Yongsun gripped her glass a little nervously, eying the excess foam from the beer she had been half-heartedly sipping.  As if sensing her unease, Byulyi pat her thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze.

 

 

 

“Reports say that today the protestors nearly came to blows with the Queer Festival participants, reaching a tense standoff when protestors attempted to block the parade from continuing.”

 

   

 

It seemed that they were the only two focused on the news as their manager continued to engage in conversation with Wheein and Hyejin, eliciting some giggles from the two.  At least Yongsun thought so.

 

 

 

“That’s disgusting.  I can’t believe those people are even allowed to do a parade like that in public.”

 

 

 

Yongsun nearly flinched but kept her posture still, trying to not look in the direction of the voice.  She glanced at Byulyi whose face also seemed carefully blank of any expression.  In another place if Yongsun was a different girl, maybe she would have said something to that man muttering into his soju glass.  But instead she just trembled a little and gripped the sides of her glass. 

 

 

 

Byulyi on the other hand reached for her beer and began to take furious gulps, her eyes squeezing shut.  The sudden action startled their manager who glanced over in alarm.

 

 

 

“Oh yeah Byulyi-unnie is going all in!” cheered Wheein with a giggle as they all watched Byulyi drain her glass with a loud exhale.  Hyejin gave a thumbs up as she started to drink from her own glass. 

 

 

 

Only Yongsun sat there brow knitting in concern.  She knew that Byulyi tended to drink away her problems, ruminating on the complex intricacies of an issue until the world blurred into a haze of drunkenness. 

 

 

 

“Byul-ah,” Yongsun whispered softly but the other girl pretended not to hear.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

“Take me home with you.”

 

 

 

Yongsun sighed as she felt Byulyi whispering hotly into her ear, her breath reeking of alcohol.  Wheein and Hyejin were tipsy as well but not to the degree that Byulyi was.  The girl was unfortunately drunk.  Yongsun on the other hand hadn’t been able to stomach more than a few sips of her own beer. 

 

 

 

“I better get you guys home,” their manager said with a playful groan as she returned from paying the bill at the front of the restaurant.  “Yongsun-ah, can you get Byulyi while I try wrangling up these two?”

 

 

 

“You sure you can catch us, Unnie?” giggled Hyejin with a mischievous smirk that Wheein mirrored.  Yongsun’s mouth twitched into a bit of a smile until she felt a hand grip her inner thigh with surprising strength.  She glanced down at Byulyi’s hand and for once she didn’t shove it away. 

 

 

 

“Can’t you wait till we get home?” she murmured, not meeting the other girl’s gaze.

 

 

 

“What if I can’t wait until home?”

 

 

 

Yongsun winced and looked at Byulyi’s eyes.  There was something painful about them as they bore into her with a strange amount of clarity for a girl who was clearly very drunk. 

 

 

 

“You know I don’t like it when we do that when you’re drunk.”

 

 

 

Byulyi frowned and retracted her hand, dropping her eyes like she was ashamed.

 

 

 

“Sorry, I just couldn’t-”

 

 

 

“It’s okay.” Yongsun smiled a bit sadly as they both stood from the table, following their manager and a giggling Wheein and Hyejin. 

 

 

 

Yongsun didn’t pull away when Byulyi tangled their fingers together, squeezing tightly as if to ground her in their connection with each other. 

 

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

 

 

When they got back to Yongsun’s place, it was quiet.  Her sister Yonghee was on a trip with friends and would be gone all weekend.  Yongsun loved her sister and adored that they had moved in together but sometimes it was nice to have her apartment to herself.  Living alone had certainly been easier for her and Byulyi when they started their relationship in the beginning.

 

 

 

Yongsun let Byulyi hold onto her shoulder as she slid off her shoes, still a little unsteady on her feet from the alcohol.  Wordlessly, Yongsun gestured for her to sit at the little two person kitchen table.  She turned her back and rummaged in her kitchen for a glass of water.  As she began to turn on the faucet she felt warm arms snake around her waist and hot breath in her ear.

 

 

 

“I’m sorry about earlier.”

 

 

 

Yongsun bit her lip and looked down at the hands tightly gripping her waist. 

 

 

 

“Byul-ah…”

 

 

 

“I know you don’t like when I drink when I’m emotional.  It’s something I’m trying to work on.”

 

 

 

“I know you’re trying.” Yongsun swallowed and placed the empty glass next to the faucet. “I just wish you wouldn’t make yourself like that in order to deal with your feelings.”

 

 

 

Byulyi sighed against her.  It was an old fight of theirs.  Yongsun hated how the other girl would never say what she felt, instead favoring to bottle up her emotions and drink so much alcohol that she could barely remember what happened the night before.  Before they had gotten together this tendency was a catalyst for so many arguments.  Yongsun remembered how a little more than a year ago she'd come back from filming We Got Married and frequently have to pick up a drunken Byulyi who had been drinking far too much with a group of friends. She hadn't known of course at the time that the reason the other girl had been drinking so much had to do with her bottling up her feelings for Yongsun. 

 

 

 

“It’s a bad habit,” Byulyi sleepily mumbled into the side of her neck, making her shiver a little.  Yongsun gripped the edge of her kitchen sink a little tighter. 

