(DECEMBER 26, 2020, South Korea)

The beats of the music slowed down, as the song ended. It was pitch-black, but the thousands of twinkling red lights and deafening cries of the fans, which slowly changed to a rhythmic chaos, every word of their crazy screaming becoming clear and clearer. The lights moved in sync with shouts

“Dong bang Shin Ki !”

“Dong Bang Shin Ki!”.

They could just see the barely shimmering outlines of each other, their costumes giving a muted shimmer. The fans were waiting eagerly for the start of the concert, but they all closed their eyes, savouring, for a moment, the familiar, and in a way, nostalgic, feeling of a performance. It was history getting recreated, a new beginning. A new end too, in a way. The chanting seems to grow louder and louder.

“DONG BANG SHIN KI ! ”

“DONG BANG SHIN KI!”

This was it. The start of their new path. Not completely new, the old, familiar feelings of a team, a family creeping over them with a renewed vigour. This was their place. All 5 opened their eyes at the same moment, and at the same time the lights above their heads . And in one, deeply ingrained movement, their spoke together, their calm and beautiful voices echoing above the screams.

“Hello, everyone. This is Dong Bang Shin Ki!”

-x-x-x-

(2 years ago)

(December, 2018)

The black car pulled into shadows of the trees. The street was almost empty, considering it was a business area. Just a few last stragglers returning home from their jobs were seen. The door opened and impossibly long legs appeared. A back cap was pulled over the forehead and a white mask in place. Sharp almond eyes looked around as a similar white sedan pulled up beside the black one. The door opened and black capped head poked out. Soft, doe eyes met the sharp, almond ones.

“I thought you had forgotten”, the white capped man whispered. The sharp almond eyes softened as arms opened up to receive the smaller man.

“How could I? Changmin would have my head if I don’t bring back any of his beloved dalkalbi”, Yunho said. Jaejoong chuckled. Yunho pulled back enough to see Jaejoong.

“You did bring it though, didn’t you?”, he said, asked, a bit worriedly. Jaejoong laughed now, his hand automatically covering his mouth.

“He does have you on tight leash. I brought some, Don’t worry. I am not going to leave the poor kid starving”, Jaejoong said, his eyes twinkling.

“Hey! I don’t leave him starving! I do cook, you know”, Yunho said indigninantly. Jaejoong just laughed more.

“Then I wonder why I get long texts on the horrors of your food”, Jaejoong said, giggling. Yunho rolled his eyes.

“You have spoilt him too much, Jaejoongie”, Yunho whines, burying his face into Jaejoong’s neck. “He is an angel with you, and a brat with me. Why?”

“Sometimes I wonder, who leads who. And, stop groping me!”, Jaejoong said, fake annoyance on his features, as Yunho’s hands squeezed his sides. Despite his whining, Yunho nuzzled Jaejoong’s ear and Jaejoong gives a content sigh.

“Your place or mine?”, he whispers and Jaejoong gives a sigh again.

“Not tonight, Yunho-yah. I have to go back. Recording for a new song early morning tomorrow. And I need to sleep”, Jaejoong said.

“Who said we can’t sleep together”, Yunho said, eyes flashing a needful dark. Jaejoong struggled to not shiver at the sudden drop in the other’s voice. He had a certain weakness for Yunho’s husky and whispery voice which Yunho used fully to his advantage to get his way.

“I know what your idea of sleeping together is and it doesn’t involve any actual sleeping”, Jaejoong said. Yunho laughed. Jaejoong smiled. It was rare to see Yunho smile and laugh so freely. So Jaejoong always worked extra hard for it. They looked at each other for a few peaceful moments. They had been so busy the past year. All of them. All 5 of them.

“How are the other two? I still have to make up to the two for all the-?”

Jaejoong had pressed his hand against the other’s mouth, eyes flashing angrily.

“Not a word of that talk again! You understand me, Jung Yunho! Yoochun and Junsu know and understand. We all do. And it is all in the past”, Jaejoong said. Yunho still looked like he would say something more, but Jaejoong beat him to it.

“No, Yunho. Please. You have always been our support. Always our leader. You always stood by us. For us. Please. Now, let us do something for you”, Jaejoong said, eyes strangely shiny as his voice quivered. “I can’t stand anymore to see you bowing your head each time for us. Let us do something for you. Let me do something for you!”.

Yunho gave a wan smile as he brushed the wetness on Jaejoong’s cheek.

“You already do, Jaejoongie. So much. Without realizing it”, Yunho whispered, nuzzling the cute nose. They were again silent for a few moments.

“By the way, I got Heechul to speak with Eric. I am going for a meeting with the CEO and him tomorrow to, uh, smoothen out certain things”, Yunho said, still not letting go of the beautiful man in his arms. Jaejoong looked at him in worry.

“Will you be fine? Should I also come?”, he asked. Yunho shook his head, smiling.

“Don’t worry. It will be fine. I am just going to discuss the tentative schedule and flow of the tour. And you also have your radio talk”.

“Don’t overwork. You always tend to forget to even drink water sometimes. May be I should text Changmin to keep a watch over you?”, Jaejoong murmured. Yunho chuckled, squeezing the adorable singer even tighter.

“I could say the same of you. May be I should ask Yoochun to keep an eye on you for me”, Yunho said cheekily, earning a pout.

