12

Everything felt different now. As Dahyun made her way down to the river, she could feel each brush of the tree leaves and each chirp of the birds. Her body felt like it was humming.

The priestesses had told them that their body would feel different after the ceremony, and not in a ‘you’re growing up and becoming a woman’ way. But to be honest, nothing could really prepare you for the first time an ancient and powerful goddess possessed your body to use as an earthly conduit for their power.

Chaeyoung was waiting for her at the river, a big smile on her face. She greeted Dahyun with a kiss, and for a second her hypersensitivity faded and the world narrowed down to just Chaeyoung. Part of Dahyun wished it could stay that way forever.

“So?” Chaeyoung pulled away, bouncing giddily on her toes. “Who did you get?”

“I didn’t get anyone.” Dahyun rolled her eyes. “The gods choose you, not the other way around.”

“Oh, you know what I mean. Just tell me! It wasn’t that Inari one, was it? You really didn’t want to be a priestess for the goddess of wine and taverns.”

“I still can’t believe you don’t know their names.” Dahyun shook her head. “Three quarters of the kingdom follows this religion!”

“Well my family prefers the Sacred Sisters, and despite your mockery of their name over half the Northlands agrees with me.” Chaeyoung stuck her chin out smugly. “Now answer my question!”

“No, it wasn’t the goddess of wine, or the god of art and music thankfully.”

“And what’s so wrong with art and music?” Chaeyoung pretended to look hurt, but then she laughed when Dahyun began to panic. “I’m only teasing you. I remember you explaining that you wanted to defy everyone’s expectations. Did you succeed?”

“I did.” Dahyun didn’t mean to sound so baffled, but the truth was she didn’t quite understand why her new goddess had chosen her. “I was possessed by Anma, goddess of war and wisdom.”

Chaeyoung looked as surprised as Dahyun felt, but she recovered far quicker than everyone else had.

“Well, well, well.” she smirked. “Kim Dahyun, future warlord. Who would have thought?”

“Oh shut up.” Dahyun ducked her head as Chaeyoung cackled. “I wasn’t expecting it either! I don’t think anyone was to be honest. The High Priestess looked like she was about to fall over from shock, and that was before everything that happened with Tzuyu.”

“What happened with Tzuyu?”

“Remember when she was telling you about Baiche? Ruler of the Heavens and all Gods and Goddesses? The deity who only chooses one acolyte every hundred years?”

“I remember.”

“Take a guess who just got chosen to be their priestess for this century.”

Chaeyoung’s mouth dropped open, which was the same reaction every single priestess had when the symbol of Baiche marked Tzuyu.

“Are you telling me that little Chou Tzuyu is the most powerful priestess in the country?”

“Well she will be in the future once she learns how to properly channel Baiche. Also, she’s grown taller than you, so you can’t keep calling her little anymore.”

Chaeyoung let out a low whistle, and Dahyun was glad to see that she looked more impressed than intimidated.

“I would hate to be fighting against the two of you when we’re all grown up. The human avatar of the most powerful deity and her best friend, priestess of war and wisdom.”

“Don’t be silly.” Dahyun laughed. “When we grow up Tzuyu and I will use our power to protect you, not fight against you. I won’t let anyone hurt my girl.”

“I’m your girl now, am I?” Chaeyoung grinned teasingly as Dahyun grew flustered.

“Well I just thought… I know I can’t court you properly… but with all the kissing and cuddling I assumed-”

“Dahyun. Breathe. I know that I’m your girl, just as you are mine.”

“Oh.” Dahyun took a breath. “Good. That’s good.”

“You’re so easy to tease.” Chaeyoung laughed. “Are you certain Anma is the goddess of wisdom?”

“Haha very funny. You should be a jester.”

13

“Do lightning next! Do lightning!”

Tzuyu rolled her eyes at Chaeyoung’s enthusiasm, but with both the Marchioness and Dahyun looking pleadingly at her, she obeyed. Closing her eyes, she focused, and Chaeyoung and Dahyun clutched each other excitedly as a crackling energy began to form around Tzuyu.

She opened her eyes, and they flashed gold. A bolt of lightning came out of nowhere and struck the old pine tree to their left. It quickly began to burn, while Tzuyu slumped over, her eyes returning to normal.

“Amazing.” Chaeyoung kept looking from the tree to the clear sky. “There isn’t a single cloud or a clap of thunder, yet you can still summon lightning?”

“It’s quite impressive.” Dahyun smiled proudly at her friend. “I’d show you what I can do but I didn’t bring any weaponry with me.”

“What about the wisdom aspect?” Chaeyoung asked.

Dahyun opened to reply, but Tzuyu beat her to it.

“She would probably be more skilled if she stopped saying no to all your ridiculous schemes. Imagine being chosen by the goddess of wisdom then breaking your foot a month later because a pretty girl dared you to climb the tallest tree in the forest.”

“Listen,” Dahyun wagged her finger at Tzuyu. “The legends say that Anma was in love with a woman too. I’m just following her teachings.”

“Oh?” Chaeyoung saw the opportunity and pounced. “In that case, allow me to help you with your studies.”

Tzuyu sighed as Chaeyoung leant over to kiss Dahyun. When they showed no signs of stopping, she closed her eyes again.