 

 

 

“I just wish you would talk to me instead of drinking so much like that.”

 

 

 

“He called people like us disgusting.  I just…” Byulyi let out a frustrated sound and Yongsun gently covered the other girl’s hand with her own.

 

 

 

“Byul-ah, I know.  It’s okay.”

 

 

 

Yongsun tilted her head a little and felt Byulyi nuzzle against the side of her neck.

 

 

 

“And I just-” Byulyi’s voice twisted unnaturally and Yongsun tensed.  She tried to turn in the other girl’s arms but the grip was too tight.

 

 

 

“What is it? Byul-ah, don’t cry.”

 

 

 

She felt wetness trickle down the side of her neck and she bit her lip.

 

 

 

“I just saw how much it affected you.  And it made me so unhappy because… because I couldn’t do anything to stop it.”

 

 

 

Yongsun sighed and just let herself lean back into Byulyi’s embrace, rubbing a soothing thumb up and down the back of the other girl’s hand.  She wished she could say something that could make the tears stop.  But sadly Yongsun couldn’t paint a pretty picture of what had just happened.  Dating a girl in the country they lived in wasn’t exactly a promising nor hopeful circumstance. They both knew about how common it was to just succumb to societal pressures and go their separate ways.  Marry some nice unassuming men and have children and be what their parents wanted them to be.

 

 

 

“I can hear you thinking from over here,” teased Byulyi with a sniffle, eliciting a giggle from Yongsun.

 

 

 

“You told me that when I’m spacing out nothing’s going on in my head.”

 

 

 

“That’s not true.  You’re the smartest person I know.”

 

 

 

Yongsun mouth twitched and she tried to turn around again.  Byulyi let her this time and she could see the drying tears streaked down the other girl’s cheeks.  With a sigh she reached forward and wiped with gentle thumbs, tutting lightly like a scolding mother.

 

 

 

“You always tell me that I’m the crybaby.”

 

 

 

Byulyi just said nothing, staring at Yongsun with an unreadable gaze. 

 

 

 

“I just love you so much. Sometimes I feel like I could lose you so easily.  I think about what could happen to us and the future and… it all gets so loud in my head sometimes that I need to drown it out.”

 

 

 

Yongsun stepped closer, their hips pressing together as she gently gripped Byulyi’s face in her hands.

 

 

 

“I want to be with you forever, Moon Byulyi.  I don’t care what some stupid drunk guy says at a bar.  Or what my parents say.  Or what reporters might say.”

 

 

 

There was something sacred about this whispered confession in the stillness of Yongsun’s apartment.  The only light in the space was one of their phones face up on the counter and it was too late for the sound of people and cars outside.  In the dark silence was a moment that felt like a time and place that only existed for them.

 

 

 

“Yongsun-ah.”

 

 

 

They both leaned in a little closer just so that their noses brushed. 

 

 

 

“What do I have to do so that you’ll stay with me forever?”

 

 

 

Yongsun smiled a little at how seriously Byulyi was looking at her, like what she was asking was even a question.

 

 

 

“Be a little less greasy.  Be a little more happy.  And keep looking at me like that.”  Yongsun playfully tapped the other girl in the middle of her forehead, making her scrunch up her nose adorably in confusion.

 

 

 

“Like what?”

 

 

 

“Like I’m your whole world.”

 

 

 

Byulyi giggled and gripped Yongsun’s waist softly, gently squeezing.

 

 

 

“Now who’s the greasy one?”

 

 

 

“I learned from the best.”

 

 

 

They leaned a little closer, their mouths brushing but not quite kissing.

 

 

 

“I’m scared sometimes,” Byulyi confessed, eyes widening desperately.  “I wish I could just go accept things the way they are and move on but the what ifs… sometimes I can’t sleep at night.”

 

 

 

Yongsun nodded and kissed her once, the feeling still as warm and toe-curling as the first time she had kissed the other girl.

 

 

 

“I’m scared, too.  But at least,” Yongsun looked into Byulyi’s eyes and gave her a helpless smile, “At least we’re scared together?”

 

 

 

Byulyi chuckled at that and leaned forward for another kiss.  Yongsun sighed into , melting a little at how assuredly the other girl kissed her.  It was like she knew that this was exactly what she wanted.  She didn’t realize she was being pushed backwards until she startled as the glass she had pulled out clattered into the sink.  Yongsun jumped a little at the sound and Byulyi giggled again.

 

 

 

“Scaredy cat.”

 

 

 

“Moon Byulyi, don’t you dare call me that.  You’re even worse than me!”

 

 

 

Byulyi scrunched her nose playfully and pulled her into a sloppy kiss, a bit too much tongue and hands that gripped tightly at the base of her neck.  Yongsun sighed and pulled back, a bit in a daze.

 

 

 

“You can’t just kiss me whenever you want to make some issue go away,” Yongsun teased lightly.

 

 

 

Byulyi’s eyes darkened a bit and she gently kissed Yongsun’s forehead. 

 

 

 

“If a kiss can make an issue go away, I’d gladly do it.”

 

 

 

Yongsun sighed and held onto Byulyi’s cheeks firmly.

 

 

 

“A kiss won’t make it all go away.  But it certainly makes it better.”

 

 

 

And they both smiled.