in the end, it doesn't even matter

It’s been three months – give or take, counting days isn’t exactly Jaehyun’s main concern nowadays; staying alive is – since the very first reported case. At first it was only ‘a new virus’, one patient in Chuncheon. It was reported that the virus makes the patient aggressive and unresponsive to any means of communication. What they didn’t report on the news was the scarier note; the patient was supposed to be dead, declared so four hours earlier before they started to get up and attacked others, turning into a cannibalistic monster.

As the virus spread out, the hospital was under quarantine. And then the whole block. Along with reported news of similar cases popped up not only all round the country but also the world – the whole city. It was chaos for days, panic swept as the government declared state of emergency, people robbed stores and each other, families left their homes to look for a safer place; every man for himself. The internet was in a buzz, reporting the same phenomenon everywhere before it gradually went quiet, and before the electricity went out, all channels were broadcasting the same message over and over again – “Stock food, stay indoors, help will come.”

But that’s bull, and nobody will come.

Jaehyun knows, cause he’s seen the dead comes back to life, except they’re not alive. They want your flesh, rip you apart, get to your insides and eat you, and if they manage to bite you, even the smallest bit – you’ll dead and become one, too. This is the apocalypse as far as they know, and if there's still people out there, the government, the politicians, the military, Jaehyun bets they're all trying to survive, too, no time to save other people's sorry .

He looks down to the ground, to the edge of the baseball bat he uses to lean on, and twirls it a little. The metal bat scrapes the concrete and makes a quiet screech, still it earns him a shush from Ten, the one who's assigned to stay on watch with him. He threw the boy a glance and relents, picking up the bat and hoists it on his shoulder, eyes scanning the surrounding for any sign of those infected – a biter, they call it.

Ten is an exchange student from Thailand, and Jaehyun met him at the airport. During the riot, before all the communication got totally cut off, Jaehyun tried to flee the country to Connecticut, America, where his parents lives, while Ten tried to go back to Thailand. But they weren’t the only ones who were trying to leave, so did thousands of other people. They were stuck in Incheon Airport for days before it was clear there were no more airplane that would fly in or out of the country. A lot of people stubbornly stayed, crashed the restaurants and stores, all the duty-free shops like a buffet for people to take; food, clothes, Jaehyun even saw some people took advantage of the opportunities to steal jewelries, watches, and other expensive goods.

Both of them stayed, somehow became friends in the middle of all the madness – until a herd of biters reached the airport. People were terrified, and unprepared, and so there were pushing and pulling and people fell and got trampled on, making them prey for the biters. Jaehyun and Ten managed to escape with a group of people, but along the way some decided to part ways, some got bitten by the biters, and now there’s only eight of them.

They’ve come a long way from Incheon Airport, weeks and kilometers and biters, now finding themselves in a clearing, surrounded by trees – only one road leads to the clearing they’re at, with a building that look like a lodge or a guest house in the middle of it. It’s a nice, little two story house, with a porch and even a balcony. It was locked when they found it, so hopefully it hasn’t been ransacked by anyone.

In the yard, two cars are parked – the two ladies from their small group stay behind the wheels, ready to drive them away if anything goes wrong. Victoria takes the mini SUV while Kyungeun drives the sedan with Jiho, her son, sitting in the back seat. Jiho stares hard at the house, waiting for his dad to come out and tell them that it’s safe. Jaehyun pities the kid, at the young age of 9, his childhood is ruined when the dead decide they want to walk on the ground.

Outside is where Jaehyun and Ten are assigned to stand guard while the rest check on the house, making sure there’s no biters inside. After times spent on the road, surviving by scavenging houses while watching out for biters, they’ve known the routines and the duties. Even though the area looks clear, being careful never hurts.

From his peripheral vision Jaehyun sees Ten, thin and lean and as restless as he was before, turning around in his place with every rustle of leaves, hands in a tight grip around the golf club he uses as a weapon.