“Ughh, don’t even think about it. He nags worse than my mother”, Jaejoong grumbled. Yunho laughed loudly and Jaejoong smiled. It was always so nice to watch Yunho give his belly laugh without any restraint. It was contagious and even Jaejoong was chuckling. They looked at each other, smiles still etched on their faces.

“Are you sure, you will be really alright?”, Jaejoong asked again. Yunho smiled even more widely as he pecked the cute nose and watched the cheeks darken.

“I will be, Jaejoongie. I know you will be watching over me”, Yunho said so cheesily, that Jaejoong gaped at him for a moment, torn between facepalming and blushing.

“I swear Yoochun is rubbing off on you”, he said. Yunho again gave that rumbling laugh and Jaejoong smiled.

“Take care, Jaejoongie. I will call you after the meeting. Tell Yoochun and Junsu that I miss them”, Yunho said, as he reluctantly let go of the slim waist. He watched Jaejoong get into his car and leaned as the window slid down.

“You too, Yun. Please. You really worry me. Tell Changmin that I will come cook sometime”, Jaejoong said as he leaned a bit to kiss his other half. Yunho nodded as he stepped back and watched the car drive away. He gave a sigh and looked at the bag of Dakkalbi sitting on the hood of his car.

Better get it home fast before Changmin goes all demonic on his .

-x-x-x-

“Here, have some water”, Yunho said, holding out a cold bottle to the man lying panting on the floor. Another one lay propped up against the huge wall to wall mirrors, futilely fanning himself with his hand.

“Thanks Hyung!”, the man chirped, eyes crinkling in a smile. Yunho wiped his sweaty face and stretched his aching body. The music had long ago stopped. The room was empty, save for the all of them, getting their breathes back.. Their manager had gone to pick up some lunch for them, and the rest were at a recording. There was a peaceful silence as both of them gulped down fluids, their sweats cooling and bodies relaxing after a grueling practice.

“I am sorry, hyung”.

Yunho looked from from his spot on the floor where he had been sending silly messages to Jaejoong.

“Junsu-yah...”, Yunho began but was cut off. Yoochun had pulled himself up in a straighter position.

“No hyung. Please. Let me speak”, Junsu said, pulling himself in a sitting position. But he didn’t look at Yunho.

“I am sorry for leaving you. For leaving Changmin. We were too engrossed in our own insignificant feelings of injustice to notice how much the split would hurt you and Changmin. Even after that, we didn’t do anything to lessen your pain. I blamed myself for abandoning my family. And yet I didn’t do anything to get back to you. I am so sorry, hyung”.

“I feel the same. I am sorry. I should have convinced Jaejoong hung to think it more thoroughly. I should have stood by you myself. I knew and yet I preferred to not do anything.

Junsu had fallen silent, still not looking up. Yoochun not-so-discreetly wiped his eyes. Yunho didn’t speak for some time, before gesturing for both of them to come near.

“You are right. We both were hurt a lot. We were angry, anxious, sad and even almost hateful for a very brief period. Changmin used to brush his teeth so much in anger he almost hurt his mouth. We couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t do anything. How could we? We lost our family. Our brothers almost betrayed us”, Yunho said. Junsu refused to look up, his head down. There was a moment of silence while Yunho gulped some water.

“But, then again, we couldn’t be mad at you for too long. You still are our family. Still are Changmin’s hyungs. It was a very depressing period for both of us. Changmin used to work till he almost fainted. I couldn’t concentrate even on simplest of dance steps and songs. It physically hurt us to sing the old songs. But we carried on. We forgave you. I forgave you. Changmin took a lot of time to forgive you three, but came around. Do you know why?”, Yunho asked. Junsu shook his head, wiping his eyes in a not-so-discreet manner. Yunho put a warm hand on Junsu’s head.

“Because we always kept the faith. Just like you three did”, Yunho said, a small smile on his face. Junsu looked at him with slightly red and widened eyes. Yunho smiled gently.

“How could we not. When you three were trying so hard. We saw you three fall again and again, often hurt by the people you trusted. And we realized that, in a way, we were hurting you three too by keeping silent. And I couldn’t bear to see my three members let down so much, can I now?”, Yunho said.

“Hyung!”, and they all ended up in a hug. Yoochun and Junsu now understood what Jaejoong meant by being at home in Yunho’s arms. His hugs were magical. Warm, forgiving and loving. Like home.

“And how could I see my favourite dongsaengs go through so much pain?”, Yunho said, chuckling.

They failed to notice two small smiles just outside the door.

-x-x-x-

(18 months ago)

(June, 2019)

The three looked at each other then at the lead singer and then at the leader and then at each other. This pattern continued for the next few minutes before Changmin finally spoke up.

“So?”, he asked. Yunho opened his mouth to speak, but a glare from Jaejoong made him shut up. They watched the leader singer angrily throw in the vegetables on the now smoking oil, the water hissing as it touched the hot oil, reflecting the mood of the cook. They watched him grab meat and a big knife, and winced as the metal clashed on the wooden surface, the meat getting butchered. They gulped at how cleanly the meat was getting cut with the sharp serrated edge.

WHAM.

Everyone jumped as Jaejoong discarded the dirty chopping board and knife in the sink. He picked up another knife, this one a bit smaller, but nonetheless sharp and whipped around, making everyone flinch again.

“Jae..”, Yunho began, but shut up again at the sharp look. The other three had to marvel the way the lead singer had such a tight leash on the leader. Jaejoong grabbed some herbs and turned around, pointing the knife at Changmin.

