Mark spent his morning this time researching used bookstores in Myeongdong.

It wasn't all that hard. There were only two that he could find, which made a search a lot easier. However, he figured the transaction would only take Jinyoung a few minutes (provided he didn't stop to browse, which he may not considering he had no room in his apartment for his old books, much less any new books), which meant if Mark chose the wrong store, he'd probably miss Jinyoung even if he ran over to the second store right away. He had to figure out what would be the biggest priority to Jinyoung. Would he just choose the first one that showed up in a Google search?

But no, Jinyoung was a new Seoulite. He'd definitely pick the one nearest to the station to minimize his chances of getting lost. Provided he wasn't back at Seoul Station limping around like the first time Mark met him. At this point, Mark truly didn't care if he ran into Jinyoung the first way or at the used bookstore. He just wanted to run into him now that he'd been given one more chance.

He wasn't even going to rehearse what he should say if he did wind up meeting Jinyoung at the bookstore. He was just going to play it by ear, making it as natural as it possibly could be. He didn't want to come on as desperately as he felt or else he'd probably scare Jinyoung off permanently. Especially since his own desperation was beginning to scare himself, slightly.

He left at the exact same time as the previous two days and took the exact same train car just to be safe. It was entirely possible that Jackson did have something to do with Jinyoung's ankle injury given how in a rush Jackson had been the first time they'd gone through this day, so Mark didn't want to blow the sequence that had worked previously in case Jackson could find Jinyoung and barrel into him properly a second time.

When he made it to Seoul Station, he left at the same relaxed pace as before, even though he wanted to rush aboveground to see if Jinyoung was there so he could quickly rush back if he wasn't and head to Myeongdong in time. He sang a little bit of “Like Opening a Box of Wonders” under his breath to keep himself calm: “a miracle can happen even to one such as me, one whose eyes have never seen such a sight as the glory unfolding before me...”

He made it to the top and saw immediately that Jinyoung wasn't there. He didn't allow himself the time to react. He just turned around and headed back down to the platform, feet tapping in impatience as he looked up at the digital marquee informing him that it would be a five minute wait all the same. Feeling the slightest bit cruel, he hoped Jinyoung got a little bit lost in Myeongdong to make up for the time Mark would waste waiting.

As soon as the train arrived, he got on and pulled up his map app so he would be ready to run for the used bookstore as soon as he was out the doors. It wasn't far, but places like that tended to be small, and he couldn't afford to run past it in his haste. He had to be quick, but not careless. He had to make this opportunity count.

When they arrived in Myeongdong, he made a break for it as best as he could, though the day was naturally as bustling with travelers and suitcases to dodge as it had been the first time. He made it aboveground and down the two blocks which led to the side street where the bookstore was tucked between a chicken restaurant and a makeup store.

Mark went inside, glancing around. There was a middle aged woman in the back and an elderly man paging through a novel to the side, but no Jinyoung as far as he could see. . He could run for the other option, but first he wanted to be sure he needed to. He turned to the bookseller, catching his breath.

“Was someone just in here?” he asked. “A twenty something year old guy selling books out of a duffel bag?”

“Hmm?” the bookseller, a guy who looked college aged and a little bit sleepy asked. “You're his friend?”

Mark's heart thudded. Jinyoung had been here! “Yes. Did he just leave? I'm looking for him.”

“About five minutes ago.”

The ing five minutes I spent on the platform, Mark cursed inwardly. “Did he mention anything about where he was headed?” he asked instead.

“Hmm? Uh, he got a call while he was here. He said the caller's name, but I don't remember it...Yongguk, maybe? Or, no. Young...Youngmin? Young...?”

“Youngjae!” Mark said, snapping his fingers. That was the highschool friend Jinyoung had mentioned occasionally in their conversations. “Do you remember anything else?”

“Yeah. Your friend said 'Meet me at Starbucks?', so he should be there, I guess.”

“Thank you so much,” Mark said so sincerely that the guy behind the counter turned a little red and stammered, “N-No problem.”

Mark hurried out, running in the direction of Starbucks, filled with confidence that now at last it was finally going to work out. Lines at Starbucks were always long, so they'd probably still be waiting for their orders when he arrived. With any luck, they'd be planning to sit down and eat something. Jinyoung hadn't had lunch before leaving, Mark assumed, or else he wouldn't have ordered the pad thai at BamBam's.