Dahyun yelped as rain suddenly began to pour down on them. Tzuyu laughed, watching them flail around while she sat sheltered under a wide redwood tree.

Once Tzuyu banished the rain, Dahyun helped Chaeyoung to dry and plait her long hair. She punched Tzuyu’s arm on their way back to the temple, but the younger girl just laughed and insisted she’d done Dahyun a favour.

14

The time between her first kiss with Chaeyoung and the beginning of the war was the most peaceful and happy time in Dahyun’s life. It was mostly uneventful, but her memories of that time had a special place in her heart.

One of the best moments happened when she was fourteen. It was at the river, of course, and Chaeyoung was in a particularly grumpy mood that day. Another young knight had arrived seeking her hand, and he’d thrown a terrible hissy fit when she rejected him.

“They always think they’re so special.” she grumbled to Dahyun, as they sat in the branches of a sturdy oak tree. “It seems like every young nobleman hears the rumours about the Marchioness Chaeyoung who turns down all offers of courtship, and they’re always convinced that they will be the exception to the rule.”

“How foolish of them.” Dahyun grinned. “If only they knew that Son Chaeyoung has a terrible sense of humour, can’t cook to save her life, and gets terribly upset when her suitors have sudden growth spurts before her.”

“I just think it’s unfair that I have to go up on my toes to kiss you now!” Chaeyoung protested. “Just you wait, I’m going to catch up soon! One day I’ll be the tall one again.”

“I love how we quarrel about this as if we’re both not going to look incredibly short next to Tzuyu for the rest of our lives.”

“The few centimetres make all the difference.”

“Is that a line one of your suitors used on you?” Dahyun laughed as Chaeyoung tried to push her out of the tree. “My apologies, I shouldn’t be so crude to a princess.”

“I remember when you used to be so shy and humble.” Chaeyoung sighed. “Now you mock me every time we’re together. Tzuyu is the only friend I have that shows me proper respect.”

“Well part of this courtship means that I have special privileges the rest of your friends don’t have.” Dahyun stuck out her tongue as Chaeyoung pouted. “And Tzuyu doesn’t show you proper respect, she just gets overwhelmed by your beauty sometimes and forgets that she doesn’t have to address you formally.”

“It is rather cute of her.”

“Trying to make me jealous?” Dahyun smirked. “Would you like me to start addressing you as ‘my lady’?”

“Would that be so wrong?”

“Not at all.” Dahyun hopped down out of the tree. “But that doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.”

“How can the woman I love be so heartless!” Chaeyoung cried dramatically. “If only I had accepted knight number seven’s proposal when I had the chance!”

“Why knight number seven?”

“I may not remember his name but I remember his face, which is more than I can say for the others.”

“True love indeed.” Dahyun laughed. “But after all these years, do you really want me to start calling you ‘my lady’?”

“As future Baroness of the Northlands, I demand it.”

Dahyun tilted her head and pretended to think deeply, enjoying how impatient Chaeyoung was getting. Just when it looked like Chaeyoung was about to jump out of the tree and throttle her, Dahyun smirked.

“You first.”

She enjoyed the stunned look on Chaeyoung’s face, and then a few seconds later Chaeyoung gave a delighted laugh which she enjoyed even more.

“Very well.” Chaeyoung climbed carefully down, then walked slowly over to Dahyun.

Dahyun raised an eyebrow at the cocky look on Chaeyoung’s face, but the younger girl just smirked and gracefully got down on one knee. She took Dahyun’s right hand and kissed it softly.

“Dahyun, would you do me the honour of being my lady?”

Dahyun suddenly found to be very dry.

“I have been courting you for over three years now, but I suppose I would be happy to make it official.” Dahyun kept her tone light and humorous, despite how fast her heart was beating. “Would you, current Marchioness and future Baroness of the Northlands, Son Chaeyoung, do me the honour of being my lady?”

“With all my heart.” Chaeyoung smiled softly up at her.

The moment was ruined mere seconds later, when Chaeyoung burst into giggles at the sight of Dahyun’s red face. It made Dahyun even more embarrassed, but the fluttering in her heart wouldn’t cease.

“When did you become so smooth?” she scoffed. “I remember when you couldn’t walk and talk for more than five minutes without tripping over a tree root or a branch.”

“Well I remember when it took you three months to realise you liked me.” Chaeyoung fired back immediately.

“Well at least I kissed you first!”

“Well I just asked us to be an official couple!”

“It’s not really official until I become High Priestess and change the rules to officially allow priestesses to form romantic relationships! So ha!”

“Well it’s also not fully official until I announce to the public that you are courting me, so ha!”

“Even if you do, I’m going to be the one who proposes to you!”

“I essentially just proposed to you a few seconds ago!”

A loud cough behind them made both of them whirl around. Tzuyu stood at the edge of the clearing, with a familiar blank expression that meant she was judging their antics but was polite enough not to comment on them.

“Sorry to interrupt the lovers quarrel. Dahyun, you’re needed back at the temple.”

“I’ll be right there.” Dahyun turned back to face Chaeyoung. “While that was a very sweet proposal, it was not a marriage proposal. When the time comes, I’ll show you just how perfect and romantic a marriage proposal should be.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” Chaeyoung’s eyes gleamed.

Dahyun made the wise choice and took off before she was tempted to spend the next hour kissing her lover against the trees.

