he had been walking in the dark night streets, aimlessly, when he saw it.

a small bar with music coming from the inside. he cocked his head to the side, coming closer only to discover a lovely sound that made him want to smile. he almost did smile.

but instead, he just continued to listen, standing outside, facing the harsh wind. but the music made it worth it.

he didn't know how much time had passed already, he just knew that he wanted to hear that sound again. he went inside the bar, and he was immediately blown away by how many people seemed to be inside, after all, why were there so many people on a wednesday? he quickly realized that they were all facing a small stage near the end of the place, where he could see a piano and another man. instead of going to see what all the fuss was about, he went straight for the stools, ordering a tonic and gin.

he asked the bartender, "what's going on?" pointing with his thumb at the chaos in the back.

the bartender grinned, "ah that's our piano man."

he hummed, whispering "thanks" as the man gave him his drink. he sipped on it, closing his eyes at the taste.

he looked back towards where the stage was, noticing that the people were dispersing. he turned back around, sighed quite loudly, and leaned his face against his palm. the bartender shook his head, and asked, "what's on your mind?"

"you wouldn't happen to be offering any jobs, would you?" he asked, looking hopefully at the bartender.

"as a matter of fact, we have a position open. i'm quitting, so they're gonna need someone to replace me." he responded, cleaning a couple of glasses with a rag.

"wait, really? where can i apply?" he asked excitedly, leaning forward so he could be closer to the bartender.

"just come back tomorrow. there'll be a quick interview, but you'll probably get it. no one else applied yet." the man responded, his eyes crinkling in mirth.

"thank you so much!" he said, bowing to the bartender, who quickly told him to stop that.

"what's your name anyway?" the bartender asked, chuckling at the very excited man.

"seokjin. but just call me jin."

 

.

 

the first time jin met yoongi was on his first day at his new job, a monday.

jin had just been doing his work, serving the customers and cleaning the glasses, when a short man flopped on a seat in front of him. immediately, the guy said, "a bottle of soju, thanks."

jin hummed, and brought forth said drink, along with a small shot glass.

the shorter man continued to drink, going from one beer to three, and smoking at least three cigarettes from what jin could tell. he was finishing his fourth bottle of soju, when the smaller man stood up, and began to walk towards the exit. jin immediately stopped him.

"yah! you need to pay!" he shouted at the man, who turned back around confusedly. after noticing that the bartender was indeed talking to him, he went back towards the bar.

"can i talk to your manager?" the shorter man asked immediately, head turned to the side, a smirk on his lips.

jin tried to bite back a sneer that was beginning to form in his face, and instead called his manager from the back office. he explained the situation as the pair began to walk back towards the smaller man. "-and he asked to see you, even though he was the one that didn't pay."

the manager frowned slightly, before a look of understanding crossed his eyes. he began to chuckle slightly, "you're new here, right?"

"yes," answered jin honestly, "why does that matter?"

by that time, the pair had already arrived to the front of the bar, where the short man was still waiting for them.

"jin," spoke the manager, clasping his employee's shoulder, "this is yoongi, our piano man. all his drinks are on the house."

"what why?" jin questioned, almost breaking his neck when he turned back to look at his manager, who was merely looking on in amusement. yoongi simply remained quiet, but still looking quite smug.

"because," the manager began, "he's the reason why all of these people come."

 

.

 

jin hadn't understood what the manager had meant for a whole entire week. every time the smaller man, the piano man, came to the bar, he gave jin a small grin that made his blood boil slightly. but when yoongi asked for more drinks, jin could only clench his teeth, and give them to him.

however, soon enough saturday came rolling around, and jin was just doing his job quietly. he had seen yoongi lingering in the bar, but he strangely didn't ask for any drinks. instead, he was just staring off into the distance, tapping his fingers on the wooden table. another man came soon after, slightly shorter than jin himself, and comfortable sat himself beside the pensive man, who's thoughtful expression quickly turned into a small grin as he greeted the other man. the two seemed to be friends, seeing as they were talking very animatedly.

jin quickly forgot about them as another customer called his attention, and sooner than later his mind was no longer filled with thoughts of the shorter man.

