Trusting to swing

 

In the beginning, when you first got the experience,

the feeling,

the tickling in your stomach,

as the wind rushes next to you and you go higher and higher,

exited and frightened at the same time,

the feeling,

of your parent's touch on your back,

keeping you save,

keeping you whole.

 

They pushed you,

they caught you

and they laughed with you,

enjoying your glee as it was their very own.

 

 

 

Later in life,

with your parents gone,

swinging,

jumping,

and trusting

can becomes gradually harder.

 

You are alone on the swing,

feelings lost, seeing how well the others around you seem to swing.

Seem to swing just right.

 

Whereas your swinging seems to be lacking,

something seems to be wrong,

nothing seems just right for you.

 

 

The fear of your swing moving terribly fast and out of your control,

can have your heart beating erratically.

Poison in your veins.

A shortening of breath.

Heart clasping in fear.

Tears in your eyes,

wind or not.

 

Too scared to let them close, too scared to keep them open.

 

The ground disappearing to fast,

nothing except the empty sky above you.

The scary feeling to topple over backwards,

The wish to just pass out,

to let go,

to fall and let game be over.

For once and for all.

 

The knowledge lost, that you just have to stop moving your legs,

to just keep still, instead of trying too hard,

to just keep still, in order to accept,

to just keep still, wait this one out,

to just keep still,

so that things can fall back into place again.

 

 

 

Then again,

your swing might not swing at all

and you are afraid of that stillness.

That rest.

Afraid that your swing will never swing again once you stopped or were stoppd.

Your swing hangs low,

just like your head and your heart.

 

Defeated.

 

Defected.

 

Again out of control.

 

 

Even if you muster the courage to look around,

there is no one to help.

No one to push you.

No one enduring enough.

No one that can keep up with you.

 

The knowledge lost, that it's on you and on you alone to give your legs the signal to move.

The allowance to twitch with the will of life,

the wish to go forwards,

or even to go backwards,

no matter the direction,

your wish to move has to come first.

 

Swinging your legs is all it needs.

All you need to do to start the game again.

To regain the reign.

The control to who you are,

in which direction you are going,

no matter how high or how low,

with whom or without whom.

 

Growing up is learning how to use the swing by yourself.

 

How to make it move, once it stopped.

How to make it stop, once it moves too fast.