He arrived at Starbucks and quickly did a scan of the room. To his shock, he didn't see Jinyoung in line or at any of the seats. Feeling like an idiot, he even did a quick check of the bathroom, which weirded out the one guy using the urinals when he stuck his head in, sighed in annoyance, and quickly slammed the door shut.

Where was he? There were technically multiple Starbucks in the area, but why would he go to an out-of-the-way one when there was already one so close to the bookstore?

Mark went back out to the entrance and glanced around. There were two girls loitering nearby, so Mark cleared his throat and approached them. “Excuse me? I'm sorry if this sounds weird, but I'm looking for two of my friends, and I think they were just here a few minutes ago. Do you remember seeing two guys around here? One's about this tall with dark hair...his ears are a little big and he has eye whiskers? He's pretty good looking, so-”

“Oh yeah, we saw them,” one of the girls said. “They were cute, so we couldn't help but notice. Plus the otter-looking one had churros, which made us want to get some too. They went down the street that way,” she pointed.

“Didn't they mention going to Nanta?” the other one asked.

“What's Nanta?” Mark asked.

“Nanta defies description,” the first girl said. “Seriously, I don't know how to explain it. It's like a comedy...a nonverbal comedy...about cooking? Anyway, the show has its own theater that's somewhere around here. You could probably find it on your phone. The otter-looking guy had tickets and they were heading over to catch the show.”

“Got it, thanks.” Mark checked his phone and pulled up the address. It wasn't too far, so he once again ran over. OK, for real this time.

He approached the sizable white stone building and glanced around the perimeter to see if Jinyoung and his friend were still outside. They weren't. He then threw open the doors and checked the lobby. The staff were already ushering in the guests to their seats, and Jinyoung was nowhere to be found. They'd probably already gone inside.

Mark headed back outside and approached the box office window. “Excuse me, can I get tickets?”

“Sorry, but the show already sold out,” the woman on the other side said.

Mark tsked in frustration. “In that case, when does the show end?”

“In three hours. There's also a photo event in the lobby afterwards, but you can't attend without a ticket.”

“Got it,” Mark grumbled. He now had three hours to kill, but at least there was no way of Jinyoung escaping him as long as he was around the entrance when the performance let out.

Mark hadn't eaten yet, so he dropped by a nearby restaurant for some spicy soup. He checked his phone and saw about twenty missed calls from BamBam and smacked his forehead. He'd forgotten again.

“BamBam, I am so sorry,” he said when BamBam picked up. “I'm in the middle of a personal crisis right now, but I should have called. I owe you one.”

“What's going on? Is everything OK?”

Mark glanced at his watch. This time he actually had plenty of time to explain himself. “So, I met this guy.”

“Wait, met or met?”

“Met,” Mark answered, shaking his head in amusement. “Anyways...I, uh, lost his contact info. So I'm trying to hunt him down in Myeongdong, but it's been a bit of a goose chase.”

“Any luck?”

“Well, he's watching a cooking comedy right now, but three hours later, I should be able to catch him. Wish me luck.”

“Right, good luck. Let me know how this goes. Especially if it ends in an epic hookup.”

They talked for awhile longer, then Mark hung up so he could focus on his lunch. Time, once again, to wait.

Three hours later, Mark was back outside the Nanta Theater, and that's when he saw Jinyoung at long last.

It was through the glass entrance doors which led into the lobby. Like the woman at the box office had said, they were taking a commemorative photo with the cast along with the other attendees. He couldn't get inside since staff was blocking the entrance, but he could at least see him. His breath caught in his throat and an overwhelming sensation of relief washed over him. He was real. Of course he was real, but not only in Mark's memories. He was real in this version of reality, too.

When the photo event was over, the staff opened the door and the customers streamed out. It was a big crowd and unfortunately Jinyoung was on the opposite side from Mark, but it wouldn't take too long for Mark to get to him. All he had to do was think of a convincing way to introduce himself and-

Right as he started making his way through the crowd, a guy who did look vaguely like an otter said “Come on, we have to hurry,” grabbed Jinyoung's hand, and took off in a frantic run in the opposite direction from Mark.

