Another day had ended.

 

Nothing but another ordinary day.

 

 

I really need to have a new hobby so I can escape this boring daily routine. I said to myself as I make my way towards the bus stop.

 

 

I’m waiting for a bus that will take me home.

 

I decided to go to my hometown this weekend since I don’t have much things to do and I missed my parents and sisters.

 

As I wait for my bus, a familiar person exited the bus right in front of me. I got stunned. Could it be? Could it be possibly be him? I tried to follow him just to make sure my eyes aren’t playing a trick on me.

 

 

I was right – it was him. It’s really him.

 

 

I never thought this day would come. I never thought that I could see him again. It seemed like everything stopped and all I can see is him.

 

I wanted to approach him but then before I had the chance to, he entered a car that came to pick him up. The car looked familiar but I can’t remember where I saw it.

 

I woke up in my pool of thoughts when I heard a bus stopped near the shed. It’s my bus. As much as I want to go and follow him, I need to postpone that until I get back next week.

 

 

 

I will see him again, right?

I want to see him again.

I need to see him again.

 

 

 

-----

 

 

 

I had a lot of fun during my stay at my parents’ house and now it’s time to go back – back to being a bored computer science major.

 

I went straight to my classes as soon as I got back to Seoul and I’m really exhausted right now. All I want is to eat dinner and sleep.

 

I made my way to my apartment which I am sharing with my best friend – Hwang Minhyun.

 

Minhyun is a music major in the same university. We were childhood friends before his parents decided to move to Seoul when we entered high school. We still remain in contact though. When we knew that we’re attending the same university we decided to live together in this apartment near the campus.

 

“Minhyun-ah?” I called once I entered our flat.

 

The place is so quiet. He should be home by this time since his classes usually end earlier than mine.

 

I looked around the apartment when I noticed that someone is lying on the sofa.

 

He fell asleep quite early. But why sleep in the couch? He has a bed for crying out loud.

 

I was about to wake him up when I notice something.

 

 

 

The guy sleeping on the sofa isn’t him.

The guy on the couch isn’t Minhyun.

It’s him.

I move closer.

And yes – it’s him. It’s really him.

 

 

 

He’s still as beautiful as I remember. No. He’s more beautiful than he used to.

 

But what is he doing here – on our sofa? In our apartment? Could it be possible that he came here for me? But it’s been years and I doubt he’ll come for me after what I did.

 

But if it’s not because of me then why?

 

 

Why are you here? Why did you come back in my life?

 

 

I was about to caress him face – his beautiful face, when I heard someone called me from the kitchen.

 

“Jonghyun-ah? Is that you?”

 

“Yeah it’s me.”

 

Minhyun walked out of the kitchen wearing his apron. Seemed like he’s busy making dinner.

 

“Oh I guess you already saw him. I’m sorry he slept there. He told me he’s sleepy and before I could tell him to go sleep on my bed, he already fell asleep there.”

 

He walked closer and sat down beside me. He caress his face. And I can see how he look at his with full of love.

 

 

It couldn’t be.

He couldn’t be.

 

 

“This guy is your…”

 

“Ah he’s my boyfriend.” Minhyun said before I could finish my words.

 

 

 

He’s Minhyun’s boyfriend.

He’s my best friend’s boyfriend.

 

 

 

“He’s the one I’m telling you about – the one I asked if he could stay here for a while, I mean if that’s okay with you.”

 

 

 

He’s Minhyun’s boyfriend.

He’s my best friend’s boyfriend.

And he’s going to stay with us.

 

 

 

“Jonghyun-ah?”

 

I snapped out of my thoughts when Minhyun patted my shoulder.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah. Sorry.”

 

“So is it okay for him to stay for a while?”

 

“Yeah of course.” I tried to smile even though I’m still in a state of shock.

 

How could this be?

 

I mean it’s not that I didn’t expect him to be in a relationship or something, but why it had to be like this?

 

 

 

Why did it have to be Minhyun?

Why did it have to be him and my best friend?

 

 

 

“Baby?” Minhyun said lovingly.

 

“Baby wake up. Dinner’s almost ready.”

 

Slowly he opened his eyes – those beautiful eyes I used to stare for hours.

 

 

Those beautiful eyes that used to look at me with an overwhelming amount of love and warmth in them.

