“Here’s the antidote your brother asked me to make. It is as limited as it is… But enough even if any incidents happen.” Joohyun says with her cold, faraway tone as she places the small jade vial on to the table heavily. She did not wait for any response and turned away. Yet, before she could step out of the room, she felt a strong grip around her wrist.

“Hyun-ah…” the voice which she was used to hearing, still sounded the same. But the feelings she felt was way different than before. It was no longer a voice which causes her heart to flutter nor a voice which brings her happiness. It was a voice which kills her like a stab in the heart from that day on… A voice she detests ever since. Not just the voice.

The gaze.

The warmth.

The way he called her.

His shadow.

And even his touch…

She detests it all. For all the memories were already painted over in hatred.

Using all her might, she breaks away from his grip.

“Perhaps your highness had made a mistake. I don’t remember being this close with your highness to be addressed this affectionately by you.” Her words sharpen by the wind, laced with acid, it burns slowly into his heart…

“Hyun-ah, you still can’t forgive me?” SeungWan looks at her from behind. They were so close yet so far.  All because of the decision he made, let their relationship took a wrong turn. It fell into the abyss, where the light of hope could hardly be seen. Even harder to grasp…

“What could I forgive your highness for when your highness had made no mistake—”

“Bae Joohyun! You know what fate lies ahead of me. I won’t live past tonight! Are you going to let me bring a regret into the ground 6 feet below me?!” SeungWan looks at her back with hopeful eyes. A word which he desires. The smile which he loves. Even the most simplest action of turning her back around would have sufficed…

Still… He knows it well. Well enough, that the answer was carved into his mind before he even asks…

“Then bring it!!! I don’t give a damn about you!! If it wasn’t for my friendship with Sooyoung and Seulgi, I wouldn’t even step into the same roof as you!!!” SeungWan saw those hatred in her eyes clearly. Those sharp blades in her words… He remained silent. The guilt of the sin he committed was too great and he knew. If only time could rewind and give him one more chance…

“Did the cats got your tongue, your highness? Or did you finally realize what you had done was still right in the end? If you had nothing else, I had to go.”

SeungWan immediately sprang forth and pulls her around, he knelt before her, heads down with his fist on his thighs.

“I’ve learned my mistakes! I really learnt!  If time could go back, I would have chosen—”

“Shut up! You had no idea how much I suffered when your grandfather sent his men to kidnap me. I was constantly beaten up. Whipped. Flogged. Burnt with hot Iron. All types of torture you can think of, I can name it! I tolerated it…”

“I had no regular meals! The food I ate were all deliberately thrown on to the floor, covered in dirt. The liquid I had were either contaminated water or animal blood! Yet… I don’t care. I consumed it. I drank it… All in hopes to survive!! To see you! You were my light in the blinding dark!!”

“But what did I have in the end? When I finally escape back, you shut me out of the mansion! I pleaded. I cried. I screamed!! In return, I didn’t even get to see you. All I saw was a letter of divorce handed over to me…”

“I regretted, I really regretted Hyun-ah. I regretted that I shut you out. I regretted that I acted on impulse. I regretted that I never protected you well… But I never regret giving you the letter of divorce. Because at least now you can still live without being implicated by me. At least you can still live…”

“Do you know? I was really, really happy when you came to save me at the brothel. But I was wrong… I became really, really scared when you shut me out. I thought you didn’t want me. When you shouted at me from inside, when the letter came into my hands… they were a seal of confirmation. I tried to end my life, but I end up getting save with locked up memories.”

“Things was fine that way, you could have left it that way… But everything changes when you re-entered into my life. Because everything you do, everything you say makes you not a stranger to me. It slowly breaks down the wall. Little by little flashes came in. Until that afternoon, that special love knot that you made for the two of us on your wrist unlocks it all.”

“So, why? Your Highness, why? On that night that you gave up me, I had already died. Since you gave up on me, you should just live a good life. Live a long life, your highness… So that I can hate you for a lifetime…” With that said, SeungWan could only watch as Joohyun’s back recedes into the darkness and the doors close up between them by the guards.

