I. Liking

Donghae had met Hyukjae one sunny morning. He could recall the nervousness that flooded inside of his chest as soon as he woke up, remembering that this is it, that was the day that he was heading to SM entertainment to be a trainee. Although this hadn’t been his first option, he had always wanted to be a football player, he couldn’t help but to be extremely proud of himself, for having passed the audition, and excited at the same time for the newness of it all.

That morning their parents praised him, proud of having him as a son, and Donghwa had even gifted him some clothes to take with him and to stop looking like an ‘unsuccessful rapper’ he had said.

The building was intimidating to say the least, with polished floors and white walls and full of eyes that looked at him with curiosity, wanting to know who that new boy was. He heard the mumbles and had seen the stares from multiple of people, ‘how long do you think he’s going to last?’ ‘he looks scared, probably a month’ they had said and he tried to paid them no mind.

People always talked about how hard it was to be a trainee and how much they had to work every day of every week to even been able to be in the list of the possible new members of the next group going to debut. Of course, this wasn’t common knowledge, at least not at the time, they were just mostly rumors and eager fans usually brushed aside the comments about music companies being too harsh on their beloved idols.

Despite all that, Donghae decided not to form opinions just yet until he could experience everything on his own. He was scared, of course, he usually cried easily and loved sharing his opinions and feelings out loud to anyone who would listen like every person from Mokpo usually did, and if this place was as harsh as he they had said, he decided to brace himself for the prospect of having his heart broken at least a couple of times. The people from Seoul was different, way colder and close minded in a lot of aspects, but from an early age he understood that he couldn’t let that affect him, and so far it never did.

He met a lot of different people once he entered the company and all of them seemed incredibly nice and fun to hang out with but there was one in particular with which he clicked right away. Lee Hyukjae. The scrawny weird looking boy who had the most adorable gummy smile and single-lidded eyes. ‘Call me Eunhyuk, though’ he had said ‘once I’m famous I don’t want to be confused with the comedian’, and Donghae laughed and decided that he liked him.

II. Fondness

Being a trainee was hard, what people said was true, but he still loved it nonetheless. There was challenge and the fact that they were all working hard to get to the top of the ladder gave him more passion which was his driving force every time he felt like giving up.

He had made acquaintances easily, but it was difficult to make friends, not because he didn’t like the other boys and girls but because there were so many that he hardly shared classes with them twice. Still, he managed to have conversations with them during breaks or every time he would encounter a familiar face on the halls of the buildings, but it was difficult yet to get pass the ‘how are you doing with your classes’ question. At least, he found out that all of them were struggling just as he was, especially now that school had started again.

Out of them all, Eunhyuk was the easier to talk to. He was always making jokes and hiding his smile behind his hands, and Donghae, not being yet as talktative as he was, just laughed and enjoyed his presence. Eunhyuk lowered his head every time someone praised him for his dancing or rapper skills and would ask them to stop, and Donghae didn’t understand why he was being so modest, ‘you’re really good’ he assured him ‘why do you always brush it off?’ he asked and learned something about Eunhyuk that he wasn’t expecting. He had low self-esteem.

Eunhyuk considered himself good enough to be among the rest of the trainees or to even be a dancer later on, but he didn’t think that he could ever be able to excel. Donghae had frowned at the time, and realized that that thought never had crossed his mind when he came for the audition. He only wanted to make his father happy and at the same time, he wanted to be able to dance and sing because he liked it, but he never wondered if he would be able to catch people’s attention, neither he wanted it.

What surprised him the most was that Eunhyuk thought that he wouldn’t be able to do that, although Donghae was used to see people’s faces mesmerized by his dancing skills every time he would glance away from Eunhyuk’s frame to see their reactions. He was surprised that he didn’t know that he was already excelling and people were already interested in him. Donghae decided that he should be the one to help him understand.

III. Friendship

One month after their debut, Donghae felt like giving up. It wasn’t the first time that he had felt the urge to just run away and go back to his normal life, but this time the urge had came back with a force and he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to keep on doing it.

