Now

"I called you."

"I know, I was busy."

"You could at least text me, it's not that hard. You are on your phone all the time."

"God, stop nagging, Teukkie."

Leeteuk clamped his mouth shut immediately. He felt wrong footed all of a sudden, a feeling of dejavu washing over him. He shifted closer and bit his lips, staring at the man sitting on his couch.

"Is- is everything okay, Chullie?" he asked meekly.

"Everything will be fine if you could just stop talking for a second."

Unsure of how to act, Leeteuk moved closer towards Heechul and curled up next to him.

"You would tell me if there's anything, right?" he asked in a small voice, afraid to set Heechul off or worse, make him walk away.

"Yeah yeah, whatever Teuk," Heechul replied while throwing an arm around Leeteuk to pull him closer and Leeteuk almost cried out in relief at the small gesture eventhough Heechul's response were not really positive. It was sad that this little touch was enough to lift some weight on his chest.

He wasn't stupid though. Heechul had definitely been seeing someone else. He could smell it on the other man, the faint flowery scent that didn't belong to Heechul or any of Heechul's friend. It was pathetic that he knew all these things yet still continued to make allowances.

%%%%%%

Then

"Hey, have you eaten? I got takeaways, come out and eat before it gets cold," Leeteuk called through the closed door. Hearing no reply, he pried it open only to fnd Heechul sprawled on the bed, hair in disarray.

"I'm not hungry," Heechul said sullenly, fingers playing with the corner of what he assumed to be a script of some sort.

"Oh, okay. When you are hungry, call me. I'll reheat the food for you."

The moody Heechul grunted and Leeteuk backed away instinctively, allowing the other some space. He was almost out of the door when out of nowhere he heard Heechul called for him.

"Yeah?"

"Jungsoo, no, Teuk, I- I don't think-," Leeteuk could only blink confusedly when Heechul's expression further darkened as he tried to articulate his thoughts.

"Is everything okay, Chul ah?" worriedly, he asked. Heechul's round eyes quickly evaded Teuk's searching one and he continued to fiddle with his script.

"Hangeng is coming back from his China activities soon, Teuk, I don't think we should..." The words trailed off before it came to a halt and Leeteuk almost couldn't breathe right then, his mind finishing what Heechul was trying to say. The younger one wavered a bit before he seemed to steel himself and stared directly at Leeteuk whose world was crumbling around him.

"I'm sorry Teuk, but you are not him," it wasn't enough for Heechul to stab him, he had to twist the knife too.

"O- okay," and Leeteuk fled the scene almost in cowardice, leaving pieces of his heart all over the floor. There was no point in fighting a one sided war.

%%%%%%

Now

The sound of cheer was deafening when they finally got off the stage. Eunhyuk's grin was contagious as they tumbled, breathless and sweaty, into the dressing room and soon everyone was grinning like madmen, the mood was high after another successful concert.

In the midst of cheers and laughter, Leeteuk reached for Heechul's hand, too high on adrenaline to think about it properly. Reality crashed into him though when Heechul yanked his fingers away as if disgusted and Leeteuk swallowed heavily, suddenly nervous.

"Hyung!" he forced his sight away from Heechul's moving figure only to meet Donghae's incredulous stare.

"Again?!"

Instead of answering his dongsaeng, Leeteuk could only shrug his shoulders, teeth gnawing on his bottom lip. He wasn't stupid, if he opened his mouth, all the pieces of his barely held together heart would come crumbling down. He wasn't stupid, he knew this had to end before anything bad happens.

%%%%%%

Then

The sound of crash resounded in the living room and Leeteuk watched as Heechul fell onto the ground and he gape while his mind couldn't grasped what had happened.

"You are horrible, hyung! Teuk hyung loves you!" the yell was loud and for a second, not one figure moved. Donghae was breathing hard, eyes already welling with tears of frustration while Heechul stared at him from the floor, wiping the blood from the corner of his split lips. Leeteuk could only stare in surprise, head swivelling to look from Donghae too Heechul.

