I've lost a lifetime of patience editing this and it still didn’t come out as I wanted it to be. I considered discarding it a few times but I couldn’t just throw it away that easily, I’ve invested too many hours in it. So yeah, here goes nothing. (If you see any mistakes or typos then please ignore them. I'll proofread it one of these days)

---

 

 

 

The alarm clock starts ringing at 7 am sharp, and like any other morning, a groan is heard in the once silent room and a hand creeps from under the covers to turn the alarm off. About ten minutes later another kind of noise starts, and this time, there’s no other way for Wonpil to make the thuds stop other than leaving the comfort of his bed. But he’s still too sleepy to care, so he buries his head further under his pillow.

 

 

“Yah! Kim Wonpil wake up already!! We’re going to be late!” 

 

 

There goes the shouting. Frustration takes over him as he kicks the covers and sleepily stumbles to the window, yanking it open.

 

 

“Finally!  Now hurry up and go get ready,” after saying that, his friend closes his window, not leaving Wonpil any chance to vent his anger at him. The latter keeps groaning and cursing through his whole morning routine. He’ll never get used to his friend’s ways of waking him up. 

When he’s finally ready, all clad in his high school uniform, he makes his way downstairs, pretty sure he’s got no time left for breakfast. 

 

 

“Good morning mom,” he says as he stuffs a toast in his mouth and grabs a banana from the fruits’ basket.

 

 

“Good morning darling,” she replies from her spot in the kitchen isle, sipping on her morning coffee and reading the newspaper. 

 

 

“I should be really grateful for Sungjin. He’s saving me a lot of energy every morning. And he can actually gets you out of bed in less time than I do. His ways are really impressive.”

 

 

“I’m sure having a stick kicking at my window every morning is very interesting,” he’s far from being amused by the situation. He has already warned Sungjin that if he continues with his assaults, he’ll switch rooms with his sister. But Sungjin being Sungjin, just ignored his threats. The bastard knew that he won’t do it. 

It’s a lot of fun to sacrifice anyways. Their rooms being barely two meters away, separated by the little space between the two houses, allowed them to talk to each other directly no matter what time of the day it was. They’d spend hours sitting by their windows, speaking about everything and nothing while watching the sky. 

 

Sungjin’s innovative ways of waking Wonpil are just the downside of the whole deal. He admits that he’s a heavy sleeper, and had faced a lot of trouble at school for being always late. Still, it should be illegal to get woken every morning in the most inhuman ways that his friend has came with. There was the water gun, the water bombs, dirty socks all rolled together, the pin balls, and anything that could be thrown. So he decided to never leave the window open, and that’s how Sungjin came up with the annoying stick business. He uses it to knock on his window every single morning, until Wonpil wakes up, in a very bad mood. He’s really starting to consider switching rooms with his sister.

 

 

He bids his mother goodbye and slings his backpack on one shoulder when he hears Sungjin calling for him. The latter is waiting in front of the house, smile as bright as the sun.

Wonpil still wonders how can someone who wakes up that early, still be functional. But this is Sungjin, Wonpil’s best friend. The one responsible for ruining his mood in the early hours, the one responsible for fixing it in a fraction of second with a simple ‘good morning’, accompanied by a dumb smile. 

 

 

And Kim Wonpil can’t imagine a better way to start his days.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

“School can’t possibly get any more boring.”

 

The second period is yet to start, but Wonpil is already losing his patience, and mind. 

 

 

“I’m hungry, let’s go eat,” he nudges his best friend whom’s head is buried in a book. 

 

 

“It’s still early for lunch, but I assume you didn’t have a proper breakfast. As usual.” Sungjin comments without lifting his eyes from the book. He buries his hand in his bag and gets out a bag of ships, a juice box and a granola bar. Wonpil’s eyes brighten at the sight of food. Sungjin always has some junk food in his bag just for him. He does it to avoid Wonpil’s endless complaints about being hungry. 

 

 

Sungjin closes the book and stands up, “I’m going to the library, wanna join me?” he still asks, even though he already knows Wonpil will tag along anyways. 

 

 

Wonpil, shoves the last bits of chips in his mouth then slurps the last drops of juice as he stands up. On their way to the library, he opens the granola bar and starts munching on it happily. By the time they reach their destination, all that’s left is a bit of crumbs on the side of his lips that Sungjin wipes away with his thumb, trying to give him a disgusted look. The youngest just grins like a little kid. Sungjin always does little gestures like that without considering what it does to him, or his heart. Not that he’s complaining or anything.

 

 

As usual, he busies himself with a comics book, while Sungjin wonders in the other important sections, as he likes to call them, searching for a new interesting book. Truth to be told, Wonpil only tags along because he enjoys watching the changes in Sungjin’s expression with every different book he holds. If his frown is heavy and his lips are pressed thinly, then the book is either not his style or too complicated for him. If he’s rolling his eyes, although smiling, then the book is a very cliche romance. But Wonpil’s favorite expression is when Sungjin’s eyes gain a certain glint and they start moving rapidly over the lines of the summary, then he smirks so smugly. That means that the hunt is over and that he has found a good book to keep him busy for days.

 

 

But that’s not the case today. Wonpil is installed on the floor in the comics section so that he can get a better look at Sungjin who’s in the next one. When he lifts his eyes to study his best friend’s face, he finds another expression. One that he knows very well. One that he’s seen a lot of times.

 

One that he can’t help but hate.

 

Sungjin seems to be in a trance. He seems to have forgotten everything about his surroundings as he’s only focusing on one single thing. Or person, to be more specific. Wonpil follows his line of vision, curious to see who is it this time. He's not the least surprised by the new center of Sungjin’s attention. It's no other than Jieun, the transfer student. Someone who’s caught everyone’s attention with her beauty since her arrival. Someone who's Sungjin's ideal type. Beautiful.

 

He can feel his heart dropping. He should be concerned for it being such a familiar sensation by now. Yet, just one single thought is consuming him,

 

 

‘If I were that beautiful, would he consider me?’ 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

“You know the transfer student, right?” is the first thing Sungjin says over lunch, and Wonpil is still hoping for his gut feeling to be wrong and for his friend to be talking about someone else.

 

 

“We’ve got a transfer student?” he tries to feign ignorance.

 

 

Sungjin rolls his eyes, “You should stop sleeping in class for god’s sake! The girl sits by your other side in all of our classes!” 

 

 

 

How he wishes he didn’t notice her, but how can’t he? Not when he’s pretty sure that Sungjin is crushing over her. Another ache works its way through his chest, but he ignores it. “Jae’s friend?” he asks between gritted teeth. The oldest mistakes it for his hate for a certain Park Jaehyung, so he continues, “What about her?”