“What the actual ?” Mark yelled out loud before practically diving into the crowd to run after them. Why couldn't these two live life at the pace of normal human beings instead of bouncing from one place to another? Now where were they off to? A member's only club, knowing Mark's luck.

He followed them down several streets, almost losing them in the crowds several times. Eventually he saw them run up a set of stairs to the left and disappear inside a building. When he reached it, he saw that it was a restaurant—of course, they had to eat dinner since they'd only had churros for lunch, apparently. But had they really needed to run?

Mark threw open the door. Apparently, he'd be having dinner here, too.

“Reservation?” the greeter asked. Mark could see Jinyoung and Youngjae being led to their table and Mark wanted to scream out to them, but this obviously wasn't the kind of place he could do so without being immediately kicked out. It was an incredibly upscale restaurant, complete with crystal chandeliers, mood lighting, and customers who were mostly wearing dresses or blazers.

“I'm sorry, but I don't have a reservation,” Mark said weakly. Apparently, Jinyoung and Youngjae did, which is why they'd had to run so as not to miss it most likely. Jinyoung had mentioned exactly none of this when he'd spent the entire day with Mark previously. He wasn't sure if Youngjae had sprung it on him at the last minute or if he'd knowingly skipped it to stay with Mark. Mark had no idea—Jinyoung had ignored his phone just as much as Mark had when they'd been together.

“It'll be over an hour wait, then,” the greeter said, frowning. “And we'll have to give precedence to anyone who calls in with a reservation, my apologies.”

“I see.” Mark gestured to the menu. “Can I see that for a second?”

“Sure.” She passed it to him. He opened it and checked the prices, his mouth falling open. “Um...do you accept credit card, by chance?”

“No, my apologies, we're cash only.”

“I see,” Mark said again. Either he was going to need to hit up an ATM and withdraw his life's savings or he was going to have to wait for Jinyoung outside again. At least if he did that, Jinyoung and Youngjae would probably be too full to run anywhere.

Waiting it would be. Again. He dropped by a nearby 7-11 to grab something to eat and found a bench to sit down on to eat and rest his legs, which weren't used to this much running in one day.

Hours passed. Mark supposed Jinyoung and Youngjae had a lot of catching up to do, but he was feeling a little vexed. Didn't this restaurant ever close? Wouldn't Youngjae and Jinyoung risk missing the train back home if they camped out here chatting all night? Luckily it was summer and Mark wasn't getting cold, but he would have liked to make it back home in good time to talk to Jackson before midnight. He wanted time to talk to Jinyoung properly before they both had to hurry to the station to make the train.

And then, just when Mark had halfway convinced himself Jinyoung had found a back entrance to slip out of, Jinyoung opened the door and descended the steps. Youngjae wasn't with him—he was entirely alone. Before Mark's body even knew what it was doing, he was on his feet and crossing the street. “Jinyoung,” he called out.

Jinyoung froze in his tracks, lifting his eyes to meet Mark's. His brow furrowed in confusion as he studied him. “Pardon me, but...do I know you? Wait...were you at the contract signing, maybe? But there's no way...I'd absolutely remember a face like yours, wouldn't I? How do you know me?”

“I...we've actually never met before,” Mark said lamely.

“Then how did you know my name? It's a pretty common name, but that's too lucky of a guess.”

“I...uh...I heard your friend mention it. At the restaurant. I was...a few tables over. Your friend has a really loud voice.”

“Yes, he definitely does.” Jinyoung's eyes narrowed a little. “So...you waited outside for me. Why?”

“Because...you're...” Mark flushed a little. “Since your friend is so loud, I overheard some of your conversation, and you...you attracted my attention, I guess?”

Jinyoung looked surprised for a second, then smiled a little. “Aha. Dazzled you, did I? That's a first. What's your name?”

“Mark.”

“All right, Mark. What payback would you like for being accidentally dazzled?”

Mark glanced at his watch, biting his lip. “Is it too late to ask you to grab a drink? I'd pay for a taxi home if we miss the train.”