The sun is going down, but still it’s scorching Jaehyun can feel droplets of sweat running down his back and another decorating his temple. He misses taking a shower. He misses the scent of soap on his skin, the foams on his hair, and the fresh feeling you get after taking a bath. They rarely find a safe place, the time, and clean water together, and even then, water is precious so when they do find some to spare they just wash their face and sometimes brush their teeth – it’s been a couple of days since they did; Jaehyun thinks as his tongue makes a sweep on his teeth and he feels how dirty they are.

Before long Jaehyun’s attention is back on the ground again, at his shoes, and he frowns a bit when he notices some dark spots there…

Flashes, images of those creatures, what once human, attacking them – sickly yellow eyes, gaunt, skin that starts to sag, messy hair, dirty clothes, but just looks like a very bad case of a sick homeless man before you notice the blood around their mouths or their fingers. And then there are the ones who lost body parts – missing a chunk of flesh here and there or a limb entirely but still standing, staggering towards them, driven by their need to consume. Jaehyun had bash their head again and again, apparently the only way to make them stop, and blood had splattered everywhere, to his bat, to his shoes, to his trousers, to his hands…

Jaehyun sees spots behind his eyes.

“Hey—” Before his thoughts can consume him further, a voice calls out, forcing Jaehyun to look up. It’s Jaesuk, Kyungeun’s husband. He shows up at the front door, “—It’s safe.”

Jaehyun lets out a breath he doesn’t realize he’s been holding. 

Another man in his 40s comes out from the house – he’s short and a little bit stocky, but his gaze is piercing and along with the hammer in his belt and the shotgun slings on his back, he’s intimidating enough – and he nods at them.

“Looks like we hit jackpot. There’s water and gas, they have food, too. I think we can stay here for a couple of days,” he says. “We just need to make sure the area’s safe, and cover the windows. … Jae, you stay here. Ten, come with me,” he commands. Ten swallows, but follows the order without saying anything. That’s Byungman, and he’s a lot of things, taekwondo master, aerobics instructor, a businessman, but mostly he’s a survivalist. 

While Byungman and Ten leaves to check the area, Victoria, Kyungeun, and Jiho goes out of the cars and into the house, carrying all their bags in hurried steps. Jaesuk and another man – Mr. Lee – come out from the house to help while Jaehyun looks around, making sure there’s no biter to ambush them while the others prepare the house for their stay.

It’s almost an hour later when Byungman and Ten finally returns – Ten looks tired and drenched in sweat while Byungman looks just fine, in alert like always – and Jaehyun notices the blood on their weapons that wasn’t there when they left earlier.

“Everything’s alright?” he asks, standing up from his position sitting on the porch’s stair.

“Just two biters wander aimlessly on the road down there,” Byungman answers. “We find a river and a hiking spot. Probably why there’s a guest house here. The city should be near.” When Jaehyun makes no comment but a simple nod, he continues. “What about here? Anything?”

“No. They block the back door with the fridge, and cover the windows with the sheets. Kyungeun said she’ll try to make rice.” Ten visibly perks up with the information, eyes fill with hope, and it brings a faint smile to Byungman’s usually stoic expression too. “Oh, and. Jaesuk already put up bells around the back.”

“That’s great. Alright…” Byungman rubs his chin thoughtfully a moment before he looks at Jaehyun again. “Do you think you can still take another hour, Jae?”

He shrugs. “It’s fine with me.” They’re always tired, both physically and mentally, but Jaehyun knows he’s in a better condition than the others, that’s why he tries his best to cover his part and more if he can.

“Then I’ll take the watch after you. Ten, go clean up first, I’m gonna check the traps Jaesuk set.”

Byungman leaves after giving out his instruction, and both Jaehyun and Ten stares at his back until he disappears around the corner.

Ten breaks the silence first. “Dude. The man is so…” He doesn’t finish his sentence, so Jaehyun turns to him. Ten makes vague movement with his hands. “… Big? Thick?” When Jaehyun just raises his eyebrows, unable to find him the word he’s looking for, Ten gives up. “He’s just. Very cool. I will come with him until the end,” he says with admiration dripping from his eyes.

