'To think, not even five days ago he was in my arms, telling me how much he loves me... and me returning his heartfelt and loving sentiments. Now look at where I am now... On a bus... Going to join the army and get as far away from my heart's desire as I could ever be, I bet he hates me-- and he has every right in the world too after what I've done to him.

If only he knew... If only he could know what he means to me... How much my heart longs for the touch of his eternally fighting soul. I have never found anyone like him, and I doubt I ever will again. I have yet to find the right words to describe my feelings for the man that holds my heart in his ever-warm clutches... It amazes me what he has done to me.

To be honest, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself when the realization hits me... I think that I'm in shock at the moment, seeing as my heart is numb and my mind is left to think without it's overbearing emotions. I hope that it will be like this for as long as I am without him, because I do not think I could handle the pain of being without my soulmate.

I wonder what I've thrown away... I was given something that a lot of people don't have-- and never will have-- like it was nothing... In a way though.. I was in my own right... He hurt me so deeply, and I could not find it in my heart to forgive him again, especially when the same crime was commited twice... 

The story is long and probably wouldn't make sense, but to narrow it down-- He cheated... Twice... With the same guy. The first time is what hurt me the most-- as I just found out five days ago-- because he was willing, and he wanted it.... I don't know... It might also be the fact that he's been keeping it from me for all these long and emotional months in which I have been confessing all my heart's desires.

And what is it to be betrayed..? I got my revenge, and yet I feel as though I've thrown my entire life away. I cannot hurt him, and stay sane... It does not feel right in my heart... in my soul to know that the man I love is at home crying and wanting me... To know that he is hurting just... It destroys me.'

--

Jaejoong looked out the window  and watched the people walk the streets in ignorant bliss, completely oblivious to the heartache and blasphomous love that hid in the darkest corners of their lives. It made Jaejoong sick, and as the bus came to a slow and agonizing stop he stood, eyes taking in all the faces around him.

Jaejoong felt bile rise to his throat as he stepped off the bus, mind going completely blank as the world spun around him. He had little to no clue how his love had got there, but as his eyes caught his own Jaejoong knew it was over.

"Henry..?"