“You two are embarrassingly childish.”

“Yes, it’s my fault for hanging out with my own friends. It’s my fault for not giving in for once and it’s my fault for pushing her to Seulgi, right? What else is my fault now? Can you please say it once and for all?”

This is the first time Wendy has responded to whatever her members have been saying to her; their words are always taken in although they're younger and sometimes don't remember she's older than them. She knows that accepting whatever they say is to preserve the peace between them; there’s no use for conflict. This time, however, is not going to go down that way again. She didn’t do anything wrong in the first place and she’s getting blamed again? Wendy just wants to go somewhere else and let her frustrations out; better yet, to people who won’t keep thinking that this problem stemmed from her. She’s the problematic one; she’s the fat one; she’s the one ‘stealing lines from members’; she’s the worst dancer among all.

What else is there?

There better be a whole ing list if the night is going to continue on.

Seulgi is standing in between Joy and Wendy, knowing one of them is about to combust real soon. Her heart aches whenever she sees the sad glint in Wendy’s eyes. During the recent string of concerts, Seulgi has been with Irene the most and the distance only grows bigger between the actual couple.

“S-Seungwan, no. That’s not what she means.”

Wendy turns to Seulgi with a sharp glare, her anger overtaking her mind right now. “Please don’t defend her, Seulgi. I want to hear what else she has to say. I’ve kept my mouth shut for years; I took all the faults when it wasn’t mine.”

“I’m saying you’re causing the awkwardness among us. You and Irene-unnie can’t even stand together during concert stages. It’s obvious that fans are starting to see something wrong between you two. Why must the two of you bring your own problems here? Stop being selfish and talk things out with her, maybe?”

In unison, everyone’s jaw drops at the last sentence; a sentence that should not have ever escaped … it has to be the biggest heartbreak Wendy has ever received before. She, who tries to protect her members with her heart; works so, so hard to keep up with her talented members; offers to layer the song even when the vocal instructor doesn’t want the others to do it. She goes out of her way to buy some items for her members even when it’s not nearby. When her members are upset, Wendy tries to make them laugh – it doesn’t even matter that she’s embarrassing herself anymore. On variety shows, Wendy tries to take the punishment that might or might not hurt the members.

To be called selfish… god, that ing hurts so bad.

Yeri tilts her head to face Joy, unable to believe what the hell just came out of . She almost wants to go up and slap her best friend’s face before anything. As annoyed as she is with the two lovers, saying that it's one person's fault makes it worse.

“I… I’m selfish…?”

For the first time today, Irene comes out of her room with a blank expression, a part of her heart feeling as empty as ever. She didn’t get to hear a single thing that was being said because her music was on since this evening after their concert; it does serve as a form of distraction from that sweet singing voice. When she feels her heart start to palpitate, Irene scans the members’ carefully. She doesn’t like what she sees already. There are tears welling in Wendy’s eyes, her fists clenched by her sides. Wendy is trying so hard not to break down right now and it really makes Irene feel the pain as well.

“I’m selfish…” Wendy chuckles, blinking as her tears fall relentlessly. She throws down the paper bag that she was holding in her hand, letting the loud crack sound loose. “Well, you. I don’t have my girlfriend with me at all! The four of you are always going out in pairs. Is it my fault I want to catch a break some time?”

Joy’s façade finally cracks immensely, realizing what her words have come out to be. She wasn’t trying to hurt Wendy – no, she just wanted everything to be okay again. How could she possibly hurt the one person who knows about her feelings and is trying to help her as best as possible? Everyone knows things have been extremely tense between their couple and it really seems like a rift or a vast distance is made all the time. Of course, she wasn’t trying to call Wendy selfish. She really wasn’t. Her fingers tremble when she sees how white Wendy’s knuckles look from clenching her fists.

“I’m sorry if I’ve been selfish. I’m so sorry I’ve been ing selfish and that’s why I went to buy something for Seulgi, so you could hand it to her by yourself! I’m sorry for going out with my friends because I feel lonely and unappreciated sometimes! I’m so goddamn sorry I just want to lie in bed and cry to my parents, but I can’t, can I?”

“And I’m sorry, my problem with her has become this ing mess that I can’t solve anymore! I’ve apologized all the time before because I genuinely believed that I did something wrong. Why is it always my fault? Or why do you always blame me for it? Why do I have to be one initiating all the time? Why can’t YOU ing do it for me? I already love you so much… and with my whole heart… what else do you want?”

