“I… I l-love you.”

I remember the day you said those words to me. You had your hands bunched up into fists as they held the end of your skirt. Making them have uneven stretch marks that you must have regret now. I gazed upon your tiny body as I could see you trembling slightly from being nervous or on fear of rejection. I smiled to myself as I recalled thinking that you were too cute for your own good. I wondered how you had my heart racing as I found you tinted in my favorite color as your face started flushing from being embarrassed.

“Me too,” I say to you as I knew that I wasn’t ready to say those words back to you. I engraved your face as you were sad for a little bit but changed your facial expression as if you understood what I was going through. I don’t know how you put up with me but I’m glad you are with me.

“Jiu Unnie.” She was pulled from her thoughts as she looked up at Yoohyeon who was looking at her with worry. “You’ve been spacing out again.” She said as Jiu only nodded as she didn’t want to explain her recent spacing out to her lover. She smiled at her as she always did though she felt like her smile was always fake around Yoohyeon nowadays. Does she not notice that my smile seems forced or it feel like I’m just doing it out of habit? Jiu thought as she stood up from her spot and grasped Yoohyeon’s hand and brought it up to her lips to kiss the back of her hand. A gesture Jiu always did towards Yoohyeon even when they were still friends. Yoohyeon smiled back at Jiu before poking her nose which causes Jiu to scrunch up her nose as her eyes disappeared. “Why are you so cute, Jiu Unnie?”

“Jiu Unnie, I love everything about you. From the way, you smile that makes your eyes disappear from the way you always keep eating all my leftovers in my fridge. To the way you never act your age whenever you see me. To the way, your eyes tell me whenever something is wrong. I love the fact that we don’t need words to explain our actions. I love your entire being because you are always bright in my eyes. To me, you are my light, my savior, the one who made me well… me and don’t ever change that. No matter what happens, okay?” She said as she wiped away a tear that Jiu shed seconds before.

“You’re my queen you know that,” Jiu said as she looked at her girlfriend who looked at her with a smile on her face.

Another memory came to Jiu as she smiled through as she knew that it’ll end sooner or later. She started walking with Yoohyeon to the photo shoot where she was a model starring in another HIM magazine. Jiu was always nervous during her photoshoots which was why she secluded herself in her room as Yoohyeon accompanied her.

“Yoohyeonie~” Jiu whined as she felt her heart ramming itself against her ribcage as she could feel the trembles move her body slightly.

“What?~” Yoohyeon whined in the same tone as Jiu just to . She looked over at Jiu who was as frozen as a statue which caused her playful side to go into hiding. She immediately went to Jiu’s side and called out to her. “What do you need sweetheart?” She cooed as she grasped onto Jiu’s hand which was as cold as ice. Yoohyeon’s voice was drowned out as Jiu tried calming down until another memory flashed before her eyes.

Jiu was fidgeting in her spot as this was her first big contract with the company and her girlfriend tagged along as Jiu requested to have her come along even though she was busy herself. Jiu was so nervous that she couldn’t move from her spot and she only looked into the mirror. There stood her girlfriend with worry written all over her face.

“Why are you so nervous?” She asked as she didn’t move from her spot. Jiu didn’t dare move from her spot as she feared that she might disappear soon. “You are never nervous whenever I came along.” She stated as she walked slowly towards Jiu.

“I wanted to act strong and confident in your eyes,” Jiu whispered as she didn’t tear her eyes away from her as she walked right in front of Jiu. She reached out her hand to touch Jiu’s cheek and started to slowly caress it as her other hand was on top of Jiu’s hand. “I don’t want you to think that I am weak.” Jiu continued as she looked deeply into her brown eyes. “I don’t want to lose everything in one go.” She watched as her girlfriend soften her looks as just smiled faintly.

“You’ll never lose me, Princess.” She cooed as she brought Jiu’s hand to and placed it on her cheek. “You can see me, hear me, feel me and most of all taste me.” She leaned up to plant a kiss on Jiu’s lips. When they broke apart she leaned her head against Jiu’s as she continued. “I’m forever yours, Jiu Unnie.” She exhaled as she closed her eyes and continued. “I’m too in love with you to ever let you go without a fight. Besides, I know you and I know that you will do a fantastic job out there. Once you reach the screen you’ll know what to do.” She smiled as she laughed a little bit as the mood had become too serious. Jiu looked at her in question as she didn’t understand what was going on. “It’s nothing, my princess. The mood got too serious and you usually ruin my moments anyways.” She laughed some more as she calmed down for a couple seconds and just looked at Jiu who was looking at her with a questioning look. Her girlfriend started laughing some more while Jiu had enough of this farce.