 

Sungjin hesitates for  a second, a flush creeping to his neck and cheeks, and Wonpil already knows what the other is about to say, “I - I think, I-“ he stutters, a hand rubbing at the back of his neck, “… like her,” he finishes in an almost inaudible voice. Wonpil hears it anyways. 

 

Trying to be the best friend that he’s supposed to be, he hides the frown that threatens to appear on his face, and pulls a poker face. 

 

 

“Why aren’t you surprised?” 

 

 

“Should I? You liking someone isn’t something to be surprised about anymore. It’s like you have a new crush every new term. ” 

 

 

“Oh really?”  It seems that Wonpil’s reaction, or lack of it therefore, didn’t faze Sungjin, since he’s grinning sheepishly, like an idiot in love.

 

 

‘He is an idiot in love.’ Wonpil’s brain unnecessary adds. 

 

 

“What about,” Wonpil clears his throat, “You know.” he can’t bring himself to speak about it, and his friend is being slow again, looking all confused. So he points to Sungjin’s left shoulder, “That.”

 

 

Sungjin’s tone is sharp when he says, “What about it? What does it have to do with this?” he snaps.

 

 

Sungjin may be the sweetest guy Wonpil has ever met in his life, but there’s exactly one word that will turn him into the meanest. That word being ‘soulmates’. It’s the most spoken about subject in a society where everyone, at the age of eighteen, get their soulmate tattoo. ‘Did you get your tattoo?’, ‘When will you get your tattoo?’, ‘Did you find your soulmate?’, ‘How did you find your soulmate?’, ‘who’s your soulmate?’ are the unavoidable questions in family gatherings, reunions and even when meeting new people.

Of course there are some people without tattoos, thus without soulmates, but they’re very rare, usually pitied by the whole society. And there are some who refuse to acknowledge the whole soulmates concept. Park Sungjin is one of them. 

 

The weird part is that his parents are soulmates, his siblings had all found their soulmates and they are all living happily, in an environment full of soulmate-love. So where did Sungjin’s strong opinion against soulmates came from? 

Wonpil remembers a time where Sungjin was just like him, all excited about soulmates and fantasizing about meeting his other half. But then, somewhere around their last year in elementary and first year in middle school, he got too invested in science articles about the matter and suddenly started calling it bull. According to him, since there’s no scientific explanation for the tattoos, there’s no reason for him to believe in them. He even started thinking that Wonpil is stupid to believe in them. It’s okay though, because Wonpil thinks the same about Sungjin.

 

Anyways, since Sungjin has long refused to believe in soulmates, he freely, and easily, crushes over anyone. And Wonpil had to learn how to deal with his feelings and not let them show. He’s been holding on the hope that once Sungjin gets his tattoo, his mindset will change. Apparently not. Not when, on the morning of his eighteenth birthday, he had given a disgusted look to the reflexion of his tattoo on the mirror. The tattoo of a small leaf that Wonpil found so beautiful he couldn’t stop himself from tracing its outline with his fingertips. 

 

And now, Sungjin obviously has a new crush, not even a month after his eighteenth birthday.

 

 

“Just asking.” Wonpil dismisses his friend. Knowing very well that he’s walking in a land of mines when he’s not ready to be blown up.

 

 

There’s an unusually heavy silence afterwards as they eat in silence. Wonpil wants to say a lot of things, but can’t bring himself to say any, afraid of the others’ answers. 

 

 

So he keeps silent. 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

After a week, it gets very hard for Wonpil. He has to endure hours of Sungjin just talking about her, wether it’s at school, in the streets, or home. She’s everything on Sungjin's mind. He even starts daydreaming about her during their study time. It is getting out of hand already but Wonpil can’t do a thing but turn a blind eye.

 

So, when Sungjin talks about her, he just listens. When Sungjin gets lost in his thoughts, he busies himself with some game on his phone or finishes his homework by himself. When Sungjin is staring at her in class and is ignoring Wonpil's story telling, he stops talking and pretends to sleep. Sungjin does not notice.

 

 

Playing the supportive friend card is very hard, not only because he's in love with his best friend, but he also feels like he’s the only one holding on their friendship. Sungjin seems like he’s let go a long time ago. They’re already drifting away. And Wonpil is tired.

Sometimes he considers giving up, letting go and making new friends. But that's never been his forte, since he's never needed other friends, never thought he'll ever will. Because for Wonpil, Sungjin is irreplaceable.

 

Plus, who is he supposed to befriend? The boys in his class can be counted on the fingers of one hand, and they're not a friendly bunch.

 

There’s the unapproachable Brian who barely speaks to anyone and who’s always sending death looks to whoever meets his eyes. And then there’s Dowoon, the quiet genius who sits at the back of the class but gets mobbed by girls very frequently. He, too, is out of question. And God forbid he gets any close to that annoying Jae guy. He can’t even think about a single time they spoke without fighting. 

So yeah, Wonpil doesn't have that much of a choice. 

 

 

But how longer does he have to wait for Sungjin? How much more pain can he take?

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

“Do you think I should just confess?” Sungjin asks him one day. 

 

 

They are sitting at the school’s rooftop eating their lunch boxes and enjoying the soft breeze. Wonpil was just wondering why his friend hadn’t brought her up yet. He should’ve waited longer before thinking so. Now he’s lost all of his appetite.

 

 

“I think you should wait. What if her tattoo doesn’t match yours? You’ll have to reconsider.” he advices half heartedly. It seems it’s not the answer the other was waiting for.

 

 

“Do you think I’ll really care about that? With or without the tattoo, my feelings will stay true,” Sungjin snaps, obviously annoyed.

 

 

“Yeah, but what about her? She seems like the type who highly believes in soulmates. Do you think she’ll abandon what she believes in for a mere high school crush?” Wonpil asks challengingly. He hates being that harsh on his best friend, but someone needs to slap him with the truth.

 

 

“High school crush?! Is that what you think I’m going through right now? Does my feelings look that empty for you?” he’s obviously offended, as he stands up in protest.

 

 

“Sungjin,” Wonpil calls, trying not to explode or showcase the pain he’s feeling, “you don’t even know a thing about her other than her name and other trivial stuff. How can you be sure that what your feeling is love?” he reasons, but it seems useless.

 

 

“And what do you know about love? huh?! You don’t get to lecture me about love when you’ve never been in love and surely not when you believe in that soulmate crap!!”