Wendy has one hand clutched on her shirt, tears streaming down her cheeks like a never-ending waterfall. She wants the ache in her heart to stop right now. The pain was already there when she fought with Irene, and the woman hasn’t initiated anything until now. For once, Wendy wanted to be the one who was on the receiving end… she wanted to be able to stop apologizing first. Too bad for her, nothing ever goes the way she wants it to. Irene still didn’t come to her first because she expects Wendy to be chasing her every single time; it’s an endless cycle that never ends between the two of them.

Her vision is so blurry right now but all Wendy wants to see is Irene’s eyes; she needs to know what this spells out for them now. Her outburst might or might not be the worst thing that has ever happened, but she can’t take it anymore.

When Irene still doesn’t make a move, Wendy ignores the glistening wetness in Irene’s eyes. She doesn’t care if her girlfriend starts crying now. Tears can’t solve their problem anymore – actions are the ones that need to be done right now.

“I’m sorry… I… I need some air.”

Seulgi steps up from her silence immediately; she has to deal with whatever Wendy just revealed on her own. “Wan, you can’t leave now. It’s so late, please! I don’t want you to get hurt! Y-You could get lost a-and not come back… SON SEUNGWAN! NO!”

It’s a complete mess in the living room, with all five members sobbing in some way or another. Tonight marks the first time Wendy fights back against her own members, feeling absolutely wronged for everything she's been accused for. Her fight with Irene had become a tad too big this time, implicating their members during concerts and whatnot. Wendy doesn't sleep in the same room as her girlfriend, opting to sleep on the couch instead. Her presence is only going to give Irene a terrible sleep and an even worse nightmare. As pissed off as she is with Irene's silence and lack of initiative, Wendy doesn't have the heart to intentionally worsen Irene's mood and plans to have a decent rest at least.

Wendy doesn’t accept the hug that Seulgi’s offering her; her heart still feeling tingly when she remembers how comfortable Irene and Seulgi are whenever they’re together. Don’t get her wrong – Seulgi is still her best friend but a part of Wendy wishes that Seulgi wasn’t so good at everything. Maybe if Wendy was as good as that many things, Irene wouldn’t find it so difficult to chase her instead. Sometimes, Seulgi wants to try and make things better it only makes Wendy feel like compared to her. She can’t even take care of girlfriend or make her smile like Seulgi can.

“I really can’t face any of you right now,” Wendy whispers.

Yeri calmly takes Wendy’s clenched fist into her hand, bringing Wendy with her towards the door. She doesn’t pay heed to her members’ shocked expressions – Wendy really needs some time to herself. Her own tears start trickling down her cheek again when she sees how broken Wendy is; her eyes expressing the pain in her heart.

“Don’t get hurt, Unnie. I mean it.”

Wendy doesn’t say anything.

A smile is the answer.

“How could you say that to her?! What’s wrong with you?”

Joy doesn’t dare to look up, knowing her words came out before she even thought about it properly. She shakes her head in slight denial, hoping and praying with all her might that Wendy won’t get herself hurt outside tonight. Wendy is a responsible person through and through, even more so because her family isn't with her. She knows Wendy’s anger only becomes a form of pain that can’t be bottled up and that’s where things start going wrong. When anger and frustration is kept in for too long, the urge to get the pain out via another form of pain becomes stronger. Joy knows it so well, only she gets her emotions out through exercising and working on her muscles.

Wendy, on the other hand... her sweet disposition never changed before. Since the time of debut, they've had a couple of tiffs and banters but Wendy has never exploded this way. She never talked about how deeply she felt about being left alone at home and feeling vulnerable. For the first time, all of them have understood just how lonely Wendy feels without family around her.

“And you! What are you waiting for? Seungwan-unnie to break up with you first?! Why can’t you be more forthcoming with what you want? We all know you’re just jealous the interviewer was being so enamored by her! So what if she went out with her friends? You’re ignoring her!”