 

 

But the love and warmth in those eyes aren’t for me anymore. Because he isn’t mine anymore.

 

“Oh. Did I fell asleep? I’m sorry baby. I was supposed to help you in preparing dinner.” He said.

 

And oh how beautiful his voice sounds even though he just woke up.

 

 

That beautiful voice that used to call my name.

 

 

“It’s okay baby. Besides I don’t mind cooking for you every single day.” Minhyun said as he smiled.

 

 

He looked so in love.

They looked so in love.

 

 

“Stop being chessy will you.” He hid his face. He’s blushing.

 

Minhyun just laughed. “I know you like it when I’m chessy. Besides I don’t plan on stopping because I love you.” Minhyun poked his nose and that made him smile.

 

“I love you, too.” He said.

 

I feel like my heart shattered to a million pieces when I heard him say that.

 

 

 

I love you.

 

 

It used to be the words I say to you and you say to me.

 

But now that isn’t the case.

 

 

Your I love you’s isn’t for me anymore.

 

 

And as much as I want to I can’t say those words to you anymore.

 

Both of you continue being sweet with each other and every action, every word stabbed my heart.

 

You seemed to notice my presence and your expression changed.

 

 

 

I can see it.

In those eyes.

In those beautiful eyes I can see the pain, the hurt, the anger.

 

 

 

Minhyun noticed you stopped smiling and saw you looking at my direction.

 

“Oh right! Baby, this is my best friend and roommate – Jonghyun. Jonghyun, this is Minki – my boyfriend.”

 

You smiled and reached out your hand.

 

“Hi Jonghyun. I’m Minki. Nice to meet you.”

 

I accepted your hand and smiled.

 

“Hi Minki. Nice to meet you too.”

 

“I’m sorry I came here all of a sudden.”

 

“No. It’s okay.” I tried to act as normal as possible.

 

You seemed to be doing the same thing.

 

“Didn’t I tell you baby that Jonghyun is a nice guy? Of course he’ll let you stay here.”

 

“Of course. You’re my best friend’s boyfriend why wouldn’t you be welcome here.” I can’t believe I had the gut to say words.

 

 

 

My best friend’s boyfriend.

 

 

 

“Thank you.” You smiled at me even though that smile isn’t the same one you gave to Minhyun.

 

Or to me back then.

 

 

It’s not as sweet yet still beautiful.

 

 

“Guess introductions over. Now let’s eat.”

 

We both nodded.

 

 

 

-----

 

 

 

I never thought that a dinner could feel like it lasted for a lifetime.

 

I tried to act as normal as I could. I tried to keep the jealousy deep within. I tried not to get hurt as I see them being too close to each other, being sweet to one another.

 

I don't have the right to feel this way in the first place. I don't have the right.

 

But heck does it really have to be this painful?

 

 

 

It could have been me. This could be us. If only...

If only...

 

 

 

"Are you okay Jonghyun-ah?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"Minki asked if you're okay." Minhyun said.

 

"Yeah I am. Why?"

 

"Cause you look like you're going to kill that meat in front of you."

 

"Oh sorry. It's just... I have this class and it's totally getting on my nerves lately."

 

"Don't worry Jonghyun-ah. You'll get through with it." Minhyun encouraged me and smiled.

 

Minki smiled along.

 

"Yeah. Thank you Minhyun-ah." I smiled.

 

I offered to wash the dishes since Minhyun did all the preparation for the dinner. Minhyun didn't bother to complain and just let me be. Maybe he also wanted to spend some time with Minki.

 

After I finish washing the dishes and making sure that the kitchen is clean, I went to the living room.

 

 

A beautiful sight welcomed me the moment I stepped inside the living room.

Minhyun and Minki are cuddling on the couch.

 

 

They're laughing. They seemed so happy and in love.

 

It is indeed a beautiful sight. Who wouldn't want to see their best friend happy with the person they love? I know that's something I wanted to see.

 

 

To see my best friend happy. I want him to be happy.

But how can I? How can I be truly happy when the person that's making him happy is the only person that I love.

 

 

 

The only person I ever loved.

 

 

 

Why did it had to be him? There are thousands - heck there are millions of humans on Earth. But still the world seems so small for us.

 

I couldn’t bear to see this anymore. I planned to go for a walk when Minhyun spoke.

 

"You're going out Jonghyun-ah?"

