Jaeyoon reached out towards the bedside table, silencing the alarm clock. He cracked one eye open and groaned when he saw the time: 6:00 AM.

“Rise and shine, sleepyhead,” a bright voice from somewhere beside him said.

“Inseong, no,” Jaeyoon mumbled, grabbing a pillow and covering his face with it. Usually, Inseong lets him sleep in for a few more hours but apparently, today was an exception. The pillow over his head was taken away and the morning light flooding through the window blinded him for a moment.

 “Happy Birthday!”

Jaeyoon burst out laughing when he finally saw the scene in front of him. Inseong was sitting on his side of the bed, wearing a huge, red bow on his head and holding a cake with three lit candles. Jaeyoon sat up and took the cake in his hands, closing his eyes before blowing the candles.

“So, what did you wish for?” Inseong asked.

Jaeyoon shook his head, “It won’t come true if I tell you,” he replied, placing the cake on the bedside table. He turned to Inseong suddenly, pushing him on the bed and straddling him. Jaeyoon brushed his lips on Inseong’s forehead.

“So, can I open my present now?” he asked, pulling on the ribbon on Inseong’s head.

“I was hoping you’d say that,” Inseong replied, as he pulled Jaeyoon down and brought their lips together.

“Don’t go to work today,” Jaeyoon whispered but Inseong was already getting out of bed. “You know I can’t, I have a meeting with the school chancellor,” the other replied stepping inside the shower.

Jaeyoon sighed. He glanced at the clock again – 8:00 AM. He dragged himself out of bed and put on a robe and headed to the kitchen.

Ten minutes later, Inseong came into the kitchen fully dressed and ready to take on the world. “I have to go,” he said apologetically.

“Get a bite before you head out,” Jaeyoon said sliding a plate with bread and eggs towards him.

Inseong shovelled some eggs in his mouth and grabbed a slice of bread. As he did so, his hand knocked over the glass of orange juice on the floor.

“Go on! You’ll be late for class. I’ll clean it up,” Jaeyoon said.

“Thank you! I’m really sorry I have to rush. I’ll see you tonight, okay?” Inseong said, giving him a peck on the cheek before heading out.

Jaeyoon cleaned up the mess and started preparing for his day.

He glanced at his watch just as it turned 8: oo in the evening. He looked around but there was still no sign of his boyfriend. Jaeyoon pulled out his phone and tried calling him but it went directly to voicemail. Nervous, he started to pace near the entrance, one hand inside his jacket pocket, gripping a small, square box tightly.

“Jaeyoon-ah!”

The voice cut through all the noise and traffic and Jaeyoon turned. Inseong was on the other side of the street, waving at him enthusiastically with a huge smile on his face; just seeing him made Jaeyoon feel warm.

He waved back at Inseong.

Then everything happened in slow motion.

Jaeyoon glanced at the pedestrian sign as it turned green and looked back at Inseong. His boyfriend stepped off the side of the street when he heard it - a loud screeching noise from somewhere. A yellow blur turned the corner and was speeding straight on the street. Jaeyoon’s eyes widened, a scream ripping out of his throat.

But everything happened so fast. There was a loud sound and another screech of tires and the sound of metal hitting metal. And then the smoke and the people and then a figure, lying motionless on the ground while the pool of red got bigger and bigger.

Jaeyoon stood rooted to the spot. Words were stuck in his throat and he can feel the tears flowing out of him.

“I-ins-“

Someone pushed past him and he got knocked off onto the ground.

There were feet and shoes and some vehicles and he was aware that someone was helping him stand up but his eyes were glued to that one spot on the ground and all he saw when he out was red.

******************************************************************************************************

Jaeyoon gasped awake, his entire body covered in cold sweat. He glanced at the empty space beside him.

“Inseong!” he called out, wishing that it really was a dream.

But it felt so real. His heartbeat was ringing inside his head and he can smell the burning rubber and hear the alarms going off in the distance.

“Inseong!” he said, louder this time.