“You, get the chicken stock and chilly paste out of the fridge”, he said. Everyone again marvelled at how even the youngest nearly tripped over his own long legs to get to the fridge to obey the order. The marvelling didn’t last long as Jaejoong pointed the knife at Junsu and Yoochun and both of them cowered.

“Get the plates, bowls and glasses”, he said, turning back to the stove as the two nearly pushed each other out to get out the way. Yunho gulped as he realised that there was no barrier now between Jaejoong and himself. He waited, like a child awaiting scolding after doing something naughty, for the torrent to burst. But Jaejoong carried on cooking. Soon a lovely aroma spread, and despite the high tension in the kitchen, everyone’s mouth was salivating.

Soon, the table was laid, everyone had sat down and atlast started eating. No one said a word as delicious food slipped down the throats. Actually, no one dared to speak. Yunho noticed Jaejoong eat justa few bites, keep down his chopsticks, cross his arms and legs tightly, and then proceed to glare throughout the dinner. The tense atmosphere was not alleviating even a bit. Once the dinner was done and dishes were in the sink and everyone had gathered into the living room, did someone finally break the silence.

“So, what happened?”, Yoochun asked. Yunho glanced at Jaejoong who didn’t seem inclined to untwist his limbs anytime soon. Taking the silence as the cue to speak, Yunho took a deep breathe before starting.

“The meeting didn’t go too well. They, uh, backed out”, Yunho said. The other three gaped while

Jaejoong further tightened his tightly meshed limbs. The tense silence aded again.

“Why?”, Yoochun asked.

“It was not very plausible and uh..risk free”, Yunho said, trying to soften the blow when Jaejoong cut right in.

“Don’t hide, Yunho-yah”, he said, throwing a sharp look at Yunho and turned to Yoochun, which was a feat considering how wound up his limbs were. His eyes had hardened.

“It was because ‘the reunion

“So what do we do?”, Changmin asked. Yunho opened his mouth again but Jaejoong, who had begun to unwound himself , beat him yet again to it.

“I know what we should do”, his voice strangely calm. An unvolunteered shiver ran down everyone’s spines. Jaejoong was very calm as he finally finished untangling his limbs and looked straight at everyone.

“We do this on our own”, he said, without batting an eyelash.

Yoochun, Junsu and Changmin looked at him at him as if he had suddenly grown three heads.

“We will plan this on our own. The entire concert schedule. The venue. The production. The direction. Every damn thing”, Jaejoong continued, eyes glittering with a strange hardness and a thin smile on his pretty features. Making him look really scary.

“And you agree, hyung?”, Changmin asked, turning to Yunho who exchanged a meaningful look with Jaejoong.

“Yes, I do”, Yunho said, now a gentle smile on his face which Jaejoong returned with dazzling one of his own.

“Whipped”, Changmin muttered while Yoochun a Junsu still gaped at them.

“Are you serious?”, Yoochun asked atlast.

“Very”, Jaejoong said, that strange cold look still glittering in his eyes.

“It will be very difficult, hyung. I mean, things are still not going well. And we have to think about the companies too”, Junsu said. Yunho smiled at him before speaking.

“I know, Junsu-yah. But we will be all working together. We can divide the work. We have been in this industry long enough to understand. All of us has solo activities. Even organised some.Isn’t it high time we took the reins in our hands?”.

-x-x-x-

There were still a couple of minutes till the startof the meeting and there was a slight tension in the air. It was the meeting which will decide if their plan of a self-produced concert will make or break the deal. They needed to put together a concert director, a dance team, staff members, backstage crew and a whole bunch of people who will be assigned different tasks. After much discussions and a few arguments, they were going to organize, produce and direct their own concert. It was exhilarating and tiring at the same time. But there was no going back now. Yunho and Jaejoong had different works to look after, so the rest three were going to attend in their stead.

“I wish we had Yunho hyung here”, Junsu muttered as he struggled not to fidget too much. “he would know what to do and say”.

“Where did he go anyway?”, Yoochun asked, as he shuffled unnecessarily through the documents of their meeting.

“Something to discuss about the finances? I don’t know”, Junsu said, as he gave up trying to not fidget and had now begun pacing. They all fail silent, each one lost in thought. It had been years since they worked together. The expectations from everyone was very high. From their fans, the people they were going to work with and themselves. They themselves had the highest expectations from them. It was like they were given a second chance.

“Ughh, Junsu hyung, how come you aren’t dizzy going in circles? I am getting dizzy watching you”, Changmin grumbled. Just stuck out his tongue at him.

“I don’t even know how do you even say yourself as charismatic”, Changmin muttered.

“What did you say?”, Junsu said indignantly. Changmin just gave huge fake sigh, while Yoochun chuckled at the exchange.

“Do you remember how we had gone to Fukuoka for our promotions for the 4th album?”, Yoochun asked.

“Yeah. I remember Junsu hyung’s big while jumping to ‘Tai! Tai!”, Changmin said, ignoring Junsu’s ‘Hey!’.

“Such memories. May we can do something like that again?”, Yoochun said, giving a nostalgic smile. Changmin was silent for a moment. Yoochun and Junsu exchanged a look.

“Hyungs are sorry, Chnagmin-ah”, Junsu said. Changmin looked at him, eyes narrowed slightly in question. They all exchanged an look and Changmin gave a sigh for real this time.

“It was a long time ago. I have moved on. We all have”, Changmin said. “But still, it doesn’y change the fact that you are my hyungs. I apologise too. For not trusting my haunts to look after me”.