15

When she got to the river, Chaeyoung was already there. Her feet were trailing in the water, and she was idly twirling a daisy between her fingers. Dahyun would have been happy to just stare at her beauty forever, but the sad expression on Chaeyoung’s face tainted the image with worry. At first Dahyun thought it was her fault for being late, but Chaeyoung looked far too morose for her sadness to be due to such a simple reason.

Then it hit Dahyun. The reason she was late was due to a death in the royal family. The entire temple had been thrown into distress with everyone trying to learn the truth about what had happened. The Queen was definitely not dead, but nothing beyond that could be confirmed by any of the priestesses.

But Chaeyoung was close with the royal family. She knew both princesses well, and had secretly shared a few stories with Dahyun of the escapades she got up to in the capitol with Princess Nayeon and Princess Jihyo. If one of them had died…

Dahyun crouched down and wrapped her arms around Chaeyoung. Chaeyoung hugged her tightly, and Dahyun could hear her sniffling slightly.

“I suppose you heard the news.” Chaeyoung said quietly.

“I heard a few different versions of the news.” Dahyun admitted. “The temple is horribly confused about the incident. New rumours keep spreading by the hour.”

Chaeyoung said nothing, just kept twirling that daisy between her fingers.

“Was it… was it one of the princesses?” Dahyun asked hesitantly.

“No. Well… not really.” Chaeyoung sighed. “It was a girl named Jeongyeon. She was a ward of the queen, and best friends with Nayeon and Jihyo. The three of them were so close, during my first few visits to the palace I was intimidated by their bond. But they were kind and doted on me as if I was their baby sister, so I grew close with them eventually.”

“What happened to her?”

“The official story is that she drowned.”

Dahyun studied Chaeyoung closely. The younger girl was staring deeply into the river, a dazed look in her eyes.

“What’s the unofficial story?” Dahyun asked.

“They say Jihyo killed her.”

“What?”

“I know!” Chaeyoung threw her hands in the air, splashing water everywhere. “It makes no sense! I know Jihyo, and she’s not a killer. They were best friends, and Jeongyeon wasn’t a threat to her at all. Even if you ignore Jihyo’s personality, she was already the heir to the throne so why would she throw that away by killing her close friend? It just… doesn’t make sense.”

“So it’s just a silly rumour.” Dahyun patted her shoulder comfortingly. “The truth will come out eventually.”

“But that’s the problem. This rumour came straight from the mouth of Queen Im, right alongside the official declaration. The palace is in uproar at the moment. Messengers delivering the news claim that the Queen is furious at Jihyo and that the Ims and Parks are at each other’s throats.”

“They’ll sort it out.” Dahyun tried to sound more certain than she felt.

“What if they don’t?” Chaeyoung turned away from the water to look at her, and Dahyun was shocked by the fear in their eyes. “The contract between families means that Jihyo is next in line for the throne, but if Queen Im truly blames Jihyo for Jeongyeon’s death, then there’s no way they’ll give her the throne. This could mean war.”

“The two old kingdoms have been united as one for centuries.” Dahyun gave Chaeyoung’s shoulder a comforting squeeze. “I’m sure this isn’t the first time one of the families tried to make their child the heir instead of alternating between generations. This will blow over like every other palace scandal ever. The contract between the two royal families has created a long era of peace and prosperity, they wouldn’t risk that for a war.”

At the time, Dahyun truly believed what she was saying. Chaeyoung seemed to sense that, because she rested her head against Dahyun’s and let the older girl comfort her. Dahyun chatted away about her upcoming birthday plans until there was a smile back on Chaeyoung’s face. When they parted ways, Chaeyoung was far more at ease than she had been when Dahyun found her.

Two weeks later, Queen Im announced that the Park family had been stripped of their title and royal status, and that Princess Nayeon was now the heir to the throne.

War broke out the next day.

Baron Son declared that the Northlands would support their Queen. The High Priestess gathered the other temple leaders from across the kingdom, and they had a lengthy discussion about which side to support. In the end, they declared that Park Jihyo was the rightful heir to the throne, and by breaking the contract her ancestors had sworn to uphold, Queen Im had turned her back on the Old Gods and would no longer be considered the ruler of the kingdom unless she gave Jihyo and the Park family their status back.

Dahyun and Tzuyu watched the entire thing happen, and were sent out to spread the word to the people. It took a week to finish their route, and the entire time Dahyun worried about Chaeyoung. Tzuyu tried to comfort her and told her that one missed meeting wouldn’t be the end of the world. They would just see Chaeyoung next week, and everything would be fine.

Dahyun tried to believe her, but when they returned the temple was in flames.

16

“I suppose congratulations are in order.”

“Is that all you have to say?” Dahyun barked out a bitter laugh. “Your father’s bannermen burnt my home to the ground Chaeyoung. The only reason Tzuyu and I were appointed as High Priestesses is because everyone older than us died in the attack.”

“I’m sorry Dahyun, I really am.” Chaeyoung jumped across the river and took Dahyun’s hand. “I had nothing to do with that, please believe me.”

“I do.” Dahyun said. “But you have to understand that my new status is not something I want to celebrate.”

