Footsteps soft. A beautiful, smiling face stared back at her. Another reflection of her own melted with the face on the other side of the glass. A portrait of a young woman that existed long ago. In flesh and blood.

The memory was still so clear.

Sullen, she decided to place the baby breaths she’d come with on the ground below where the ashes of the woman rested.

“These are her favorite flowers.” He had told her a while back as they reminisced his painful memories. Some place she probably did not and should not probe as much as she was curious.

Pain was something she understood well. It was a ground to be untouched.

Namjoo could understand, but her heart often betrayed her conscience. Though it felt this woman’s husband had given her permission she truly understood that she was still in the gray.

Oh Sehun did not belong to her.

He wouldn’t belong to her.

Namjoo stared back at the beautiful woman that had left the world of existence a bit too early. An accident that left her in a coma and then death. All without a goodbye to her tiny family. Namjoo knew this because Sehun had told her when he was drunk. Otherwise, it was also something in the gray that was his knowledge alone. Not hers to learn.

A tug on her sleeve made her look down into a pair of big brown eyes. Inherited from her.

“Mommy.” Kim Moowon, four years old. Her son from a previous marriage. His shapely black hair slipped disobediently over his forehead nearly covering his eyes. She had thought to get his hair cut recently, but the plan had slipped her mind.

“Are you done?” he wondered. “I’m bored.”

Touching his silky hair, she smiled. She had gone over a mountain for him. Battled hills, crossed rivers, had gotten scarred by rose thorns in order to make sure he had a roof over his head. This fall he would be going to pre-school. Namjoo couldn’t help being nostalgic and sad sending him off.

Kim Moowon was growing up. He was sleeping in his own room. Was developing his own interests in arts and trucks. Had decided his favorite color was red. A little girl from the daycare had a crush on him. He’d come home asking her what a crush was.

“Ok,” Namjoo said taking his hand, “lets go.” As they turned to head out of the columbarium, Namjoo glanced back at the smiling woman once more.

◊◊◊◊◊

The day was beautiful as a summer day should be. The sun shone. Birds soared through the blue sky. Skin burned. People sweated. Her son’s voice ricocheted throughout the car as he sang along to the children’s song vibrating through the car stereo.

Namjoo’s heart fluttered as she glanced at him through the rearview mirror. Unable to fathom the thought that he was hers. Also, because she’d finally arrived at the park where she would be seeing him soon. And that child who held a special spot in her heart.

The grounds flourished with families of all sorts. Couples. Friends. Individuals out for a jog. Bikers and tourists from all over. It was high in the afternoon. The hottest time of the day. Not inside but outside where everyone wanted to make the most of their day. The weathercaster had predicted rain that weekend.

“Are we there yet?” Moowon called out just as she pulled into an empty parking space.

“Wait for me,” Namjoo called as he quickly undid his seatbelt, anxious for his play date.

The back door already opened and closed before she even pulled off her seatbelt. Moowon was patiently waiting for her by the curb.

“Come on, mom!” he urged.

If only he knew that she needed to take her time. Yet her son was too innocent to understand. Her son who wanted no one else but his father to be her mother’s sole companion. It made her proud deep inside, but it also pained her. In both ways that he would never accept who she yearned for and that he could still forgive his father for his faults.

Moowon took the lead as they crossed the large field. Namjoo couldn’t help but scan the families having their own private picnic. Babies crawling across picnic mats. Little kids having their own parties. Mom and dad nearby.

In fact, Moowon had never been deprived of having a father in his life. Namjoo just wasn’t his father. For that was another long tale to tell. Someday, she would explain to him when he was older. The complexity of adult relationships wasn’t merely one plus one anymore. Along it with came two’s and three’s.

They were just where he promised they’d be. Playing a game of catch. Father and son. Although Oh Gunta was a year younger than her Moowon, he was just as tall. That made Namjoo glad that he was growing up healthy and sorry for Moowon who had lacked his supply of milk as a baby. Namjoo was regretful, but she wouldn’t feel sorry.

Their children were both alive and well. She should be grateful for all the work she had done.

Gunta first noticed them upon missing the ball thrown by his father. “Auntie! Moowon!”

His small body collided into her as he ran to give her a welcoming hug, which made her wonder if somehow a connection existed between them.

“Can Moowon play with me? Playground over there!” Gunta’s silly grin stirred her heart as his short arm pointed toward the screaming kids.

“But be careful,” Namjoo cautioned. The kids eagerly turned away to run off toward the slide.

“It went well?” Sehun asked. “You said you had to go somewhere before coming.”

“Yea, it did,” she glanced at him.

Without agreement, they walked toward a nearby bench to sit down. Not so close that they touched. Far enough that a gap separated them. Namjoo noticed the distance and decided not to make a remark.

The gray line she thought.