 

"Yeah. I think I need some fresh air and some time to think."

 

Minhyun just nodded.

 

I was about to open the door when I heard Minhyun speak again.

 

"Holy crap. I almost forgot. I have a meeting to attend to."

 

Minhyun hurriedly went to our room to change.

 

"Ahmmm Jonghyun-ah can you stay with Minki while I'm on my meeting?"

 

"Baby it’s okay. I can stay here by myself. I don't want to be a bother to Jonghyun."

 

"Are you sure baby?"

 

"Yeah I'm sure."

 

"No it's okay. I'll just stay here." I interrupted their conversation.

 

 

This could be my chance – my only chance to talk with Minki.

 

 

"Really? Thank you Jonghyun-ah."

 

"Now baby I'll be back in a bit, okay? I already arranged the bed if you want to sleep. See you later baby." Minhyun said and kissed Minki's forehead.

 

"Thanks again, Jonghyun-ah."

 

"No problem."

 

Both Minki and I smiled and waved goodbye to Minhyun. But when Minhyun is out of sight, both of our smiles disappeared.

 

 

 

-----

 

 

 

We sat in the living room in silence – an uncomfortable silence. There's this awkward atmosphere surrounding us.

 

 

But who wouldn't be awkward when you're alone in the same room with the person who broke your heart.

The person who left you.

The person who shattered you to pieces.

 

 

"I'm going to bed." Minki said and stand up.

 

But before he could leave, I grabbed his hand and took him in my arms.

 

I hugged him tight – not wanting to let him go. Not again.

 

"What are you doing?! Let me go!" He protested but I hugged him even tighter.

 

"I don't want to. I don't want to let you go again."

 

He's still struggling in my embrace and when he finally escaped – he slapped me.

 

He slappped me so hard that the sound echoed throughout the room.

 

"HOW DARE YOU?!"

 

"Minki. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

 

"You're actually saying that now. After all these years, you finally know how to apologize?! Funny. I never heard you say those words 6 years ago – when you hurt me; when you broke my heart; when you left me."

 

"Minki I never meant to. I never wanted to hurt you."

 

"Yeah you don't but still you did."

 

"I know I was wrong. I should never had went to that place. I should have listened to you. I should have believed you."

 

"But you did. You still went there. You made out with that girl. You fell for her trap. You believed her when she said I was cheating on you. She showed you pictures and you immediately believed her. Why? Because she's your childhood friend?!"

 

"No. I was so wasted back then. I was so hurt when I saw the photos. I couldn't think straight. Everything happened so fast. I know I should have listened to you. I should have believed you."

 

"But you never did. You never listened to anything that I have to say. You closed your ears to me. Instead you called me names. You insulted me. You don't know how much those words broke me."

 

 

Tears started to fall from your beautiful eyes.

For the nth time, I made those beautiful eyes cry.

I made you cry.

 

 

"I know and that's the biggest mistake I've done. You never know how much I regretted that each day. How I wish I could turn back time. How I wish I could have made better choices. If only I could turn back time – I wouldn't have hurt you; I should have given you the chance to explain; we should have tried to talked things out."

 

"But time never comes back. And what's done is done. You could never take back all the pain, all the suffering I went through. I cried for months believing that it was all my fault. I even thought of ending my life..."

 

"No. No. No..."

 

"Yes Jonghyun. I came to the point where I wanted to end my life because I felt so useless. I felt like everything was my fault – that I was stupid; that I was a ."

 

He keeps on crying as he say those words and my heart broke at the sight of him crying, imagining all the pain he went through because of me – because of my stupidity.

 

"I'm so sorry Minki. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I keep on repeating those words even though I know it's too late. It couldn't erase all the pain. It couldn't take back all the sufferings he went through.

 

How could I be so silly? How could I be so stupid?

 

I had the most beautiful person in my life and yet I didn't do anything to keep him. Instead I hurt him. I broke him.

 

"No don't be sorry. There's no use to. Besides maybe I should thank you instead."

 

I was shocked to hear those words.

 

 

Thank me? For what? For hurting him?

 

 

No. You shouldn't thank me. You should slap me. You hurt me the why I hurt you or even worse.

