Receiving an invitation to the wedding is enough to bring all the feelings that  thought I bury deep inside to come back to me. To go or not to go was never the question here. I need to come, I must. I guess providing a closure to both of us, more for you than me. I tale a deep breath of the air I once breath everyday. Here I go.

The reception is beautiful. The church is decorated so that it refelected both the bride and groom, I guess. Knowing only you, I can definitely your personality in architechture of the chosen venue. Even the calm environment by the country side really scream you. I smiles. The chosen white Lily and Carnation must be the bride's touch than for the wedding. 

Even the Sun are smiling for the wedding, I thought bitterly.

Not even the Mother Nature sympathise with my feeling. The heaviness in my heart. Eventhough it is true that I was the one who let you go, it did not help to curb my jealousy from bubbling up. But the cherry smile your mother flashes at me as she sees me tame it down a little. She directly takes me into her warm embrace. Her smell really make me wan to cry, feeling comforted in her arm. Just like I used to.

'Thank you Minghao for coming today. Aunty haven't seen you for such a long time. Where have you been?' she ask, not aware of the storm inside of me.

'Been a little busy since my father past away,' I answer instead of , I don't think I can let my feeling for your son go if I stay by his side, not that being away helps at all.

'By the way my mother send Aunty her regards, said sorry she couldn't come along,' as I pass her the Souvenire that I bring along.

I answer a few more of her question before politely retreat to go to the groom's room. Even from outside I can sense the happiness permeating from inside the room. I can hear your significant laughter. It echoes deeply into my soul. I records it in my heart, scares that I might blatantly show the effect you have on me.

Please, I beg my heart, don't fail me now.

Bracing myself, I knock on the wooden door. I honestly can't tell if my knock is louder than my heartbeat. It sounded so loud to me. After announcing my presence, I enter the room. Unluckily for my heart, there you stand by the window, looking like an angel as you adjusted the lapel of your jacket. All eyes are now on me.

'Hi guys,' I say coolly to our group of friends that is also in the room. 'Congrats Jun,' as I extends my hand to him.

He tilts his head cutely, just as I remembered only he could do, looking at my extended hand before taking me into his embrace.

'What the heck with the handshake Minghao,' he said quitely into my ear as he tighten his embrace.

I inhales the smell that I once associate with home and safety when my father would get home drunk. Eventhough we never discussed about my bruises he seem to know what happen in our small household. In school when the other kids were wary of my presence as the new kids that came in the middle of the schooling semester, he extended his hand of friendship. He brought me into his close circle of friends. Not the one that he barely know that he attract due to friendliness , but the ones that he trusts with his life. 

When he wanted to bring me to meet them, I was so nervous cause I was not sure if he would ditch me if his friends don't like me. But my Worries was unwarranted. Our meeting was anticlimatic. They welcome me like an old friends that had gone away for quite some time. Adapting me into their circle of friend and quickly became my circle of friends. But of course the title of best friend still belong to him. I still remember the night that he adressed the issue.

We were at his home, watching some movie after a day hanging around with our friends. I felt his uneasiness in his movement as we watched the movie climbing into .

'You are disturbing my enjoyment wahtching the movie,'

'Sorry...'he said quitely.

I sighed and paused the movie. 'What's wrong Jun?' giving him all of my attention but patiently waiting as he built his courage.

'Iamyourbestbestestfriendright?,'he fired while fiddling with the remote.'What?' I asked confuse.

'I am your best bestest friend right?' he asked with more confident as he looked at me.

Looking at his determined face, I laughed. That's the question that I should you, idiot

Instead of that, 'Of course you dumb head. Is that all?' Not waiting for his reply, I replayed the movies. Not that I could remember the movie for the life me, but that night is strongly printed my memories,  I don't think I could ever forget.

I usually dismissed hie inquiries about the wound and bruises on me when he asked about it. But it didn't deter him from still befriending me and trying to make me forget whatever happen there. Most of the time we would sit quitely in his room as he treated my wound. He would even cry for the sadness that I had inside of me but unable to express it. Sometime I cried along, not for me, but for the facts that I made him cry.

Don't cry for my sake anymore.. Please...

For that I am thankful. His friendship and warmth, when the world is too cold for me. That's why I can't betray the only last anchor I had at that time.

'I guess I have forgotten, how you really enjoy skinship Jun,' I said cheekily to avoid from being embarassed.

'That cause you haven't been here enough,' said Jun scandalously.

'Hopefully you didn't miss me too much then,' the rest of our members just laugh at our Attic.

'You're the one who should miss me more,' huffs Jun

Should I really?

Doesn't want to continue my cold and distance Chararde I laugh out loud. Some of the tension dissipate from my body. I greet and hug the rest of the members. We were chased out by the wedding planer as we are too loud. All of us head to our designated seats and continue to catch up with our life. Basically them telling me all about their life and them asking me about my plus one. Which is nonexistance.

The ceremony was beautiful. All of us cried as we saw Sungcheol's bride walking down the aisle towards him. The first guy from our circle to get married. The way they look at each other make me jealous of what they have and the celebration they recieved from the people around them. Something I could never have. He smiled proudly towards us as he introduces the love of his life to us, now as his wife. She is now a part of us. Leaving the couple to enjoy the rest of the night, the rest of us continue our festivity at our usual shop, with obviously more beer and soju.

As the day grew into late night, all of us are simply to tired or drunk with the celebration. Being one of the barely sober ones, I settle the bill as Vernon and Jun arrange the taxi for the rest of the members. I help to clean the room that we rented to somewhat acceptable condition. When I exit the shop, I become somewhat sober as the cold air hit me in the face. I scroll my phone to find the next connection back home.

'Where are you sleeping tonight?'

'! You scared me Jun,' I hissed at him. He was standing at the entrance with his hands in his pockets. He simply shrugs.

'Not my fault that you are easily scared Minghao. So my question, where are you sleeping tonight?'

'I am not sleeping here tonight. I'm going back home tonight.'

'Is there even train this late at night?' he asks as he peers to my phone screen.

The result of my search shows that the latest train is going to be in the next 3 hours. I sigh. 

'I guess I have to wait quite some time for the train. No biggies,' I said as I imagine the coldness that going to accompany me as I wait.

'Just sleep at my house,' not waiting for my answer Jun drags me in the direction of his house. He ignores my protest that I don't want to disturb his parents. 

'They're not home,' he lets my hand go when he sees that I have discard my intention to take the night train.

As we walk in the night, I feel Jun's hand as he took my hand into his. The warmth spreading the the point of our connection to my whole body.

'I miss this, Minghao,' he said as he squeeze my hand, as if trying to tell that it is reality. 'Sometimes I wonder if I did something wrong that causes you to severe all our connection..'

'It is not your fault Jun!' I quickly interfere looking into his eyes, trying to emphasise my point. Ignoring me, he continue.

'I wonder if you could see right through me, my feeling for you...I tried so hard to hide it from you but you still leave me so it is better if I tell you'

what? 

What?

WHAT?? Tears falls from my eyes, blinding me from seeing him temporarily.

''I love you' he said as he pull me into his embrace.' Don't cry Minghao,' as he pats my back, trying to sooth me. I cry harder in his embrace.