Irene’s tears stop after a while but the clockworks in her mind haven’t stopped running; she knows whatever Yeri is saying is true. She was being so jealous and insecure about their relationship that she didn’t realize Wendy was going through the same thing as well. Her heart felt a couple of pangs when she saw just how well Wendy got along with the interview, what with the way they spoke the same language and were on the same page the whole time. That jealousy sparked from there and became an issue because Wendy didn't realize the problem. To add on to the whole -fest, Wendy had begun going out with her other friends a couple of nights consecutively, coming home and late without texting.

“Unnie might have been wrong, but you didn’t even try to make things right again! I can count how many times you’ve apologized first but I can’t with Seungwan-unnie. She doesn’t always need to be the one giving in… unless…” Yeri hesitates but pushes the rest of the sentence out, “you don’t love her enough.”

There are many things in life that Irene cannot guarantee or be sure of but if there's anything she needs for sure: it's Wendy in her life. Wendy is the main source of Irene's happiness and the members are practically the cherry icing on top. She already knows who she wants to get married to and have children with the moment Wendy confessed her feelings to her. Perhaps she isn't going to be able to top Wendy's love for her but Irene sure as hell isn't going to let Wendy think that she doesn't love her enough. It’s not true and won’t ever be in this lifetime, no matter how many times they fight. Wendy needs to know just how much Irene is willing to give instead of carrying on this dumb cold war.

Irene doesn’t hesitate and instantly makes a move towards the door, only to get held by the back of her shirt. She turns around and raises a hand in reflex, almost slapping Seulgi and Yeri in the face. The confusion must have been extremely clear because the two sigh in unison, wanting to give Irene the correct idea.

“You can’t look for her now… she needs time alone,” Seulgi sighs. She feels obnoxiously guilty too. She remembers how Wendy would always tell her that she wishes she could be more like her because Seulgi is so talented. As if being envious is not enough, Seulgi and Irene have been attached at the hip all the time. “And I need to talk to her too…”

With teary eyes, Irene drags herself back to her bedroom with a heavy heart. She can feel every part of her body tingling with worry at what Wendy might be doing outside tonight. What if Wendy gets into trouble with the wrong people or what if she gets into an accident? If something happens to her girlfriend... Irene will never be able to forgive herself. They have made several promises to each other and it's to talk things out maturely when the time calls for it. Yet, this whole fight that sprouted out of jealousy, envy and insecurity made the whole relationship shake immensely. It's funny because fights usually break out due to the lack of love but not this one; they love each other too much.

One is too insecure about others being better... the other is too insecure about not being able to compare with her talented members.

What to do?

Now that both Irene and Wendy are no longer in sight, the other three members find themselves in extremely awkward silence. There is still a huge mess on the floor in the living room; it came from Wendy's dropped gift earlier. Neither of them know what to do, because it’s like opening another box of secrets that will either make or break a relationship. Are they really ready for another when their one and only are in a crisis? They don't have much time to solve it and it really isn't smart to try and begin another one. As long as Wendy and Irene can't see past their differences for now, the girls can't afford to take any chances or risks.

With a heavy-hearted sigh, Seulgi bends down and calmly gathers the mess on the floor, her eyes widening when she sees a tripod sticking out of the bag – Wendy wouldn’t… a brand new camera already costs a whole lot of money but with the tripod stand and all the necessary equipment. Just what else did Wendy buy on behalf of Joy? Seulgi doesn't need materialistic items for a person to express her affection and they all know it. A ton of money goes out of Wendy's account every month back to her parents in Canada and Wendy is a very thrifty person. The mere fact that Wendy spent easily more than a thousand dollars to get Seulgi a camera is blowing her mind. 

“That silly girl,” Seulgi whispers, picking up the camera bag with so much tenderness. She is slightly relieved to see the camera intact due to the cushion of the bag. It would have been a waste of Wendy’s money if something happened to it. “Why does she always do things for everyone else but herself? God, she drives me nuts…”

That is their Son Seungwan – Wendy might not be too different from Seungwan but there is a deeper vulnerability and softness that isn’t seen on Wendy on stage. Wendy always tries to make her members in ways that cannot be witnessed in front of the cameras, and they’re all aware of it. It’s because it’s painfully clear to everyone – it hurts a lot more to hear them think that she’s selfish. Perhaps Seulgi can say that she sees a lot more of Wendy’s inner feelings because they were roommates for years, and Wendy still sleeps in their room from time to time. The level of hurt and pain in Wendy’s heart isn’t always seen by all the members. Seulgi witnesses it because Wendy hates crying in front of the members.