“Yes, it was long time ago. But we all are together again. And it also doesn’t change the fact that you are dongsaeng. Always will be”, Yoochun said, smiling kindly. Junsu, unable to sit still, grabbed everyone in a hug. Changmin huffed in face annoyance and Junsu grinned.

“Though I am never talking to you if Junsu hyung does his stupid gags again”, Changmin quipped.

Their laughter was interrupted by the arrival of their guests.

-x-x-x-

(15 months ago)

(September, 2019)

The five had gathered at Jaejoong’s apartment in Japan. They had been in Japan for a week now, planning out their comeback schedule. They had, after much pleading and a bit of string-pulling, decided on special dates for their Japan tour in commemoration of their comeback.

“I think we have too many songs. And the fan questions. And the MC. Counting everything, it would be over 4 hours of concert time”, Jaejoong said, waving around the notepad.

“That is too long”, Yunho muttered. “and we have multiple venues”.

“But we can’t not sing the old songs”, Yoochun said. They all looked at each other and something unsaid was left hanging.

“I know but we will have to shorten the list”, Yunho said.

“How about we each select 2 songs of our liking from the old songs and rest will be out of the songs from after the separation”, Junsu said. Again, a look passed between them.

‘And we can swap songs or change the song lists for different venues. So each venue will be special”, Yoochun added.

“Sounds good. But we can’t be having more than 20 songs. I have a strong feeling that the fans will want us to speak more than sing”, Yunho provided.

“If that happens, we can have Junsu hyung act as stand-up comedian. As I have said, his face itself is a joke”, Changmin quipped, from his place on couch, where he was typing something furiously on the laptop. Junsu let out an indignant squeal and threw a misaimed pillow at Changmin. The rest of the three ignored them as they bickered back and forth.

“Ok, then we narrow down the song list. Anything else?”, Jaejoong asked. Yunho consulted his notes and frowned.

“We still haven’t named the concerts. We need a name. We have been referring to it as Japan or Korea concerts”, Yoochun said. They all paused in what they were doing and looked at each other.

“Oh”, was the only intelligent reply Jaejoong provided. The something which was left unsaid hovered around.

“We can go by a theme?”, Junsu said, giving up on trying to hit Changmin as he was getting hit himself without landing a finger on the youngest. Changmin rolled his eyes as he straightened up.

“Wow. Junsu hyung, I am proud of you. You can think logically”, he said dryly, Junsu thoroughly ignored him.

“How about we do a voting system? Suggest a couple of names and have the fans vote?’, Yoochun said.

“That could work. But we will still need to come up with names”, Yunho said. Again silence fell as the thought.

“Closure”.

Everyone looked at Changmin who was staring at his laptop rather determinedly.

“You mean as in ‘end’?”, Yoochun asked. Changmin nodded.

“The name of our concert?”, Yunho asked. “But why the end?”

“It does not mean just ‘end’. It can also mean a start of something new. Moving on. We all faced many things. But we moved on. And that is growing up. We grew up. Separately, yet together”, the youngest member said, now turning to look at everyone in the eye. Everyone was wearing kind smiles. They knew how sensitive Changmin really was. But this was not just for him. It was for everyone. They needed an end.

“A closure for us”, Jaejoong whispered.

An end to everything that was old and wounded to scars ready to finally fade. So that something new and wonderful could get a chance to bloom.

-x-x-x-

It was just an hour to midnight when they exited the studio. The entire building was empty, everyone already home. They were grateful for the special permission to stay and record their new ballads. It had been a tough day. They had photo shoot in the morning, then a meeting to discuss the goods that were to go on sale during the concert schedule, a quick lunch in the car, another photo shoot, a shooting for the concert gallery and finally recording of their concert opening. Now they were famished. What to eat was all they could think and talk of at the moment.

The streets were fairly empty with a few stragglers returning home. It was quiet. Changmin, Yoochun and Junsu walked ahead, joking and laughing loudly. Yunho and Jaejoong trailed a few steps behind, identical smiles of satisfied parenting on their faces. They looked at each other, the smiles becoming more tender, their fingers brushing once, before joining together.

“Feels like old times”.

“This is so nostalgic”.

They stopped walking and looked at each other, eyes wide in surprise. And both burst out laughing at their synchronisation. Their fingers slid apart, before their hands came together in a more complete and tighter grip. The silence fell again and they followed their still laughing teammates. Yunho glanced at Jaejoong and stopped when he saw the strange shine in the beautiful eyes. Jaejoong looked at him questioningly and Yunho gently touched a corner of an eye, and as he had feared, the finger came away wet.

“Jaejoongie-?”, he started to speak but Jaejoong shook his head, looking away and blinking rapidly. Yunho looked on worriedly as the lead singer struggled to get himself under control. Yunho really wanted to hug him, but they couldn’t. Even if the streets were deserted. So he settled with tightening his grip on the other’s hand even more. They walked some more in silence with Yunho occasionally glancing at others. A few steps and Jaejoong suddenly stopped. Yunho looked at him, waiting for him to speak.

“I am sorry, Yunho”, Jaejoong said.

“Jae-“, Yunho began to speak but Jaejoong cut him off.

“No. Let me speak. It has been left too long”, Jaejoong said, taking a deep breath and looking at him with a straight gaze. He was no longer crying. Yunho waited. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see the other three had also stopped to look at them.