“What happened was a tragedy, but the power you have now is something to celebrate.” There was a gleam in Chaeyoung’s eyes that unsettled Dahyun. “Your temple was the biggest and most influential one in the whole kingdom correct? That's why only those who trained there are able to become spiritual leaders? And as High Priestesses you and Tzuyu are now in charge of the entire religious order?”

“More or less.” Dahyun agreed slowly.

“Then you can fix this, can’t you? Announce your support for Queen Im and we can win this war together!”

Dahyun pulled her hand out of Chaeyoung’s as if her touch had burnt her. Chaeyoung looked shocked, and then hurt, but Dahyun was too upset to care.

“Why would I do that?”

“To protect your people?” Now Chaeyoung looked confused. “Dahyun, Queen Im is going to win this war. She has more power and more soldiers. The Parks have less men and less land, their biggest advantage is that they have you on their side. Joining us will end this war sooner rather than later.”

“Queen Im ordered the destruction of my home and you expect me to support her?”

“Yes! Because that’s the only way to ensure the survival of the rest of your priestesses! Half of Jihyo’s supporters are only there due to loyalty to the Old Gods, which means you have the power to put an end to this. Dahyun, all you have to do is retract your statement about Jihyo and say that the Old Gods now support the Im family.”

“You want me to lie? Jihyo is the rightful heir Chaeng. I can’t just ignore that.”

The look Chaeyoung gave her was filled with judgement and scorn. Dahyun had never seen that look before, and it hurt.

“Don’t tell me you really believe in all that? The divine right to rule doesn’t exist! It’s all just luck and politics. You can’t be that naïve Dahyun.”

“Are you joking?” Dahyun gaped at her. “You’ve seen what Tzuyu and I are capable of. That burnt stump over there used to be a tree until she fried it years ago to show you her power! Where do you think we got these abilities from if not the gods?”

“I know your gods are real and that you get your power from them.” Chaeyoung held up her hands placatingly. “I’m just saying, they’re not as all-powerful as the temples wants everyone to believe. That’s why they need you, isn’t it? Otherwise, if Queen Im really has turned her back on them, why haven’t they struck her down yet? She’s winning this war despite the disapproval of the temples.”

“So you want me to turn my back on them like you have? Do you realise what that could do to me? I already embraced their power and allowed them to use my body as their conduit. Shunning them now might kill me.”

“Maybe, but it’s more likely that you would just lose your powers. Which is better than being dead.”

“I won’t disobey the gods and I won’t die either.” Dahyun snapped. “The Park family will win this war and when they do I will be right beside Jihyo to crown her as the queen. Stay alive until we win and I’ll have her spare you, but if your father insists on supporting the illegitimate queen then that’s all I can guarantee.”

“Fine!” Chaeyoung snapped back. “Lead the temples straight into death, see if I care! I’ll try and convince the queen not to kill you when you lose, but I can’t make any promises.”

“Goodbye Chaeyoung.” Dahyun turned and walked towards the trees, her anger keeping her from a softer parting.

“Don’t die you fool!” Chaeyoung called after her.

Dahyun didn’t die. She gathered her remaining priestesses and acolytes, sent them to spread the word to the other temples, and then she and Tzuyu went in search of the Park family. Throughout the journey, Tzuyu watched her with worried eyes and asked more than once about Chaeyoung.

Dahyun always brushed her off with vague answers, because the truth was, she didn’t know where she stood with Chaeyoung either.

17

War changed everything.

Before the war, Dahyun had never sent anyone to their deaths before. Before the war, she hadn’t been forced to separate from Chaeyoung for an entire year. Every day brought news of battles and deaths, victories and defeats. Every time, Dahyun prayed that they would be victorious, and at the same time she prayed that Chaeyoung’s name wouldn’t be among the dead.

Before war, Dahyun cried at every death. Now, there were so many names that the only ones that truly affected her were those that had died under her orders. Even then, she could barely keep track of them all. Tzuyu kept a list, and every night she and Dahyun would pray for their souls to journey safely and peacefully to the land of the dead, but other than that Dahyun didn’t have the time to mourn properly. There was always a new battle to be fought, a new strategy to be considered. She was the youngest High Priestess in three hundred years, and the pressure of that burden weighed heavily on her.

Then, around a year after the war began, things changed.

Lady Park killed King Im, and then Queen Im killed both of Jihyo’s parents in retaliation before dying due to wounds received during the fight. Dahyun was so busy comforting her princess who was now her queen, that it wasn’t until the following day that she heard the full story. The battle had been the biggest and bloodiest one yet, and there were far more casualties than just the royal families. Baron Son had been slain by Lord Park right before he succumbed to his fatal wounds.

Dahyun crowned Jihyo queen in the shortest and most private ceremony in known history, and then she left Tzuyu in charge of their knights before jumping on her horse and racing for her homeland. She was miles down south, but she rode without stopping for a full day and night before reaching the ruins of the temple, and then the river.

Chaeyoung wasn’t there. Dahyun dismounted, got herself and her horse something to eat, then curled up under a tree to get some sleep. She woke a few hours later, when her horse began to neigh.

Chaeyoung stood on the other side of the river. Her eyes were red, with dark circles underneath. Dahyun’s first instinct was to jump over the river to hug her, but considering how they left things, she wasn’t sure how welcome any physical contact would be.