 

 

Wonpil stands up to be at the level of his fuming friend, “I don’t need to be an expert to see that you’re rushing to confess without considering all the possibilities.”

 

 

“What kind of bull is this! Why do I feel that you’re jealous that I’m actually starting to have a love life and might have a chance this time? I thought you were supposed to be happy for me and support me, not do the opposite!”

 

 

Wonpil is at loss of words. He can’t believe what his alleged best friend has just accused him of. He feels blood bumping in his veins as anger rises and he finally explodes. 

 

 

“I’m trying to be reasonable because you’re currently not! And if you want someone who tells you what you want to hear instead of the truth, then you’d better start searching for a new best friend, because I’m obviously too jealous and too clueless about love to empathize with you!” with that being said, he leaves the other in a frozen state and walks away. 

 

 

Wonpil keeps alternating between walking and running until he's a good mile away from the school grounds. He had hoped the speed would calm him down, but it only makes his heart beat more frantically. He can’t believe what had just happened. The person he trusted the most had suspected his loyalty and accused him of jealousy.

 

No, Wonpil isn’t jealous. Or he is, but for a totally different reason. Wonpil is jealous because the person Sungjin loves is not him, because the person Sungjin is going to confess to is not him. Because he’s not, and will never be Sungjin’s soulmate. And even if he is, the other won’t accept him. So he had silently accepted his destiny and tried to be as supportive as ever. Yet, Sungjin has failed to even see that, to acknowledge his effort. And that's why he's angry at the moment.

 

 

But more than anything, Wonpil is scared. What if he's just ended his friendship with Sungjin? What if they won't go back to being friends ever? What if Sungjin choses a relationship over him? What if that was his last conversation with the other?

The thought of losing him at this point of his life is scary enough to make his insides ache so painfully. He’s quite aware the pain is not a physical one. Even if the other never returns his feelings, he still rather have him as a friend than a stranger. 

 

 

Wonpil spends hours walking aimlessly, trying to sort his thoughts and feelings to no avail. Both his mind and heart are overstrained. 

 

When he’s finally back home, Sungjin is in his room, the lights are on but his curtains are closed, which is something that almost never happens. Frustrated, Wonpil turns off the lights and sleeps, mentally and physically tired to even consider showering or eating.

 

 

The next morning, no thuds wake him up and there’s no Sungjin at his front door waiting for him. He ends up being in a bad mood and late, not that he actually cares about the latter. When he drops on his seat next to Sungin, the latter doesn’t even spare him a single look. 

 

 

Once more, Wonpil is hurt by Sungjin.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

A week passes with his best friend giving him the cold shoulder, and anger has long masked all of Wonpil's feelings. Maybe because he's always prioritized Sungjin over everythig and everyone, Sungjin seems to take him for granted. As if he knows how precious he is for Wonpil, that the latter won't last long before coming back for him. It makes Wonpil feel easy and cheap.    

 

So, Wonpil refuses to  face the other. He's not the one who had hurt the other. He's not the one to apologize. Plus, he wants to test Sungjin, see if he is that important to him, even if it means stepping on his heart.

 

His resolves, however, doesn't last that long, not when Sungjin is not showing any signs of regret or guilt, didn’t even try to talk to him, not even once, not when his eighteenth birthday, the day he gets his soulmate’s tattoo, is just few days away, and he's in desperate need of his best friend. 

 

 

Wonpil has never felt that lonely.

 

 

 

“Still didn’t reconcile with your boyfriend?” 

 

 

Wonpil rolls his eyes at the question he’s hearing for the hundredth time this week. He had already gave up correcting his two annoying classmates. 

 

After his fight with Sungjin, he started sitting at the same table with Brian and Dowoon. The two didn’t look like friends, just acquittances who sat together. He had a hunch that Dowoon sat with Brian just to stop the girls from mobbing him during lunch, too afraid of angering Brian. Surprisingly enough, the latter was the first to start a conversation with Wonpil, asking him about his fight with Sungjin, and Dowoon tried teasing him about it, claiming that he thought they were dating. For some unknown reason, he had opened to them and told them about  the fight and was happy when the two took his side. 

 

 

"That was a move," was what Brian had said. 

 

 

Dowoon had gave a confirming nod. "He definitely shouldn’t have said that."

 

 

Things got worse when Sungjin started sitting with Jae and Jieun somewhere in the middle of the week. Wonpil couldn’t even hide his jealousy and anger at the time. 

 

 

“You know, it’s still hard to believe you’re both not dating,” Brian comments, “I mean, anyone can see it in the way you look and treat each other. It’s hard not to mistaken it for something else, something more.” 

 

 

Wonpil tries to hide his obvious blush but it’s too late, Dowoon saw it. 

 

 

“You do like him, don’t you?” he gives him an unreadable look. Even Brian is waiting for his response, so he ends up telling them about what he’s been hiding for years. Surprisingly, letting his heart content out is much easier than he’d ever thought it will be. 

 

 

“What about your soulmate?” Brian asks.

 

 

Wonpil sighs, “I’m kind of scared about that part. I mean, whoever is my soulmate, I’ll give them the chance they deserves. But even though I know I’ll only end up hurting, I’m still hoping it will be him,” his voice is wary but he chuckles humorlessly, “That’s really messed up, isn’t it?” 

 

 

He’s surprised by the warm hand on his, he meets Dowoon’s concerned eyes, “Don’t worry. It will all turn out fine at the end and you’ll find someone who loves you as much as you loves them. And you got us now,” he finishes with a genuine smile.

Brian is nodding and smiling as well and suddenly his heart feels lighter and warmer than it has been for the last week, or so. Maybe it's not that lonely anymore.

 

 

However, he’s oblivious to the angry eyes glaring at him and Dowoon from across the cafeteria.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

Sungjin thinks he’s a bad friend. No, Sungjin is sure he’s a bad friend. The worst of them all. 

 

 

He had said awful things to Wonpil, his best friend, and for what? a mere high school crush. At the time, he was really blinded by anger that he refused to admit that that’s exactly what it was. Instead, he chose to hurt his best friend. 

 

Now, Sungjin has to bear with the ugly sensation of jealousy eating his insides every time he sees Wonpil with Dowoon and Brian. So, as a revenge, (it’s childish, he knows) he started sitting with Jae and Jieun at lunch. At first, he was nervous and blushed hardly whenever he laid eyes on her. Her beauty was really beyond words. But soon, he started getting to know her and talking in her presence was no longer flustering. Both of them had encouraged him to fix things with Wonpil, not that he had told them exactly why they fought, that’d be awkward. 

