Chapter 4: uuuggghhhh mah heart!! ??? love the update. keep it up. while reading the update can't help but tear up hahaha i don't know why but i think it was also because of the song i was listening to.
Chapter 1: Hello, I have some nitpicks/ critiques to give you on your writing. I’m not trying to be mean or anything just genuinely trying to help you improve.
“She was a thin silky girl on the corner of the room...” this is a nitpick but it should be written “She was a thin and silky girl in the corner of the room” I still wouldn’t write it like that though I would probably put “she is a thin and sulky girl standing in the corner of the room," that's just me though.
"Dylan looked at one of the associate producers belting a Chinese ballad. He sounds really awful, but they were all letting and cheering for him. Then the guy tried to reach a high note." This paragraph is redundant in a way; it can be fixed though. When writing a story you shouldn't tell the audience how to feel, they should decide for themselves what they feel. This can be fixed by changing it to something similar to:
"Dylan looked at the associate producer belting a Chinese ballad. The producers voice sounded that akin to a dying animal but the other producers were cheering him on encouraging him further. When Dylan thought it couldn't get anywhere he tried to hit a high note."
Chapter 3: Authornim you need to update this! Been having a hard time finding a DyShen fanfic! But luckily I found yours! Too much fluff ah! Fighting! ^_^
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