“All the regrets that I had, never surpassed the sufferings you had felt. I wished I wouldn’t have met you from the start, at least you would have been safe from the imperial turmoil. Goodbye…”

“Hyun-ah…”

SeungWan continues to drown in alcohol, as he waits for the time to come. A royal decree by his father with the royal drink. When the time finally came, he was shocked that Joohyun had been held hostage by the mask next to official. Even so, he remained calm and asked for what they wanted so they could let her go. He follows the officer’s order and wrote a letter which acknowledges that he had killed his youngest brother, Yeri, out of spite. The official merrily took the letter and all witness SeungWan as he drank the royal drink.

SeungWan hates it. The overly sweet wine unable to mask the bitterness of the poison. The high alcohol content seems to burn his throat and the poison only make it worse…

“Kill her…” A word from the official send SeungWan into a fury. He quickly throws the goblet towards the masked person and pulled Joohyun away. Learning martial arts and being on the battlefield since young age really did some work after all as he easily defends the incoming attacks from the mask one and killed the official in progress. Still, the mask one did not stop.

SeungWan took the chance to escape when he kicked the mask one into the pillars while pulling Joohyun along. He thought it would have been easy, but it was totally wrong. Even if he had defeated most of the guards with the sword he got from one of the guards he slaughter, the poison caught up with him. He felt his senses slowly turning dull. His visions are getting darker. The sword felt heavier. His speed slows as his hearing slowly deteriorate. He pushed Joohyun aside when cutting down the last guard. But when he tried to hold onto her again. An impact sent him kneeling on the ground and blood spilt from his mouth.

‘It hurts…’ SeungWan thought as he clutched onto the clothing at his chest.

“Your highness!!!”

“Not so fast!” the mask one got onto Joohyun and place the dagger on . He demanded the antidote. Joohyun kept shaking her head hinting for him not to give it. Being the fool he always is…

Call it an act of impulse or an act from guilt…

SeungWan emptied out the vial of pills into his hand and gripped it tightly within his palms. He uses all his might and crushes every single pill into powder as it scatters over the wooden planks of the bridge and the rain carries it away…

Joohyun breaks away from the mask one, trying to salvage the remains of the pills but it was already too late. They were all gone…

“You are very smart, your highness…” said the mask one as it pushes Joohyun back to SeungWan. “But she knows too much!” Just as the mask one was about to plunge the dagger into Joohyun, SeungWan quickly got up and shield her from it. When the mask one realises the blade did not kill Joohyun, it went for a second attempt but was interrupted by someone else and the two disappeared into the moon.

The immense sharp pain brought him down to his knees once again. He felt cold.

He felt numb…

The rain he loves never made it better.

But he finally fell into those arms again.

“SeungWan-ah!!! SeungWan-ah!” Joohyun repetitively shouted for his name as the blood pools and overflow from his mouth. His eyes start to lose its natural glow and he realizes he could no longer focus on anything.

“SeungWan-ah! Look at me! Look at me! Please!!” Joohyun cried rivers which the rain camouflages.

Maybe it was a good thing after all… At least he won’t see her tears even if it was there…

“SeungWan-ah! Don’t die! If you die, I will never forgive you!! Did you hear me!!! NEVER!!”

SeungWan didn’t care about the last but he cared about the first…

“Did you just call me by my name? Hyun-ah, can I still call you my wife?”

“My wife, do you know? You are still as beautiful as the first time I saw you.”

“My wife, I hope there is a life after this…”

“I wish I have no power, no wealth. I just wish for the time with you. I will keep asking the gods for life. I will search for you every lifetime to make up to you…”

“Don’t speak silly things! Your brother will be here soon.”

“I’m not speaking silly. I will really search for you and make up for it—”

“If you die, I will ask the gods to erase my memories of you!! Did you heard it?!”

“That’s even better…” With trembling hands, SeungWan reaches into the secret compartment in his clothing and took out a lover’s knot which is a pair to his and ties it back on Joohyun’s wrist before falling into her embrace once again.

“Ah... I love it this way… I can finally have you back and feel your warmth once again… Hyun-ah, live. Live as long as you can, travel the world if you like just never come back here once again. This life I failed to protect you, next life…”

‘I’m sure I could…’

 --

“Hey, girl!! Be more careful!!!! Look where you are walking!” The stranger nags as Joohyun stumbles back onto the pavement with him still gripping onto her tightly.

The eyes.

The voice…

The warmth…

The all too familiar feel fell down as tears and the boy starts to fluster…

‘Those dreams did not lie.’

‘Those memories were not fake…’

‘Those promises… you held onto it…’

“SeungWan-ah…”