“Happ- What’s wrong?” Inseong asked seeing his distressed face.

Jaeyoon shot up out of bed and rushed Inseong, gathering him in a tight hug.

“You’re safe, you’re safe,” he whispered repeatedly.

Inseong rubbed small circles on his back, comforting him, willing him to calm down. After a minute, Jaeyoon had already calmed.  

 “What’s wrong?” Inseong asked.

“I had… a bad dream,”

But was it really a dream? Everything felt so real to him.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s over now,” Inseong assured him.

Jaeyoon closed his eyes as he hugged Inseong once more. “Yes. Everything’s okay now.”

Still, a bit shaken by what had happened, Jaeyoon looked up another good restaurant in town – somewhere as far away from the one he originally planned on going. Inseong just came out of the shower and was changing his clothes. A few minutes later, he stepped into the kitchen and sat across him.

“So, have you found a place for us tonight?” Inseong asked as ate some of the eggs.

“I’m still looking for a good restaurant,” he answered, scrolling through his phone.

“We could just go that Italian restaurant you love so much. It’s your birthday anyway so I don’t really have a say,” Inseong said as he reached for a slice of bed.

Jaeyoon looked up at him then just as his hand knocked over the glass and it shattered on the ground. A sense of foreboding enveloped him, could it be..?

“Shoot, I’m sorry,” Inseong said as he stepped away to get the broom. Jaeyoon stared at the shattered glass on the floor for a minute.

“No,” he muttered under his breath.

Inseong returned then carrying a broom but Jaeyoon took it out of his hand. “Go on. I’ll clean this up. You might be late,” he said.

Inseong glanced at his watch. “Oh! You’re right! I’ll see you tonight then,” he said, as he pecked on Jaeyoon’s cheek and headed out.

Jaeyoon was shaking. The glass breaking – he remembered that. That happened in the dream and even the peck on his check.

“No,” he said again.

Jaeyoon stood in front of the French Restaurant that Inseong has taken a liking to. He doesn’t really like French cuisine but just this time, he’ll stomach it.

There was a short line in front of the entrance as the dinner crowd gathered and Jaeyoon was just glad that he was able to snag a last minute reservation. Still, he wanted to wait for Inseong outside – just to be safe.

He pulled out the small leather box from his suit pocket and opened it. A simple silver ring sat cosily in it with their initials engraved on the inside of the band. Jaeyoon thumbed at a similar ring already on his finger – he felt really happy but there was this nagging feeling at the back of his head that he couldn’t shake.

Jaeyoon’s phone vibrated in his pocket and he pulled it out, receiving a text from Inseong.

I’m almost there! Can’t wait to see you!

He smiled and called him.

“Hey, I’m almost there, you didn’t have to call,” Inseong said, his breathing was uneven and Jaeyoon knew that he was running.

“Don’t rush, baby. I’ll be here waiting,” he said. “I love you,” the words came naturally to him but this time was something different.

“I love you too! And I’m here!” Inseong exclaimed.

Jaeyoon turned around just past the crowd was a tall figure with red hair approaching. He smiled but his attention was drawn to a couple of guys just behind Inseong. They were wearing all black and have hats pulled down to cover their faces.

Just then a yellow Lamborghini pulled in front of the restaurant. Seeing it made Jaeyoon feel dizzy and he staggered in his steps.

“Hey! Are you okay?” Inseong has finally reached him.

Jaeyoon nodded.

A scuffle broke out in front of them and then two loud gunshots, a figure was on the floor and then there were shouting and screaming and people running in all directions.

The two guys behind Inseong a little while ago were right in the middle of the commotion. Jaeyoon could clearly see the gun in their hands. He pulled Inseong down just as one of them let out a warning shot.

“Get down!” he hissed

“But we have to help the guy!” Inseong answered.

“Inseong, no!”

But it he was too late. Inseong did duck down but he was inching forward, trying to reach the person lying on the ground. One of the guys spotted him and kicked him in the stomach.

“Inseong!”