"Mind your own ing business, Donghae," Heechul said haughtily and if it was another situation, Leeteuk could almost admire Heechul's courage to say that confidently when he was at an obvious disadvantage.

"You are sick! How can a human be this mean. Have you no feelings at all?!" Donghae tried to charge forward then and Leeteuk finally snapped into action.

"That is enough, Donghae! What Heechul and I did behind closed door is none of your concern!" he said firmly, pushing Donghae to stand on the other side of the room. It pained Leeteuk to reprimand Donghae but he didn't want this to get any bigger than it should. Donghae let out a growl of frustration as he kicked a small table near him.

"It is my concern when you kept getting hurt by all that Heechul hyung does. I heard you cried yourself to sleep every ing night when this was out bedding everyone left, right and center," Leeteuk closed his eyes at that, unable to hold both Donghae's and Heechul's heavy stares.

The nature of his relationship with Heechul was a known secret amongst Super Junior members. They didn't talk about it but everyone knew. Leeteuk was aware that everyone was talking about it behind his back. He heard more than enough times the whisper amongst the members when Leeteuk woke them up in the morning with swollen bloodshot eyes and dark circles. He saw them giving him varying levels of glances ranging from pity to disgust when Heechul came back early in the morning reeking of alcohol and other people that wasn't Leeteuk. It made him ashamed of himself, ashamed of his feelings, ashamed of his excuses for Heechul when the other man didn't seem to care.

"I'm a grown up, Hae. I can take care of things. Thank you for worrying but please leave Heechul alone," his voice wavered at the end of course, which made Donghae snort.

"Oh my god, hyung! What are you? Some submissive wife waiting for her cheater of a husband? Why are you so weak for him? Everyone was talking about it. He doesn't love you like you think he does! Snap out of it!"

"Just stop Donghae! I don't need your opinions!" he raised his voice, glaring angrily at Donghae because Donghae's words hurt and he just wanted to deny everything.

"You are such an idiot, Teuk hyung! If this is what you want, fine. But don't go around crying when you are the one who is doing this to yourself," Donghae gritted out before stomping away. Leeteuk flinched when he slammed the door to their shared bedroom. Sighing tiredly, Leeteuk turned towards Heechul who mostly remained silent throughout Donghae's outburst.

"Are you okay?"

Heechul stared right at him and Leeteuk noticed a different kind of look. His stomach dropped when he realized what Heechul was going to say.

"No, no, don't do this to me, Heechul," he pleaded even before Heechul had said it.

"Shh, Jungsoo. I think we have to stop. Yeah, we have to."

"What?" Leeteuk couldn't formulate a reply when Heechul had said it matter of factly.

"I know you helped me a lot. I'm grateful for you being there for me when Hengeng left. But you are too clingy, too obvious. I don't want to give the younger ones wrong ideas. This will affect the team and we don't need this right now," Heechul mumbled quickly, all his earlier confidence seemed to disappear but Leeteuk didn't notice as each syllables bounced in his head, the message was loud and clear.

Grown up, his , he thought to himself that night as he muffled his sobs against his pillows, trying so hard not to awaken the peacefully sleeping Donghae.

%%%%%%

Now

"Are you okay? I got you some painkillers. How's your head?"

"Your voice is making my head worse. Do you ever stop talking?"

"Sorry, sorry. I brought some porridge. You have to at least eat something."

"I have already eaten," Heechul said, turning away from fidgeting Leeteuk. Leeteuk recognized the silent dismissal and he dragged himself out of Heechul's bedroom, head hung low. Hot shame filled him when he thought about how foolish he had been, to rush to Heechul's place straight from his filming, to assume that Heechul needed him, to think that Heechul would be even slightly grateful.

Leeteuk wasn't stupid though, he saw the pot of porridge on Heechul's usually spotless stove, saw the remnants of someone who cooked in Heechul's usually spotless kitchen. He wasn't stupid. Someone else had come while he was busy working.