“I am sorry it turned out the way it did. I should have never- we should have never done what we did. But I will be lying if I said we weren’t sad that you and Changmin decided to stay behind. But we all moved on. We all grew up. And now that we are doing this huge comeback on our own, I just wanted us to be together without anything coming between. Is that a selfish wish?”, Jaejoong said, voice quivering slightly at the end as his bravado slipped away with his mask, revealing the fragile emotions in the beautiful eyes.

There was a stillness in the air, as Jaejoong looked everywhere, but at the people in front of him, trying to clear his blurry vision by some furious blinking.

“And is it selfish of me to want to keep my members with me together? Is it selfish of me to want my other half with me always?”, Yunho asked gently, fingers wiping the stray tear that had escaped. Jaejoong sniffed as he looked at Yunho, a moment away from full-on weeping. But He gave a weak, watery smile, shaking his head.

“I never wanted us to part. I never, ever wanted us to separate. I just wanted us all to be healthy and happy together. I..I am s..sorry, Yunho. F..for taking away your members”, Jaejoong whispered, finding it more difficult by each passing second to control his emotions. Yunho huffed angrily as he crushed the beautiful singer in a tight embrace.

“Yes. You took them”, Yunho said, atlast and felt Jaejoong stiffen. He didn’t let go and continued, squeezing the other tighter.

“You took them. And I took away Changmin from you. But you brought them back. We brought them back together. And that is what matters”, he said, whispering into the now-raven hair. Jaejoong grasped tighter, digging his fingers into Yunho’s back. He felt even more weights on his back, suddenly.

“Group hug!”, he heard Junsu squeal and Jaejoong let a teary snort escape him. He could hear Yunho’s laugh rumbling against him.

“Jaejoong hyung, ,you need to stop worrying or you will end up looking even more old”, Changmin quipped and Jaejoong moved his arm enough to poke sharply into his side. He let out a satisfied smile at the pained grunt.

“It will be alright, Jaejoongie. We all are here now. I am here”.

-x-x-x-

(11 months ago)

(January, 2020)

Jaejoong smiled as arms wrapped around his waist as he stood correcting the contents of their concert script. He ignored the lips placing butterfly kisses along his nape.

“Yunho, let me work. I have to get this done by tomorrow for the director”, Jaejoong said. “And go take a shower. You are sweaty and smelly. How many hours have you been practising?”.

There was no reply as the kisses had started to get wetter and heavier and Jaejoong was finding it harder to ignore as he erased a few lines with a slightly shaky hand. He tried to shrug him off, but Yunho just tightened his arms around his waist.

“Yun, please. I need to finish this. We are already behind schedule for the new album. And I need to complete the documents for the mergence. We have much work and the legal stuff-ah!”.

Jaejoong gasped as Yunho bit down just below his ear. He then kissed it in apology. But the sorry feeling didn’t last long and the paper slipped from Jaejoong’s hands as the arms around the waist dropped to the slim hips. The long fingers gently massaged the pelvic bones and gradually started to slide underneath the sweater, each brush of the fingers fleeting and teasing.

“I want you, Jaejoong. So bad”.

Jaejoong felt raw electricity shake his entire body as the husky voice entered his sensitive ears. Yunho rarely called out his full name in this voice except when he was either really angry or really . And judging from the way the hot hands were now caressing his stomach, he will go with the latter.

Yunho had now actively started to attack his neck, and biting on any patch of the smooth skin which was in immediate contact with his teeth and lips. Jaejoong’s knees were shaking as he slowly pulled away and Yunho actually growled as he yanked him right back, now sealing their lips in a ferocious kiss. Jaejoong moaned into their joined mouths as Yunho pulled him flush against him and almost rutted against him. He had hardly any time to think why Yunho was so aggressive suddenly.

Yunho was a passionate lover. Always had been. He knew all spots that drove Jaejoong either crazy with desire or mushy with satisfaction. Sometimes he was an aggressive and demanding lover, sometimes he was a caring and sweet one. But on some unexpected days, Yunho became really rough with his ministrations and handling, especially when he was under extreme pressure or was overworked. Jaejoong had experienced this behaviour just a handful of times, but never said a word against it.

It must have been really gruelling today at practice, or something must have definitely happened at work, because it had Jaejoong already remembering the last time Yunho had come home, eyes black and growls rumbling in his chest as he had pulled Jaejoong from whatever he had been doing, taking him against the wall, on the floor, in the shower, every surface of the apartment, milking him dry till Jaejoong had nearly fainted.

Things were happening so fast that when Jaejoong came to his senses, he was being lowered on the bed. When the hell had Yunho carried him here and how come he hadn’t felt himself being carried? But all thoughts were destroyed as clothes were literally ripped and thrown into oblivion. Lips joined eagerly, fingernails dug deeply, hips collided and hands roamed everywhere.

It was going to a long day and a longer night.

-x-x-x-

Jaejoong ran his hand lovingly through the dark brown strands, caressing Yunho’s hair, softly humming a random tune. They both had come home late from the office, taking care of production work. They had ended up lounging on the couch, cuddling snuggly to fit in the small space, after dinner, talking about random stuff and their comeback. A peaceful silence had fallen.

“I am tired”, Yunho whispered suddenly, voice muffled from were his face buried in Jaejoong’s chest.

The humming stopped and so did the hand pause for a tiniest of second before resuming. Jaejoong waited patiently, though his heart broke at the sheer exhaustion in his beloved’s voice.