Jinyoung lifted up his hand. “Look, Mark. I have rules. Drinking with a stranger I just met is a no-no. Actually, going on anything obviously date-like after meeting five seconds ago is a no-no, particularly at night.”

Mark's shoulders slumped a little. “OK...”

“No, no, no, don't give up so easily,” Jinyoung said encouragingly. “You aimed high for your first shot. Try aiming a little lower. I'm not rejecting you, I'm just setting conditions.”

“Ah, then...would you mind giving me your number so we can do something tomorrow? It wouldn't have to be obviously date-like either. We could just do whatever you wanted.”

“Whatever I want? A phrase I definitely like.” He smiled again, tilting his head. “Aim just a little bit lower. Phone numbers and Chat IDs are for people I've known longer than an hour.”

“SNS?” Mark tried. “Instagram?”

“Bingo,” Jinyoung said. “I don't actually use my Instagram so you can't creep on any photos, but I suppose my direct messages are a little lonely...” He toyed with his phone. “Still, how do I know you're not some crazy person?”

“I'm just an ordinary university student,” Mark said, smiling.

“That's what they all say.”

“Jinyoung!” a voice came from behind them. They turned around. Youngjae was standing on the restaurant steps, looking at them. “I got the bottle of wine I wanted. Shouldn't we go?”

“Just a sec,” Jinyoung said. He turned back to Mark. “OK, looks like I'm going to have to break a few rules. I'm not an easy guy, for your information. I just happen to really like your face, so I'm making allowances. You better thank whoever was responsible for making you this beautiful.”

“I'll call my parents and let them know. And thank god too, just in case.”

“I should thank god, too. For being dazzling enough for a pretty person to notice me. Fork over your phone, ordinary-university-student Mark.”

Mark the screen. It was 11:59. His display was covered with messages from Jackson. He didn't even have time to read them before the clock changed to 12:00.

Everything went black.

Jackson took a risk this time: when his manager called, he didn't answer. He just didn't have the time, if he wanted to get to Jaebum's in time for a decent length conversation before he'd have to leave for his shoot. He could guess the potential results of this: either his manager would keep calling and calling until Jackson answered (most likely), leave a message, give up and head back to China without informing Jackson of his decision, call someone else in the staff to tell them instead, or else stick around in Korea until he could get in contact with Jackson. Whatever the case was, Jackson would live with it. Jaebum was the priority of the day.

As soon as his phone stopped ringing, Jackson dialed Jaebum's number. Jaebum answered on the second ring, sounding incredibly sleepy. Jackson had probably woken him up. “Jackson?” he asked confusedly. “What's up?”

“First of all: happy anniversary,” Jackson said. “Second of all: we need to talk.”

Jaebum was silent for a bit. “What about?”

“About how things aren't 100% right between us right now. About how you're unhappy and I'm...” He took a deep breath. “I'm unhappy at work.”

Jaebum sighed, and if Jackson wasn't delusional, it sounded a little bit relieved. “Yes,” he said. “We need to talk.”

“Can I come over?”

“Do you have the time?”

“Just enough, I think. You're not that far from the location.”

“Fine, then. See you in a few.”

Jackson also sighed in relief when he hung up. He had a feeling that now at last things could be salvaged. He hoped he had enough time to explain himself to Jaebum and hear Jaebum out. He hoped they could find a solution they could both live with.

A few minutes later, he arrived at Jaebum's apartment and rang the bell. The minute Jaebum answered, Jackson's body flooded with emotion. It really had been so long since he'd seen him. He wanted to throw his arms around him and kiss him, but he didn't know whether or not Jaebum would be OK with that. Instead, he just drank him in with his eyes, letting a few stray tears collect without falling. “Hey,” he said, his voice cracking a little.

“Hey,” Jaebum said. His own expression looked equally conflicted. “Come on in.”

Jackson followed him inside, kicking off his shoes. Jaebum had made some scrambled eggs for breakfast, and offered Jackson a plate as they sat down at the kitchen table. Jackson accepted the food to thank Jaebum for the effort, though he wasn't exactly sure he could eat.

“Before anything else, I just wanted to say it's good to see you again,” Jackson said. “Really.”

“Yeah,” Jaebum said with a stiff nod. “You, too. I was worried that you might be overexhausted, but you look OK.”