He doubled over and then a gunshot rang.

“Noooooooooo!”

The two guys jumped into the Lamborghini and drove away, tires screeching just as the sirens wailed in the distance. Jaeyoon rushed towards Inseong and placed a hand on his stomach.

“Inseong-ah, Inseong, please stay with me. Please hold on for a little more,” he heard himself say.

Jaeyoon didn’t want to glance at the wound but he knew that there was nothing else he could do. Blood was seeping out of the wound so fast and Inseong’s lips were starting to turn blue.

“I-inseong,”

Inseong turned to look at him with much difficulty. “Jae- yoo-“ He coughed out blood.

Jaeyoon met his eyes, those warm, brown eyes that he loved so much. “I love you. I love you. I love you,” he whispered the words over and over until those eyes that were so full of life suddenly became empty. He felt a hand on his shoulder, he felt people talking to him but he ignored them. They don’t matter. Nothing matters anymore. Nothing…

*************************************************************************************************************************

Dddi-dddi-ddddi-ddddi

The sound of the alarm didn’t wake him, it was the pain in his chest and stomach that did that. His tears were falling uncontrollably. It wasn’t a dream. It was never a dream. All those times he lost Inseong – they were all real - a cruel trick of the universe. He knew that now.

He buried his head in the pillows, muffling out a scream that wanted to come out.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

Jaeyoon steeled himself.

Just a while ago, he watched as the life disappeared from the person he loved. How will he face him after that?

“Jaeyoon-ah,” Inseong’s voice was soft and worried and so he lifted his face up, not hiding the tears. Inseong was wearing that ridiculous bow and holding that cake but he immediately placed them on the floor and hugged him.

Jaeyoon held him close, tightly. He was alive again. He was alive and that’s the only thing that matters. He didn’t know how long they stayed in bed, just holding each other but Jaeyoon doesn’t care.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Inseong asked, tracing small circles on Jaeyoon’s arm. He shook his head. “I had a bad dream,” he answered snuggling closer into Inseong, hearing his heart beat normally. “It’s just a dream,” he repeated.

“You’re scaring me,” Inseong muttered.

Jaeyoon lifted his head and face the guy. “It’s nothing,” he smiled. “The dream just felt so real,”

“Do you want to tell me what it was about?”

Jaeyoon shook his head. “Some other time. I just want to be with you today,” he said, leaning forward and kissing Inseong.

Inseong was rushing out of the kitchen, his hair and suit a tiny bit dishevelled.

“Eat,” Jaeyoon said, watching him go about in panic as he looked for his stuff. Inseong grabbed a slice of bread and popped it in his mouth. “See you tonight?” he asked.

Jaeyoon nodded and handed him a glass of orange juice. Inseong took it and finished it in one gulp. He placed it on top of the table and it almost fell but Jaeyoon was there to catch it.

“I’ll see you tonight,” he answered.

Inseong gave him a peck on the cheek but Jaeyoon pulled him back and kissed him properly. “I love you so much,” he said against Inseong’s lips.

“I love you too. Now, let me go or else I won’t be able to go to work,”

“Just stay here and we’ll celebrate my birthday in bed,” Jaeyoon teased nibbling on his earlobe. Inseong chuckled but pulled him away.

“We can do that the whole night tonight,” he answered. “Now, you’re boyfriend has to go, okay?”

Jaeyoon nodded and grudgingly loosened his hands around him. “I love you,” he repeated as Inseong stepped out of the door.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, just looking at the closed door where Inseong exited. He looked at the glass that now lay unbroken on top of the table and he knew what he had to do.

**************************************************************

Inseong ran out of the school as soon as the meeting ended. He didn’t realize that it would take the entire afternoon and he was supposed to meet Jaeyoon. And Jaeyoon was standing in front of the school and

“W-what? I thought we’ll meet at the restaurant?” he said as he walked up to him.

“Hello to you too,” Jaeyoon greeted. “I  just… I can’t wait to see you,” he answered.