 

 

"I want to thank you for hurting me, for leaving me because it showed who are my true friends are. It showed me who's willing to listen to me; who's willing to stay by my side. You broke me. I suffered but I became stronger. I learn not to trust people so easily. And most importantly, I want to thank you for hurting and leaving me because it lead me to Minhyun. It lead me to the man who love me unconditionally; to the man who brought back the smile you erased; to the man who bravely took my broken pieces just to make me whole again. You lead me to the man who will do everything just to make me happy; everything you never did."

 

 

Those words broke me. I'm suffering now because of myself. I brought all of these to myself.

 

"Now, may you please excuse me. I'm tired I'm going to bed."

 

I wanted to stop him. I wanted to hugged him. But I can't.

 

I don't have the right to.

 

I saw him disappear behind the bedroom door. And there I am, in the middle in the living room thinking about all the things I've done.

 

 

 

I sat there full of regret; full of anger and hate – not towards anyone but towards myself.

 

 

 

-----

 

 

 

I don't know how long I've been sitting there when Minhyun entered the apartment.

 

But there's something in his face.

 

 

Anger? Hurt? I don't know. But I know something is not right.

 

 

"Minhyun-ah are you okay?"

 

"Jonghyun can we talk."

 

"Yeah sure. What you want to talk about?"

 

"I think this isn't the right place to talk."

 

"Okay."

 

We went out and I just followed him until we reached the park inside the campus.

 

He stopped and so did I.

 

"What do you want to talk about Min..."

 

I didn't finish my words because a punch landed on my face.

 

What the hell?!

 

"What are you doing Minhyun-ah?!"

 

"How dare you?!"

 

 

I'm so confused on what's happening right now. What happened to Minhyun? He's never been this violent. I never even saw him this angry before. What could have happened?

 

 

Then it struck me.

 

Could it be? No it's impossible.

 

 

"HOW DARE YOU?!" Minhyun said as another punch landed on my face.

 

"MINHYUN-AH WHAT'S THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

 

"What's wrong with me? You really dare to ask what's wrong with me, huh?" He laughed but it brought chills to me. "Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?"

 

"What do you mean? I can't understand you Minhyun-ah."

 

"I heard everything. I heard it all."

 

I feel my body froze. He heard everything.

 

"Minhyun-ah. I..."

 

"What Jonghyun? You're what? You're sorry?! You wish to turn back time?! You regret everything you've done?! But have you thought about that before you hurt him?! Obviously not."

 

"I..."

 

"Of course you have no idea. You have no idea how broken he was when I first saw him. How fragile he looked that anytime he'll break into pieces and you cannot put the pieces back together. You don't know how long I waited just to see that smile back to his face. It took us years. And it was all because of you."

 

"I know it my fault. It's all my fault." I started to cry even though I know I don't have the right to.

 

 

I cried not because I'm hurt.

I'm crying because I regret everything. I regret every single thing I've done.

 

 

"I destroyed him. I know. I broke him. I know that. And I know I couldn't took it back – all the pain he went through. Those punches, those words I deserve them all. Because I was a jerk, I was an . But please believe me Minhyun-ah I didn't meant to hurt him. Believe me or not but I loved him. I loved him with all my heart. And I still do. I still love him. I love him. I want him to be mine again. I want to hug him. I want to make him smile. I want to make him laugh. I want to..."

 

"But you can't. You can't. Because he's not yours. He was yours but not anymore. He's mine now. And I'll make sure that it stays that way. You're my best friend Jonghyun-ah. Despite everything I heard, despite the fact that you destroyed the person I love I still believe that you’re a good person. But that doesn't mean I'll let him go. You love him. But so do I. You had you're chance and you ruined it. Now it's my turn – to make him smile; to make him happy. It's my turn to love him. And I won't give you another chance to hurt him."

 

"I know. I know I can't have him anymore. As much I want to, I can't. I can see how happy he is when he's with you. And I can't take that happiness away from him just because I want him to be mine again. I love him. I love him so much. But I'm willing to let him go. I'm willing to see him in someone else's arms even though it hurts; even though I wanted it to be us. It's okay if I feel the pain. It's okay if I'm the one who gets hurt. Because I love him. I love him."

 

"Good. Because I don't have any plan of letting him go. One more thing Jonghyun. I don't want Minki to know about what happened here tonight. I know he never told me it was you because he doesn't want to ruin our friendship."

 

"Don't worry I won't say anything. And Minhyun-ah, I'm sorry."