He was tired, he felt the pressure, he couldn’t stand the attention, he wanted to go back to Mokpo and forget that all of this actually happened. He was happy at the same time, of course, he had debuted with some of the most amazing guys that he had met on his days as a trainee besides Yunho and Changmin, but the fear on his chest was way too heavy to try to ignore it. So he went to Leeteuk, because he was their leader and he needed to explain.

Leeteuk listened to him and although he had been shocked and terrified when he heard Donghae’s wishes to leave, he reassured him and told him that he wasn’t the only one that was feeling this way. That even though all of them were excited and couldn’t quite contain their eagerness to see what the future had in store for them, the sentiment of all of this being ‘too much’ was present and it felt like he was just waiting to see whose resolution was going to snap first. He couldn’t let that happen, not only because he was the leader and had the responsibility to hold the group together, but also because they were like dominos. If one of them left, then the rest would follow and the group would stumble to pieces before they could even start.

Although the pressure was now even bigger than before, Donghae did feel relieved knowing that he wasn’t the only one feeling like this and that maybe he just needed to hold on and wait for everything to settle, and for him to get used to this new reality that was going to be his life until who knows when. Until he read the comments on the internet and snapped.

He was crying alone in his room when Eunhyuk found him and asked him what was wrong. Donghae at first didn’t know if he should tell him because the other boy wasn’t immune to critics, quite the contrary, even though he always tried to see nonchalant about it. Eunhyuk insisted and then told him that he didn’t need to tell him if he didn’t want to, but that he could trust him. So Donghae did. He told him that he had read mean comments that only fueled his desire to escape. And Eunhyuk understood.

“I want to run away, too“, he confessed, “this is too much and I don’t think I can meet everyone’s expectations“. Donghae felt his heart clenching because he was feeling the exact same thing. "But you know what? We’re way too strong to give up now. We have what is necessary to be successful and we’re going to do it. And we’re going to travel and share our music with every corner of the continent. Or even the world“. Donghae decided that he wanted that.

Later, when Kibum and Hangeng left, Eunhyuk looked at him and mouthed ‘you’re still strong’, and the domino effect ended there.

IV. Protectiveness.

They were on the van coming back from filming the music video for Mr. Simple and having so much fun that Donghae wondered how could have he even thought about leaving a few years back. Obviously, the road hadn’t been easy, not even one bit, but still he would’ve regretted it as soon as he’d left the dorms. He loved every single one of the members that even thinking about it he could feel tears forming in his eyes. Until he heard something that had always bothered him, and also didn’t quite understand, but that lately he had found more and more annoying.

“-I’m not the ugliest, Eunhyuk-ah is“, Shindong said and everyone, but Donghae, laughed in agreement. Eunhyuk lowered his head and smiled sadly, mumbling a soft ‘aish’.

“The monkey“, Heechul said and this time Eunhyuk yelled “yah, I don’t look like a monkey“ half-heartedly and everyone laughed again.

“That’s true, Eunhyuk is more of a hybrid between a monkey and an anchovy“, Kyuhyun added and Siwon high-fived him while he laughed picturing said hybrid.

“He’s handsome, though“, Donghae commented and everyone laughed again.

“Yah, Lee Donghae, I thought we were friends“, Eunhyuk said shaking his head.

“I’m serious“, Donghae said. This joke about Eunhyuk’s looks had been going on even since their days as trainees. At first, Donghae had thought that they were teasing him because he looked skinny and puberty was about to hit, so every one of them looked weird with random spots of hair on their faces, and voices that were too low one second and the next they were incredibly high pitched to go low once more. So he brushed it off. But then the joke continued and suddenly it wasn’t funny anymore.

The fans had said that he was the ugliest member, other people said it too, especially the members, and even though Donghae still thought that it was just an ongoing joke that he couldn’t really understand, he later found out that people actually felt that way. And he was even more confused. To his eyes, Eunhyuk had never been ugly. He admitted that he was even better looking now than when he met him, but still.