“I am so tired. Why do we have to be the ones to hide? Why can’t we just be who we are?”, Yunho said, voice barely audible.

Jaejoong’s fingers stuttered once more as his heart stopped for a moment. For Yunho to be saying things like this, something was very wrong. The strong, resilient leader saying such words of despair and sadness in such a soft voice scared Jaejoong. It scared him and it made him want to forever hide Yunho away from the cruel world.

His heart broke when Yunho lifted his head and his fingers fell in the surge of shock and pain when he saw the storm in Yunho’s eyes. The strongest and the kindest man Jaejoong ever knew was hiding an ocean, no, an universe of pain in his eyes. How much more pain had he in his compassionate soul? Jaejoong was paralyzed for a moment as he saw the fatigue and sorrow in Yunho’s eyes. However strong a man he was, Yunho was still a human. There was only so much he can handle.

“Why are you crying, Jae? Does it hurt somewhere?”, Yunho said, the fatigue replaced by worry as he wiped the wetness from the soulful doe eyes. Jaejoong shook his head as he cupped Yunho’s face.

“I love you”, he whispered. Yunho’s eyes widened and before he could say anything, Jaejoong cut him off.

“I love you. I am sorry. But I love you. I love you. I am so sorry that I left you. I love you. I love you. Please, forgive me. I love you. I am so sorry, Yunho. I was an idiot. I love you”.

Jaejoong knew he wasn’t making any sense, but the words just kept pouring out as did his tears. He would never ever find enough words or even gestures to show how much Yunho meant to him. He always tried his best to be worthy of Yunho, but always seemed to fail. In his own pitiful way, he could only babble out his vast love for the man before him.

“I am sorry. I love-hmph?”.

He was stopped as Yunho kissed him, slowly at first, but gradually deepening. Jaejoong moaned lightly as warm hands rested on his hips as Yunho pulled him closer. Jaejoong’s one hand tangled into Yunho’s hair while the other dug into his back.

“I know Jaejoongie. Hush now. I know”, Yunho whispered soothingly between their kisses and Jaejoong wept more. He had been meaning to comfort Yunho, but was getting comforted instead. They parted as oxygen supply grew scarce and Yunho looked deep into the doe eyes which never failed to drown him in their depths. They just gazed at each other, none of them saying a word. Jaejoong vowed to be there whenever Yunho got tired of his responsibilities and wanted to lean on someone. He would become the ropes that hold together the harbour in the storm. He would be Yunho’s rock just as Yunho was his.

“Once we finish everything, I will personally take you somewhere far away. Just the two of us”, Yunho whispered, nuzzling the cute nose. Jaejoong smiled.

Just the two of them.

“I would like that”.

-x-x-x-

(6 months ago)

(June, 2020)

“It’s a blood bath out there”, their manager said, looking harassed as he came in to drop their lunch. They were in their office for the last moment discussion on the goods that will go on sell during the comeback tours. They were proud to call it as “their” office. All the goods were designed by the 5 themselves, with no ideas or even expenses spared. They were going all out. It was one of the most awaited comeback. In at least 2 decades. Systems had crashed for days as fans fought tooth and nail to get their hands or even fingers on the much coveted tickets. Blackmarket and third-party website ticketing was also in a boom. So much so, there were already discussions of doing another round of touring after a couple of months so that everyone can attend their comeback.

“What happened?”, Jaejoong said, as he moved the papers aside for the lunch boxes. He smacked Changmin’s hand away as he tried to sneak away half of their lunch for himself. He pouted hard at Jaejoong but the lead singer calmly ignored it.

“The tickets. Not even two seconds and the servers are bust. Everywhere. Every venue is sold out and there are still biddings coming in. If this goes on, you guys will be doing this for an entire year at least”, manager said, as he gulped down half a bottle of water. The five exchanged glances, hidden smiles thrown at each other. God, were they proud, and a little smug (let’s be honest), of their fandom.

“I am sure we have no problem with doing just tours the entire year. We have rearranged our schedules. In fact we were just talking about releasing a new album after all the tours are over”, Yunho said. Their manager looked as if the leader had grown an extra head.

“Huh?”, was the only intelligent reply.

“Yes. I mean, we are pulling out all stops for everything. No use turning back”, Yoochun said. The others murmured their consents and the poor guy looked on a verge of a panic attack.

“Sit, hyung. And breathe”, Changmin said, pulling out a chair for him. Their manager collapsed, digesting the sudden news of what was possibly their comeback not only for the tour, but also as the original group they once were.

“An album?”, he repeated, looking gobsmacked. He had been shocked enough when Yunho and Jaejoong had first come to him, talking about a collaboration concert tour between JYJ and TVXQ. Now they were talking about coming back as a group.

“You don’t mean… I mean…”, the poor guy stuttered, eyes wide as he looked from one satisfied smile to another.

“That’s right, hyung. It will be over, once and for all”, Junsu said, nearly bouncing from excitement. The manager just slapped his forehead, unable to think up of any words.

“It will be fine, hyung. We have thought everything through”, Yunho’s aid, patting the shoulders. The man gave him a long look and sighed, getting up.

“If you guys have thought through it and are sure, I guess I have nothing to say. Have to get going. The paperwork for the staff is pending. Don’t forget the meeting with concert director”, and the manager was gone, still shaking his head.

“We said that, but do we have a fixed plan?”, Jaejoong wondered aloud, opening the lunch boxes.