Then Chaeyoung’s lip trembled, and Dahyun threw aside all her worries to embrace the girl she loved. Chaeyoung cried heavily into her shoulder, and Dahyun held her, running a soothing hand through the shorter girl’s hair until Chaeyoung was finished sobbing. When she stepped back, Chaeyoung stared silently at her.

Dahyun smiled gently, doing her best to ignore any tension.

“How are you doing?”

“Awful.” Chaeyoung replied bluntly. “My mother refuses to get out of bed. She’s practically comatose with grief, which is something we can’t afford during this war. So, when Nayeon was crowned queen yesterday, I was given the title Baroness of the Northlands.”

“I suppose saying congratulations would be cruel.”

“It would.”

Dahyun nodded, and once again an awkward silence settled between them.

“I am glad this war is almost over now.” she said at last.

“What do you mean?” Chaeyoung looked confused.

“Well, with Queen Im dead and her killers also dead surely Nayeon won’t keep Jihyo from the throne? They’ve both lost so much, and you told me they were best friends when they were younger. Their parents may have started this war, but now they can end it.”

Chaeyoung laughed. It was an ugly bitter sound, and it unsettled Dahyun right down to her core.

“Nayeon wants Jihyo dead more than anyone.” Chaeyoung said. “In fact, I’d say she’d be content losing the war as long as Jihyo died too.”

“What? Why?”

“She also blames Jihyo for Jeongyeon’s death. Nayeon and Jihyo may have been best friends, but Nayeon was the one who found Jeongyeon and convinced her parents to make her their ward. Whatever happened the night Jeongyeon died ruined her bond with Jihyo permanently. Nayeon never wanted to be queen, but she’ll gladly use her power to make sure Jihyo never sets foot in the palace again.”

“But… but you told me you didn’t think Jihyo killed her?”

“And I still don’t, at least not on purpose. But Nayeon does, and she’s the one in charge so that’s all that matters.”

“So you’re going to stand by her.”

“I am.” Chaeyoung smiled sadly. “Do you hate me for that?”

“No.” Dahyun shook her head. “I could never hate you Chayeoung.”

“Good.” Chaeyoung wrapped her arms around Dahyun’s neck. “Then don’t ever leave me for so long again.”

She kissed her, and Dahyun kissed back passionately. It was different from how they used to kiss as children. Careful pecks and soft presses of lips quickly gave way to deeper kisses that made Dahyun gasp.

“I promise.” she whispered, when she and Chaeyoung finally pulled back for air. “I’ll keep in touch, no matter what.”

She spent three hours sitting with Chaeyoung before she reluctantly saddled her horse and rode back to camp. Chaeyoung cried as she left, and Dahyun wanted more than anything to stay there with her. But if the war was still continuing, then she was needed at the camp.

She didn’t tell anyone where she went, just said that she was visiting a close friend who’d suffered a great loss. Tzuyu looked at her with knowing eyes, but never asked directly if she’d gone to visit Chaeyoung.

When the first letter arrived for Dahyun by way of homing pigeon, it was sealed anonymously. Dahyun opened it and immediately recognised Chaeyoung’s handwriting. The end of the letter was signed off as ‘Your secret special best friend.’

Dahyun kept the letters Chaeyoung sent hidden in her bedroll. She never told anyone about them, but some nights when the world felt too bleak and hopeless, she would light a candle and read through them to remember what she was fighting for. One day, the war would end, and she and Chaeyoung just needed to stay alive long enough to be there when it finished.

18

Dear secret special best friend,

How are you? I know winter gets tough up north, and from the news our scouts bring that was the last place you have been sighted. Perhaps you are already on the move in preparation for another attack. I hope you fail, but that you don’t die while doing so.

Winter down south (I’m not telling you where exactly so don’t even try to ask!) is much more pleasant than in the North. I suppose growing up in a cold draughty temple has skewed my opinion somewhat. You used to sleep under layers of blankets and fur coats, didn’t you? The cold probably doesn’t bother you at all.

I still haven’t told anyone about our secret meetings, not even Tzuyu. I know that I can’t trust anyone else not to consider me a traitor, but Tzuyu would understand, so I can’t really say why I don’t tell her. Maybe it’s because it feels more special when it’s just the two of us.

I don’t think we’re going to see each other very soon. I know that it’s been three months since the last time we were both close enough to the river to meet, but it doesn’t look like I’ll be anywhere near there for another six months or so. Of course, plans change, so don’t be angry at me if there’s a surprise attack at some point. All’s fair in love and war.

How are the sisters that aren’t actually sisters? Momo is on the war council with myself and Jihyo, and she seems lovely. Her power works differently to mine and Tzuyu, but I will admit that while I’m still sceptical about their religion as a whole, it’s not all a bunch of nonsense. She’s very sad about being separated from the other two, so much so that I get the feeling they had a bond similar to the one we share. However, I could just be reading into it. One of the side effects of missing you so badly, I’m sure.

I wish I could write more, but you know as well as I do that we must be careful with the information we share. I’m going to try and attach this scroll to your pigeon now. Perhaps this time I’ll successfully get it on without him nipping me.

Love, your secret special best friend.

P.S: The bird did in fact nip me three times while I attached the scroll. Perhaps this is all part of a master plan to destroy Queen Jihyo’s war council by pecking them to death.