“That's probably 80% thanks to my skin care routine, but thanks.” He cleared his throat. “So...actually, I'm not quite sure where to begin.”

“I'll give you a starting point.” Jaebum in his breath. “Honestly...and please don't...don't get upset. You have a photoshoot this afternoon, and I don't want to...you know. It's that honestly for this past week, I've been thinking that it might be the best thing for both of us if we broke up.”

“Yeah,” Jackson said, wincing. He'd heard this twice already, but it hurt quite a lot to hear it in person. “I got the message.”

“Message? What message?”

“I mean the vibes. From you.”

“But we haven't exactly been seeing each other recently.”

“I know. But still...” Jackson clenched his hands a little. “Can I just start by saying that I don't agree at all that this is the best thing for both of us? I'm in love with you, Jaebum. Any ending where I'm not together with you is not ideal.”

“It's not ideal in the short term, maybe. I feel the same way about that, at least.”

“Jaebum?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you at least tell me one thing before we debate the finer points? Are you still in love with me?”

Jaebum looked at him in shock, then quickly dropped his eyes away. “I'm...if I say 'yes' you're just going to refuse to listen to any other argument.”

“I promise I'll listen to whatever you say. Just tell me, OK? Are you still in love with me?”

Jaebum's jaw flexed a little bit, revealing some kind of internal struggle. At long length he exhaled, staring down into his lap. “Yes,” he said.

“Thank you,” Jackson said, his heart twisting in something that wasn't quite as pure as joy, but was definitely much happier than anything he'd felt over the past few days. “Now let's talk about the rest. You're unhappy about how things have been going with me moving my work base over to South Korea?”

“I'm unhappy? I'm unhappy because you're unhappy, Jackson.”

“But I'm not the one who's unhappy to the extent of wanting to break up, right?”

Jaebum's jaw worked again. “Fine. I'll say it to you plain, Jackson. I have no idea why you're doing this to yourself, but I can't stand watching it a single second more. When I hear some of the girls in my university talking about you or read an article about you online, it doesn't even sound like you. It sounds like some fictionalized version some crazy person made up, some person I know nothing about. Some person I care nothing about. The only thing you have in common with that person is your looks, and even those...you don't even look like the Jackson I met anymore. You look generic. Handsomely generic, but still generic. I saw a pictorial you did the other day, and I didn't even recognize you. How can that be normal? The person who is supposed to love and know everything about you can't even recognize you because you've just become so...non-Jackson.”

“It's just a PR tactic,” Jackson said, flinching a little at how close it came to how he himself felt about what he'd been doing lately. “I'm still me.”

“For now. But it's so easy to get caught up in these acts the more you do it. I don't want that to happen to you.” He looked at Jackson firmly. “But like I said, this isn't all on me. You hate it, too. Every time I talk to you, you're exhausted and you never seem to have fun at any of your events anymore. And this is before your career here has even kicked off. Once you launch properly, it's only going to get worse. You're going to become more and more unhappy and force yourself to become more and more non-Jackson-like to make it easier to survive. You're going to become that guy in the interviews and pictorials who I don't even know or want to know.”

“So you're breaking up with me in advance?”

“Jackson, do you really think I'd just let you become that person? I'd honestly rather die than see someone like you, someone so vibrant and happy and full of this overwhelming bundle of pure joy, become a show monkey who only knows how to perform. That's why I'm breaking up with you. I want you to get the out of Korea before that happens. I want you to go back home and be happy again.”

Jackson stared at him blankly. “You'd be OK with that?”

“Yes. It's better than what's going on right now. For as long as we're dating, you're going to keep going at it with the same attitude of I don't care how much I suffer because I get to be with the person I love. It doesn't matter how unhappy I am because Jaebum is here. How do you think hearing that makes me feel? That all this unhappiness you're enduring and all these stupid limits you're putting on who you are and what faces you can show the public are because you want to be with me?”