 

Anyways, Sungjin couldn’t just go to him and apologize. He was still under the impression that he was replaced by those two. It didn’t help that Dowoon was so touchy-feely with Wonpil, and the latter is letting him be. It makes him really bitter. He’s always thought he’s the only one allowed to be physically that close to Wonpil. The latter didn’t like anyone touching him, but he never opposed to any kind of skinship with Sungjin. And Sungjin was a very touchy person, especially with Wonpil. Or maybe, only with Wonpil.

 

Whether it was his arm around Wonpil’s shoulders when they walk, his hand squeezing Wonpil’s whenever he’s nervous, his fingers brushing and smoothing Wonpil’s hair while he lays his head on his lap, his head falling on Wonpil’s shoulder whenever he dozes off on the bus, his tight hugs to Wonpil whenever needed, and even his knee touching Wonpil’s whenever they sit next to each other, Sungjin always feel the need to have physical contact with Wonpil. 

Fortunately, his habits had rubbed on the latter, as he became the one to initiate it. He’d do the squeeze-hand-when-nervous thing to Sungjin, he’d lean his head against Sungjin’s and doze off like him, he’d bury his head in Sungjin’s chest whenever they hug, he’d move to sit closer  to Sungjin just so their knees could touch, and what took Sungjin by surprise the most, is those times where Wonpil would ask him to play with his hair until he falls asleep, usually ending with Sungjin falling asleep next to him, on the same bed, and both waking up in a tangle of limbs. Wonpil’s grin is the widest and loveliest on those mornings.

 

 

So when Sungjin sees Dowoon holding Wonpil’s hand, and the latter letting him with a smile, he sees red. No one’s allowed to take his place in Wonpil’s life, in Wonpil’s heart. His possessiveness is surfacing again and he’s afraid if he doesn’t control himself, he’d end up doing something violent to Dowoon. 

 

 

Another matter that is killing Sungjin is that Wonpil’s birthday in few days and he is really worried about him. He had promised to be by his side, just like Wonpil has been by his side during his eighteenth birthday.  But he’s yet to throw his pride away and muster the courage to apologize. 

 

He had heard from his mother that Wonpil is skipping the whole week, which means it will be easier to use the window. He doesn’t think he can deal with the disapproving looks Wonpil’s parents will surely give him if he asks to meet their son. 

 

Later on, when he opens his window, and is greeted with the sight of Dowoon tightly hugging Wonpil, and the latter hugging back, a happy smile on his lips, he regrets not using the front door. Once again, he’s too furious he can’t help the glare he sends to their direction. Wonpil meets his gaze a second before he shuts the window with full force.

 

He does regret his actions later. A lot later. Wonpil’s window is closed and the lights are off. 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

His birthday falls on a Wednesday so he skips classes for the whole week. He spends the days prior to his birthday locking himself in his room. And even though Dowoon and Brian came to keep him company after their school hours and tried to distract him as much as possible, he’s still stressed out about it. 

 

On Tuesday, they spend hours playing video games. When it’s time for them to leave, Brian gives him a comforting tap on the shoulder while Dowoon hugs him tightly, wishing him luck. Wonpil finds great comfort and warmth in Dowoon’s hold, so he hugs back as tightly to show him how much he appreciate their presence. When he finally breaks the hug, he catches sight of Sungjin closing his window with a loud thud. He doesn’t miss the heavy glare on the other’s face.

 

“What the hell is wrong with him?” Brian looks really furious and is about to say something else but Dowoon stops him.

 

 

“It’s not the time to worry about him right now.” 

 

 

Wonpil is fast to hide the reflection of sadness on his face when all the attention is back to him. He smiles reassuringly at them, “It’s okay. Don’t worry about me.”

 

 

They don’t seem that convinced and they’re reluctant when they leave. Wonpil is grateful for the care, but the only person he’d want to stay with him in a night like this, is Sungjin, and no other.  

He is disappointed to say the least, and miserable as well. He really had hoped that Sungjin will sort things between them, at least for the sake to be there for him on his birthday. Him, out of all people, knows how much Wonpil fears his eighteenth’s birthday and he had promised to be there.  Wonpil realizes that promises are made to be broken.  

 

That night, Wonpil dreams of his first time meeting Sungjin, their fight and a delicate simple leaf tattoo.

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

There’s no sign of Wonpil for the rest of the week, not in school and neither in his room. The window stays shut and the lights off and Sungjin’s past the stage of worried. He has a very bad feeling about it and aches to be by the other’s side. He even considers knocking on his window, but decides it’s the worst way and timing to apologize. Wonpil probably wants some space. He’ll come out when he’s ready.

 

Wonpil does come on Monday, and Sungjin can’t wait anymore. He writes ‘Meet me at the rooftop at lunch break. We need to talk’ on a little note it and slips it to him in the middle of class.

 

He pretends he doesn’t see when Wonpil crumps the note and throws it away. It’s probably a sign that he won’t come but Sungjin goes to the rooftop nevertheless. It’s too early to lose hope and give up. His mindset doesn’t change even when half an hour passes and still, there is no sign of the other. 

Their fight, that had happened at that exactly same spot, flashes in front of his eyes, the words he had said ringing in his ears. He regrets every single one of them. A heavy sigh escapes him as he dangles his head low, shoulders dropped in shame.

 

 

“Are you waiting for me?” 

 

 

His heart leaps from his chest as the sound of Wonpil’s voice.  His eyes finds the other’s face in a  fraction of a second, and he tries to take as much changes as he can in the next one. It’s impossible with how much different his best friend does look. Obviously, Wonpil is putting a lot effort to keep his expression blank. And frankly, he’s doing a good job, but Sungjin has known him for too long to not see beyond that facade. So he does see the sadness and anxiety in his eyes, the result of sleepless nights on his eye bags and the little angry frown between his eyebrows and at the side of his lips. But mostly, he notices the droop of his shoulders, as if Wonpil had long surrendered to his fears and demons and had let them burden him as they wish. Wonpil looks like he’s witnessed ten years of sorrow in just few weeks and it breaks Sungjin’s heart. 

 

 

‘What have I done?’

 

 

“You came.” Sungjin is still in chock, from Wonpil showing up, from Wonpil looking that different.

 

 

“Don’t misunderstand. I wasn’t coming but Dowoon and Brian insisted that I do. Something about giving you a final chance to restore what’s left of whatever this is.” Wonpil replies, and his tone is harsh, cutting. 

 

 

“I really screwed up, didn’t I?” he says with a bitter smile, “Is there even a chance for you to forgive me?” 