P.P.S: Stay alive.

19

While letters were mainly how she and Chaeyoung kept in touch, they did meet up whenever they could. There was very little talking done during these encounters. When they only physically saw each other once or twice a year, most words could be saved for the letters. This time when she arrived, Chaeyoung greeted her with a kiss, and from there they just didn’t stop.

Despite how close both sides got to the river, they never clashed with each other. Dahyun had a feeling that was due to her influence on Jihyo’s side, and Chaeyoung’s influence on Nayeon’s side. As Baroness of the Northlands, Chaeyoung was Nayeon’s right hand, the second most important person in her kingdom. As High Priestess of war and wisdom, Dahyun was considered the strategic mastermind of Jihyo’s council. Chaeyoung still about that every time they met, but Dahyun could see the pride in her eyes too.

They never liked to acknowledge the existence of the war when they were together. Keeping their armies apart helped with that. It wasn’t something they planned on purpose, but having a battle at their river felt almost as sacrilegious to Dahyun as a battle at the temple ruins would be.

Their time together always ended too soon, but they were both too important nowadays to have much free time. If she stayed any longer Dahyun would end up heavily criticized and scrutinised, and she knew Chaeyoung would be in the same position.

When she arrived back at camp, the main thought on her mind was what lie she was going to use this time to explain her absence. Tzuyu always supported whatever excuse she came up with, but Dahyun still liked to have a solid story in her head just in case.

But all those thoughts left her mind when she saw Tzuyu emerging from Jihyo’s tent with marks on her neck. Marks like the ones Chaeyoung used to secretly leave on Dahyun. Marks like the one currently on her collarbone and left thigh, courtesy of the baroness.

She dismounted from her horse and walked straight into Jihyo’s tent. The queen looked up calmly, ignoring how Dahyun was shaking.

“What can I do for you High Priestess?”

“It’s about Tzuyu.” Dahyun was proud of how her voice didn’t quiver. “I just saw her leave your tent with bite marks on her neck. What do you think you’re doing with her?”

Jihyo blinked, looking utterly unperturbed by Dahyun’s rage.

“You’ve seen Momo come into my tent countless times and you’ve never had a problem. Why is this different?”

“Because she’s a child.” Dahyun hissed.

“She’s eighteen.” Jihyo replied calmly. “She’s only one year younger than you and two years younger than me. I respect your protectiveness Dahyun, but she can make her own choices. If she wants to seek comfort, I’m not going to deny her.”

“If you give her the same ‘comfort’ you give Momo, then we’re going to have a problem.”

“You really think that little of me?” For the first time Jihyo looked angry. “You think I would deflower her knowing full well that we don’t love each other? She comes into my tent, she kisses me and I let her. But I refuse to go further than that with her, so you can stop looking at me like I’m a demon.”

“Good. Tzuyu has never even been in love. Her first time should be special, not with a woman who lets other women into her bed.”

“Just one other woman actually, not that there’s anything wrong with multiple partners.”

Dahyun felt calmer now, but she was still thoroughly confused. Jihyo had been very patient with her so far despite her disrespect, so Dahyun risked another question.

“I don’t understand.” she admitted. “If you don’t love each other, why do it?”

“Well for starters, Momo and I do love each other. And I love Tzuyu the way I love you. We’ve been through so much together how could I not?”

“But you don’t want to marry them.”

“No.” Jihyo acknowledged that with a tilt of her head. “The truth is Momo and I both have other people we want to be with. But this war has made that impossible, and so we take comfort in each other when the loneliness gets too much to bear. Tzuyu asked to be included and I told her that wasn’t a good idea, but when she confessed to me about her own loneliness Momo and I agreed to help take the edge off.”

“What loneliness?” Dahyun felt more and more confused as the conversation went on.

“Remember a few seconds ago when you said that she has never been in love? You were wrong.”

Dahyun’s mouth dropped open.

“What? But… but…”

“It’s why I never asked if you wished to join us.” Jihyo reached over to take a sip of her tea. “It’s easy to tell who lost lovers due to this war and who still has them. I see the letters you get and how happy you are after the secret trips you go on. I don’t begrudge you that happiness Dahyun, but not all of us are so lucky. This war took Momo from Sana and Mina, and it took me from the girl I loved too.”

“And Tzuyu?”

“She’s like me. Never actually got to be more than friends with the girl, but loves and misses her anyway.”

“Chaeyoung.” The realisation hit Dahyun like a bolt of lightning.

“She told you?” Jihyo looked surprised. “I thought she was keeping it a secret. Something about you both liking her back in the day.”

This had to be a dream, or a bad stunt from the jester. This conversation couldn’t really be happening, could it? Surely Tzuyu wasn’t smitten with the love of Dahyun’s life?

“I have to go.” Dahyun turned and stumbled towards the tent opening.

She paused just before she left. Her head was spinning, but there was one other thing she was curious about.

“Your Highness? Who’s the girl you’re in love with?”

“Me? Oh, it’s a real tragedy.” Jihyo’s smile was grim. “You see, I’m in love with a girl who wants me dead.”

“Nayeon?” Dahyun said incredulously. “You’re in love with the queen we’re all fighting to dethrone?”

“I’m aware of the irony.” Jihyo’s tone was light, but there was a sadness in her eyes. “Love isn’t always simple.”