that is, until he stood up rather quickly. yoongi began to walk briskly towards the piano in the back, and immediately, some of the regulars that jin saw throughout the bar, began to holler as yoongi sat down on the piano seat. with one quick glance, jin saw that the friend was still seating on the bar, grinning ear to ear as he watched yoongi from the back.

then, yoongi began to play.

jin really had no words to describe the performance. he would have thought that when the manager had called yoongi their piano man, he was exaggeration. jin thought that maybe yoongi played now and then, and that he was mediocre at best.

but he was completely wrong, he admitted that at least.

yoongi was definitely a piano man.

when the shorter finished his performance, he bowed slightly, and began to walk back towards his friend, who excitedly clapped his back and gave him loud compliments. the bar soon turned back to normal, and the two friends kept talking.

it must have been getting later, because yoongi's friend bid him goodbye, and left the other alone. jin took this as his chance to bring over a drink he especially crafted for the other (although it was merely a combination of sangria with tonic water). he gingerly placed it in front of the pianist, and said, "i get why they called you their piano man now."

yoongi raised his eyebrow at the drink, then at jin. but he still drinked nonetheless, grimacing slightly at the weird combination. he muttered a dry, "thanks."

the pair did not talk for the rest of the night, but jin had a strange feeling that perhaps he had found a potential new friend in the man that livened up the place.

 

.

 

the days passed, and now, yoongi and jin were on speaking terms. conversation terms.

they talked about useless things first, from new drinks that jin experimented with, to the climate outside. jin always cracked jokes about everything that crossed his mind, including a fair share of dad jokes, to which yoongi only stared hard at jin until he got uncomfortable and slightly ashamed. however, time always changes everything. as they spent more and more time together (and sometimes with yoongi's random friends, who were all very strangely unique), they began to talk about more things. yoongi opened up about how he is trying to write a song that will represent his very essence. the shorter explained how he considered this to be his life goal, and that once he completed it, he could finally find peace. 

and then, jin opened up about his own situation.

"i would rather be someplace else." jin admitted, and very nearly decked yoongi when he said how that's everyone, and now just him.

"like where?" yoongi had asked, nursing his new concoction.

"yoongi," jin sighed, and his smiled was quickly wiped from his face, replaced by a mask of tiredness and pure sadness, "this is killing me."

and that is how jin now had all of yoongi's attention. the elder continued to speak, "before i came to work here, i was about to go and become a movie star. i was close, too. but everything became too much, and now i'm here."

"is that why you're really here?" asked yoongi, a frown taking over his face.

jin swallowed his nerves, "i'm stuck here. i don't want- i can't leave because i'll be rejected."

yoongi hummed, "are you really scared of rejection? or are you just scared of change?"

he paused, his words stolen from his mouth, "i-i don't-"

"look," interrupted yoongi, quite exasperated, "sometimes we are too scared to do things because we are scared of how everything will change after. most people like safety, a constant life. nothing is stopping you from just going out there to do the things you love, nothing except you."

jin didn't say anything for a long time, but words weren't needed. he just stood there, thinking over and over yoongi's words. nothing is stopping you... nothing except you.

eventually, yoongi had to leave, but not before saying some last words, "just think about it. do you want to safety? or to lose your dream? simple as that."

and with that, yoongi left the bar, and left jin to his own thoughts.

but he disagreed with yoongi- there was nothing simple about this.

more and more people still kept coming, asking for drinks, but each time, it was harder for him to smile. how could he smile when his dream was out there, and here he was, just wasting time? 

he shook his head, smiled at the customer, and just kept doing his job.

 

.

 

yoongi kept going to the bar, and jin was always there to see him.

the pair still greeted each other, but they no longer had talks like before. instead, all of their conversations were shallow, pointless.

what bothered jin the most, though, was the eyes that yoongi kept giving him. something akin to pity, and perhaps frustration.

jin mostly ignored them, but these subliminal messages even began to appear in the pieces yoongi performed. ever since that day, where they had talked about lost dreams, yoongi began to play melodies reflecting sorrow and regret. he sang lyrics about life being stopped by a single person.