“I'm not doing this just for you. I'm doing this for-”

“Don't tell me you're doing this for yourself!” Jaebum snapped. “What you were doing in China, that was for yourself. You were doing what you loved every day, and you were perfect at it. I saw that clearly in Shanghai, and that's why...that's why I gave into you then. Because I loved that person I saw. I loved who you were when you were living freely, living the dream that fit you so perfectly. What you're doing now is nothing like that. You've said so yourself. It's all for the end goal of us being together. And I have to watch your face grow more and more tired on the brief times when I actually see you and I have to remind myself. He's doing this because he met you, Im Jaebum. You are responsible for the slow destruction of the person you love. So I'm saying it bluntly, Jackson. I don't want to be together with you. Not on these terms. I want you to go home. I want you to stop treating love like the number one priority in your life and start treating yourself and your mental, emotional, and physical happiness as number one. Just forget about me, OK?”

“Jaebum, I understand what you're saying. But all of that is also tied up in you, isn't it? Just seeing your face gives me the kind of happiness nothing else can, not even modeling. I may be unhappy with parts of my life right now, that's true, but I'm also very happy with the parts involving you.”

“The parts involving me?” Jaebum snorted. “You mean the 5% of your life where I'm around? Being happy for 5% of your life and miserable for the other 95% isn't happiness, Jackson.”

“If I go back to China and never see you again, it's going to feel a lot worse than that 95% does now.”

“OK, and what do you think will happen if nothing changes and we stay together? Maybe you can go five more years with just me making you happy. But eventually you're going to reach a point where you take a long hard look at yourself and your career and think why the did I do this? Why the did I throw away something amazing that made me happy and fulfilled and exchange it for something that forces me to play some kind of carefully thought out, impersonal role? And then you're going to look at me, Jackson. You're going to remember who all this was for. You're going to start resenting me. Maybe only a little at first. But it will build and build. And you're going to hate me for it, one of these days. You're going to hate who you became because of me.”

He ducked his head sharply. Jackson knew it right away. He was crying. He was crying, and he didn't want Jackson to see it or hold him or comfort him. All he wanted was for Jackson to go.

“If I go back,” Jackson said slowly. “Would you go with me?”

Jaebum didn't look up. “No.”

“Why not?”

“I'm in university here, idiot.”

“After that?”

“I...” There was a little bit of a strangled sound in his throat. “I don't want you to do this.”

“Do what?”

“Make decisions based on me. Look what it's already led you to do. I just want you to...just think for yourself, OK? Factor me out of everything. I've done nothing good for you outside of that 5% of happiness. 5% is nothing worth basing your life on.”

“It's worth far more than that. To me.”

“I know that,” he whispered. “To me, too. This isn't easy, OK? But...it's not going to work like this. That option is off the table. If you insist on moving forward like this, you're going to be doing it without me.”

“Are you giving me any option with you still in it?” Jackson asked, his stomach clenching. “At least tell me that. I'm sorry I've made you feel like this. I'm sorry I didn't realize it until now. But for me, the option of you not being in my life is also off the table. I can add other priorities to the top of my list, myself included. But I can't subtract you out, Jaebum. It doesn't work like that. You missed your shot at cutting me out the night you came to Shanghai.”

“I don't have an answer for you, Jackson,” Jaebum said tiredly, at last looking up. “If you want both me and a career that actually still means something to you, you'll have to find out how to do it, because I don't know how to give it to you. But whatever you decide...just promise me. For every thought you have of me when deciding, think of yourself ten times more. I might be the most important to you, but you're the most important to me, and if you're just going to use me to make yourself suffer, I can't be around you anymore. It's as simple as that.”

He rose to his feet, grabbing the plates. Jackson's had gone untouched, but that was surely the least of his concerns now. He went to the sink, his back facing Jackson. “You should go,” he said.

“I haven't decided that-”

“I don't mean China this time. I mean your damn photoshoot. Don't be late.”

Jackson got to his feet. “Jaebum?”

“Mmm.”

“We didn't break up this time, did we?”

“This time?” He looked over his shoulder. “We're in limbo, Jackson. This could go either way. I already told you my terms. I know what yours are. I'm still waiting for the solution. You're welcome to come over and talk tomorrow if you have any ideas. But for now, I think we're done.” He sniffed awkwardly, turning his head back sharply. “God, what a ty anniversary,” he said under his breath.

“I'm sorry, Jaebum,” Jackson said quietly.

