Seulgi wasn’t sure if there was a word in the Korean language that could describe how she felt standing in front of the tall oak door. It was a deadly mix of excitement, dread, anxiety, hopefulness, hopelessness, and an all-around blanket of nausea.

“You can do this Kang Seulgi.” She mumbled to herself, clenching her hands into tiny fists. “You’ve toured the world and sang in front of thousands. You. Can. Do. This.”

She paused.

“I can’t ing do this,” She groaned, slapping her hand over her eyes.

Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on who you ask), the front door swung open to an amused Seungwan. An ashy brown brow arched with a small, knowing grin. “You good, Seul?”

“No, send me home please.” She deadpanned, probably more than half serious. Wendy laughed and pulled her friend into a hug, immediately making the taller girl feel a bit better.

“You’ll be fine Seulgi.”

“It’s been awhile hasn’t it? There’s a chance I’ll feel nothing at all, right?”

Wendy bit her lip, not wanting to lie. “Right.” She finally agreed. “She’s already here. She came alone.”

Brown eyes perked up. “Oh? Does she know I’m coming?”

“I think she just assumed you were, considering the crowd.”

Seulgi nodded wordlessly, stepping past her friend. Brown eyes surveyed the cozy foyer, decked out top to bottom in festive holiday decorations. She smiled at Wendy. “You give the Kardashians a run for their money with the way you decorate for Christmas.”

“Thank you,” Wendy beamed. “You can put your coat in the closet there. We’re all in the kitchen, but presents go under the tree.”

“Sure thing. You go first, Wan. I’ll be right there.” Wendy gave her friend an encouraging squeeze on her hand before heading straight for the kitchen.

Once she saw her disappear out of sight, Seulgi let out a loud sigh. She definitely felt in over her head. She took her time hanging up her coat, but she could only stall for so long. Thankfully the first person she saw when she entered the kitchen wasn’t her.

“Unnie!” Sooyoung cheered, running to throw her arms over the smaller girl. “I missed you so much! Did you get shorter?”

“Yah, Park Sooyoung!” She tried scolding, but her happy eyesmile betrayed her. “I missed you too. Work’s been keeping us busy, huh?”

“Yeah, SM is really bleeding us dry with these individual promotions.”

“Ah, the struggles of being a beautiful celebrity in demand.” A light voice suddenly sighed. Seulgi felt an arm slung over her shoulders. She grinned.

“Hello to you too, Yerim-ah.”

“Hi unnie. Did you enjoy Japan?”

“Oh yeah, the food was incredible!”

“Speaking of food, it’s almost ready so you guys go set the table!” Wendy called from her spot in front of the stove. “We’ll eat once you’re done.”

The two youngest replied with a unified “yes ma’am”, but Seulgi didn’t even notice. She heard a familiar twinkle of laughter and felt her entire body go numb.

Joohyun.

She was crouching on the ground, playing with Wendy’s puppy Chiju. A million feelings and a million and one memories flooded Seulgi’s senses so quickly she felt like she was hit with whiplash.

Her hair’s grown longer. The last time Seulgi saw her, Joohyun had a long bob that didn’t even reach her shoulders. She remembered accidentally mistaking her girlfriend for Taeyeon when she caught a glimpse of her short hair from the corner of her eye. Imagine Seulgi’s surprise when the Taeyeon doppelgänger yanked on her collar from behind and pulled her in for a kiss. To this day, the Girls’ Generation and her own members still loved to tease Seulgi about it.

Now her hair was already long down her back. Her dark auburn hair faded to a shining silver midway and it reminded Seulgi of an elevated mature version of their happiness era hair. It was curled in loose waves that looked so soft to the touch that Seulgi had to physically restrain herself from reaching out to twirl it between her fingers like she used to love to do. Joohyun was even wearing a red bow, pinning her bangs back to show off the cute forehead Seulgi adored.

She watched Joohyun coo at the pup, eyes shining with flecks of honey from the yellow cast from the lights. Her eyes were just as she remembered.

It didn’t matter if they were sparkling at her with mischief or boring holes into her heart with love, Seulgi always melted under Joohyun’s gaze. She used to refer to it as her own personal superpower. Seulgi could ramble on forever or run in circles with boundless energy, but one good look from the older girl would stop her mid-sentence and hypnotize her right on the spot.

The whole world disappeared when Joohyun looked at her.

Probably because Joohyun was her whole world.

Her smile was just a little bit softer. Pink lips pouted briefly when the puppy nipped at her fingertips, only to quickly fade into the dimpled smile Seulgi was so used to. It was still as charming as she remembered, but it didn’t reach her eyes this time. She didn’t even get a chance to wonder why Joohyun’s smile wasn’t as blinding because she found herself in a stare down with her ex-girlfriend of four years.

Joohyun’s gaze was soft but intense at the same time.

And for a second it all came back.

Seulgi was 21 years old and stupidly in love with her best friend in the entire world. They slept in on their days off and went on monthaversary dates and shared kisses and love in cities all over the world.

Maybe that’s why she could never get over her.

Because there was no pocket of the globe that didn’t have Joohyun’s name written across it with affection. Everything reminded her of her ex and Seulgi wasn’t even sure if she wanted that to stop.

But just as quickly as their eyes met, the line of sight disappeared as Joohyun looked away. And Seulgi suddenly felt very, very cold.

After all these years, she still felt everything when she was near.

Fighting the urge to grab the granite counter to steady herself, Seulgi swallowed the dryness in and went to help with the utensils. She started to set them beside each plate when she heard a soft cough.

She froze.

Brown eyes hesitantly looked up and Seulgi felt that god awful rush of feelings again.

“Hello Seulgi,” Joohyun’s smile was small and…shy?

“H-hi Joohyun unnie,” The name tasted bittersweet on her tongue after spending so many years calling her ‘baby’.

“How’ve you been?”

“Good.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t exactly the truth either. “You?”

“Same.”

There was an awkward pause. Seulgi cleared , feeling the rise of word vomit working its way up. “Unnie, I—“

“Food’s ready! Let’s eat, let’s eat!” Sooyoung’s loud voice cut off. The younger girl grabbed the remaining silverware out of Seulgi’s hands and pushed her down to take the seat beside her, conveniently across from the last empty seat as the others made their way to the table.

Seulgi mentally cursed Wendy for having a round table because now Joohyun was sitting directly across from her. But thankfully, her attention was turned to the mouthwatering traditional Korean holiday dinner spread in front of her instead of the girl who