 

 

“I don’t remember you asking for it in the last three weeks. Probably too busy dating the love of your life. I guess that’s part of love that I don’t know about, making you forget your best friend so easily.” The amount of hurt Wonpil is feeling is showing through his facade, even though his tone is sarcastic.

 

 

There’s a long silence afterwards as Sungjin searches for what to say next. There’s so much he wants to say but his tongue isn’t cooperating. He watches as Wonpil turns to leave, taking his silence the wrong way. 

 

 

“I miss you.” It probably was the wrong thing to start with, but his desperate tone seems to succeed at stopping Wonpil from leaving. So he takes his chance to finally talk. 

 

 

“I really was a foolish jerk and I shouldn’t have said those words to you back then. I’m so sorry Wonpil-ah, I really am. You have no idea how much I regret what I did. I wanted to apologize many times but I always retreat last minute because I saw you with those two and I was scared that I got replaced by them this fast. I miss my best friend so freaking much and I will never forgive myself for losing you. Please Wonpil, I-“ Sungjin stops himself before saying the wrong thing again. It’s not the right time to say what he almost said. 
 

 

“I agree on the jerk part.” Wonpil finally speaks. When he faces Sungjin again, his eyes are watery and his expression is way softer than earlier, facade all gone. There’s no need for Sungjin to say more, because Wonpil has always been good at reading him, understanding him. He even opens his arms hesitantly, and Sungjin will be damned if he’d ever refuse Wonpil’s hug. He runs to him and wraps his hands tightly around Wonpil’s waist and let his heart explode with warmth.

 

 

He really doesn’t deserve Wonpil.

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

Things almost goes back to normal after that day. 'Almost' for the new bizarre combination at the lunch table. The inseparable Wonpil and Sungjin, the silent Brian, the dorky Dowoon, the annoying Jae and the charming Jieun. Wonpil is getting very well with Jieun, which is a relief for Sungjin. Even though he still bickers with Jae every now and then, still nothing compared to the bickering between Jae and Brian. That’s probably the only time Brian actively participates in their conversations. 

 

 

Today is Jieun’s birthday which explains the chaos around their lunch table. Jae had brought a chocolate cake, attracting a lot of hungry-for-cake students. 

 

“I was really scared, you know,” the birthday girl is immersed in telling the story of her tattoo to some of the girls who came to ask about it, “It’s really exiting though, waking up to find a tattoo somewhere on your skin. Anyways, it wasn’t very hard to find,” she says, showing them her wrist. A little dandelion tattooed there. 

“But it was really shocking, ‘cause I already know someone with an identical tattoo,” a loud gasp escaped the girls. Sungjin almost rolls his eyes. He’s hearing about it for the hundredth time since morning, and somehow, whoever hears her story story, they react in the same way.

 

 

“He’s my best friend of ten years. He goes to another school so you don’t know him. Anyways, as soon as I saw it, I called him and he came to meet me right away. It was the most romantic morning of my life, yet. “ she ended with a playful wink, and Sungjin does roll his eyes this time. 

 

 

He catches Wonpil’s worried eyes fixed on him. It doesn’t cross his mind why until they’re alone later in his room that Wonpil asks, “Are you okay?” 

 

 

Sungjin sits up and frowns in confusion, “Yeah, why? Is there a reason for me not to be okay?”

 

 

“Jieun finding her soulmate?” Wonpil tries to sound irritated by his friend’s density, yet the concern is still obvious.

 

 

“Oh that,” he smiles sheepishly, “As much as I hate to admit it, but you were right about my feelings for her. I only see her as a friend now.” 

 

 

He expects an ‘I told you so!’ from his best friend, but Wonpil just stays still on the end on the bed, looking pensive, which he seems to do a lot lately. It gets Sungjin worried every single time.

 

 

“So what now? Are you going to spend your life moving from a crush to another? Aren’t you even curious about your soulmate?” Wonpil finally meets his eyes, a mysterious shadow on his face. A shadow of fear, concern and sadness.

Sungjin hates that question to no end, especially when it comes from Wonpil’s lips. Because yes, he is going to spend the rest of his life moving from a crush to another, in hope of getting over the only person he’s ever loved, and no, he’s not the least curious about his soulmate if it’s not going to be that person. That person being Wonpil.

 

 

But he can’t tell him that, will never do. So he sticks to a more discreet answer, one on the best-friend level.

 

“What happened with Jieun had opened my eyes about something,” He makes sure to hold Wonpil’s gaze as he speaks, “No matter who I like or how much I like them, you’ll always be my priority, my number one. I can never risk ruining our friendship, ever again. Soulmates, friends, crushes and dates means nothing to me. You, Kim Wonpil, are more important than anyone else.” 

 

 

Sungjin wanted to remind Wonpil how important he is to him, that he deserves to be that important. However, the reaction he gets is like nothing he had expected.  Wonpil’s face darkens even more, then he averts his eyes, nods and resumes his hard thinking. It’s weird and worrisome and Sungjin can’t even think of what would make his best friend that down and silent. 

 

 

A long moment of thick silence passes with Sungjin thinking about the possible reasons for Wonpil’s mood. He guesses that it may have something to do with his soulmate tattoo that he’s yet to see. He meant to approach the subject since they’ve reconciled but been hesitant. Now seems like a good chance.

 

 

“I know it’s kind of late, I was kind of waiting for you to tell me about it first, but I’m done waiting. I mean, I feel betrayed that I wasn’t the first to see it, since your family, Dowoon and Brian probably had seen it first, but we weren’t talking at the time, and it was my fault so I let it go. But we’ve reconciled weeks ago and you still didn’t bring it up so I’m kind of bitter about it.” 

 

 

He knows he’s blabbering and Wonpil is confused so he finally blurts out, “I’m asking about your tattoo.”

 

 

Wonpil visibly stiffens and Sungjin swears something keen to fear passes his features before the blank facade is back. The tension is unbearable as he waits for his friend’s answer. When it comes, he regrets asking, as much as he regrets not asking sooner.

 

 

“There’s nothing to show. Neither to you, nor to anyone else.” 

 

 

Before Sungjin can ask what they youngest meant by his words, Wonpil cuts him by the ugly truth, “I don’t have a tattoo.”

 

 

Sungjin feels like crying, because he had never expected this. Wonpil, his Wonpil, the closest person to his heart, not having a tattoo, not having a soulmate. It breaks his heart. If there’s anyone in this world that deserves a soulmate, it’s Wonpil. Because he is the kind of guy who dreams about soulmates, who’ll take them on dates under the night sky and long walks on the beach, who’ll give them gifts without occasions, who’ll cuddle them on the couch while binge watching a drama. Wonpil is the kind of guy to love someone unconditionally and without waiting for anything in return. So if anyone deserves the alleged unconditional love of a soulmate, it’s Wonpil and no one else. 