Jaehyun finally, finally feels his lips twitch into a smile seeing Ten’s antic. He shakes his head. “Use ‘follow’. And I hate to break it to you, Ten. But this,” he waves his bat around to emphasize, “This is the end.”

“No it is not,” yet, undeterred with Jaehyun’s remark, Ten chirps. “It ends when we give up, Jung Jaehyun. And we are not giving up.”

Jaehyun winces a little at the mention on his full name. It makes him remember life before this. He quickly regains his composure, pushing the thoughts away before they can sink its claw at his heart. “That’s not fair, aphun something, I can’t pronounce your full name!”

“You can learn,” Ten winks at him, strutting up the stairs into the house. “It is Chittaphon Leechaiyakul, Jung Jaehyun!”

Jaehyun snorts, squatting back down while muttering – and butchering – Chittaphon Leechaiyakul several times under his breath.

See, it’s a good thing I carry them around, Victoria told Jaehyun when she handed him a big bottle of liquid soap. It’s one of the expensive brand, Jaehyun knows, and both him and Ten often teased Victoria about it, why bother carrying the heavy bottle when they can carry the smaller ones or bar soaps. But Victoria believed there will come a day they’ll smell like lavender & honey again.

Jaehyun doesn’t really know about how he smells, but he does feel amazing; he spent 15 minutes just scrubbing his skin everywhere, and then he washed his hair, and he brushed his teeth, and now he’s wearing clean clothes that’s free from sweat, dirt, and blood altogether.

He joins the others in the living room, where they already moves the couches away so there will be enough space for all of them to sit on the floor. Ten, Victoria, and Jaesuk’s family are there, sitting around the food they put on table.

Kyungeun chides him about drying his hair properly – it reminds Jaehyun of his own mother and he swallows the lump in his throat, just throwing a curt smile at the mother figure in their group. Jaesuk is – was – a teacher at a high school while Kyungeun used to be a midwife before Jiho was born. They were just thinking about having another child when the virus spread. Guess the plan’s out of the window now.

“Wow, finally you guys don’t stink!” Victoria laughs at him and Ten, she still manages to look pretty under the dim light from the candles even without any make up on. Victoria was a stewardess from a Chinese airline who was being left behind at Incheon Airport. She doesn’t tell them her age, and even though she looks young, his best guess is she’s in her late 20s. 

“What does sti–… stink mean?” Ten asks from a mouthful of rice – his second portion.

They found SPAM, bagged kimchi that usually tastes horrible but now tastes heavenly – Jaehyun doesn’t realize he misses kimchi that much – dried seaweed, and spicy ramen, and Jaehyun thinks it’s one of the most proper meal he had since the outbreak began. They’re not starving, with a lot of sausages and convenience stores food, but it’s just different.

Jaehyun is too busy adding SPAM onto his rice that he almost forgets to answer Ten. “It means… A bad smell. Trash, rotten food. Stink.”

“Very bad. Terrible,” Victoria adds with an exaggerated nod, her index finger pointing out. “That’s how you guys normally smell.”

“Vic, you stink too,” Ten calmly replies, grinning cheekily at Victoria’s eye-roll and Jiho’s little giggles.

Even though he’s hungry, Jaehyun stares dubiously at the amount of food in front of them. After getting used holding his crave, devouring whatever they can find, eating like this almost feels like a luxury, and he’s wary whether it’s the right to do.  

Jaehyun looks to Jaesuk beside him, who’s already finished eating. “Is it alright if we eat this much? Shouldn’t we save some?” They have a destination in mind, who knows how long it’ll take for them to reach it with them constantly stopping to unblock the roads from abandoned cars and having to find a safe place to stay at night.

“I think it’s fine, we deserve it,” Jaesuk smiles at him, giving him a pat on the back. “It’s been a while, we also need energy to move, right? And you two…,” he looks at Ten, too, “You’re still growing. You need to eat a lot.” He smiles again, a fatherly one, and Jaehyun despises the memories it carries with it so he nods and starts to eat.