Sehun offered her a water bottle which she all but held onto.

“Gunta was excited for today,” Sehun explained. “Picked out his own clothes. Put his shoes on the right way, like you taught him.”

Hearing that made her happy. “What about you?” When he turned to look at her she asked, “You aren’t excited?”

“Well…” he turned away, “you know…”

Namjoo changed her view of attention to the playground where Moowon was currently climbing up the stairs to go on the blue slide. Almost four she thought.

A family of four…

“How is Daehwi?” Sehun asked.

Did he know about the gray line? Did he think he existed there too?

No. He had already validated his feelings even long before. Not because she had opened the door for him in her ex-husband's clothes.

Namjoo had not done anything to condone him into his private space.

His heart had always been closed.

Today she was about to hear those words.

Timing only existed for those who possessed mutual feelings. Timing had no place in the life of a person who was in a one-sided relationship. All that person could do was bear with it.

Namjoo would bear with it, because she knew…

She knew some things did not work out to perfection.

“Settled into his new job. He got promoted into a different district.” Namjoo told. “It’s nearby the school.”

“Yea?” She couldn’t decide if he sounded disappointed.

And sometimes happy endings did not always exist, like in fairytales.

They went quiet. Observing their children at play. Allowing their sons, the time of a beautiful adventure that might come to an end in the near future. Silently agreeing to let them enjoy themselves longer.

“They’re brothers,” Sehun spoke up surprising her. “Gunta says they’re brothers.”

Namjoo smiled.

“Is it ok for them to meet again?” Sehun asked.

“Sure it is,” Namjoo answered. “They can meet whenever.”

They glanced at each other. Namjoo didn’t miss the softness in his eyes. She imagined his big hands embracing her as he had not too long ago. The love that almost existed. The love they had? She wasn’t sure what to call it. Calling it a fling felt like degrading what had happened between them.

There was one thing for sure.

The love they had for their sons.

Also, weird that she felt love and an affiliation for Sehun’s wife. Like she loved their son as her own. She didn’t think she could tell him that.

“Have you seen her recently?” Namjoo wondered.

“The other day I took Gunta,” Sehun admitted. “Though he doesn’t really understand staring at a picture.”

“One day, one day he will,” Namjoo assured.

They nearly went quiet again. As if not to let it die, Sehun said, “I bought a car collection for Moowon. If you don’t mind.”

“I mind,” she quickly interjected, and they shared small moment of laughter.

“I’ll give it to you some time,” Sehun said.

Namjoo met the lingering in his eyes. Her heart fluttered yet a source of pain spiraled down to her stomach. She understood that he couldn’t help himself either. After a few steps he would retract again. It wasn’t healthy for either of them.

“It’s ok. Drop it off at the daycare with Gunta and give it to Moowon,” Namjoo said.

“Ok.”

A sudden thought made her want to touch his hand. To console him? To console herself? Namjoo held herself back.

“What’ll you do after this?” Namjoo asked.

“Get some ice cream,” Sehun replied. “You?”

“We have a date,” Namjoo told, “with Daehwi.”

He tried to tug his lips into a smile. “You think we can have dinner sometime?”

“I’ll think about it.” Even though she mostly wanted to say yes.

“I don’t…I don’t look back on it with a frown,” Sehun started then looked at her. “It’s not something I regret.”

Her heart sunk a little, but she made herself meet his eyes. “Maybe after some time, Sehun. A lot can still happen, right?”

“Right,” he agreed with a tiny smile.

Because he still misses her. He still wishes she was alive. And loving him is also giving him space. Time to reflect. Time to heal and be alone.

Just him and Gunta.

Like loving him isn’t burdening him with waiting for him.

As Namjoo watched Sehun walk away hand in hand with Gunta, Namjoo also thought she wouldn’t be able to tell the little boy that she had given birth to him. That he was a miracle in her life.

Closing her hand around Moowon’s she let herself travel back in time. To the first day she met Oh Sehun and his wife, who couldn’t have a child of her own. She would carry the child for them. She would give birth for them. She was the very existence that had brought Oh Gunta into this world. They had sat with her at the doctor appointments. They had waited in the delivery room. They had ended the poverty in her life. Namjoo’s body had suffered, but she had been rewarded with an experience of love she never thought possible.

Broken but loved.

Between her, Sehun, and his wife. Oh Gunta had woven a beautiful web in her life that she wouldn’t forget.

She thought about the beautiful face on the other side of the glass. She thought about Moowon finally drinking milk. She thought about Sehun.

And she was thankful.

***I think this is just what I wanted for it. A oneshot. Sad but happy. Kind of open ended but also not. But hey, who knows. A story version can go better in depth, but we shall see... I hope this turned out all right and that you enjoyed =D 

***A/N: I edited the kid's ages in the synopsis if there was any confusion