 

"You don't need to say sorry to me. You never did anything to me. Besides I think Minki is right. I think I should thank you instead. Because you lead us to each other."

 

 

I just nodded. I don't have the guts to say anything more. Because no matter where you look, this pain I'm feeling is caused by me and me alone.

 

 

 

-----

 

 

 

We walked silently until we reached our place.

 

Minhyun went straight to the bedroom while I went to the bathroom. I need to clear my mind and I think taking a shower would help.

 

I let the warm water fall on my body. I close my eyes and all I could see is the image of Minki.

 

 

 

His smile when we first started dating.

His laugh whenever I do silly things.

His sweet voice saying I love you.

His warm hug that calms me every time.

 

 

 

The image of us – staring at each other. Our eyes filled with love. Our faces moving closer and closer to each other as we shared our first kiss.

Loving Minki was the best part of my life.

Loving Minki was the best thing that happened to me.

Loving Minki was the best decision I ever made.

 

 

 

We vision our future together – living happily as we grow old.

We promised to love each other till our last breath.

It was so beautiful – the view of you and me.

It was so beautiful. It was so perfect.

But everything was destroyed because of a stupid mistake.

 

 

 

Our dreams shattered right in front of us because I refused to listen; because I refuse to believe in you.

 

I punched the wall to release my anger, my frustration.

 

I hated myself for everything I’ve done. I hate myself for hurting you.

 

After taking a shower, I went straight to bed. I feel so exhausted physically and emotionally.

 

 

 

-----

 

 

 

“MINKI WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THESE?!” I shouted as I throw the photos in his faces.

 

Photos of him with another guy.

 

They’re so close and seemed to be that they’re about to kiss.

 

“Jonghyun-ah calm down. Please listen to me.” He started crying.

 

Wow. He really have the audacity to cry when I’m the victim here. What a drama queen.

 

“LISTEN TO YOU? WHY SHOULD I LISTEN TO YOU? YOU’LL JUST MAKE EXCUSES AND YOU’LL JUST DENY ALL OF THESE.”

 

“No Jonghyun I…”

 

“WHAT?! YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DENY IT BECAUSE THIS CLEARLY SHOWS THAT THIS IS YOU WITH ANOTHER GUY. WHY MINKI? AM I NOT ENOUGH?! WHAT CAN HE GIVE THAT I CAN’T?! TELL ME MINKI. TELL ME!!!!!“

 

“Jonghyun calm down. He’s just a friend. I’m not cheating on you. Believe me baby. I love you.”

 

“BULL! DO YOU THINK I’LL BELIEVE THOSE WORDS NOW? BABY? TELL ME HOW MANY ARE WE? HUH?”

 

“Only you. Please Jonghyun believe me. We didn’t do anything. You’re the only one that I love I promise.”

 

“I DON’T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES OR HOW MANY GUYS YOU’VE FOOLED BECAUSE OF THOSE WORDS BUT I’M DONE. I CAN’T LOVE SOMEONE LIKE YOU. I CAN’T LOVE A CHEATING LIKE YOU.”

 

“No.. No.. No.. Jonghyun please. Let’s talk about this. Let’s fix this. Please…”

 

“Now I’m done. And why are you crying? Shouldn’t you be happy? You can freely be with that guy now or any guy you want. You’re free Minki.”

 

“No. Jonghyun please.”

 

“Let go of me. I don’t want to be touch by a dirty like you.”

 

 

I took his arms off me and left him there crying.

How dare he? I loved him with all my heart and soul, and this is want he’ll repay me.

 

 

Funny. I thought he loved me. I thought…

 

 

 

I found myself crying. why it has to end up like this?

It hurts. It hurts so much.

 

 

 

-----

 

 

 

I suddenly woke up. My heart is beating so fast and I could feel tears falling from my eyes.

 

Why did I dream about that?

 

I remembered his face that time. I never saw him cried like that. And it breaks my heart every time I remember that.

 

I messed up my hair in frustration.

 

 

 

You’re so stupid Jonghyun. So stupid.

You should have listened to him.

You shouldn’t have said those words.

You know you love him and you know he loves you too.

Why did you let those lies go to your head?

Maybe because that time I was hurt too. I was hurt. It hurts to see the one you love with someone else.

