Jennie is sometimes scared of how dangerously deep Chaeyoung’s presence is etched into her heart. She is her day and night, sun and moon, life and death. Yet, fate has it out for her when it comes to teaching her things. And to think people consider taking lead shots the most difficult part to stomach in her life.

Jennie can live with the danger, the pain and aches, the blood. But she can’t live without her missing piece, and in all her years of living no one else suffices to fill her voids and rough edges like her lover does.

She can’t live without Chaeyoung, because the breath in her lungs and the blood in her system continue to toil all for one reason. But there are moments where that fact seems to be so incomprehensible and obvious and lost in the translation of daily life, even to Jennie who knows the value of life and the price of mistakes.

The cop comes to her apartment mentally weary and lethargy is written in her bones, arriving prepared to cuddle with her girlfriend who usually gets home an hour before her. As it is pitch black and the sky is only illuminated by the city lights by this time, the two are always tired in their high stress jobs but there is always the comfort of routine that intertwines their lives.

Taking off her shoes at the door, Jennie’s ears perk at the hiccups sounding from the kitchen. She’s apprehensive and scared, the soft crying twisting her insides as she steps towards the dining table.

Chaeyoung, still in her work wear, drinking from the potent scotch Jennie reserves for herself when she wants to forget the faces past the point of a gun barrel. The blonde tilts her head in acknowledgement of the new presence.

“I saw you and her.” Jennie’s eyes narrow at the slurred accusatory tone exuding from the very voice she loves hearing the most. Years of experience in the field has taught her to be cautious.

There’s something darkly indicative with this topic.

“What do you mean?” The doctor grips the glass of brown liquid, grimacing as it spreads heat in and cheeks and kind of makes the pain in her heart seem surreal for a split second.

“Are you hiding something from me?”

Their eyes meet, and there’s something in the younger’s eyes that inflame the brunette’s ego. Backing down has never been part of her vocabulary, a quality that Chaeyoung hates and loves.

“Are you accusing me of cheating, Park Chaeyoung?” Jennie answers back with indignation lining her posture to that of the confident officer people see. The younger flinches at the combined volume and acid lining the words.

“You better watch what you say because I know what I am and I’m not a cheater. I’m tired and pissed and I didn’t want to come home to this.”

Chaeyoung doesn’t realize that tears begin to fall when Jennie seizes the half empty bottle of whisky and takes a long pull, the grand finale being glass container slammed back down onto the surface of the table the two have shared for years.

It’s the final crack to the dam of her emotions.

“I saw you with that new cop, Nalalimario or whatever.” Burning anger overcomes the need to embrace Chaeyoung, even when the younger sobs with flames reflected in those brown orbs. “If I mean anything to you, then quit being that friendly with her because I know nothing isn’t nothing when I see you getting kisses from her.”

 “I swear to God, me and Lisa are nothing. There is literally nothing, we just got closer, alright?” Jennie curses under her breath while massaging her temples, overwhelmingly irritated at her girlfriend. “If you can’t be okay with me being like that with my friends, then leave.”

Her pride is too much, and Chaeyoung’s patience is running thin. 

Tears are streaming out of the taller girl, who sits drunk and broken and exhausted, and Jennie’s heart hurts at the sight, the wound agape but mollified with stubbornness and dignity. Chaeyoung stands and prepares to leave, and something fractures in the space behind her police badge.

The door is wrenched hard enough to jolt some realization in her brain. “I’m done. Goodbye, Jennie.”

ing hurts. The regret catches up to her and the cop, in all her years of suffering training and tears and death, feels the worst she has ever experienced. Jennie grips the newly healed bullet wound in her side as she slumps against the floor, thinking back to all the times her lover has saved her sorry only to deal with her occasional bull.

Loosening her tie, Jennie nearly suffocates in the thought of losing Chaeyoung. She riffles through the front pocket of her uniform and procures the picture of the couple years earlier, in the exposition of their careers. Fresh out of college, untouched smiles and skin unmarred by scars, and soon Jennie succumbs to the numbness Chaeyoung isn’t there to fix like she usually does.

With alcohol as her only comfort, she wallows for what feels like hours in the dark ebbing waves of her mind. Guilt is a useless emotion to someone of her occupation, but why is it the only sentiment she feels rippling in her system?

Feeling her phone vibrate, she gets a text from her girlfriend’s coworker Jisoo.

The weird girl that works in the ER with Rosie (11:50 PM): Chaeyoung is with me and safe. Whatever it is you have between each other, please fix it soon or you answer to me.

Crying her thanks silently to whatever god led