear on until we get to purchase some ice cream, until we find a more secluded spot along the beach. I take off my jacket and set it on the sand so you can sit.
 

You don’t sit right away though; you stare at me for a while with a look I can’t read. Before I can ask, you finally sit down, your back towards the city so you can gaze at the dark ocean and the twinkling stars.
 

We’re both quiet as we eat our respective treats. It’s not awkward; it never really is with you.
 

I bump your shoulder with mine. “You okay?” I ask as I try to find a constellation to point out to you.
 

“I am now,” you reply.
 

I try to hide my smile, feeling warm all of a sudden. I nod and furrow my brows in concentration. Constellations. Constellations. Don’t get distracted.
 

“You’re unusually quiet,” you remark, and my threadbare concentration breaks.
 

“Thought I’d give you a reprieve,” I joke, turning my head towards you.
 

“What? I like it when you talk a lot.”
 

“Really?” I say for the sake of saying. I know I talk too much.
 

“Yeah. No one minds, Seungwan-ah. It cheers us up. Although there may be a tendency for the maknaes to hit you when you do it early in the morning.”
 

I gape at you, stunned at the unexpected compliment about something I’m so very insecure with.
 

“Your ice cream is melting.”
 

I have the sudden urge to throw the cone in the ocean and kiss you. But of course I don’t. Littering is bad. Instead, I lift the cone and try to salvage what I can with my mouth. We turn to face the ocean again, and now I feel like I can draw my very own constellations in the sky.
 

“Thank you,” you tell me, bumping your shoulder against mine.
 

My throat closes up with the numerous responses I wish to say.
 

No, thank you.
 

Your happiness is enough for me.
 

I love you.
 

I wish…
 

Instead, I say, “It’s no problem.” It’s never been a problem.

***

The ride home is a lot more melancholic, save for the fact that I try not to swerve (unintentionally, this time) each time I grow aware of how your fingers are pressing against me, your arms around me tighter – and warmer – than they were during the ride to the beach.
 

If you knew that I drove the bike a lot more slowly to savour our time together, you don’t comment on it.
 

We hang our helmets by the door, noting the quiet of the living room. Movie night is over, I guess. I didn’t realize we’d been out for a few hours.
 

We stop by your door, and I finally turn to look at you.
 

“Good night,” I say with a smile.
 

The unreadable look you had given me before we sat on the beach is back. I can’t fathom what it means, so I don’t question it. It takes a few more beats before you respond in kind.
 

I turn away, towards the room I share with Seulgi. I don’t notice the lack of the sound of your door clicking shut until your advancing footsteps give you away.
 

“Wait.”
 

I look back just in time for you to stand in front of me. Just in time for you to lean in and kiss me softly on the cheek.
 

I inhale sharply in response, catching a hint of vanilla. I can feel the heat rising to my neck as I open and close my mouth like a dumdum. “Uh.”
 

Before I can utter a more dignified response, you shake your head and mutter something under your breath.
 

Then you lock eyes with my deer-in-the-headlight ones. And then lean back in. To kiss me firmly on the lips.
 

I smack my hand reflexively against the door behind me as I try not to crumple to the floor. Hopefully Seulgi didn’t hear that.
 

I may have taken a second too long to respond because I feel you pulling away, but I find my center of gravity on your hips and finally kiss you back.
 

You sigh against me, your pliant lips a warmth I don’t think I can ever do without again.
 

So that’s what that look means.
 

We stand there, clutching at each other like lovesick fools as we struggle to catch our breath.
 

I brush the backs of my fingers across your pink cheeks and watch in awe as your eyes flutter close. “Is this a dream?”
 

“Gods, I hope not.”
 

Instead of laughing at your perfect choice of words, I pull you in and kiss you again. Up until Yerim comes out of her room and catches us.
 

“Ew! Get a room!” She hurriedly runs to the bathroom, shielding her eyes even though I catch donning a little smirk. What a devil.
 

“Good night?” You say hesitantly, even though your grip doesn’t loosen, making me chuckle.
 

I want to hold you just a little bit longer, but we have an early schedule tomorrow, so I lean in for a final kiss good night.
 

“Good night,” I repeat against your lips.
 

This is a lifetime that I wish would last forever.

A/N:

I would just like to say that I definitely thought of that "previous lifetime" and that Seungwan is a baker there lmao (whomst falls in love with her brother's girlfriend). It's kinda painful. It fed my angst-loving half for weeks. I may write it someday. LOL. I hope you enjoyed this weird- borderline-crack story. ^^