Sungjin thinks that somehow it’s his fault. The countless times he wished for Wonpil to be his soulmate, or no one’s. And how he wasn’t there when Wonpil had woken up without a tattoo, a time his friend had needed him the most. He can’t even imagine how much Wonpil has been and will keep on suffering because of it. Sungjin feels as guilty as hell.

 

 

With eyes casted downward, he slides closer to the youngest and timidly tugs on his sleeve, “I’m sorry.” 

 

 

“Why do you have to be sorry? Sungjin look at me.” 

 

 

When the said boy lifts his head, he’s greeted by Wonpil’s warm smile. “See? I’m fine. I’ve long accepted my fate. There’s no need for the long face.” 

 

 

Wonpil’s smile doesn’t falter, but it doesn’t reach his eyes either. Sungjin can clearly see past it. Wonpil’s heart is broken, he’s sure of that. But he knows also that his best friend hates to be pitied, so he tries to let it go, at least for the moment. So when Wonpil says, “Think about it, I’m bound to none. I can already see the envy in your face. You’re jealous, right?” 

 

 

He nods and chuckles. Inside though, he’s bleeding for Wonpil. 

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

The days passes in a flash when it comes to graduation and college entrance exams and it’s already the summer break. Wonpil is exhausted and wants nothing but to relax before university starts. Fortunately, all of his friends managed to get in the same university, which is great. They’ll be living in the same dorms as well, so they’ll most likely be inseparable until graduation. He still can’t decide if sharing a room with Sungjin is a good idea. It’s inevitable, seriously, but he’ll have to live with it. 

 

It’ll be a lie to say he’s over him. If anything, he’s more in love than ever, and it’s tearing him apart. Sungjin has been sweeter than ever. Wonpil can’t decide if it’s because of their fight or the tattoo thing. Both ways, whatever he does is genuinely coming from his heart. It’s getting harder for Wonpil to keep his feelings to himself. Everyday is a day closer to the edge and he’s afraid of free falling, especially in front of Sungjin. Like the latter, he can’t think of a life without him, because Sungjin takes a big share of his life, of his past and present. So no, he can’t think of a future without him. He’s done everything to keep him by his side and he won’t allow his emotions to break what he worked so hard for. 

 

 

Wonpil is stronger than that.

 

 

“Pili-ah!” Sungjin calls from downstairs, “Brian will be here in a minute. Are you ready?” 

 

 

“Yeah yeah, just a minute.”

 

 

Wonpil stuffs the rest of his clothes in his suitcase and puts on his sunglasses. Brian has invited them to his parents’ beach house, and who are they to deny such an invitation. A whole house just for them for two whole weeks? That’s just paradise. Wonpil thinks it’s the best opportunity to destress before college.

 

 

Sungjin is already in the driver’s seat when he gets to the car. “You’re driving?” he asks as he takes the back seat next to Brian.

 

 

“Well, my father only accepted to let me go when I assured him that Sungjin will be the one driving. He’s got no confidence in my driving skills,” Brian answers.

 

 

“Neither do I dude. At least your father is a rational one.”

 

 

Brian shoots Jae a death glare, “You better keep your mouth shut or I’ll throw you in the middle of nowhere.”

 

 

Wonpil is sure Jae mumbles something under his breath but Brian chooses to ignore it or doesn’t hear it. Either ways, it’s for the best. They’re like fire and oil, will cause an explosion if they interact. Another reason for him to dread their vacation as much as he anticipates it.

 

 

The beach house is huge, with a great sea view. They insist that Sungjin is the one to share a room with Jae, since he’s the only one who can deal with him. Wonpil is glad he didn’t have to pair with any of them, and Dowoon is a great roommate. Sungjin seems to be the only one unhappy with the pairings but says nothing, just sends some death glares to Dowoon. 

Wonpil is just hoping his best friend won’t lose his mind in the next two weeks.

 

 

In just the first week, they explored every possible restaurant and food stand in the town, spent hours every day swimming, held three different beach volleyball championships, made a late night barbecue party, gone fishing once, diving twice and camped for a night.

They did end up with a few incidents though. Dowoon got a severe sunburn after falling asleep on the beach while suntanning. Brian accidentally knocked Jae out with the volleyball a few times. Wonpil sprained his ankle when they went hiking, so the others had to take turns piggybacking him the whole way back. And Sungjin  had to suffer the aftermath of everything. 

He had to drive miles away to buy Dowoon an ointment for his burns, had to endure Jae’s complaints about Brian intentionally hitting him, had to drive miles away again to buy bandages for Wonpil’s ankle, had to convince Brian to stop hitting Jae with the ball… 

 

 

It was a long week for him. He’s wondering how he’s going to go through another week with such a bunch of troublemakers.

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

“This time we’re going to win, for sure!” Jae grits his teeth and throws the ball over the net. 

 

 

Sungjin, being on the opposite team, pities him. In all of their games, the guy has never been on the winning team. It’s obvious by now that Brian’s team is alway the winning one. Except for the time he paired with Jae. That one game was a disaster. Anyways, Jae’s obviously getting desperate, hitting the ball as hard as he can, as far as he can. This time, he throws it particularly hard and it ends up in the sea. 

 

 

“I’ll get it!” Wonpil runs after it, since he’s the closest to it.  He gets into the water and swims towards the ball. The waves are particularly strong today so they take it further from him.  Sungjin is getting anxious as he watches Wonpil still going after the ball. 

 

 

“Wonpil forget about it and come back!” he cries when his friend is almost neck deep into the water.

 

 

Said boy hears him and is obviously now trying to swim back, but the waves are still pulling him deeper. Sungjin suddenly remembers Wonpil’s still healing ankle, and realizes that the other is already a toy in the hands of the merciless waves. 

 

 

“!” he swears as he dives into the water without further waiting. He swims as fast as he can towards his best friend, feeling every second passing by, every movement his body makes. It’s a matter of life or death. 

 

 

When he finally reaches him, Wonpil has already passed out, body completely submerged and drowning deeper. Sungjin is grateful when he notices that a life guard had followed him and together they drag the unconscious boy back to safety. 

 

As soon as they lay him on the sand, the lifeguard tries to wake Wonpil up, but there’s no reaction from him and Sungjin is already a trembling mess. He feels like Wonpil is already slipping away from him, like he’s going to lose him right then and there and he can’t do a thing about it. He hates that sensation. 