“It’s alright Jaejoongie. In a month, we can officially start with the actual work of the album”, Yunho said.

“What?”, it was now Jaejoong’s turn to gape at him. Yunho smiled, winking unsuccessfully, while Changmin snorted into his dumplings. Throwing a nasty look at the youngest, Jaejoong turned fully to their leader, raising an eyebrow. It was a cue for the whipped leader (as YooSuMin put it) to speak.

“I mean in just a month or under, if things go smoothly with the producers, we can officially announce the release of our new album”, Yunho said, smiling. Yoochun had already started wiping his eyes, while Junsu was hardly able to sit still.

“Oh my god”, Jaejoong whispered, mouth still in a small, perfect O. Yunho laughed as he quickly stole a peck. Changmin now fake-gagged audibly in the back ground as Junsu thumped Yoochun on the back as a way of consoling.

“I did promise to gather all my members together, didn’t I?”, Yunho said, locking fingers with Jaejoong who gave a brilliant smile.

“Please stop eye-ing each other and get back to work”, Changmin said, interrupting the increasingly heated moment.

The balled-up tissue aimed at his head didn’t miss.

-x-x-x-

Changmin looked at the pretty man humming their rock duet as he read the lyrics again. They were on a very tight schedule and had to do their final recording today at any cost. Even if it meant camping at the studio for the night.

“The high notes”, Jaejoong murmured.

“What about them?”, Changmin asked.

“There are too many of them”, Jaejoong said, frowning slightly.

“Isn’t that the point ofrock songs? High notes?”, Changmin said, stuffing the last of donuts in his mouth. Jaejoong threw a sideways glare at him and slapped his arm unconsciously. There was a pause and the doe eyes widened slightly before moving to the paper in his hand.

“Seems like such a long time”, Changmin said quietly. Jaejoong slowly kept down the papers, but didn’t look at him.

“Changmin-ah, are you still angry at us? At me?”, Jaejoong asked, now looking at him directly. If he still knew Changmin as he had once, then it was probably better to ask him direct questions. Ones he can’t give twisted answers to. Changmin was straight forward most times, but he did tend to give round about answers sometimes. They were all used to his sharp tongue, but it took ages to get what was he REALLY thinking sometimes.

There was silence for some time and Jaejoong waited patiently. They may have rough housed a lot and playfully insulted each other, but they both had been really close to each other. Jaejoong had taken care of Changmin like he would of a younger sibling when they had debuted. When they had split, Changmin had taken the separation very much to his heart. He had kept quiet about it, because his priorities had been to redeem their name and to support Yunho hyung. He felt betrayed.

“I was. May be, I still am”, he said after a huge pause. Jaejoong slowly retracted the hand he was about to put on Changmin’s arm. The silence was not peaceful anymore. There was a certain heaviness as words unsaid hung. Neither knew what to say. It had been too many years with too many feelings left unaddressed. It was not going to be easy. It was never going to be easy. But Jaejoong felt the need to close the gap between Changmin and him. So Jaejoong did the only thing he knew. He got up and tightly hugged Changmin.

Changmin froze, causing Jaejoong to pause awkwardly in their hug. Moments passed and Jejoong wondered whether it had been a wrong move to hug the youngest. Changmin was not a big fan of physical displays of affections.

“Sorry, Changmin. I am-?”, Jaejoong was cut off as strong arms squeezed him back, almost cutting off his air supply. Jaejoong’s eyes widened as he realised that Changmin was trembling very lightly. He was so tall, with muscular arms and wide back. Bigger and stronger than Jaejoong. When had Changmin grown so much?

“Idiot hung”, Changmin said, voice muffled in Jaejoong’s shoulder. “Idiot, stupid, weird Jaejoong hyung”.

Jaejoong stayed silent as he let Changmin call him few more names on the same lines, just holding him. May be this was the best way to get through to Changmin. No words.

“Hyung is sorry, Changmin-ah”, Jaejoong whispered, tears standing up in his eyes as a sniffle escaped the strong and silent Changmin. He couldn’t bear to have Changmin shedding tears. The snarky, clever and secretly-sweet Changmin who was as kind as he was merciless in his teasing. Jaejoong knew and felt the pain and hardships of the years the youngest member had on his shoulders. The burden of carrying the name that was “TVXQ”. And looking after Yunho when Jaejoong was not there. Jaejoong would never be able to pay that debt in his life.

“Hyung is an idiot, Changmin-ah. Hyung is sorry. Hyung was a fool to leave his baby member alone. Hyung was stupid to let his little Minnie grow up so fast. Hyung is sorry”, Jaejoong said, the brown hair. Changmin’s arms tightened even more around him, effectively cutting off his breathing. But Jaejoong didn’t react. He let the trembling subside slowly.

“I am never forgiving you if you leave again”, Changmin said, eyes burning as he looked at Jaejoong.

“Never”, Jaejoong whispered. “I am never going away”. They looked at each other, nodding in mutual understanding.

“You look ugly while crying”, Changmin said dryly, refusing to acknowledge the wetness in his own eyes. Jaejoong sniffed as he lightly slapped Changmin’s arm.

“Yah! No one asked you to look at me”, Jaejoong said, sniffing. Changmin rolled his eyes as he returned his own teasing smack.

All was going to be well again.

-x-x-x-

(2 months ago)

(October, 2020)

“Dinner is ready”, Jaejoong announced as he kept the last dish on the already laden table. It made him extremely happy that people were there to eat his cooking. Especially, when the said people were his favourite in the world.