 

 

But when the pain was gone, why didn’t I apologize? Why didn’t I talk to him and listen to him? Why?

Because I was afraid. I’m scared to face him after everything I said. Still I should have tried but I didn’t because I was a coward.

 

 

 

It’s still early but with all these thoughts I doubt I could go back to sleep.

 

I got up and just decided to make some breakfast for all of us.

 

As I make my way to the kitchen, I can see that the door to Minhyun’s room is slightly open.

 

I decided to peek and I can Minki sleeping peacefully. I don’t know what got into me that I decided to go inside.

 

I kneeled down so his face is right in front of me.

 

 

He’s so beautiful – sleeping peacefully like an angel.

 

 

I was about to touch his face when a hand stopped me.

 

“Don’t touch my boyfriend.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

“I just ah…”

 

“Jonghyun even though I forgive you, I’m still not allowing you to go this near to him; I’m still not allowing you to touch him. I hope you’ll remember your place.”

 

“I know. I’m sorry. Ahmmm. I’m planning to make breakfast. What do you want?”

 

“You don’t need to. I’m thinking of taking Minki out for breakfast so you just make breakfast for yourself.”

 

“Oh okay.”

 

I went out Minhyun’s room with his words replaying in my mind.

 

 

 

I hope you remember your place.

My place.

 

 

 

He’s right Jonghyun, you need to remember your place.

 

 

 

You – Minhyun’s best friend.

Minhyun – Minki’s boyfriend.

You’re his past. Minhyun is his present.

 

 

 

But what about his future? Could it still be me?

 

 

 

-----

 

 

 

The day seem to pass by quickly. I’m thinking of going somewhere else because I’m still not ready to face either Minki or Minhyun.

 

I tried walking around the campus but no matter what I do my mind keep on going back to the past – our beautiful story; our promises – all that have been destroyed by me.

 

This won’t work, I should just go home.

 

I stepped inside our place and I immediately see Minki and Minhyun cuddling on the couch.

 

I wanted to ignore them but Minhyun called me.

 

“Oh Jonghyun-ah you’re back.”

 

“Yeah. No meeting for today.”

 

“That’s great. Now I think you should change.”

 

“Why?” I stared at them confused.

 

“Bacause we’re going to eat out.”

 

“Why? What’s the occasion?”

 

I have no clue where this conversation is going.

 

But at the back of my head there’s a small voice that keep on saying that this is not going to be a good one.

 

“We’re going to celebrate.” Minhyun said while smiling like he won something precious.

 

Then it struck me – the things he said to me a month ago.

 

 

 

-----

 

 

 

I went home that day and I saw Minhyun nervously pacing back and front in our living room.

 

“Minhyun-ah are you okay?”

 

“Thank god Jonghyun you’re back.” He came rushing to me and hugged me.

 

“Okay okay. What’s the problem?”

 

He let go of the hug. “You know that me and my boyfriend have been together for almost three years now, right?”

 

“Yes and?”                                                         

 

“He’ll be coming over here next month and I’m thinking if it’s the right time to ask him.”

 

“Ask him what?”

 

“To marry me. I mean I’ll finish my studies this year and so does he, and I think that it’s okay. We don’t need get married right away maybe a year or two from now. I just want to make sure that he won’t leave me.”

 

“Do you love him?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Does he love you?”

 

“That’s what he said.”

 

“And you believe him?”

 

“Yes. Because he doesn’t just say it, he also make me feel loved. He makes me happy. And I can’t see my future without him.”

 

“Then I think it is okay. You love each other and I don’t see what’s wrong with proposing to him. Besides him he truly loves you then there’s no way he’ll reject you.”

 

“You think so?”

 

“Of course. This is you we’re talking about Minhyun-ah. Who would even reject the great Hwang Minhyun?”

 

“Stop embarrassing me will you. You’re only saying that because I’m your best friend.”

 

“No I’m just saying the truth.”

 

“Ha. Ha. Ha. So funny Jonghyun-ah. But thank you.”

 

“Of course anything for my best friend.”

 

 

 

-----

 

 

 

Please. Please. Let it not be that one. Please.

 

 

“We’re engaged, Jonghyun-ah. Minki said yes to me.” Minhyun said as he showed the matching rings in their fingers.

 

I feel like time stopped. The world started crushing down in front of me.

 

 

My heart shuttered into a million pieces.