Well. Dahyun didn’t need Anma’s help to see the truth in that.

“No.” Dahyun agreed, thinking of everything that had happened today. “But it is what it is.”

She left Jihyo to her tea, wondering what on earth she should do now. Should she confront Tzuyu about this? Maybe share Chaeyoung’s letters? Or would that just make everything worse?

She remembered that Tzuyu had a crush on Chaeyoung back when they were children, but she’d been so happy for Dahyun when they kissed, and Tzuyu had also admitted that she’d always known she didn’t have a chance. Dahyun had assumed that the simple crush had faded into friendship, especially since Dahyun and Chaeyoung had been together for almost nine years now.

But apparently Tzuyu had been in love with the baroness all this time, and Dahyun felt sick thinking about how she always covered for Dahyun’s secret trips. They were in the middle of a war and Dahyun was all but sleeping with the enemy. An enemy her best friend and closest ally was deeply in love with, and yet she hadn’t said a single word about it to Dahyun. Why?

It was easy for Dahyun to see why. Jihyo had said it herself, none of them wanted Dahyun to be miserable the way they were. Tzuyu probably kept her love a secret to stop Dahyun from feeling the way she felt right now. Guilt and shame mixed with hurt and anger, and it made her want to throw up her lunch.

She was still going to write letters to Chaeyoung, and she would still see her when she could. But Dahyun could feel that the carefree playfulness of their encounters would be tainted now. She could no longer fully shut out the war during their interactions. Her little romantic bubble had been popped.

No matter how much she wanted her romance with Chaeyoung to be pure and simple, life was unfortunately far more complicated than that.

20

So here they were, twenty years old and nineteen years old respectively. The battle between their armies had finally become unavoidable, and now it was almost fitting that their special river ran red with the blood of their comrades. Dahyun had known since the war began that this place wouldn’t remain sacred forever, and the blood in the water was the final nail in the coffin.

Neither side had succeeded in crossing the river. But Dahyun’s primarily goal had been to defend it whereas Chaeyoung desperately needed to cross it in order to help the rest of Nayeon’s army. So, in that way, victory had been Dahyun’s.

This was the first time Dahyun was seeing Chaeyoung since the revelation about Tzuyu. This was also the longest stretch of time they’d been apart since that initial gap between Dahyun’s temple being burnt down and Chaeyoung’s father dying. That, combined with this being their first true fight against each other on the battlefield, meant that this encounter struck Dahyun with far more guilt than their previous ones.

She was still too weak to stop herself from kissing Chaeyoung, from letting Chaeyoung run her fingers through her hair. But the guilt was like a knife in her stomach, demanding to be heard and louder than ever before.

“What are we doing?” Dahyun pulled away. “Chaeyoung, this is only a temporary retreat. Your army will try and attack the ford again, won’t you?”

“Of course we will.” Chaeyoung seemed unburdened by the conflicted feelings that were crushing Dahyun. “We have the superior numbers. The only thing that stopped us from taking that ford was that you and Tzuyu were there.”

“Well we’re still here, so why attack again?”

“For starters, Mina is coming to join us, so it won’t just be myself and Sana here.”

“Ah yes, because even though on of them is mostly useless in battle, two certainly won’t be.”

“I’ll admit, Sana’s power of love isn’t as physically intimidating as Tzuyu’s lightning, but it’s foolish of you to underestimate her. Not to mention Mina, who can forge an endless supply of the best weaponry in the kingdom.”

“And yet somehow, I can’t help feeling that Jihyo ended up with the best sister. Fire versus love and creation doesn’t seem like an even trade to me.”

“Well at least you admit that one of them is worthy of your approval.” Chaeyoung smiled. “But in any case, it doesn’t matter. Most of your strongest priestesses are young and barely trained. You and Tzuyu are really the only capable ones in the whole army.”

“And who’s fault is that?”

Dahyun couldn’t help the harshness of her words. Even after four years, the destruction of the temple was still a dark mark on their shared history.

“My father’s fault, I know.” Chaeyoung waved her hand dismissively. “The point is, Tzuyu may have the raw power needed to trap my army in mud or strike my men with lightning, but all it takes is a fatal blow from a single soldier and you lose the only person keeping your army alive. Your current tactics rely on her power, and not even you can come up with a brand-new plan fast enough to beat my army.”

It was as if Chaeyoung had doused Dahyun with cold river water. The callous, careless way she spoke of killing Tzuyu completely destroyed Dahyun’s romantic, rose tinted vision of her. There had been moments before, when real life got uncomfortably close to shattering the hearts in her eyes. But nothing as dramatic and awful as this.

“What do you mean by that Chaeyoung?” Dahyun didn’t even hide how horrified she was. “You would kill Tzuyu? The girl who’s loved you just as much as I do since we were young?”

“I would never kill her!” Chaeyoung seemed offended that Dahyun would dare suggest that. “But she’s been killing my men all day, men who left their families behind to fight this war for me. If one of them were to kill her in order to defend themselves, I wouldn’t hate them for it. I would mourn her terribly, but I wouldn’t hate them for it.”

Dahyun felt sick.

“And if I was the one they cut down?” Dahyun’s voice trembled. “You would mourn me but you would understand why they did it, correct? You wouldn’t hate them for that?”