“You’re saying that because he’s your friend“, Shindong said and Donghae felt annoyed.

“No, I’m not. I think he’s good looking“, he said and Eunhyuk told him to please stop. “Why?“ Donghae asked seriously and everyone started laughing and teasing him about trying to be nice to his friend and Eunhyuk blushed and decided to not to join the conversation any longer. A few moments later the topic was dropped and they started making fun of Yesung’s hair but even then, Donghae still couldn’t shake the feeling of protectiveness that he had developed over his best friend.

V. Closeness

The sun was warm on his face and the rustling of the cup of the threes outside made him feel even calmer than he already was. He buried his face on the pillow a little deeper and sighed contentedly, enjoying the fact that he could be in bed for a little longer, before someone, probably Leeteuk hyung, would come to ask him to get up. He stood there for a few minutes until he heard someone opening the door slowly.

He remained still, though, with his eyes closed, and pretended to be asleep to try to allure his intruder to leave him alone at least ten more minutes. But he realized his plan had failed when someone laid next to him and got under the covers. He wondered for a second who could that be until he felt arms encircling his waist from behind and the scent of the other man invaded his nostrils.

Eunhyuk.

They stood there for a moment, enjoying the warmth and how peaceful this morning was at least until one of the members would decide to tease another and then they would be screaming around the apartment like little kids. “Lee Donghae“, Eunhyuk whispered in his ear with raspy voice, full of sleepiness. “We need to get up“, he said although he tightened his hold on the other. Donghae smiled.

“No“, he whined and didn’t even try to move, Eunhyuk chuckled behind him.

“Yeah, we have a meeting“, he replied burying his face in Donghae’s shoulders.

“Don’t wake me up“, Donghae mumbled, “let me sleep“.

“But you’re awake, though“, Eunhyuk replied and Donghae snorted softly.

“You know what I mean“, he said and then turned around to look at his friend on the eyes.

“You need to get ready“, Eunhyuk told him pinching his nose and Donghae punched him lightly on the stomach.

“Ready for what?“ he asked closing his eyes again. Eunhyuk started palming his check repeatedly, each time a little harder than the previous one.

“The meeting“, he said and Donghae finally pushed him away to kick him in the shin.

“We don’t have a meeting today“, he said and hid under the covers, ignoring his friend’s grunts of pain from the kick.

“They just called, they want to see us. You and me“, he replied and Donghae got out from the covers to look at his friend confused.

“Why?“ he asked and Eunhyuk smiled.

“I don’t know exactly“, he started saying getting up from the bed, “but I think I heard something about…“, he trailed off about to leave the bedroom.

“About what?“ Donghae said sitting up. Eunhyuk looked at him and then he grinned cheekily before replying.

“A sub-unit“.

VI. Jealousy

The city was packed with cars, even that early in the morning, when Donghae was heading to the SM building to practice for their next concert. His day had been so far uneventful, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that there was some tension in the air, and that suddenly something bad was going to happen. He hated feeling this way because it always gave him anxiety, but still, he didn’t have the control to change it.

When he arrived he thought that he was the last one to get there except that Eunhyuk wasn’t there. The second he entered the room he realized that his fears weren’t unfounded and something had happened. For the first time, the rest of the members weren’t fooling around, but they were quiet, even quieter than they usually were when they were exhausted. Leeteuk was on the phone, and he was speaking low as if he didn’t want the other members to hear.

“What happened?“ Donghae asked afraid, his heart beating fast on his chest. Shindong looked up first.

“Leeteuk hyung is talking with the manager to see what we should do“, he explained and Donghae was even more confused.

“Do about what?“ he asked frowning and Shindong was taken aback.

“About Eunhyuk’s picture“, he replied. Donghae just stared at him trying to understand.

“What picture?“ he asked and Shindong sighed, t