 

 

It hurts.

It ing hurts.

 

 

I never thought that something would be as painful as this.

 

 

I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell at them – to say that they’re being unfair; that life’s being unfair.

 

 

Then realization hit me. I have no right to feel this way.

 

 

 

You have no right, Jonghyun. This is all your fault. You’re suffering because of your bad decisions. There’s no one to blame but you. So you have no right to be angry because this is your fault. Your fault.

 

 

 

I stopped my tears from falling. Instead, I forced myself to smile.

 

 

 

You should be happy.

Your best friend is going to marry the person he love.

Your best friend is going to spend the rest of his life with the one he love and loves him back.

You should be happy because your best friend found his forever.

You should be happy despite that the person he’s spending his life with is the same person you wanted to spend your life with.

You should be happy for them.

 

 

 

“Congratulations Minhyun-ah. Congratulations Minki-ya.”

 

“Thank you Jonghyun-ah. Now, change so we can get going.”

 

“Okay wait a minute.”

 

I went to my room. The moment I closed the door, the tears I was holding started to fall.

 

I cried in silence as all my regrets creep into my mind.

 

As each memory play, the more pain I felt.

 

I tried to calm myself down. I can’t be like this.

 

 

Remember you should be happy. You should be happy.

 

 

I composed myself and dressed up.

 

Once I’m finished, we went straight to this fancy restaurant.

 

The dinner was normal – well as normal as it could be. We acted like nothing happened. We acted like there’s nothing happened in the past.

 

 

 

-----

 

 

 

After the dinner, I let them go home first. I need sometime for myself. They didn’t say anything and just let me be.

 

I walked around without a proper destination. I don’t know where to go. As of the moment all I wanted to clear my mind. I want to clear my heart from all the pain.

 

As a walk I didn’t realize that tears that started to fall.

 

I let myself cry. I let myself feel vulnerable. I cried all the pain and regret I’m feeling. I don’t care anymore. It just hurt. It hurts so much.

 

 

 

 

 

The possibility of getting him back is now gone.

The future we dream of is now just a memory like us.

Now what’s left is to accept reality that Minki will never be mine again.

 

 

 

 

 

I am his past. Minhyun is his present and his future.

Minki was mine. Now, he’s Minhyun’s and that’s how it’s going to be.

 

 

 

-----

 

Two years later.

 

 

 

After that night, the three of us acted as if we don’t know anything about each other except that I am Minhyun’s best friend, and Minhyun and Minki is a couple.

 

Minki left two days after while Minhyun and I got back to our normal lives like nothing happened. We stayed the same. No awkwardness most of the time.

 

Minki never visited after that. Minhyun will always be the one to visit to Minki. We thought this would be better and I think it is.

 

I stopped thinking about Minki. I thought it would be unfair to Minhyun if I keep on holding on to his fiancé and also, to stopped me from hurting myself. I succeeded but there are times that I can’t help but think about us – our past and our supposed to be future.

 

It’s been years. I need to stop hurting myself. Sooner or later I need to free myself from all of these – the pain; the what ifs; the regret. I need to be happy too.

 

 

 

I need to be happy especially on this special day – Minhyun and Minki’s wedding day.

 

 

 

As soon as I arrived at the venue, I went to Minhyun’s room.

 

“Minhyun-ah?”

 

“Oh Jonghyun! You came.”

 

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss my best friend’s wedding, would I?”

 

“Thank you for coming Jonghyun-ah.”

 

“Don’t mention it. Ahmmm Minhyun-ah.”

 

“Hmmm.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For everything. Most importantly for hurting Minki.”

 

“Don’t you think we should be forget about that by now? You need to free yourself too Jonghyun.”

 

“I know. But still I can’t.”

 

“You want to talk to him?”

 

I was shocked with what Minhyun said.

 

“If it will help. Besides I don’t want you to feel that way on my wedding day. And I also want for all of us to finally leave the past behind.”

 

“Thank you Minhyun-ah.”

 

“Don’t mention it.”

 

I was about to leave when,

 

“Minhyun-ah.”

 

“Hmmm.”

 

 

“Please take care of him, okay? Make him feel loved every single day. Make him smile. Make him laugh. Make him happy. Always stay by his side. Never leave him even when it gets hard. Please promise me you won’t hurt him. Please don’t make the same mistakes I did.”