"you," yoongi had said, fingers still in the piano. and even though the pianist was not looking anywhere near the bartender, jin still knew that those lyrics were meant for him.

but as much as he tried, jin was scared. ever since he was young, all he had ever wanted to do was act. he wanted to tell stories to people, to narrate the lives of characters. he just wanted to become someone that people recognized on the streets, not so much for the fame, but more for the fact that they know his story. 

but fear is not an easy thing to tackle, especially alone.

 

.

 

(if only jin had known that he was not alone, perhaps he could have saved himself. and perhaps by defeating his fears, he would have inspired others, others with lost dreams as well, to just keep fighting. but jin never knew better, and the past is something that remains unchangeable).

 

.

 

"i'm going to be on a tv show," jin announced, taking a big drink from his glass, coldness spreading to his bones.

immediately, his companions began to congratulate him, thumping him on the back, whooping, and giving him the thumbs up. he held up his hand, "but it's just a small role. i'm probably only gonna come up for five minutes at the most."

"well that's five minutes we'll enjoy!" cheered one of the members of their little group. jin just chuckled, and drank more to celebrate the night away. his gaze, however, caught sight of a piano in the distance. he blinked, and looked away.

one of the other men with him noticed his quick gaze, and smiled slightly, "you know, yoongi would be proud of you."

it was as if that name would always bring the same effect to all of them, since they immediately dropped all conversation, and just looked back at the piano slightly. jin closed his eyes slightly, and nodded, "he always told me to just do what i wanted. why couldn't he do the same for him?"

they all stood quiet, gazes diverted from one another, too ashamed to look one another in the face.

they knew that yoongi had all told them to take control in their lives, to do whatever they wanted, to be who they wanted.

but, why didn't they ever repeat those words back to him?

 

.

 

the last day jin worked at the bar, he brought a guitar with him.

after talking with the manager for a bit, it didn't take too much convincing to let him play just a song.

a song to remember.

the crowd quietened when they noticed a man step into the stage after such a long time, ever since the piano man played that one last performance.

jin was nervous, but he just shook it off. he had to do this.

and so, with no words towards the people who stood there, waiting, he just began to play.

his fingers were slightly shaky, and his voice was quiet. but his words carried weight throughout the whole bar.

he knew that people were staring at him, judging him. he knew that near the back stood another man who also knew yoongi, another man who just happened to come on this day as well. but he should have expected to see familiar faces. it was a saturday, after all.

when he finished the song, with one last strung at his guitar, he sighed, looking down. the first applause broke him out of his reverie, and that set the chain. people began to clap, but no one screamed. they all knew this was something more than just a performance. they all knew this was something more, something with meaning.

he bowed down, and left the bar, no longer jin the bartender.

 

.

 

he kept going to the bar, but those times had become rare.

now a days, he was busy filming either this or that, he no longer had the same freedom he had so long ago.

but this was what he wanted, right? this was what he had told yoongi he wanted. a movie star. that was his dream.

but then why is it he feels so lost? so aimless? so trapped?

 

.

 

perhaps because his dream was never to be a movie star, no. it was for the world to see him as what he truly was. kim seokjin, a dreamer. not jin, the conformist.

 

.

 

but it was too late to change.

 

Notes:

is it too late, you?

when does life get to a point where we start to say that it's too late to do things. is it when we're old, on our deathbeds, or when we have given up?

giving up is what we all had to do, or will do. this is what jin and yoongi did, but in different ways. think about this.

losing a dream is hard, but losing yourself is even harder.

jin had lost a dream, but yoongi had lost himself.

that's what made all the difference.

and now, its my turn to ask, have you ever lost a dream? have you ever lost yourself?

you know, people say that mistakes are necessary because they help us learn, but then, why are we so afraid of making them? why is that we try to prevent ourselves from being ourselves? why are we so afraid of us?

jimin was afraid of himself, ashamed. he always wanted to be the best. he always wanted to be the one to win. for him, nothing was enough. but what is enough? is it what gives us satisfaction or happiness? for you, what is enough?

are you enough? am i enough? i guess only time can tell.

but jimin, he soon found out the truth. he found out he had been holding on to something that needed to be let go. someone.

who was that someone for jimin? do you, too, have someone you need to let go off, but for some reason, can't? why do we give so much to those people, who don't bother to give enough back? but then again, what is enough?

jimin understands, and soon enough, so will you.

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