Embers of Bliss
We'll build castles in the sky“Seulgi! We need to go now if you don’t want to be late for your flight!” Wendy screams across the hall at the brunette still engrossed in filling up her letter.
“5 minutes, I promise!” Seulgi hurriedly replies as her pen scratches the surface of increased urgency. There’s just so much more I want to write, so much more I want to tell you, Hyun…
Do you remember when it was just us against the world? When the only source of support we had was one another? When we weren’t sure what we wanted to do, what we wanted to accomplish, where we wanted to go? Where each day was just a meaningless struggle, devoid of purpose?
At those times, I thought it didn’t matter, would never matter, as long as you were beside me. When I looked at you, I felt that everything would be alright. It didn’t matter if cows fell from the sky, it didn’t matter if aliens abducted us - as long as I had you. What happened to those times, Hyun? Did you not feel the same? Was it just me, lost in my delusional fantasy for a love that would never materialise?
Do you remember when we snuck out together on New Year’s Eve? When we cuddled in an empty park bench, surrounded by tubs of ice cream? When I playfully smeared some on your face and we ended up in a food war? Do you remember our first kiss - tasting strawberry as the fireworks in the sky lit up our world?
Because I remember. I remember the way your face shone under the moonlight, how you looked at me with so much love in your eyes, and I couldn’t help but fall deeper, deeper into you. Did you know the effect you had on me? How much you meant to me? How much we meant to me?
Pray tell me, Hyun, where did we go wrong? No, that’s silly, you could never do wrong. Where did I go wrong? Was my love not enough? Was my sacrifices not sufficient? Were you never in love with me, using me instead as a source of emotional support when you went through trying times, and saw me as something to discard when someone better came along? Tell me, Hyun. Tell me.
“Bae Joohyun! Your flight’s in less than 2 hours and you’re still here? If you don’t get going now you’re going to be late!” Joy yelled.
“5 minutes, I promise!” Joohyun yells back, her pen scratching the surface of the paper with increased urgency. I’m so sorry, Seul…
I remember when it was just us against the world. I was your only support, and you were mine. I remember when I could lean on you in my darkest times, when I could confide in you when everything seemed to go wrong. It didn’t matter what happened, because you were the right, the light in my life. I miss you, I miss us, the way we could just lie in bed and talk for hours and hours about everything under the night sky. It didn’t matter what we talked about, you always looked so passionate, so full of flame, full of light, and I was always so worried that I would be the burden that pulled you down. You told me it didn’t matter, that you would rather lose the light in your life than lose me.
“Because you are the light in my life, Hyun.” You had said, and I believed it because I knew you meant it. Throughout the years, out of all the people in my life that I have met, you’re still the only one who calls me your light. (Am I still your light?)
I remember our first kiss, when I had ice-cream all over my face, but you had more on yours. The adorable way your eyes closed as you offered yourself to me, the trust you placed in me, the pout you had when I smeared more ice-cream on your lips, and the bliss in your eyes after we kissed. I remember it all - and I hope you do too.
I’m sorry it ended like this. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I’m so, so, sorry.
“Seulgi! It’s been more than 5 minutes!” Wendy yelled again.
“Almost done, the Uber’s only arriving in 10 anyway!” Seulgi yelled back.
Sometimes, I lie in bed and think of you, of us. Maybe if I had done things differently, maybe if I was more attentive to your needs, we wouldn’t be like this. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe I could turn around, and what would greet me wouldn’t be an empty wall, but your bright eyes, shining with every mystery that I would ever want to delve into.
Sometimes, when I think of you, it hurts more than usual. When I’m feeling down, when I’m feeling defeated, when there’s just no one to turn to, I think of you. And it hurts. It hurts so much, Hyun. It hurts that we went from what we were to where we are now - strangers connected with a distant past. It hurts that I could have you in my arms, that I could rely on you in my darkest times - but now there’s nothing but the wall. It hurts that you were so close, that what we had was so real, that what we dreamed of was right there, for the taking… It hurts that we never reached it, never pushed through. It hurts.
Sometimes I think, what would I do if I saw you again? Do you still throw your head back when you laugh, only to cover it with embarrassment when you realise what you’re doing? Do you still wear oversized hoodies scented with your favourite fabric softener? Do you still brush your hair behind your ear when you’re shy? Do you… do you still love me the way I love you? Because I know, I know that if I see you again, I’ll fall right back in love - with your eyes, your smile, and all the things that make you, you. I know I’ll love you again - and I can only hope you’ll love me too.
“Joohyun! Your Uber’s in five!” Joy yells, louder than before.
“Almost done!” Joohyun yells back.
I miss you, Seul, I really do. I don’t know how much you’ll believe me even when I write this, but a day has never passed when I don’t think of you. I could be eating dinner with my friends, and I’ll get our drink - a strawberry sundae (because we fell in love over the taste of strawberries), and I’ll get two straws. It’s a habit, you know? A habit that reminds me of you. And as my friends chatter about me, sometimes I’ll get lost in the two straws, thinking of where you are, what you’re doing, and whether you still love the taste of strawberry. (Does it leave a bad taste in your mouth? Do I leave a bad taste in your mouth?)
Other times I’ll be watching a drama series, and its the most romantic part of the show. I’ll turn around to cuddle with you, to melt into your warm embrace, and the only thing that greets me is the orange bear blanket you got me. I’ll hug it closer and harder than before, but it just isn’t you, and it won’t ever stare at me with the most adorable eye smile I fell in love with (am still in love with) and kiss me gently on the forehead. I miss those days, Seul, I really do.
Sometimes I hope that we could go back, go back to the way we once were, the way that it should be. Would you ever give me that chance? Would you let me back into your life, after what I have done? Would you trust me again, hand me your heart, and give me the chance to patch its broken pieces, fix the cracks I have caused? Because I hope you will, Seul, and I’ll never let you go.
“Seulgi, it’s here!” Wendy yells.
“Done, I’m coming! Help me load my luggage, please?” Seulgi says as she scribbles the final words onto her letter and seals it. It’s time to go.
“Joohyun, it’s here!” Joy yells.
“Coming! Help me load my luggage please?” Joohyun says as she scribbles the final words onto her letter and seals it. It’s time to go.
Do you remember what we promised each other? I hope it’s still true for you, because it’s always been true for me.
“For when I lie on my deathbed I think I’ll wish
Not for good health, nor for more wealth
But just one more moment with you,
Shrouded in embers of bliss."
With love,
Kang Seulgi / Bae Joohyun
SO DID YOU GUYS SEE SEULGI HUGGING IRENE IN THAT MUSIC SHOW INTERVIEW AHFJDSAHFJKDSAHFDJKSAHFDJSAKFHJSAKD THIS IS THAT QUALITY CONTENT I SIGNED UP FOR 100%
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