Irene, as Wendy’s girlfriend, always checks on Wendy through Seulgi when they don’t sleep in the same room. It’s not to say that Wendy only sleeps in her shared room when they’re fighting, but when they’re exhausted from schedules, Irene always offers Wendy to sleep in her own room because it’s nearer than Irene’s.

“I… I’m s-sorry…”

Yeri and Seulgi watch in shock as Joy’s tears start flowing, sobs struggling to escape from her lips. They know the latter has a bad habit of shooting off when she’s frustrated because of the stress but it makes them wonder if Joy is going through something on her own. Joy doesn’t hurt her members as best as possible, much less say hurtful things to them; her members are her second family. Not forgetting that Wendy pampers Joy the most, it must be killing Joy inside now. 

Seulgi stands after placing the camera onto the sofa, opening her arms for Joy. She knows they're going to have to talk about it but that conversation needs to wait. There are more important things to handle right now. 

“Come here. It’s okay.”

Joy’s lip trembles, but still ends up falling straight into Seulgi’s arms. She loves the feeling of being safe when Seulgi is around and the source of comfort never stops. There is a sharp, noticeable increase in her heartbeat when Seulgi’s hand moves to rub her back. Her sobs, however, don’t seem to be showing any sign of stopping though.

“Shh… Seungwan will be fine, okay?” Seulgi whispers, gently rocking the woman with her. She knows Joy is afraid something might happen to their hamster while she’s out, but Wendy is a responsible person, that’s for sure. There’s nothing to worry about, or at least Seulgi has absolute trust in her best friend. “She will come back, because Unnie is waiting.”

Speaking of Irene, the woman is currently lying on her bed with tear streaks on her face and by her eyes. She wonders why her jealousy streak always becomes such a big issue with her; is it because Wendy gets along with everyone or because Wendy is popular among so many people that Irene see as a threat? Irene knows how much Wendy loves her but is love really enough? She can be a sometimes, or she lashes out at Wendy when she has too many things on her mind. Although Wendy claims to be fine with it, Irene knows there is a possibility that Wendy's fragile heart can get hurt. She is, after all, the member who gets hurt the most easily among them all.

Irene remembers how it all started…

|| - Flashback - || 

Wendy pouts when she sees the members not moving from their positions; this is the first time she's going to be doing an interview alone and gosh, it's making her want to throw up. She's going to be a representative of Red Velvet and if she screws up, it will be splashed across newspapers and magazines. There cannot be anything worse than tarnishing the group's reputation because of one person's actions. Wendy won't be able to answer for it if she's careless and ends up giving the interviewer a bad impression of her or the group. This is the exact reason why Wendy wants to be with the members; they give her so much more courage and strength when she speaks.

“What’s wrong, Wannie?”

“I don’t know, I’m freaking out.” Wendy mumbles, changing into a t-shirt and a pair of jeans reluctantly. She doesn’t realize how long Irene has been watching her from the bed, so Irene knows what in the world Wendy is doing. “What if I do badly? I don’t want to embarrass myself.”

“Don’t you always?” Irene teases, walking towards Wendy without a single squeak. She likes seeing Wendy’s reaction to her appearing out of nowhere, whether it’s in public or in the comfort of their dorm.

Wendy pouts at that statement; she knows she embarrasses herself a lot more times than anyone can actually count but some of those are to simply make her members laugh. When she notices the members feeling a little down or quiet, she instinctively changes her game plan and goes for something that can make them laugh immediately. Call Wendy a fool or plain stupid sometimes but Wendy loves the four women in her life so much; they’re practically her family over here. Furthermore, she finds the love of her life among the four of them… how could Wendy not love them to death?

When Wendy turns around to grab her earphones, she screams after seeing Irene’s face right in front of her.

“UNNIE!”

Irene bursts out laughing, clapping her hands profusely – the more she stares at Wendy’s face, the funnier this whole situation becomes. She falls back onto the bed, still having a blast at how successful she was at scaring the living daylights out of her girlfriend. See, this might look like a simple prank but Irene needs Wendy to lighten up and loosen her nerves. Wendy does a lot better when she’s relaxed and natural – unfortunately, it’s too obvious when Wendy is nervous or panicky and it worries Irene all the time. Wendy’s confidence has been a long-standing problem; despite that, she does just as well as