 

He watches silently as Brian calls the local emergency, as the rest of his friends gather around, worried and panicked. He watches as the lifeguard trie to revive Wonpil, a compression after another, as Wonpil is still laying unresponsive.  

 

After what feels like an eternity later, Wonpil gasps loudly and then starts coughing water. And Sungjin feels like he’s the one who’s been denied oxygen, the one who’s finally breathing again. He hears his friends sighing in relief. Someone breaks down crying even.

 

 

“He’s still unconscious though. We need to move him to the hospital.” The lifeguard notes.

 

 

“The ambulance is on its way,” Brian says and the man nods.

 

 

During the time the ambulance took to reach them and for them to reach the hospital, Sungjin doesn’t let go of Wonpil’s hand, doesn’t utter a single world.

His heart is still beating like crazy even though the doctor had assured him that Wonpil is out of danger and will need to rest for the night. Yet, he still can’t calm himself. 

 

 

They say you never know how precious a person is until you lose them. The problem is, Sungjin has always known how precious Wonpil is, how much he loves him. He just didn’t know how easy it was to lose him. Until he almost did. Twice.

But losing him because of a fight is almost nothing compared to losing him completely, because of death.

 

If he has been any second late or the lifeguard hasn’t been there, it could’ve happened. Sungjin doesn’t want to dwell on the possibilities, but he feels like if he doesn’t hold Wonpil, doesn’t feel his pulse under his fingertips, he’ll disappear. 

 

 

“Why don’t you go back and rest? The nurse said the shot will keep him asleep for the whole night,” Dowoon suggests with a concerned look. 
 

 

Sungjin, never tearing his eyes from Wonpil’s peaceful face, and holding his hand firmly, shakes his head stubbornly. He’s yet to say a word since the rescue. Dowoon sighs in defeat.

 

 

“Let him be. He’s still in shock. We can’t force him to do anything.”  Jae whispers to him.

 

 

Just then, Brian comes in with a bag in his hand, “I’ve brought you dry clothes and some food. At least change so you won’t catch a cold and eat something.” 

 

 

He hears them but doesn’t reply, so they only sigh again. His eyes though, follow Brian as he cautiously removes Wonpil’s damp shirt, uses a wet towel to clean his skin from the salty water and sand, then slips a dry tee on him. He does the same for his shorts, while Dowoon starts working on his swollen ankle. Sungjin is thankful for his friends for taking care of Wonpil when he’s in such a helpless state and can’t do it himself.

Dowoon’s “Oh!” catches their attention. The hand holding the wet towel is stopped midair, his eyes flicking from Wonpil’s ankle to their faces in panic. Worried, Sungjin is the first to move to see what’s wrong. The towel has skin-colored dirt, something similar to foundation? When he moves his gaze to Wonpil’s inner ankle, he sees it. A very small, very simple, very beautiful, very familiar tattoo. And suddenly, he feels claustrophobic and feels the need to go away.

 

 

He snatches the car’s keys and bolts out of the room. Brian catches him when he’s trying to turn the engine on, hands too shaking the keys slips few times from them.

 

 

“It’s okay. I’ll drive you home.”

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wonpil wakes up from a lovely dream to his worst nightmares. He senses the tension in the room as soon as he meets his friends’ faces and notices the missing one. Jae tries to distract him with his banter. Dowoon is quieter than usual and doesn’t meet his eyes. Brian is better at hiding his worry, still not that good. Sungjin is not there.

 

 

“Now that I’ve eaten and taken my meds, can you tell me what’s going on with you? Where’s Sungjin?” 

 

 

Everyone avert their eyes, avoiding his. “Dowoon-ah.” he calls sweetly, getting the easiest target, “You tell me.”

 

 

The said boy visibly panics, and then he just bursts crying.

 

 

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to do it! I really didn’t know!” his words are barely understandable between his hiccups and sobs.

 

 

Wonpil panics and mouths ‘help me’ to the other two. Jae rubs Dowoon’s back and tries to calm him. Brian, however, is the one to break it to him, telling him about what happened when he was unconscious. 

 

He feels that he’s been dumped in an icy frozen lake. A rush of cold racks through his body before he’s gone completely numb. Too many emotions are rushing through him all at once that he isn’t sure what he’s feeling anymore. There’s betrayal at first. It’s not Dowoon he’s blaming for this mess, but his ill fate. He knows that he’s bound to suffer, but he’s somehow believed he’ll be able to hide his secret longer. Fate couldn’t be that generous to him. 

Then comes the fear, because Sungjin now he knows about it, has seen it. And now they’ll have to talk about it. Wonpil is not ready to the disappointment in Sungjin’s face, the heart-breaking words he’ll have to hear. Wonpil fears the next few days to no end. 

The rest is a rollercoaster of sadness, grief, relief, burden, disappointment, hope,… 

 

 

To sum it all, Wonpil is a mess.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

“You should talk to him.” 

 

 

Jae says while they’re chilling in the veranda. It’s been two days since he was discharged from the hospital. Almost three days since he’s last seen Sungjin. The latter has been locking himself in his room, refusing to leave his bed or even eat. It makes everyone worried.

In order to give him space, Jae has moved to Brian’s room. The three have been tiptoeing around the matter, now that they know about Wonpil’s tattoo. Obviously they want to give them both some time to sort their thoughts, even though it’s getting really depressing for a summer vacation. Even Dowoon is still blaming himself, no matter how many times Wonpil has assured him that he’s not mad and it’s not his fault. 

 

 

“You can’t avoid each other forever. And might as well grow some balls and tell him that you love him.” Jae adds.

 

 

And Wonpil knows that. It’s unavoidable. His stalling will just make it more painful, for both of them.  He’s still got no courage to do it.

 

 

“Jae’s right though. You should talk to him asap.” Brian adds, and that’s a miracle.

 

 

“Did you just agree with me? You never agree with me!” Surprise is written all over Jae’s face, “I feel fluttered.” 

 

 

Brian averts his eyes, the tip of his ears getting redder by the moment,“You said something that makes sense for once.” Surprisingly, his tone is soft rather than the usual snappy tone he talks to Jae with. 

 

 

Jae jumps from his chair and points a finger at Brian, “AHUH! Gotcha! Now you’ll have to go on a date with me!” 

 

 

There’s shock, confusion, then embarrassment on Brian’s face before he speaks again, “Why would I do that?”

 

 

“You said that on our first day here,” Dowoon is the one to reply, “The day Jae’s words make sense, I’ll take him on a date.” he finishes in what must be his best Brian’s voice impression.

