Hyukjae stared at the clock, the tiny LED lamp illuminating the room dimly. He had come to bed on time today, around 10 o clock, hoping sleep would come early and he wouldn't be awake at 12 am. But of course sleep was his mortal enemy, specially on this day. His wife Seo In lay next to him, her hand gently his hair but no part of hers coming into contact with him. She knew he needed his space and not until he himself wanted to come to her, would she actually pull him in.

The close to inaudible ping of the clock striking 12 made him tense his muscles and clench his fists tightly. And like every single time, he turned and stared into the eyes of his wife. Her answering smile was sad but reassuring as she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him flush against her body.

And then his tears were softly wiped away by those gentle hands as Seo held him close and rocked him in silence. Knowing the only escape he had was the physical one, they made love all night, her telling him how much she loved him and that she would always be there to hold him through the ups and downs they had.
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The rays from the sun barely managed to creak in through the thick bunch of clouds and the velvet curtains filtered them even more. But the room was warm and cosy, thanks to the radiator that Seo had set to the right temperature. Hyukjae stirred and sat up, feeling that the dried streaks of tears had probably been cleaned by Seo. 

The delicious smell of eggs and coffee made his feet move of their own accord as he walked towards the kitchen. Hearing the steps coming in, Seo looked up from the toaster she had been staring at for the past 5 minutes even though it had shut off. Her beautiful husband looked like the cover of a tragic book, broken and defeated.

She did not make any fake attempts to cheer him up. Instead, she gathered up his messy hair and pulled them back with wet fingers so they wouldn't fall into his eyes. "Eggs?"

He nodded, giving her a small smile, as she sat next to him and began spooning some onto his plate . Breakfast was a silent affair and so was the coffee after that, with only the sound of spoons clanking in the porcelain dishes.

"Let's go out," Seo looked out of the window, holding his hand firmly ,"We can go for a walk around the block. It's early and not many people will be around."

He nodded and went to get changed. Instead, he simply wore his jacket and pants over his pyjamas, knowing it would be chilly out in this weather. When he came to the main door, Seo was holding a woollen beanie and fur gloves to put on him. He stood still as she adjusted his cap, put on his gloves on him and finally wrapped her own scarf around his neck.

As soon as he stepped out into the November morning, he felt the cold wind against his nose and cheeks. He might get the flu later but for now, this was a distraction. His nose and cheeks turned pink due to the biting wind but he didn't mind.

While Seo walked a little ahead of him, still holding his hand, he wondered if he should be happy or sad. Could he decide his own mood as if tuning in to a radio station of his choice?

His snort made Seo turn around and stare at him questioningly but he shook his head and she came to a stop.

"You see that flower?" She said in a low voice as if they were keeping a secret from the nature around them,"I wish I could pick that up and give it to you. I know you would love it. But I also know that you would rather have it stay in the garden, bloom there and wilt there, instead of picking it up and making it die before its time."

He looked closely to see a bunch of stunning salmon pink colored chrysanthemums huddled together at the road side. The edges of his lips tugged upwards just as a bout of fresh tears turned up. It reminded him of the time he had heard this from someone so precious to him.

He nodded and pulled Seo away, taking him by surprise. "Let's have ice cream!" His voice sounded too high pitched to her, so unlike himself. Nonetheless she followed him to the mart where he pulled her, no questions asked.

Half an hour later , they were in the largest park close to their place, Hyukjae sitting on the children's swing in one of the corners while Seo squatted by his feet. He began to swing slowly, letting his legs brush against her shoulder. Every time they touched , Hyukjae felt a little better.

Maybe, as years passed, he would learn to feel better. Maybe, as years passed, the wounds would heal and he could cover up the scars somehow.

His eyes were suddenly blinded by a sharp ray of sunlight that had managed to escape the confines of the dark grey clouds. Both of them looked up together, with Seo looking at Hyukjae's face while he let his eyes wander over the entire sky.

For the first time in this day, his face broke out into the widest grin she had seen. His eyes crinkled and he rubbed his gloved hands on his thighs, still staring at the sky. "So beautiful," he whispered to himself, lost in his own moment, unaware of his surroundings,"He loves this. He would have taken a million pictures of this right here."

Seo barely made out the words but at least he was talking now. The nature made him talk. The clouds and the sun and the trees and the breeze. They were the things that touched him deep and made him forget all his worries, even if it was temporary.

Hyukjae still referred to him in the present tense. He wanted to believe that somewhere, amongst the infinite people inhabiting this world , he was alive and breathing and happy. Any thought or idea contradicting this would make him crumble.

He looked down to see his wife's gaze on his face. Heartbroken, he smiled and asked her a question he knew she would only answer to console him," he's well right?"

Seo squeezed his knee and extended her arm to cup his cheek into her palm," Yes he is. He probably managed to find the right angle from which to snap the picture already."

Ten years. 4th November. This day marked the 10th year of the disappearance of his best friend, his soulmate. One night Donghae had been there. The next morning, no one knew where he was. Everything was the same. His room. His things. His bank account. But he wasn't there anymore. Every effort had been in vain.

Hyukjae liked to believe he was a part of everything around him. That was the only way he could still love his best friend. He knew that if there was any way in the world, Donghae would have come back to him..

Seo felt the tense muscles of his body go limp. She was up in seconds, holding him against her, her arms around his shoulders. "Home?"

He nodded, not wanting to speak. Seo held him close not wanting him to stumble in the mud which was still wet from last night's shower. Just as they passed below a huddle of trees, a beam of light lit up his pathway. He didn't stop,  however. Maybe it was Donghae, somewhere close by, somewhere far away, giving him this komorebi as an apology for breaking his promise of staying by his side forever.  Yet Hyukjae would accept the apology only if it made him come back to him.

But life doesn't always give you what you want, does it?