I am feeling unconscious, fights, arguments, doubts.....why do we have these? I always question myself, do you really care for me, or is it just your pretense. Why are you being like this? 

Why, when I come home, you would usually greet me cheerfully, but today it was different, I greeted you yet you responded coldly and distantly. That really hurt me. I know I may not be good with doing some of the things you tell me to do, but I want you to know I really am trying my best.

I feel like our relationship is worsening each day, and I feel like I am on the verge of running away. Please someone if you hear my thoughts, please help me. HAHA, i thought to myself of course no one will hear my thoughts, I have to say them out loud in order for people to hear them. But what do I do if I am having a hard time trusting people around me. 

I am going to learn how to trust them i thought cheerfully to myself. But what am I supposed to do? With my not so great friendships in the past, i don't know what will be the consequences if I open up again. I hate to admit it, but I am scared. Cowardly you'll think, but thats how life is with me, and I am really scarred to change that. Even though life is about taking new steps, experimenting with new things, I feel like ever since I've moved here i've been standing in one place. Not moving much anywhere.

I will try to motivate myself to do better, opening up to people. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a voice calling me from downstairs. Why now I thought? arrggg.

Not responding the first time, the voice called me again, I recognized that voice. It was my step-father's. I asked "What is it? even though I knew the answer I still asked, I looked at my watch and it was almost 18:30, so you can guess what he said next "Dinner". I responded by saying "I am coming". I went downstairs. I opened the door and saw you there cheerfully smiling at him. As I sat down, you didn't even look at me. Don't you worry about me, do you even care that I exist in this world? Why are you being like this? I sat through the whole dinner in silence while watching you do those tricks of yours to attract him to you. I can see the flaming love in your eyes, but why don't you even ask me how I am doing? Or at least take a look at me. You've been so engaged in your love that you have forgotten that I exist. 

"MOTHER?!" I said out loud, i've had enough of this, I was about to puke at this site. My step father looked at me, but you didn't and just sat there. So this how you play your game? Well, do not worry, I will make sure to ruin them for you.