“Hey hey hey! This is serious here what happens if I screw up on this photoshoot.” Jiu said, and her girlfriend raised her eyebrows as she reached up to grab Jiu’s hands.

“You aren’t trembling anymore, and your heartbeat is back to normal I think you’ll do fine besides did it help to take your mind off of your job for once?” She said as Jiu noticed that she wasn’t as nervous as she was before. She was in shock as her girlfriend kissed her cheek. “You’re welcome by the way.” She laughed as she exited the room without any warning.

“Jiu Unnie!” Yoohyeon finally got Jiu’s attention. “You are scaring me.” Jiu could only smile sadly as she knew she had made a grave mistake.

“I’ll be fine just needing some water and possibly a hand massage. I can barely feel my hands.” Jiu said as Yoohyeon nodded and raced out of the room to go grab her girlfriend the items she needed. Jiu sat in her room all alone as she sighed as she recalled the recent memory that played in her mind. She felt the tears prickling in the back of her eyes. “I still lost you in the end.” Jiu’s heart broke knowing that she may have lost the one she was supposed to truly be with as Yoohyeon came into the room with a heat pack and a bottle of water.

“Here, Jiu Unnie, I got you what you need, and the staff said they are ready for you whenever you are ready,” Yoohyeon said out of breath as she gently placed the heat pack on Jiu’s hand before massaging them.

“Thank you, Yoohyeon. I love you.” Jiu said as she began questioning how she can say it to naturally to Yoohyeon but not to her ex-lover. Yoohyeon looked up at Jiu and responded back with a smile that reached her eyes.

“I love you too Jiu Unnie.” Jiu smiled at Yoohyeon as they let the silence envelope the room. That silence Jiu took the opportunity to think back at the most crucial moment.

“Jiu Unnie…. let’s break up.” Her girlfriend said as she looked up at the cloudless sky. Jiu stopped herself from drinking her bubble tea as she slowly turned her head to look at her girlfriend.

“Sua… what are you talking about? This has to be a joke because you wouldn’t say something as unrealistic as this.” Jiu said as she felt her heart drop into her stomach and she began feeling her blood going away from her chest. Sua shook her head as she looked at Jiu Unnie in the eyes and she noticed that Sua was on the brink of tears.

“You don’t love me.” She whispered as the tears finally fell from her eyes. “Every time I say it you always respond with me too or you are my everything or be by my side, so I can breathe again.”

“I do think of you in such a way. I really do, and you know that I’m not ready to say such meaningful words to anyone yet.” Jiu explained as Sua just shook her head.

“You said it the other day to Yoohyeon and I believe you guys are meant to be. Who am I to try and get in your way. I want you to be happy and if it isn’t with me so be it.” Sua explained she as she let out a shaky breath and finally stood up. She wiped away her eyes and said her final words. “Goodbye my Princess, I hope you are happy no matter what.” Sua started walking away from Jiu as she only watched her used to be girlfriend cut herself out of Jiu’s life.

“I’m sorry, Yoohyeon,” Jiu mumbled as Yoohyeon looked up at Jiu who had a sad look on her face.

“What for?” Yoohyeon questioned as she removed her hand from hers.

“It seems I’m not over her than I thought I was,” Jiu said as she knew to say Sua’s name was taboo as she first hand witnessed Yoohyeon grabbing anything that Sua had bought, gave and touched into a bonfire.

“We’ll talk about this later,” Yoohyeon stated as Jiu only nodded her head and finally Jiu was ready for her photo shoot.

After their session was over, Jiu was exhausted and entered her room only to find someone sleeping in her chair. She was about to tell them that they got the wrong room until she heard someone’s voice she knew all too well.

“Hey Dongie, it’s your turn to do the shoot.” Sua walked through the door as she held up a water bottle towards the person whom she called Dongie. Jiu widened her eyes as she let her pet name for Sua roll off her tongue with no hesitation.

“Queen.” She watched as she froze in her spot and slowly turn around. Jiu didn’t waste any moment between them. “I finally found you.” She started as her eyes were b with tears. “I have something to tell you and that’s I love you too.” She finally let her tears fall as she walked up to Sua and enwrapped her into a much-needed hug for the both of them.