“Yeah, me too.”

Jackson had a lot on his mind, but not to the point where he wanted to actively ruin Mark's love life again. When he was on the train, he looked at the door, at the people he was supposed to knock over when he left. They were two women—he was definitely in the wrong car. And had no idea what Jinyoung looked like. in his breath, he went to the next car. There were two men here, but they looked a little bit old for Mark—30 somethings. But how old was Jinyoung? Jackson didn't have a clue. And he wasn't about to hurt anyone's ankles arbitrarily. You never knew who would try to have you arrested for it. He sighed in frustration. Here he was, yet again ruining something.

He turned over their discussion in his head over and over again. He got what Jaebum was saying. He'd begun realizing it for himself the night before when Mark had told him feeling like crap was his second strongest emotion after being in love with Jaebum. It was true. Painfully true. He hated his job here. And what Jaebum himself had said was also painfully true—he was only enduring it for Jaebum's sake. He was putting an emotional burden on the person he loved for the sake of his happiness. And he was shouldering more than his fair share of unhappiness for the sake of it as well.

But what was he supposed to do? He couldn't imagine going back to China and only seeing Jaebum once or twice a year when his work took him abroad. He couldn't exactly imagine Jaebum moving to China after graduating either. It was possible, but probably not the future he'd envisioned for himself. And if Jaebum wound up unhappy in China, Jackson would experience the exact same burden Jaebum was feeling right now.

He thought back to his manager, at the call he would have received this morning if he'd bothered to answer. His manager had been pulled into this whole thing against his will, too, and Jackson had thought next to nothing of him. If Jaebum hadn't tried to break up with him, he may have never realized how it was effecting his relationship either. He loved Jaebum more than anything else, but had thought next to nothing of his lover's own feelings at the exact same time.

It wasn't today that I ruined and needed to do over, he thought, his stomach sinking. It's been going on for far longer than that. But today is the only day I have to work with. And I still don't know what to do.

He left Seoul Station without knocking anyone over. He arrived to a scene of chaos at the shoot. His manager had called them to announce his departure from Jackson's team after failing to get ahold of Jackson. And the shoot director immediately pulled Jackson aside and went in on a long rant about the degree of his team's unprofessionalism and how it had been a complete waste that they'd had to hire greedy foreigners without a degree of respect or gratitude for the opportunities they were given.

No one wants me here, Jackson realized as he listened half-heartedly. Not the director, not the photographer, not the other model. I didn't even want to be here. It was all a means to an end. Everyone would have been happier if I'd never involved myself. Myself included.

And realizing that made Jackson think back to how it had been before. He remembered hinging so many hopes on contracts he wanted and the elation of getting them and the sorrow of failing. But this contract was one he could happily throw away with barely a single regret. And that single regret was that it would make it harder to stay with Jaebum.

His heart throbbed. That was a part of the answer. That was the core of what was crushing everything between them. That was why the ultimatum had been given: because Jaebum knew Jackson well, and knew Jackson couldn't live like this indefinitely without breaking.

I don't know this version of me either, Jaebum, he admitted to himself. I don't know him, and I sure as hell don't like him.

He went through with the photoshoot because he had to. But he knew this was going to be the last time. It wasn't going to happen when today came again. Today was only going to come again one more time, and this time he was going to get it right. For his manager, for Mark, for Jinyoung, for Jaebum, for himself. For everyone.

When the photoshoot was over, he messaged Mark. Hey. Sorry for blowing it with Jinyoung—I couldn't find him on the train. You never told me what he looked like, probably because I was always hurrying you along because of our deadlines. And I'm sorry, but there's one more deadline left: midnight tonight. I need another do-over. I'm actually not doing it for Jaebum this time. I'm doing it for myself, and for my manager, and also for this other dude you don't know but who I also ed over and have done nothing to help as of yet.

I promise to get Jinyoung to you this time. Just tell me what he looks like tomorrow morning. And text me when you get this. I'll feel better with your blessing. And sorry once again. I really ed you over with this. Love ya. I mean it. Best roomie who hasn't killed me yet and who I hope never will. Good night.

When he got back home, he crawled into bed and said the words one last time: I take it back. No more mistakes.