“Wow! Pork bone soup!”, Yunho exclaimed and, much to Jaejoong’s irritation, haphazardly stirred the nicely decorated soup to taste it. Immediately his hand was whacked by the spatula Jaejoong was still holding, a thoroughly annoyed look on his pretty face.

“Jung. Yunho. You. Never. Learn. Don’t. Mess. With. My. Food”, Jaejoong said, each word interspersed with a whack.

“Ow. Ow. Jaejoongie! But it looks so good”, Yunho whined, pushing out his lower lip in an attempt to look cute. But he was just answered with another resounding thwack on his arm.

“If you guys are finished with whatever weird dinner kink you have going on, I would like to have food now, if you please. If my appetite’s not ruined already, that is”, Changmin’s voice called from the doorway, brows knit in a frown.His reply was a balled up kitchen towel thrown at his head, which he avoided smoothly and it hit Junsu, who had come behind Changmin, square in the face. After a few more minutes of bickering in which Yoochun’s attempt to mediate didn’t help at all, everyone was seated. It was quiet for at first, as the first pangs of hunger were fulfilled.

“Just 2 months. And we will be on the stage again”, Junsu said. Everyone exchanged satisfied smiles.

“The past two years flew so fast. It was as if nothing has changed. So funny, that we all fell into our routine so easily, as we had back then”, Yoochun said. Yunho and Jaejoong exchanged an affectionate look, hands finding each other under the table.

“Yunho kept his promise. That is why we all are here. Together. Again”, Jaejoong said, looking with love and pride at his better half. Yunho shook his head.

“No. It was because of you Jaejoongie. You kept the faith. Even after all these years”, he said softly, tightening his hold on the other’s hand. Hearts were literally flying around and Changmin made a gagging sound.

“Can you both please stop flirting? I am trying to eat. God, I knew this would happen again. And I will be the one stuck between you two”, he grumbled, all the while shoving down food in his bottomless stomach. He looked at Yoochun and Junsu.

“Want to trade places with me in our positions?”, he asked. Junsu let out a noise which sounded suspiciously like “uggh” and Yoochun nearly fell down in his attempt to push away.

“No thanks. I have had enough of a mooning and love-sick Jaejoong hyung for almost a decade now”, Yoochun said.

“Hey! I wasn’t..mooning!”, Jaejoong said, pouting indignantly as Yunho chuckled.

“Yeah sure. Of course you weren’t mooning. Just looking a like lovelorn wife waiting for her husband’, Junsu said. And earned a tissue in his face while Yoochun and Changmin choked on their laughter and soup. Jaejoong glared at them, cheeks pink and even Yunho couldn’t help but laugh. Jaejoong turned an accusatory stare at him.

“You too, Yunho-yah?”, he said, eyes getting all wide and wet-eyed with a trembly chin. He knew how to twist Yunho around his little finger. And Yunho fell for it.

“Enough, you three. Don’t so much”, he said, his leader voice coming out and the three sobered up. Jaejoong shot them a triumphant grin.

“It is a bit awkward to say this, we went through so much and here we are, together again. I know it probably won’t be the same, but we are here. A full circle”, Junsu said.

“We are together. As five. And that is what matter now and that is what will matter in future too”, Yunho said.

“Let’s do this”, Jaejoong said, raising his glass. “To us”.

“To Dong Bang Shin Ki”.

“To Bigeast and Cassiopeia”.

“To our memories”.

“To Hero, Max, Uknow, Xiah and Micky. For the one. Eternally”.

It was like a dream come true. Once again.

-x-x-x-

(APRIL 23, 2021, Japan)

The applause and the cheers thundered many folds, the sparkling red of the lightsticks glinting and winking madly. As was the unspoken rule, the last notes of the heartbreakingly beautiful ballad had long ago faded to the pin drop silence of awed and crying fans, a tumultuous applause breaking out as the last notes faded.

They were sweaty, dirty and very thirsty, but they wouldn’t trade this moment for anything. Yoochun was trying his best, and failing, to stop the tears, which had begun the moment they started the concert. According to Changmin’s sarcastic and unwanted opinion, they were thankful to have many sponsors who took care of their hunger and thirst, seeing the amount of water Yoochun hyung was shedding through his eyes. But the rest pretended they didn’t notice the reddishness and wetness of the youngest member’s eyes as he clapped softly. Junsu’s tears had dried up and he was patting Yoochun on the back with one hand and waving, with the same amount of energy on he had after a gruelling almost 4-month long concert schedule, using his other hand. Yunho was trying to be brave and manly by wiping his eyes while pretending to move his bangs away from his face. Jaejoong had caught all this and was just smiling softly, a supportive hand on Changmin’s shoulder. He caught Yunho’s eyes, and they shared a brief look of content, happiness and mutual affection.

He clasped Changmin’s and Yoochun’s hands. Changmin raised his eyebrows and despite his red eyes, he smirked, lightly bumping shoulders with Jaejoong. Junsu grasped Yoochun’s right andYunho completed the chain with holding Changmin’s left. In a movement long ago memorised by they bodies and soul, they raised their joined hands. The cheering grew even louder, if it was possible, the fans literally mad with joy and euphoria.

They looked over the entire stage once, a lump in their throats. This was their stage. They belonged here. Together. As 5.

“Thank You! Everyone, this was ToHoShinKi!”.

 

 

end.