Inseong let it slide. Jaeyoon had been acting a bit weird since this morning. First with the crying, then the repeated I love you’s.

Maybe the dream really got to him, Inseong just thought.

“Are you up for a walk?” Jaeyoon asked, locking their hands together.

“I was gonna run to you, you know,”

“Of course you are,” Jaeyoon said. Inseong shoved him playfully and the proceeded to tell him about his day. 

It was a wonderful night - the crisp night air bringing with it a hint of winter. The clear night sky making all the stars visible. It was perfect, especially for Jaeyoon's birthday. 

The restaurant was just across the street and they were waiting for the light to turn green. Inseong glanced at his watch just as it turned 8: 00. At the same time, the sign switched to green and he felt Jaeyoon pull him forward. 

Suddenly there was screeching sound and he looked to his left. A yellow car was speeding right at them and Inseong felt rooted to the spot. He can faintly hear Jaeyoon shouting at him but he didn't understand. The headlights came closer and closer and then he felt a hard push on his back, causing him to stumble towards the other side safely. But then, 

"Jaeyoon!"

He turned around but the scene was already a wreck. There were tire marks on the street, the smell of rubber burning and a figure lay sprawled on the ground, the pool of red growing bigger and bigger. 

"Jaeyoon!" 

****************************************************************************************************************

One Week Later

"Are you sure you're okay?" Youngbin asked. His best friend volunteered to help him gather his things from their apartment but he declined. He looked up at the familiar building, a thousand of emotions rolling inside his chest. 

"I'll wait for you here then," Youngbin said softly, as he turned off the engine. 

Inseong stood in front of the white, wooden door with tears in his eyes. His hands shook as he tried to slid the key in. It took him several tries before he heard the lock click open. He placed his palm on the door and took in several deep breaths before opening it. 

The place still looked the same the last time he was here, There was the box of cake and that stupid bow that he wore. There were unwashed dishes on the sink, waiting for Jaeyoon to clean them up. In every turn, in every corner, all he can see is Jaeyoon's face. 

He proceeded to their bedroom. Weirdly, it was very clean, very unusual as they both rarely fix the bed because of work. It took Inseong a moment to notice a small leather box sitting on top of a rather thick envelope on the bed. 

His hands shook as he pulled out the letter. 

Inseong-ah,

How are you? I hope you're well. I hope you get to read this letter and that I managed to do the right thing...

I don't know how many days or weeks have passed but... do you remember the day of my birthday? When you saw me crying and you comforted me? You asked me what it was about and I just told you it's just a bad dream. In a way, it is a bad dream... You see... I don't know if you'll believe me but... in the dream, I've seen you die twice... the love of my life was taken from me two times and both times I was so helpless and I felt useless and I just it hurts so much that i wanted to die too. It was like a void that kept on consuming me and eating at me and I can't keep the image of your lifeless face out of my head... that's why I was crying so hard that morning. 

Isn't this just depressing?! kekeke

But I hope you're really alive right now. 

You know, I was gonna propose to you that night. (You will say yes, right?) I knew the first time I saw you that I would want to spend the rest of my days with you. I was so happy that someone like you chose me, I love you so much, so so much. I love you.

I'm not asking you to remember me or keep me in your heart forever. I'm not asking you to do anything other than to live your life. I want you to fulfill your dream and teach in England just like what your mom did. You're a very good teacher do you know that?And travel! don't forget to have fun and see Europe and maybe, meet a cute English guy and have cute little English babies... You'll be a great father, I know it. 

Live your life to the fullest, my love. That's all I want from you. I love you. I will always love you. 

Your soulmate,

J

**×******×**********×*******×

Jaeyoon brought a pen and paper into the room and started writing. The glass of orange juice that was supposed to be broken by now stood safe in front of him. 

He knew it was the rigjt thing, the final piece of the puzzle and there was no room for hesitation

The glass didn't break because he interferred.

He knew that he had to try it.

A life in exchange for a life.

Him instead of Inseong.