“That would be different.” Chaeyoung responded quietly.

“Would it now?” Dahyun laughed humorlessly.

Chaeyoung frowned, finally beginning to realise that Dahyun wasn’t at all happy with her anymore.

“What’s gotten into you? Can’t we just enjoy our time together?”

“No, we can’t. Not when you’re so flippant about the death of our closest friend!”

“She’s your closest friend, not ours. I didn’t-”

“If Tzuyu dies, I’ll never forgive you.”

Chaeyoung stopped talking. She looked at Dahyun, taking in the fury and betrayal. For once, Dahyun thought she looked ashamed, but soon that was replaced with anger.

“Do you think I want things to be this way? That I want to kill Tzuyu? That I enjoy this war? I despise all this fighting just as much as you do. I just haven’t deluded myself into thinking I’m fighting for some noble and just cause!”

“I’m fighting this war to protect my people.” Dahyun fired back coldly. “You and Tzuyu are at the top of that list, and nothing you do can ever truly knock you off that spot. But honestly, I’m disappointed in you Chaeyoung. I thought you were better than this, but if you want to hide behind your bitter cynicism then go ahead. Pretend none of your actions really matter. I’ll always love you no matter how this war ends, but I won’t let you sweep all our problems under the rug. Your father destroyed my family and I didn’t hold it against you because it wasn’t your fault, but now you are in control, and if you are responsible for Tzuyu’s death, I will hold you accountable until the end of our days.”

Chaeyoung had no response to that. Dahyun waited for a moment, but when Chaeyoung’s stunned stare grew too much she turned and walked towards the trees.

“Dahyun, wait.”

Dahyun had people back in her camp who needed her. She couldn’t afford to spend any more time with the enemy, no matter how much her heart still ached for Chaeyoung when they were apart. The wise thing to do would be to leave.

Dahyun had never been very good at picking the wisest option when it came to Chaeyoung.

She turned around to face Chaeyoung. There were tears in her eyes, but her face was stern.

“Do you know why I’m doing all this?” Chaeyoung asked. “Because it’s not out of loyalty to Nayeon or dedication to her vendetta. I’m fighting this war for the exact same reason you are, to protect my family. My father chose Nayeon’s side because he knew she was going to win, and I kept that alliance in order to give the people I love the best chance at staying alive. But my father, my mother and my brother have all died because of this war. You are the only family I have left Dahyun!”

Dahyun said nothing. She just listened, focusing on Chaeyoung’s passionate eyes and not the blood on her hands.

“You call me a cynic, but the truth is everyone needs to believe in something. I don’t believe in the divine right to rule, so you’re right that I don’t believe this war has any meaning. But what gets me up in the morning, what keeps me going no matter how hard and grim the days can be, is the thought of marrying you. That’s it. That’s why I’m fighting to end this war. All I want is for you and I to have enough time to grow old together and forgive each other for the sins of this war. Judge me, call me selfish, think whatever you want. But that’s the truth.”

She dug the tip of the sword into the ground when she’d finished. Dahyun watched her, feeling her own tears start to spill.

“I believe you.” she said quietly.

“Good.” Chaeyoung said. “So you know I’d join Jihyo’s side in a second if I thought it would be enough. But even with a quarter of her army gone Nayeon would still be a force to reckon with, whereas if you take you and Tzuyu and the support of the temples away, Jihyo is as good as finished.”

“I’m not betraying her Chaeyoung.”

“I know. Believe it or not I respect your dedication.”

“You used to call me naïve.” Dahyun raised an eyebrow.

“Well I’m older now. I’ve seen so many dishonest bastards that a truly honest person like yourself is someone I respect, even if I do still think you’re naïve and foolish.”

“You flatter me.” Dahyun said sarcastically. “With charms like that how will I resist jumping into your arms and marrying you as soon as the war ends?”

“I was just trying to explain why I can’t join your side.” Chaeyoung’s playfully offended expression was achingly familiar. “But leave it to you to mock me for that.”

“I understand, I do.” Dahyun sobered up, regarding Chaeyoung seriously. “We’re both fighting for the same thing in different ways.”

“I’m glad you understand.” Chaeyoung tensed as a horn blared through the forest. “I have to go. Kiss for luck?”

Dahyun rolled her eyes, but she smiled as she leant in for a chaste peck on the lips.

“What are you, twelve?” Chaeyoung snorted. “Kiss me properly, as if it’s the last time you’ll see me.”

It wasn’t the last time Dahyun saw her, but she kissed her deeply anyways. For all her talk about Chaeyoung’s lack of charms, Dahyun had never really been able to resist her.

“I love you.” she whispered.

“I love you too.” Chaeyoung gently patted her cheek. “Now go back to your camp and try not to die. A surrender is probably the best option, but if you have a better idea, I’m all ears.”

“You’re going to lose” Dahyun smiled. “But I won’t let you die. You’re still my girl Chaeyoung.”

“Don’t worry. If your men attack me, I’ll tell them that I’m waiting on a marriage proposal.”

“Hilarious.” Despite her deadpan tone, Dahyun couldn’t keep the smile off her face. “Did you ever put much thought into your possible future in the world of jesters? I still think you’d do excellently there.”

“Well if the war doesn’t end soon, I might start looking into it.”