 

 

And now Brian’s face is as red as a tomato. He’s still trying to act as indifferent as possible though, “Is that so? Then we’ll go to that lobster place tonight. Be ready at 7.” 

 

 

‘What the did just happen?’ Wonpil thinks. Because, Jae and Brian are going on a date. Brian did stutter even.

 

 

Wonpil decides since it’s a day for miracles, then maybe, just maybe, his conversation with Sungjin won’t turn out that bad. So in the spur of the moment, and while he’s gathered enough determination, he decides to give his best friend a visit, and probably talk. Definitely.

 

 

When he enters, the room is dimmed, the thick curtains drawn down. The bits of sunlight passing through cracks are what shaping the lump on the bed.

 

 

“Sungjin,” he calls softly, afraid of startling him.

 

 

The said boy stirs slightly, before he finally peaks from  under the covers. Even in the poor light, the red rims and heavy bags under his eyes, and his sunken cheeks are very visible. Wonpil can feel his heartache worsening, he’s never meant to cause that much hurt to his best friend, to the love of his life.

 

 

“How are you feeling?” he asks, feeling stupid.

 

 

“I’m fine. A little bit sleepy, that’s all.” 

 

 

Wonpil wants to cry at how weak Sungjin sounds. He needs to talk to him and end his misery already.

 

 

“I’ll get straight to the point then,” he tries to swallow the lump in his throat, “You’ve seen it.” 

 

 

The tension those simple words create is tangible, can be cut through with a knife. Sungjin nods and averts his eyes, avoiding Wonpil’s eyes. It only makes it harder for him to talk.

 

 

 

“Then you’re probably wondering why I lied.” 

 

 

Another nod.

 

 

“I did it for myself. I didn’t want you to know. Not that soon, at least.” 

 

 

Sungjin finally looks at him. He’s confused.

 

“You don’t believe in soulmates.” he states, and Sungjin looks like he wants to say something, so he cuts him, “I didn’t think I’d be able to bear with the rejection. I still don’t think I can, but it’s unavoidable now. There’s nothing for you to feel guilty about, it’s my responsibility. Keeping it hidden is the best thing to do,” his gaze is fixed on the bedsheets, afraid of meeting the other’s eyes. It’s taking him all of his will not cry as he finishes talking, “I will keep it hidden. So let’s forget about it and not mention it ever again.” 

 

 

After a long moment of silence, Sungjin finally speaks, but it’s not what Wonpil has expected. It’s a question. 

 

 

“Do you love me?”

 

 

Wonpil gives a humorless chuckle, “Am I not that obvious? God after all theses years and you still can’t see it?” He takes a deep breath, deciding he’s got nothing more to lose. 

 

“I’ve been in love with you for more than my memory can ever go. I can’t even think of when it started. Do you even know how much I dreamt and dreaded my 18th birthday? Because if my tattoo didn’t match yours, my heart will always be yours. Because even if my tattoo matched yours, you’ll never be mine. So I’m sorry for being a selfish soulmate who didn’t want you to see their tattoo. I’m sorry that I’m ruining our friendship because of that!!” 

 

 

His breathing is erratic and his whole is body is trembling, hot tears finally spilling. He’s suddenly engulfed in a warm embrace. Sungjin’s. He tries to push him away, but the other’s hold is strong, so he just burry his face in his chest and cries his heart out. He can feel Sungjin’s sobs too, the wetness on his shoulder and the ‘I’m sorry’s and ‘I love you’s spoken like a mantra.  He stays there until he calms down and his sobs subside.

 

 

“I’m sorry.” Sungjin says one last time, “I really love you.” 

 

 

“Stop saying it like you mean it!” Wonpil is feeling angry again as he finally pushes him away, “I don’t want your pity!” he stands up and turns to leave. 

 

 

Before he takes more than one step away, two arms wrap themselves around his torso, a chest pressed to his back and Sungjin’s chin resting on his shoulder.

 

 

“A long time ago, I used to believe in soulmates. Then, one day, I realized that I love you, that my whole existence revolves around you and there’s no place of another in between us. But what were the chances of us being soulmates? what were the chances of you loving me, really?” he chuckles bitterly, “That’s when I decided to stop believing in soulmates. Cause for me, it’s either you or no one else. I buried my feelings deep, deep dow, just to keep you by my side, to never ruin our friendship. But even then, I almost lost you.” his voice cracks and his hold on Wonpil tightens as if afraid he’ll disappear. 

 

He then takes a deep breath and resumes talking, “I hate myself, for making you suffer all alone for so long, for making you take such a hard decision for a jerk like me. don’t deserve you. I’ll never do. I’m sorry Wonpil.” he breaks down again, burying his face in Wonpil’s back. 

 

 

Wonpil is crying silently, for himself, for Sungjin, for being the idiots they are. 

 

 

“Thank you for staying alive,” Sungjin says between broken sobs, “Never let go of me, please. I need you.”

 

 

Wonpil turns around, Sungjin’s arms still firmly encircling his waist in a tight hold. Their foreheads are plastered together and noses barely touching, Wonpil’s hands are cupping Sungjin’s face, his thumbs wiping away his tears. He sees how vulnerable Sungjin is and how all of his happiness is depending on just one single one word from him. He’s not intending to let him wait any longer. 

 

 

“I won’t let go, I promise. I love you, you idiot.” He then seals his words with a kiss. 

 

 

It’s soft and loving and everything they’d ever want their first kiss to be. For the first time in ever, they truly feel complete. Long lost pieces finally found and connected. Or maybe they’ve found each other a long time ago, just took them too long to connect, to realize that they’re bound to be together, that they’re the one to each other. 

 

They forget about  the passing time while in each other’s arms. After too much yearning, it seems impossible to separate. So they spend the rest of the day between hugging, kissing and just holding each other, the physical contact comforting and reassuring. Somewhere between midnight and dawn, they fall asleep with Wonpil’s head resting on Sungjin’s chest, listening to his steady heartbeat, soft fingers playing with his hair. Even though they only get to sleep for a couple of hours before their friends barge into their room, they both secretly agree that it’s the best sleep they’ve ever had. 

Sleeping and waking up to each other’s content smiles everyday is their idea of heaven.

 

(Of course minus the loud shriek of Jae, the muttered ‘ing finally!’ of Brian and Dowoon’s ‘Can I call him your boyfriend now?’).

 

 

- FIN -

---

 

Congratulations if you’ve made it this far!! Tell me what you think in the comments. THANK YOU <3