 

“Don’t worry Jonghyun-ah. I don’t have any plan of hurting or leaving him. I can’t even imagine doing that to him. And I could assure you that I’ll love him with all my heart for the rest of my life.”

 

“Thank you Minhyun-ah for being someone I couldn’t.”

 

 

“Jonghyun-ah I think you should go see him now. The wedding will start soon.”

 

“Okay.”

 

I went straight to his room. I can feel my heart beating so fast like it would go out of my body any minute now.

 

I’m about to open the door when suddenly I felt scared.

 

 

What if he doesn’t want to talk to me?

What if he pushed me away?

But it’s now or never.

 

 

I need to do this now to be able to free the both of us especially myself.

 

I opened the door and called his name.

 

“Minki-ya?”

 

“Who’s there?”

 

“It’s me, Jonghyun.”

 

He didn’t answer for a while.

 

“Come in.”

 

I stepped inside but I froze on my place when I saw you.

 

 

 

You looked so beautiful in that tailored suit.

Your hair pushed back – exposing your beautiful forehead.

Your eyes sparkling like how they always been.

Your heart-shaped lips are as pink as ever.

You look perfect. A perfect groom. A perfect partner.

If only you this is our wedding day.

If only it would be the two of us facing the altar.

But it isn’t.

 

 

 

 

 

This is your’s and Minhyun’s wedding day.

This is the start of the new chapter of your life with him.

This is also the day to end everything about us.

 

 

 

 

 

“Minki-ya.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I’m sorry. For the last time, I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s okay now Jonghyun. I forgive you. Let’s put everything behind of us.”

 

“I’m sorry Minki for hurting you. I’m sorry for everything.”

 

“I told you it’s okay now. You can stop saying sorry. I forgive you. Now, it’s time to forgive yourself. Free yourself from the memories of the past. It’s okay now. Everything is okay now.”

 

I can’t help myself but hug him. I didn’t care.

 

 

 

 

 

For the last time. Just one last time.

 

 

 

 

 

He didn’t push me away. Instead he hugged me back.

 

I hugged him tighter.

 

“Thank you Minki-ya. Please be happy.”

 

“I am happy and you should be too.”

 

“I love you Minki. I love you.”

 

He released the hug and looked at me with those eyes. But this time it’s different. There’s no more pain; no more anger. Just happiness and a bit of sorry.

 

 

“Thank you Jonghyun-ah. For the memories. For the lessons. For the love. But this time you should give that love to someone else. There will be someone who will come to your life and love you unconditionally. It would be unfair if will not give him/her the love same amount of love he/she is giving you. Save that love for that someone and while he/she is still not here – give that love to yourself. You’re an amazing person Jonghyun and just like anyone of us you deserve all the love in the world. Besides, I got all the love I need.”

 

 

He looked pass me, and directed his eyes to someone behind me and there I see Minhyun standing by the door smiling.

 

Then he looked at me again. “I got Minhyun now and he make me feel loved every single day.”

 

“I know.”

 

Minhyun walked closer and wrapped his arms around Minki.

 

“Minki is right Jonghyun. You need to be happy too.”

 

“I know. Thank you to both of you and congratulations.” I smiled. Not because I’m forced to but because I’m happy.

 

 

I’m happy because finally Minki and Minhyun – my best friend, have found happiness in each other.

 

 

But I wouldn’t lie and say that all the pain is gone, because it’s not. It’s still there. But now, the happiness I’m feeling seeing two of the most important person in my life happy is much greater than the pain.

 

They’re right I should let go and learn to forgive myself. It’s time to set myself free from all the pain.

 

 

 

-----

 

 

 

The wedding bells started ringing.

 

The song started playing.

 

The people started cheering.

 

As Minki walked down the aisle with Minhyun waiting for him at the altar.

 

I can see the happiness and love in their eyes as the look at each other.

 

I thought seeing the person I love marry someone else would hurt so much but I guess seeing him marrying the one who’s willing to love him for the rest of his life and giving him the love that is greater than the one I could give, is the reason that I feel okay; that I feel happy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is the end of your chapter with me.

This is the end of my chapter with you.

This is the start of your new chapter with him.

This is the start of a new chapter for me – to my free and stronger self.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Please be happy always Minki-ya. I love you. For the last time – I love you.”